If You're Gone (2 page)

“Real fancy,” he put on a thick southern drawl, much unlike his usual deep timbre. “I mean, I’m talking dinner, movie, and… wait for it… ice cream afterward.”

“Wow honey,” I mimicked his accent. “That sure is fancy!”

“Hey, just wait.” He moved closer on the blanket and lowered his voice, tossing his bare drumstick into the bucket. “I might even wear khakis.”

“Yeah, right,” I laughed. “I won’t count on it.”

I wiped my fingers on a napkin and stood up, ambling backward towards the lake as I smiled at him. I didn’t have to ask him to follow me; my eyes did the talking and in an instant he was next to me. His arm wrapped around my hip, pulling me close as we continued down to the water. We stopped at the edge of the grass and I leaned against him, feeling his chest rise and fall with each breath as I watched the moonbeams danced across the water. Crickets chirped in the distance. I couldn’t remember ever experiencing a moment that was so perfect.

“You saved my life, Lillian,” he whispered.

I stared into his eyes; they looked a deeper shade of blue than I had ever seen. “I didn’t do anything.”

Brad turned his body towards mine, using his hand on my back to pull me into him until we were face to face. Goosebumps raised on my arms as the tip of his nose brushed against my forehead.

“No, Lillian, you have no idea. Without you, I’d be messed up at that crazy graduation party with Lizard. Before you, before
us
, I wasted so much time on things that didn’t matter.”

I bashfully looked away and gazed out over the water.

“But instead…” he continued. “I’m here. With you. And it’s perfect.”

I smiled to myself and looked back at him. “It is perfect, isn’t it?” Moments with Brad had been perfect since the first kiss we shared, sitting on my living room floor in front of a blazing fire.

Without a word he swept me off the ground, leaving my legs dangling over the lake as he swung his arms, pretending to toss me into the water. “Brad!” I shrieked. “Don’t even think about it.”

He let out an evil laugh and spun me around, my toes clinging to my jeweled flip-flops. My shrill tones varied from screams to laughter as he carried me across the grass. Aside from Anna, Brad was the only person who could make me laugh until my eyes watered and my sides hurt, struggling to catch my breath between giggles. Our voices echoed across the park, breaking the otherwise serene silence, but it didn’t matter. It was perfect.

****

We enjoyed a moonlit wade in the lake, then wrapped the remains of our picnic into the blanket and headed towards my father’s car, which he had loaned me for the evening.

“I hope riding around in your dad’s sedan isn’t ruining you for my truck,” Brad said with a smile.

“Nope.” I shook my head. “I love your truck.”

I handed Brad the keys, and he held the passenger door for me as I climbed inside, slipping a towel onto the bucket seat to protect the leather from my wet skin. We spent most of the drive in silence as I watched the little red numbers change on the LED clock, knowing we would be hard pressed to make my ten o’clock curfew.

“I hope I hear you through the speakers one day,” Brad said over the ballad that played softly on the radio. “You’re a better singer than half these people.”

“Only half, huh?”

“You know what I mean,” he said with a grin, reaching across the seat to squeeze my hand. “I’m your biggest fan.”

I laced my fingers between his and smiled to myself. “You’re sweet.”

“Hey, you’re going to be late if we go to my house first,” he told me, with a nod towards the clock. “I’ll take you home and then I can walk from there.”

Brad’s home was less than a mile from my own, a few blocks up the quiet street where both Anna and I lived, in a newly developed neighborhood stacked with prestigious two-story homes.

“Are you sure? It’s so dark out,” I said, gazing out the window at the black sky full of twinkling stars.

“You worry about me too much,” he laughed and took his eyes off the road for a moment to glance at me.

That’s because I care so much about you
, I wanted to say, although ‘care’ wasn't a strong enough word. But I held my tongue and grinned at him. I wondered if he knew what I was thinking.

He parked Dad’s car in its usual spot, beneath a tall evergreen tree in our driveway. 9:58 pm blinked on the clock as he turned off the humming engine. Brad opened my door for me and we walked hand in hand up the sidewalk to the front door. The house was dark except for the small porch light that had attracted dozens of tiny, white moths. Open fields filled with fireflies enveloped the brick ranch home-our own little piece of paradise, as my mother had referred to it since I was young.

“I had a great time with you tonight,” Brad said as we climbed the steps.

“Me too.” I ran my fingers up his forearm. “Will you text me and tell me you got home okay?”

He smiled. “My phone’s dead. But don’t worry. I’ll look twice before I cross the street.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I rolled my eyes.

“I’ll call you tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at seven for the movies, okay?”

“Sounds great,” I said. “I’ll even let you decide what we see.”

“Don’t tease me,” Brad said with a laugh, jabbing at my hip bone. We shared a love for movies in every genre, but he always let me have the final say in film selection.

“I mean it! There are several romantic comedies you can choose between.”

“You’re lucky you’re so cute.” He grinned. “I’ll get the truck cleaned up in the morning. Thanks for the perfect night.”

There was that word again. “My pleasure.”

He pulled me towards him and we shared a quick goodnight kiss; it was simple with closed lips in case a family member peered through the peephole.

“Lillian?” Brad said as his lips left mine, still holding my face in his hands.

“Yeah?” I whispered. I held my breath, hoping this moment might be the one I had been longing for.

He opened his mouth to speak but then shook his head. “Never mind.”

“Are you okay?”

“Never been better.” He smiled before planting a wet smack on my cheek. “Good night.”

I slipped my key into the lock and waved to him as he descended the steps.

“Good night!” I called out, grinning. I realized it didn’t matter he hadn’t said the words. They were written all over his face.

Inside the entryway, I eased the door shut behind me, using care to click the latch quietly into place. To my right was the living room, where I had expected to see my parents; Mom’s face in a book nestled under the reading lamp, worn out from a long day on her feet at the department store where she worked, while Dad came in and out of sleep in front of the television, still dressed in his business shirt and tie. But, like the foyer, it was dark. It seemed that Brad’s graduation night came with a special privilege-not being nagged about what we did and where we ate and who was there. The usual grilling.

I felt my way down the hall to my bedroom, letting my fingers drag the chair rail as I took long, light-footed strides. I passed the closed doors that led into my little brother and sister’s rooms. Silence. Ages ten and eight, Graham and Eliza had likely been asleep for hours. Light from the television danced under my parents’ door but there were no sounds of movement inside. It was eerily quiet, a rare instance in the White household.

Behind my bedroom door, I took a deep breath as I retrieved the oversized t-shirt that Brad had given me weeks ago. Even though I had worn it every night it still smelled like him-sexy with a hint of citrus. His ring felt cool against my chest as I changed.

I turned off the light and rushed across the cool wood floor, pulling the chain on my bedside lamp as I scurried under the comforter. Once I was nestled beneath the covers I reached for the paperback novel on my nightstand and flipped it open to a dog-eared page, but it was impossible to focus on the words in front of me. I didn’t need to read a fictional boy-meets-girl story when Brad’s goodbye kiss was lingering on my lips. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine him next to me, but just as I began to picture his blue eyes a tree branch snapped outside my window.

The little hairs on my arm stood up as I remembered the odd silence in the house, the dark rooms showing no signs of life.
Crack
. There it was again. My toes curled under the covers. I returned the book to my nightstand and waited, holding my breath as I listened. My oversized window faced the backside of an overgrown pine tree in the front of our house. For the past several years my Dad had planned hire professionals to trim the monstrous tree, but for now it remained a thick, bushy giant that towered above my bedroom in our one story home. I usually didn’t mind, it still let in light between its branches and made a nice curtain. But tonight the limbs of the tree seemed to reach around my room like thick fingers in the darkness.

Crack
. Another sound from outside pierced through the silence, interrupting my thoughts.

“Lillian?” A muffled voice called out my name.

Had I imagined it? I tossed the blanket from my legs, gnawing on my lower lip as I moved towards the window. Grabbing the bottom of the sill, I gritted my teeth as I thrust upwards to open the pane. A cool breeze hit my face and I backed away, squinting while I peered into the darkness. The sound of the crickets filled my room and echoed off the classic movie posters on the walls.

“Lillian?” The voice was clearer this time.

“Hello?” My eyes darted between the tree branches.

“Boo!” Brad exclaimed as he jumped from the ground. I let out a shrill squeal.

“Shh! Someone will hear you,” he whispered, placing a finger against his lips.

“You scared me to death,” I said, an unavoidable smile growing on my face. “What are you doing back here?”

“I’m sorry. I need to tell you something. It’s important.” He leaned in towards the window and reached for my hand as I knelt on the floor to be on his level.

“Brad, what is it?”

“You don’t have to say anything.” His blue eyes caught the light from my bedroom, shining like piercing stars in the darkness. “But I need you to know.”

My chest became heavy as if all of my breath was leaving my body. This was it. The moment I had been hoping for since his lips first met mine six months earlier.

“Lillian… I love you.”

The declaration hung in the evening air like lyrics to a beautiful song. I could never have imagined that hearing the words coming from his mouth would sound so natural, so right.

“I love you,” he said again, this time less nervous but just as sincere. “So much. Good night!”

As he turned away I realized I hadn’t answered him. I had been too busy staring into his eyes.

“Brad! Wait!” I shouted in a voice only slightly louder than a whisper. He rushed back to the window as the words flew off my tongue. “I love you, too!”

We leaned toward each other and our lips met. Somehow, the kiss was different from the hundreds we had shared before. It was more official. More permanent. When we broke apart he stroked my cheeks with his hands, holding my face close to his.

“I’ll see you soon, Lil. I love you.”

“I love you too,” I echoed. “Good night.”

Brad pulled away from our embrace and smiled, offering a quick wink before turning to leave. Sitting on my knees and hugging the window frame, I watched as he disappeared into the darkness.
He was gone.

1. The First Forty-Eight
   

I met Anna in the driveway, holding two ceramic mugs brimming with fresh coffee and motioned her to the back deck. She looked glamorous as always, even in an oversized tank top and cut-offs, like a movie star caught by the lens of paparazzi.

“So, how was your date?” Anna asked with a wide yawn as she accepted the coffee from my outstretched hand. She nestled into the green paisley cushion draped across a wrought-iron bench on the deck. A handful of small birds fluttered overhead, darting at each other as they passed.

“It was great. Really great...” I sighed, letting my body melt into the chair beside her as I fiddled with the ring around my neck.

“Oh my gosh, don’t tell me. Did you…” Her eyes grew wide.

“Shh! No!” I glanced back towards the kitchen window to make sure Graham and Eliza weren’t eavesdropping through the screen. “But he told me he loved me.”

Anna nearly dropped her coffee onto the side table, quickly swallowing the hot liquid that remained in her mouth.

“Shut up! What did you say? Do you tell him you love him?”

I smiled as I nodded. “Yes! I just said ‘I love you too’. It was kind of magical.”

“I mean, I knew you were crushing hard, but love? No wonder you woke me up at the butt-crack of dawn. I’ve been trying to get Thomas to drop the L-bomb for like months. Even though I'm pretty sure the guys on the basketball team are trying to convince him he’s whipped,” she laughed. “I’m so sorry for doubting that you had huge news!” Anna reached for her coffee, her face frozen in a bewildered grin.

I glanced at my hands as I wrung them in my lap, my smile fading. “That’s not really what I called you for, though.”