If You're Gone (3 page)

“Don't tell me, did you get engaged, too?” she asked with a giggle.

“No. Nothing like that.”

“Okay, okay.” She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. Go ahead.”

“Mrs. Lee called and told me Brad didn’t come home last night,” I told her. “She doesn't know where he is.”

“And he wasn’t with you?”

I shook my head.

“Well, where could he be?”

I let my head fall back into the chair as I let out a groan. “I have no idea. That’s the whole problem. I’ve called him like twenty times.”

“Maybe he went to Jason’s party and just ended up crashing there.” Anna sipped her coffee, pursing her lips as she swallowed.

“Anything is possible, I suppose,” I agreed. “But Brad never goes to parties anymore. Let alone crash somewhere. It doesn’t sound like something he'd do.”

“You’re right.” Anna took a deep breath. “But, just thinking out loud… is there a chance that he had planned to go out and didn’t tell you?” She turned her head away from me as she spoke and stared out into the yard.

“No, why would he do that?” I asked defensively.

“I’m just saying, Lillian,” she said with a shrug. “It’s not like you and Lizard are exactly friends, so maybe Brad wanted to go to the party with him but didn’t want you to be upset.”

“Trust me, Brad doesn’t want to go anywhere with Lizard.”

“Okay, so maybe he just wanted to go, but he knew you couldn't because of your curfew.”

“No.” I shook my head. “He would have told me.”

“Well, does he tell you everything?”

He tells me he loves me.

“Look, I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” she continued on in a nonchalant voice. “In this town, you can’t get far without someone seeing you. I’m sure he’s around and he has a perfectly good explanation.”

“You're right,” I said, nodding as I remembered a detail from the night. “We’re going to the drive-in tonight at seven! Although I hope I won’t have to wait that long for answers…”

A grin spread across Anna’s face and she let out a laugh.

“What is so funny?”

She continued to smile. “You do love him.”

“Yes!” I exclaimed. “What, you didn’t believe me before?”

****

Anna left to go bathing suit shopping with her mom and I hung on her words to ‘not worry’ for about thirty seconds.
Of course I'm going to worry.
My fingers dialed Brad’s number again and I listened to the single ring before the call was sent to voicemail. I couldn’t decide if I should be more concerned that he didn’t seem to be contacting anyone, or that he hadn’t contacted
me
.

“Brad, it’s me again. Please call me,” I said after the beep. “Your parents are worried about you and so am I.” I lowered the phone to end the call before jerking it back towards my mouth. “I love you.”

I tried not to panic. My mind raced with scenarios that kept Brad from both going home or returning calls, some positive, but mostly negative. I called and texted everyone I could think of who might know where to find him, but the answers were all the same. No one claimed to have seen him since the graduation ceremony. All I wanted was for the phone to buzz and to hear Brad’s voice on the other line, with a logical explanation for his disappearance

I re-dialed Brad’s home number and Mrs. Lee and I spoke at length about where he might be and what we should do. She said Brad’s truck was still parked in their driveway and showed no signs of being moved since before the graduation ceremony, but we agreed it wasn’t unusual for him to make his way around our sleepy town on foot. She informed me Brad’s dad had called the hospital, the jail, and finally the police, all to no avail. Mr. Lee talked to a detective who encouraged them to be patient and wait for him to come home on his own.

“Some kids have a little too much fun on graduation night,” he told him.

We ended our conversation on the promise that we would call each other as soon as we heard from Brad, holding on to the hope he would arrive for our seven o’clock date as planned. I assured her that I'd continue to reach out to our classmates, and she promised to do the same. But there was one phone number I didn’t have, and it was for the one person I had to speak with.

I drove my mom’s SUV into town, scanning every sidewalk and storefront for a glimpse of Brad as I passed until I came upon the weathered community bulletin board on High Street. Lost dog posters and advertisements for babysitters were tacked and taped onto the wooden board. Stuck in the center I saw a faded car repair ad scrawled in black permanent marker, right where I expected to find it.

Lizard’s Car Repair. Call anytime.

I punched the number into my cell phone and returned to the SUV as I hit send.
One ring. Two rings.
Just as the third ring began it was suddenly interrupted by an automated voicemail message.

“The person you are trying to reach has a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet.”

“So that’s how you’re going to play this, huh?” I said to myself, swiping the screen to end the call. I stared at the phone for a moment before opening a text message.

I'm looking for Brad, can you tell me where he is?
I typed.
Send.

Within moments, a new message appeared.

Who wants 2know

I gasped.
This is Lillian. I need to find Brad ASAP. Please just answer me.

I sent the message and waited anxiously, but after several minutes I had still not received a response.

Please, Lizard. Do you know where he is?

I waited again. Finally, my phone buzzed. I held my breath as I read the message.

No. Why would I. How did U get this #

I began typing another reply but stopped myself. What else was there to say? I let out a heavy sigh and ran my fingers through my unwashed hair. I knew it was the answer I had wanted, but now I was right back where I started. I turned the car key and sat in neutral, staring blankly at the handful of pedestrians that passed by on the sidewalk.
He didn’t go to a party. He isn’t with Lizard. He isn’t with me. And he isn’t at home. Brad, where are you?
As I pulled away from the curb, I prayed silently.
Dear Lord, please let Brad be okay. Let
us
be okay.

****

I drove around town for over an hour, checking in at the retro diner we loved, the hardware store where Brad worked, and several convenience stores where he often purchased a canned energy drink and a stick of beef jerky for an afternoon pick-me-up. I jumped every time my phone vibrated. He didn’t call. The Lees had insisted I call them by 7:15 pm if he didn’t show up for our date. I pictured them seated in their living room, eyes locked on the front door and one hand on the telephone.

In an attempt to shove all worries aside, I dressed for the evening, in a flowing pastel halter-top over dark-rinse jeans. I pinned my hair half back, letting my natural wave add volume to my otherwise mousy tresses. I applied an extra coat of mascara and dusted highlighting powder across my cheekbones, hoping to achieve a rested, youthful look even after a day of stress. But as I paced in front of the living room window, squeezing his class ring and praying for his truck to pull into my driveway, it was clear I was wasting precious time. He wasn’t coming. As the clock changed to 7:02 pm, any remaining hope was shattered. Brad was never late. I had been stood up. And something was very wrong.

Mrs. Lee picked up on the first ring and sputtered an anxious “Hello!” into the phone.

“He isn’t here.” My throat tightened, choking on the words.

“Thank you, Lillian. We are calling the police again now.” She hung up without a goodbye. We both knew there was nothing that could be said.

****

The rest of the night felt like a foggy dream. The Lees and I organized an impromptu search party and within the hour dozens of my classmates and members of the community gathered on my front lawn, equipped with flashlights and rain ponchos as a dreary drizzle fell from the summer sky. My dad printed off hundreds of posters at his real estate office and Mr. Lee handed them out in stacks under our carport, spouting off instructions to hang them on every storefront and telephone pole. A group of searchers split up at the edge of my yard, dragging their feet and crouching low, shining their lights through the grass as they headed down the street. It was as though they expected to find Brad in tiny pieces, scattered along the roadway.

I made my way through the crowds of people on my lawn the same way I had at the graduation ceremony, only without Brad’s hand to guide me.
He would never just leave me alone like this.
A handful of passing classmates stopped to offer their condolences, an opportunity I took to further beg for information. But just as they had on the phone, none of the members of Brad’s graduating class claimed to have seen him at any parties the night before, which I found to be both disappointing and reassuring.
It has to be true. He wouldn’t have lied to me. But if he didn't lie to me, where is he?

Planting myself near the sidewalk, I took an inventory of the crowd. There were more people than I could count, mostly familiar faces from school and church, but some strangers. A brunette boy I didn’t recognize caught my eye and gave me a nod, which I returned before dropping my eyes to the ground. The tips of my ears burned, making me wonder if people were talking about me.

I scanned the yard for my friends and found Tess and Mandy standing in the driveway speaking with Mrs. Lee. I had interrupted Anna and Thomas’s date with a phone call informing them that Brad was still missing and there would be a search. They were due to arrive within the hour. Amongst the groups of people on my lawn, there was no sign of law enforcement and almost more notably, no sign of Lizard.

I unlocked my phone and scrolled through dozens of numbers in my recent outgoing call list until I came to his, quickly tapping send before I could change my mind.

After two rings the electronic voice greeted me with the same message I had received earlier in the day. “The person you’ve called has a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet.”

I hung up and touched send again. “Come on, just pick up.”

“Stop calling me,” a gruff male voice came on the line.

“Lizard?”
Silence.
“Lizard, wait!” I shouted before he hung up. “Everyone is looking for Brad. I need you to tell me if you’ve seen him or know where he might be.”

“I already told you I ain’t seen him.”

“Well, you could at least come over here and help us look for him. We're all worried…”

“And why would I do that?” he snapped. “Sounds like you can't keep tabs on your man.” He let out a deep, cackling laugh.

“This isn’t a joke, Michael.” I gritted my teeth, knowing he hated being called by his first name. “Brad’s missing. There’s a search party gathering on my front lawn…”

“I’m tellin’ you one last time, I have no idea where he is.”

“I swear,” I said. “If you know something you aren’t telling me…”

“The only thing I’ve got to tell you is
stop calling me
. And you can tell Brad’s mommy and daddy to stop bugging me, too. This is harassment.”

There was a click on the line. He was gone. Disregarding his demand, I sent the call again, but the phone went directly to the recorded message. I let out a tortured groan as I turned to see Anna rushing towards me with outstretched arms.

“Lillian, are you okay?” She pulled me in for a hug and squeezed my shoulders. All I could do was shrug. “Let’s go find Brad. Come on, I'll drive.”

****

A group of us piled into Anna’s blue compact car and rode in silence to the outskirts of downtown, where we planned to plaster posters on storefronts and search the alleys for any signs of Brad. I leaned my head against the passenger window as Anna drove; my eyes darted around the buildings we passed. Our usually peaceful little town seemed darker and quieter than ever, as if it were keeping a secret. I pictured Lions Port pulling Brad into the atmosphere and trapping him in another dimension from where he was watching us look for him, screaming my name to get my attention. This alternate reality theory was preferable to the actuality of what was happening.

As the car crept along a side street my gaze fell to a thin alleyway, sandwiched between Meyer’s Deli and an empty building that once housed a children’s dance studio where Anna and I had taken ballet. The moonlight bounced off of the tall brick walls, casting giant shadows in the alley as long streaks of rain glimmered under the streetlights. In the darkness, I saw movement and my heart dropped from my chest.

“Stop the car! Stop!” I shouted as I frantically fiddled with my seatbelt, feeling trapped beneath the straps.

Anna jerked the wheel and pulled to a stop before she had a chance to speak.

“It’s him. I saw him.” It took all of my breath to spit out the words.

Trembling, I pushed my weight against the door and had my feet on the pavement as Anna threw down the gearshift to put the car in park. I darted across the sidewalk and into the dark alleyway, moving as fast as I could yet feeling like I was dragging my body through quicksand. My heart was racing and my hands were shaking as I stumbled into the shadowy alley. I began anxiously searching the spaces behind empty dumpsters and abandoned pallets.