Independent Jenny (10 page)

Chapter Twenty-One

I continued to sit on the hill, not ready to get up yet, and thought some more about what Shane had said.

“You’re the only man I can rely on to stick around, Wentworth,” I told my golden friend. He lifted his head for a brief moment then rested it back down on his paws.

Then my mind flicked back to Will. Who knew what today had in store? I was certainly looking forward to finding out. I felt a bit guilty about the wife. Did she know he was with his first girlfriend? And why was he here without her anyway?

I looked at the time: 7:30am. Hayley wouldn’t be up for a long time and I thought about Will and wondered if he was awake yet. He had always been an early riser. My mum let him stay over at our house once, on the condition that he had to sleep on the floor and no “funny business” – we broke both rules, of course – and I remember he woke up as soon as it was light and we lay in bed talking for hours before anyone else was up. We had always been great talkers.

Mum had made us some bacon sandwiches that morning and we’d wolfed them down, still chatting away. I remember he even chatted to Mum quite a bit, and she really liked him.

I thought about Mum then and wondered if she’d still be up. I checked Skype on my phone; she was signed in.

“Hey baby girl, you called me back at last!” she said enthusiastically.

“Hi Mum,” I said, glad to hear her voice.

“Turn the video on, I want to see you.”

“No, I’m on the top of a hill on the Isle of Skye. Can we just talk?”

“Oh lovely. What’re you doing there? It’s what, not even 8 in the morning there?”

“I came away with Hayley for a week.”

“Oh, nice.”

“Yeah, it’s lovely.”

“Why can’t we video?”

“It’d cost me a fortune.”

“Oh, right, I thought Skype was free?”

“I’ve told you before Mum, you have to pay for the data? Never mind. We’ll talk now and video another time.”

Really, it was a miracle she was using Skype at all. She had to ask my younger siblings how to ‘work Facebook.’

“All right. I thought you and Ross were going to go someplace hot this week?”

It all came out then, about his confession, about Aiden, about the trip, about Hayley and Guy and Will.

“Well, that certainly sounds like quite a dramatic few weeks,” she said when I finally let her get a word in.

“Yup,” I said, holding back the tears.

“You know what I’ve learned, with all my marriages?”

“What?”

“No one’s perfect. They either cheat, or they’re boring, or they just don’t turn out to be as wonderful as you first thought.”

“So the moral of the story is…?”

“I’m not sure. Just that I sometimes wonder what I’m searching for, and I’m not sure I ever found it, whatever it was.”

“Are you happy with Ken?”

“Yes. Very.”

“Well, that’s good. You found happiness.”

“For now. I was happy with them all at some point.”

“That sounds pretty cynical Mum, for someone who obviously believes in marriage.”

“Yeah but you know what, being alone sucks. I hate sleeping alone, I hate eating alone. I hate everything about being single.”

“You had me and Sadie, and then Henry and Mia,” I reminded her.

“It’s not the same as having an adult to share your life with. You know something though? I think Ken and I might work out.”

“What makes you so sure this time?”

“He’s my best friend. The others, they were fillers, you know? They were lovers and we had a spark but Ken and I, we talk. We communicate and we share things in common and have fun together.”

“Well, that’s great, I’m happy for you. I have that, but unfortunately the man I have it with is gay.”

“Ah, how’s Shane doing?”

“He’s good. Might be moving away though.”

“Well, you’ll just have to Skype him, too.”

Skype really was a wonderful invention.

“I’m glad you’re so close with Ken.”

“Me too,” she said happily.

I was sceptical it would last; this was my mum we were talking about, but Ken seemed nice enough the one time I’d met him at their wedding in New York just over a year earlier. My half-sister Mia – her dad was mum’s third husband, Tom – told me that she’d never seen mum so happy.

“You’ll figure this all out, I’m sure you will,” Mum said, and somehow I felt more reassured hearing it from her, even though she was hardly one to give out relationship advice.

Wentworth got up and stretched and moved further down the hill to investigate some sheep poo. I was just about to call him away when he moved on and slumped on the grass.

“How’re Henry and Mia?”

“They’re good. You should come visit,” she said, changing her tone to give me the usual pleading voice she always did. And as always, I felt guilty. I barely knew my brother and sister and hadn’t seen much of them all since Mum had moved to California a few years back. But they didn’t come visit me too often either, I reminded myself.

“I know, I will.”

“Really, darling, you’d love it here. Come and stay with us for a while. Sort your head out. We’d love to have you.”

“I’m not sure I can afford it,” I told her. “I’m going to struggle a bit for money if my marriage is over.”

There it was again, that sense of having no control, of not knowing what would happen next. I started to cry and she made a few soothing noises.

“Oh, Jenny I wish I could give you a hug.”

“Me too. Thanks, Mum.”

“You know you only started to cry when you thought about what you might do; no tears while you talked about Ross.”

“Oh, I think I’ve cried plenty over Ross,” I told her. “I guess I’m a bit scared about the future.”

“Well, just give coming out here some thought, yeah?”

“I will.”

“I’m so tired, I need to get to bed. You enjoy your time on Skye and you know where I am if you want to call.”

“Thanks Mum.”

We said our goodbyes and I looked back out at the view. I’d never felt so lonely in my life.

Chapter Twenty-Two

As I walked back to the cottage, I received a text message. I glanced at my phone, saw it was from Ross and put it back in my pocket. I didn’t have anything to say to him right now. I couldn’t tell him it was over in a text and I wasn’t interested in what he had to say. I made myself some breakfast and went outside to eat it.

After staring out at sea for a while, I finally picked up my phone again.

Hey babe. How’re you? I have an appointment today to see a counsellor tomorrow. Talk about why I’ve done these terrible things and make sure it doesn’t happen again. I miss you so much, can’t wait for you to come home xx

I didn’t respond. He should have thought about how much he’d miss me before he did those ‘terrible things’. The way he was presuming that we’d fix our marriage made me uneasy. Even if I could forgive the things he’d done, these past few weeks had given me time to reconsider our whole relationship but I wasn’t sure anymore that what we had was worth fixing.

After the – I admit – very romantic evening watching the sunset with a handsome, wonderful, charming man who just happened to be married, Will and I returned to find Hayley and Guy on the sofa, side by side, far too close for my liking. Hayley seemed annoyed when I said we had to leave but she’d already persuaded Guy to find some help for the following day so he could spend time with us. She didn’t seem quite as enthusiastic when he suggested we all go for a long walk. I assumed she wasn’t going to moan and whinge as much as she had done when it was just the two of us walking.

We said our good nights, and as soon as we got in the car she starting talking quickly.

“Don’t judge me, Jenny. We’re just friends, nothing happened, I just love being in his company and catching up. Please don’t give me the lecture I know you want to give.”

So I bit my tongue and instead we talked about the dogs and the farm and avoided discussing the men we were both thinking about.

I read Ross’ text again and then put my phone down and stared out at the view, trying to clear my head and push him from my mind. Hayley came out after a while with a bacon sandwich and sat beside me. “Hey,” she said, grinning. “What a beautiful day.”

I looked out at the stunning view. I could never get tired of seeing that every morning.

“Just as well. I don’t think you’d enjoy walking in the rain today.”

“Who does enjoy walking in the rain?” she asked, frowning.

I shrugged. I preferred sunshine but the rain didn’t bother me, Shane and I still took our dogs out every day no matter the weather. But I knew better than to point this out.

“I love it here,” she declared. Funny, how she loved it now that Guy was single and handsome as ever. She didn’t seem that impressed before we’d seen him.

“Me too,” I said, smiling. After she’d eaten we both went in to get ready. It took me just half an hour and then I sat on the bench outside reading, while she spent an age grooming, doing her hair and make-up and deciding what to wear.

I couldn’t concentrate on my book and ended up wondering what Aiden was doing at that moment. My hormones were all over the place; I was thinking about him one moment, then Will the next, then a fleeting thought would pass through about Ross. Then I’d go back to my book, then look out at the view again.

My instincts told me to go home, end it with Ross, and go on a date with Aiden. He loved me. He loved me more than Ross, or he showed it better at least. But then when I thought of Ross, I somehow couldn’t bear to hurt him. I thought about all the good times, happy memories that couldn’t be erased, and didn’t feel I could immediately start up with his brother just like that.

Then there was Will, I knew it was wrong to be attracted to him but he was so cute, and so easy to talk to. And when I was with him, I wasn’t worrying about all the crap going on over six hundred miles away back home.

The sound of a car engine broke my train of thought and I turned to see Guy’s Land Rover drive through the open gate and into our little courtyard. I closed my book and got up to greet them and their dogs. Both Will and Guy seemed uneasy, with awkward smiles and formal hellos, and I wasn’t sure why. Had they been arguing in the car?

We talked about the view and the cottage and then Hayley finally appeared, dressed like she was out for a romantic date rather than a ramble around the wilds of Scotland, but Guy seemed exceptionally happy to see her and we all climbed into his car and set off down the track. Hayley started talking, easing the atmosphere and we all seemed to relax a bit.

“Hey, what’s that?” I said, pointing to a large bird up ahead on a fence post.

“Looks like an eagle,” Will told me.

Hayley picked up her phone, disinterested.

“Can we drive by slowly so I can try and get a photo?”

“Sure,” Guy said, slowing the car right down. We came to a stop right beside the eagle, sitting on his perch looking majestic. He had something small in his beak, maybe a shrew or a mouse, and he looked right at me, posing for my photo. I took a few shots and then he flew off.

“Can’t wait to see those. Wasn’t he beautiful?” Will said, grinning.

I sat back, pleased with my shots and wondering what other wildlife I might be able to spot while I was here. If nothing else, I’d like to photograph some sheep.

Guy drove us to The Quiraing, a jagged, hilly, stunning landscape not that far from our cottage. We all jumped out and started walking along a well trodden path, Bono running up ahead while Wentworth and Fern kept close by. I felt like a nervous parent whenever Wentworth looked over the edge and down into the valley below.

I kept stopping to take photographs and Will would wait with me, so pretty soon Hayley and Guy were well ahead of us and out of earshot.

“I love it here, it’s my favourite place on Skye,” Will told me. “I used to come with my dad when we first moved up here.”

“It’s so beautiful. Sorry we’re getting left behind. You go on with those two if you like.”

“I think they’re quite happy for us to let them walk off alone,” Will said, looking at them in the distance. Well, that was true but I hadn’t really wanted Hayley to keep being alone with Guy; it could only cause more problems.

“Something wrong with that? Don’t you approve?”

“Why do you ask that?”

“You just pulled a face.”

I shrugged. A part of me wanted to tell Guy about Kieran and what Hayley was doing, but I knew she’d never forgive me.

“It’s nothing to do with me, but we’re only here for a few more days, that’s all.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

We carried on walking.

“So, is the cottage comfy? Did you sleep well?”

“It’s quite cosy, yes. How about you? Do you sleep in your old bedroom when you visit Guy?”

“Yes, a lumpy old bed. The same bed you knew actually.”

I felt myself blush. Was it appropriate to be talking to me about our times in bed together when he was married? How would his wife feel about that?

“Wow, that is old.”

“Yup. Still, I’m just visiting for a few days, I’ll cope.”

“So how come you’re here?”

“I was just … things were tough, back home and Guy suggested I get away for a few days. I’d already planned a week out, so work was covered. Thought I’d come and clear my head.”

“Huh, me too. I mean, I came here to clear my head.”

“Well, it’s a pretty good place to get some distance, plenty of time to think while you’re walking in the hills.”

“So what’s your wife doing while you’re here?”

His reaction to my mentioning his wife was instant. His shoulder dropped, his face grew cold, his eyes looked down at the path instead of at me.

“Nothing much,” he said. “Hey, there’s a good view behind us if you want to take a photo.”

I turned and raised my camera. It really was 360 degrees of amazing around here.

So, his wife had hurt him. Maybe as badly as Ross had hurt me. Perhaps we could have wild, passionate revenge sex to get back at them both. Preferably in the cottage as I had no intention on revisiting that old single bed of his.

We kept meandering along, talking about photography mostly. Will was really encouraging and patient while I tried different angles, like crouching down or lying on the grass to get a different perspective. I was pretty pleased with the photos I’d taken and by the time we caught up with Hayley and Guy, they were sitting on a grassy slope, pulling picnic food out of Guy’s bag.

Hayley looked worn out. Her hair was windswept; I was pretty sure mine was too but I didn’t care and I knew she would; her cheeks were red from the exercise. She had mud splattered up her designer jeans and she looked uncomfortable sitting on the grass, but she was smiling and obviously completely falling in love with Guy all over again. I didn’t see how this could end well. She was going to get hurt, and so was Kieran, and probably Guy, too. She’d never want to live up here, or on a farm anywhere. There was nowhere for this to go and I intended on telling her so just as soon as we were alone again.

Will asked Hayley about her job and she told them both about the restaurant she managed and how passionate she was about the place she worked at. We tucked into the variety of snacks the men had bought along, including some homemade pork pies from one of their neighbours, and some pre-packed snacks from the Co-op. I’d worked up quite an appetite and was quite happy munching away until Guy said:

“So, you ladies both single then? No serious relationships going on?”

Hayley and I exchanged glances. Neither of us wanted to talk about our men back home, least of all her, I was pretty sure.

“For me, it’s complicated,” I told them. “But I consider myself single right now, I guess.”

“You guess? Huh,” Guy said, smiling at me and glancing at Will. “That does sound complicated. And you, Hayley?”

Surely he didn’t think that she’d have someone after all the obvious flirting? She hesitated, and he saw that and looked down at the blanket beneath us.

“I’m single too,” she said, and I looked up at her in shock. Kieran didn’t deserve this. I felt myself get warm with anger and gave her my best glare but she wouldn’t look at me.