Indulgence (18 page)

“Fear, I guess,” I replied without hesitation.

He tilted his head and opened his eyes, fixing his gaze on
mine. “Fear? You can’t have fear in this game.”

“I wasn’t born that way. I wasn’t born to do those things.”

X stilled, raising his head.

“Neither were you,” I went on.

His shoulders tensed, which was a glaring indicator that I
was toeing the line and he narrowed his eyes. “Why didn’t you leave?”

His other question kind of blindsided me. Why didn’t I leave
him when I had the chance? He still didn’t get it and probably wouldn’t for
some time. His mind seemed to be in a constant state of flux and I wondered if
that meant he kept forgetting things. You know, like a goldfish had a memory of
only three seconds. When I was growing up, I’d watch the fish in the tank at my
parent’s house and wonder if they ever got bored, swimming around the same
three feet of water day in day out. I’d even begged my mother to buy new fake
rocks and castles to put in there so they’d have something new to look at. Then
my brother ruined it and told me that by the time they’d gone around for
another lap, they’d forgotten where they’d been.

It was a poor analogy, but X was fighting against the
changes inside him, forgetting then remembering every time he laid eyes on me.
A repetitive battle, but one that I seemed to be gaining ground on. He’d go
out, forget, then come back and remember, each time his newfound feelings
deepening. Or so I suspected.

“Because I believe in you,” I replied. “I believe in us,
together.”

He snorted, picking up the knife again.

“Why would I lie to you?”

“To save your own skin you would,” he said, flicking the
blade out. He tilted it from side to side, inspecting the sharpness.

“No. It’s more than that.”

“I don’t know
more
.” He emphasized the last word,
meaning that he couldn’t understand that what he could be feeling was the
beginnings of love. Fuck, he couldn’t understand a lot of emotions and asking
him about the most difficult one of all? That was suicide.

“Regardless,” I said, my voice firm, “I’m not leaving you.”

He muttered something that sounded a lot like '
silly
little girl
’ and began picking at his nails with the knife again.

“How old are you?” I asked, desperate to keep him talking
while he was in the mood.

“Twenty-nine. I think.”

“You
think
?” I asked. How could he not know how old
he was? That seemed…
weird
.

“I don’t know,” he said simply.

“How long have you worked for Royal Blood?”

“Eight years or so.”

Eight years? If he was as old as he thought he was, then
whatever they did was done as a young man. He would’ve been twenty or
twenty-one…taught how to kill… The scars were on his body to prove it. Fuck, he
wasn’t taught though was he? He was
conditioned
.

“Did you ever want to do anything else?” I whispered, not
quite sure if I should be asking.

He stilled. “You know the answer to that question.”

Yeah, I could take a guess. He didn’t know.

“Did you always want to kill Sykes?” he asked with a sneer.

Narrowing my eyes, I bit back, “No. I wanted to be an
artist.”

X flicked the knife closed and glanced up at me, staring
right into my eyes with that 'deep into your soul' crap he always did.

“So you did,” he murmured, a thoughtful expression on his
handsome face.

I rolled my eyes. “So says my file?”

“So says your file.” He tossed the knife onto the floor.
“And so says you.”

“I wanted color,” I whispered. “Color, not corpses.”

“And that’s why you couldn’t do it, Mercy,” he stated
coldly. “There is no color in murder.”

“I still want it. For them.” No matter the consequences for
me.

“If you manage to kill Sykes, what then?”

“After?” I asked. “The moment I woke up here, I figured I’d
help you find out what Royal Blood did to you to make you like this.”

X snorted, running his hands over his face. “And why should
you care?”

God, I had to say it again didn’t I? He was having another
goldfish moment. “Because I believe in you. In your potential as a human
being.”

“My potential?” He let out a thin laugh that said it all.
Disbelief.

“I’ll show you eventually.”

“Eventually…” he murmured. Pushing to his feet, X unfolded
his long frame into a standing position.

He padded across to the closet and slid open a door,
revealing all the darkness within. Guns, knives, whips, other devices that I
had no idea how depraved they could be… He reached up to a high shelf and
pulled something down, something I couldn’t see. He turned and glanced at me on
the bed, hesitating before he decided he was going to use whatever he’d gone
looking for.

I jerked against the rope, my heart hammering in my chest.

Then I realized what he held in his hands. It was a blanket.
He’d only gotten a blanket out of the closet...

He frowned at my reaction before laying the blanket over my
naked body, tucking me in with that thing he thought he was incapable of.
Tenderness. Leaning over, he cupped my face, stroking the pad of his thumb
across my lips.

“Sleep, Mercy,” he murmured.

Like he was some crazy-ass hypnotist, my eyes fluttered
closed, one thought lingering in my exhausted mind.

He gave me a blanket
…

X

Talking. Getting to know another person for who they were.

Mercy Reid was digging her way inside my flesh the more time
that she was conscious and in my presence. I held her hostage in my apartment,
but against everything I thought was proper in these kinds of situations, she
was a willing captive. She wanted revenge for her family, but what did she want
from me?

I was gone before she even woke, but this time one thing was
different.

I undid her restraints.

*****

It was quiet out tonight.

The darkness seemed to settle quickly now that the nights
were getting shorter. It was like the night was trying to make the most of its
time before the sun came back and flooded everything with light.

I leaned against the side of a building hidden in the
shadows, watching the street opposite. I had nothing to do until I made a
decision about Mercy, so to pass the time and to keep up the ruse, I began to
investigate one of the other leads.

It was pointless of course. Any idiot could see with a
cursory glance that neither the informant nor the money launderer had anything
to do with the hit on Sykes, but I had to look busy to appease the eyes that
were no doubt on me. I was getting nowhere fast and had to give them something.

Keep her or kill her
.

I’d watched the shop front for two hours now. It was a dry
cleaners named Speedy’s, which was the most ironic front in all of criminal
history. The money launderer that had stolen money from the Necromancers had
gotten himself a new identity and a new business helping small time crooks
wrought the system. I wondered if the guy realized how dumb as fuck he really
was. It had taken me less then three hours to locate his place of operation and
a further two of watching the building to peg down his routine.

The fucker deserved to get a bullet. Idiot.

Emotions that I couldn’t get a handle on swelled in my black
heart and I pressed my forehead against the brickwork to cool myself down.
Fuck
.
Frustrated, I pounded my head against the wall, pain splintering through my
skull. It made me momentarily forget the silent war that was brewing inside and
I wondered if that’s what I needed to cope. Physical pain.

Turning back to the street, I rolled my eyes as a group of
men came into view. Black leather, nasty looking, no bikes, but I gathered the
dirty fuckers were on a stealth mission. It was a posse of Necromancers and right
in the middle was Major Fuckface himself, Sykes.

His expression was pure anger and I knew I was in the shit.
Fucking good. Maybe he’d beat the crap out of me so I could become numb again.

“Your money launderer has gotten out of prison and has set
up shop,” I said absently as they approached.

Sykes glanced across the street at the dry cleaners and
snorted. “You don’t say.”

He didn’t sound interested in the least and I couldn’t blame
him. I glanced at the four Necromancer thugs he’d brought along for the ride
and rolled my eyes. They were fat, old fuckers who were nothing but brawn
without the brains to know how to use it. They were there for show, nothing
more. The real man I should worry about was Sykes.

“You seriously think it was that stupid kid that tried to
kill me?” he asked, stepping into the alley and out of view from the street.

There was no use trying to convince him otherwise, so I
said, “No.”

“Then what the fuck are you doing out here?”

“Killing time,” I said with a smirk.

Sykes pushed me back against the wall, an arm over my chest.
“This will be your only warning, Blood.”

“Good to know,” I replied blandly.

I could provoke him and let him cause the pain that I needed
to forget all about the broken walls inside me. It would be better coming from
him than her. Sykes wasn’t the kind of man that would hold back and since he
had a point to make, let him fucking make it.

“I don’t answer to you, Sykes. I will deliver your mark in
my own time and my own way. You threaten me and I will just take my sweet ass
time,” I said, pushing all his buttons at once.

“You’re walking a dangerous path,” he snarled, anger
beginning to radiate from him.

I stared him down, unblinking. “What are you going to do
about it?”

“Do I need to teach you a lesson in authority?” he asked,
flexing his fingers.

“I guess you do.”

He drew back his fist, swinging with all his strength and I
didn’t do a fucking thing to get out of the way. Flesh smacked into flesh and
stars erupted in my vision as my head snapped to the side. That ought to do it.

“C’mon Sykes,” I said with a sneer, shaking my head. “Is
that all you’ve got? You haven’t even drawn blood.”

“Smart mouthed cunt,” he roared, letting anger rule his
actions.

He fisted a hand into the front of my T-shirt and punched
again, this time pounding into my nose. Warmth began trickling down my skin and
I started laughing. Fuck, I couldn’t feel anything at all…this was exactly what
I wanted.

Sykes just stared at me like I was losing my mind and shoved
me into the middle of the alley. The Necromancer thugs formed a circle around
us, readying themselves to jump on command, but their master held up his hand
to stop them.

“This one’s mine boys,” he said with a smirk. “Stand down.”

“Yeah, boys,” I said, wiping my nose on the back of my hand.
“Heel like the fucking dogs you are.”

Sykes lunged with a roar, sinking a punch into my stomach
that made me double over. He punched again, this time right into my diaphragm,
driving the air from my lungs. My natural reflexes kicked in and I wheezed for
air, but still didn’t make a move to scramble out of the way.

“Fight back, Blood,” Sykes yelled, shoving me into one of
his thugs. I was pushed back into the center of the alley and into Sykes’
waiting fist.

It would be sweet fucking justice if I could get in at least
one punch for Mercy, but that wouldn’t solve anything. I was already forgetting
why I was trying to keep her in the first place, which was the whole point of
letting the man that I loathed beat me into a pulp.

Blood streamed out of my nose, dripping off my chin and
staining the front of my T-shirt, but it wasn’t enough. I strode forward and
shoved Sykes backwards and when he came back at me, I let him push me to the
ground.

Sykes didn’t let up his assault as he got his anger out. I
gasped as a boot sunk into my stomach and embraced the pain as it burned
through my body. I fought my natural instinct to curl into myself and let him
beat me as much as he wanted. I forgot my heart and the feelings that had
welled to the surface while I was with her.

Tenderness
. I forgot what that word even meant. I
wanted to go back and embrace the monster I was conditioned to be. That was the
easy way out and I was stupid enough to want to take it no matter the cost.

“I.”
Kick.
“Always.”
Punch
. “Get.”
Punch
.
“What.”
Kick
. “I.”
Kick
. “
Want
.”

Sykes hauled me to my feet, pain erupting through my ribs,
and drew his fist back one more time. The sound of flesh and bone slamming into
flesh echoed down the alley as his fist smashed into my eye.

I slid down the wall, laughter bubbling in my chest. I
tasted my own blood on my tongue and thought of Mercy.

“You’ve got forty-eight hours, Blood. If I don’t have what I
want by then, you’ll go swimming with the fishes in the river, got it?”

I wiped my nose with the back of my hand smearing blood
across my skin. “Your wish is my command,
master
.”

With a snarl, Sykes fisted a hand into the front of my
T-shirt and pulled me away from the wall. A moment later, his fist smacked into
my cheekbone sending me back into the brickwork.

“I will enjoy putting a bullet into your smart mouth,
Blood,” he said before spitting a mouthful of saliva at me. “I will enjoy
watching your pretty boy head explode.”

I laughed at the irony as they retreated into the darkness,
the pain from my beating blooming across my skin and settling deep into my
bones. He sure did like shooting people in the head. It must be his sick
fetish.

Sykes thought he’d won this round, but little did he know I
had the one thing he desired above all else and he didn’t even know her name.