Indulgence (288 page)

Kick’s hold of me tightened and I heard his muttered,
“Fuck.” He didn’t say anything else, though, and that impressed me. The Kick of
three years ago would have been straight into an argument and fight if
necessary.

Dad continued to make his coffee, remaining silent for a
moment. Eventually, he stopped what he was doing, and asked, “Do you know what
Kick’s involved in these days?”

The look on his face told me he didn’t think I did. “If
you’re referring to Storm, yes I know he’s part of the club.”

Dad’s gaze flicked to Kick and the look he gave him was pure
hostility. Then he looked back at me and said, “No, I mean the fact he bails me
out of situations that involve thugs and criminals you don’t ever want to be
tied up with. I don’t want you involved in that kind of stuff, Evie.”

My blood boiled and I stepped forward. Kick loosened his
hold on me but refused to let me go completely. “If you didn’t want me involved
in that shit, Dad,
you
should have stayed away from them. I do know what
he’s done for you and I also know that because of you, he could be in trouble
now. That shit’s on
you
, not
him
,” I snapped, my eyes blazing the
anger I couldn’t control even if I tried.

He was taken aback, obviously not expecting me to fire up
like that, but memories of too many years of being let down by this man rushed
at me now.

Kick finally waded into the conversation. “Evie and I are
together now, Peter, whether anyone else likes it or not. And as far as her
knowing what I’m involved in for you, I haven’t told her the half of it, but
I’m more than happy to if you’d like me to.” I couldn’t see his face but I
could feel the fury in his voice and the hard set of his stance against my
back.

Dad stared at him in silence for a few moments before
turning his stare to me. “I’m sorry for dragging you into it.” The room swirled
with his regret. “I’m a weak man and I’ve let you down.”

“Oh my god, Dad, yes, you’re a weak man, but if you want to
change your life, the only person who can do that is you!” Frustration at his
excuses cut through me. He’d been full of excuses as long as I’d been old
enough to understand what one was. “Stop making your pathetic excuses and man
up. Yes, Mum cheated on you and your life went to shit after that. And yes, you
lost a child . . . we all did, but we’ve all found a way to cope with that and
live our lives . . . it’s time you did, too. Find the good in your life and put
the bad behind you.”

Kick, who had little patience, got straight to the point of
our visit. “Gambarro’s wiped your debt, but so help me if you fuckin’ get
yourself into anymore debt, Peter...That was the last time I’m stepping in for
you.” His hand pressed hard against my waist and I knew in my soul that if Dad
ever found himself in debt again, Kick would bail him out. Because he loved me,
he would do anything for my family, or me, regardless of the words he’d just
spoken.

“Thank you,” Dad said, struggling to meet Kick’s eyes.

“Did you see that counsellor I found for you?” I asked.

He hesitated and I knew if he said yes, he’d be lying. “Not
yet,” he admitted softly, now avoiding my eyes.

Kick’s frustration sounded in the long breath he pushed out.
“Jesus,” he muttered.

I pushed him. “When will you be seeing him?”

Cagey eyes darted back and forth between Kick and me before
finally settling on me. “I’ll call him soon.”

My handbag had slipped down my arm, and I pushed it back up
before saying, “Okay, you do that,” I snapped, way past angry at his failure to
help himself, “and don’t call me until you have seen him. If you can’t be
bothered to sort yourself out, I can’t be bothered to help you anymore.”

Before he could say anything, I turned and stalked out of
his house. Heartbreak, anger and disappointment sat heavy in my gut, and I
swallowed the lump in my throat and fought back the tears threatening to fall.
It killed me to give up on him, but I couldn’t keep going the way we had been
for most of my life. My father needed tough love now. I thought he’d hit rock
bottom, but, obviously, he hadn’t. I shuddered to think what that would look
like when it finally happened because he’d looked pretty bad the last time I’d
seen him.

Kick followed me out and when we reached his bike, he pulled
me into his arms and kissed my forehead. “You okay, baby?”

I pulled back a little so I could look in his eyes. Those
beautiful eyes that blared his love for me. It had been there all along but I’d
been too blind to see it. I smiled. “Yeah, because I have you.”

He planted a kiss on my lips and then said, “You’ve always
had me, you just didn’t know it.”

My tummy fluttered and my heart expanded with happiness.

Even with all the sadness, grief, hurt and anger hanging
over me, Kick helped take some of it away.

He gave me hope life could be good again.

Kick

“Anyone else got anything to discuss?” King asked, casting
his gaze around the room.

Church had been quick today, but we hadn’t discussed the one
thing I thought we would have.

And then Hyde stepped in. “Where are we at with Gambarro,
Kick?” he asked, his steely eyes boring into mine.

I sat forward. I’d been ready for this. “As far as I know,
he still doesn’t know who I am. I’ve asked my contacts if they’ve heard
anything and there’s nothing on the radar.”

“Gambarro’s not a fucking idiot, Kick,” Hyde asserted,
“he’ll figure it out soon enough and we need to have a fucking plan to deal with
this shit.”

King interrupted. “Our plan is what it’s always been.”

Hyde gave him an incredulous look. “What? Sit and wait for
the shit to land at our feet and then defend ourselves?”

King’s hard eyes narrowed at Hyde. “You think it would be
better to announce to Gambarro it was us?” he asked scathingly.

Hyde shoved his chair back and stood. Shoving his hand
through his dark hair, he bit out, “Fuck, King, I don’t know what the fuck we
should do, but I hate sitting here waiting. Like a sitting fucking duck.” He
glared at me. “We shouldn’t be in this fucking position.”

Devil, who only spoke when he felt it absolutely necessary,
said, “Sit the fuck down, Hyde, and get your shit together, man.”

I eyed Devil and he gave me a nod. He approved of what I’d
done. I’d never hear those words from his lips, but Devil’s actions always said
everything you needed to know.

Hyde now turned his filthy stare to Devil. “Clearly, I’m the
only one here who
does
have his shit together. I can’t fucking believe
none of you are worried about this.”

Nitro sat next to me, his body tense, and his mouth firmly
closed. No love was lost between him and Hyde, and I knew if he got into a
heated discussion now, the fists would likely come out. Nitro was a smart man
and extremely disciplined at keeping his mouth shut where Hyde was concerned,
but today he lost the fight to contain himself. Cold eyes pierced Hyde and his
voice was deathly calm when he spoke. “Clearly you’re the only one who is
forgetting Kick’s loyalty to Storm. He’s done shit for us that no man should
ever have to fucking do, and he does it without a fucking word of complaint. I
think you need to step the fuck back, pull your fucking head in, and shut the
fuck up.”

King smashed his fist down on the bench and stood, fury
circling him. “Enough!” he roared. Pointing at Hyde, he yelled, “Sit down,
Hyde, and don’t say another fucking word.” He watched as Hyde followed his
orders, and then he turned to face everyone. “We’re not fucking announcing
anything to the world. Everyone is to keep their ear out and if you hear
anything, you bring it to me. We clear?”

I looked around the table and found everyone nodding their
agreement. Hyde nodded but his body language screamed his resistance.

“Right, that’s settled. Anything else?” King asked, a look
of impatience plastered across his face. He glanced around the table and when
no one spoke, he brought the gavel down to signal we were done.

Hyde stormed out, and I watched King as his gaze followed
Hyde. He’d always had a close relationship with his Vice President, but Hyde
seemed to be causing him headaches lately. He eventually tore his eyes from
Hyde and looked at me. “Don’t worry about Hyde. I’ll take care of him,” he
said, mistaking my concern for something it wasn’t.

I shook my head. “I’m more concerned for you, Prez,” I
admitted.

A frown creased his forehead. “Why?”

“Your VP doesn’t have your back and he’s the one who’s
supposed to have it more than anyone else.”

He processed that silently. “Yeah,” he muttered, deep in
thought. “He’ll fucking have it soon enough, brother,” he added, before
stalking out of the room.

King could be persuasive, but I feared Hyde was in one of
his moods at the moment and when Hyde was in a mood, nothing could get through
to him.

Fuck.

*****

Kick

17 years old

I placed the joint between my lips and inhaled its magic.
The magic that would help numb me and make me forget, for even just a few
hours, the shit I had to deal with at home. I sucked it deep into my lungs and
held it there for a long while before slowly exhaling and letting my head drop
back against the wall. I passed the joint to Jeremy and heard him take a hit.

When he was done, he passed it back to me and stretched
out on his back on the floor. It was three o’clock in the morning and his house
was silent as his family slept. We’d just gotten back from a lame party. He
turned to look at me. “That party was shit.”

I nodded. “Yeah, not one chick worth scoring.”

He laughed. “That’s one way to gauge it.”

My brows rose. “How else would you gauge it, dude?”

“The lack of alcohol there, for one.”

“Well, there is that, too, but I could have lived with
that if there had been at least one hot chick, but there wasn’t even that.”

He turned silent and I moved my head from the wall to see
what he was doing. Jeremy had been off all week and tonight his mood had
shifted into something else again and I struggled to pick it. “What’s up, man?
You’ve been acting strange all week.”

His body tensed but then he sat up and stared at me. The
light from outside splashed across the room and I could make out the strain on
his face and the rigid set of his shoulders. “Do you have secrets, Kick?” he
asked, his voice heavy with burden.

“Jesus, man, we all have secrets. What the fuck’s going
on?”

The moment stretched before us, long and deathly silent.
Whatever the hell he had on his mind was eating him up. I’d never seen Jeremy
so troubled. Usually, he was the kind of guy who was confident and not fearful
of anything.

Finally, he spoke. “I’m gay.”

I stared at my best friend, taking in the torment he
obviously felt over this revelation and hating that he felt that way. Hating
that society made him feel that way. “I know,” I said softly.

His eyes widened but he didn’t say anything.

“I’ve known you for six years, dude, and for half of that
time I’ve figured you were gay.” I shrugged. “So?”

Anger clouded his face. “So? Do you have any idea how
fucking big this is?”

“It’s not big to me. Like, if you thought it would affect
our friendship, it won’t.”

He sat and stared at me, and I couldn’t work out the
thoughts running through his mind. When he eventually blew out a long breath,
he said, “Fuck, I never knew you knew.”

I took another long drag of the joint and then passed it
to him. After I blew out the smoke, I asked, “Did you really think I wouldn’t
support you?”

“I didn’t know, but I should have.”

“Yeah, man, you should have. I’ve always had your back
and I always fucking will.”

“Shit, Kick . . . yeah, I know.”

I eyed him, curious about something. “Does Evie know?”

He shook his head. “No, you’re the only person I’ve
told.”

“You should tell her. She won’t care, either.”

“Thank you,” he said quietly, his hands fidgeting after
he passed me back the joint.

“What for?”

“For always being there for me. You’ve never let me
down,” he said, his voice uneven and his eyes showing me how much this shit was
affecting him.

“Well, for the record, if anyone gives you any fucking
grief over this, they’ll have me to deal with. So you like to suck cock. Who
the fuck gives a shit?”

He stared at me in shock for a minute and then he grinned
and shook his head. “Fuck, Kick . . .”

“It’s true, dude, and I’m okay with that, but don’t ever
fucking ask me to suck your dick, ‘cause it’s never gonna fucking happen. I’m
all for pussy.”

“I wish I’d told you sooner.”

I nodded. “Yeah, me too, ‘cause I’ve been wondering. You
got any fucking idea how hard it is to think about your best friend being gay
without thinking about cock? Thank fuck cock will never have to enter my mind
again.” He laughed and I muttered, “Not funny, man. This is serious shit right
here.”

“So you don’t want to come to a gay club and help me find
a man when we turn eighteen?”

I slid back against the wall and closed my eyes. “Fuck,
you know I can never say no to you. You and fucking Evie . . . always talking
me into doing shit I don’t want to do.”

My eyes were shut, sleepy, but I heard his laugh.

Thank god we’d finally had that conversation.

I really didn’t want to have to think about cock anymore.