Indulgence (383 page)

Rude Awakening

The officers kept me separated and away from the eyes of the
rest of the group, leaving me to watch through a window as they loaded everyone
up into large vans. It was like a morbid parade, they had men sprawled out,
lying face down on the ground, girls screaming or curled up sobbing. As soon as
one van was full, it went on its way and they filled another. I couldn’t
imagine where they were taking them all. The women alone would fill a couple of
floors in a hotel. The men would surely take up more space than offered at the
local jail.

Ambulances lined up next to the transport vans. Kirk didn’t
even get a damn ambulance; they had to life flight him out.

I marched over to the group of men who seemed to be in
charge. The ones who had ordered Trent to keep me here. “I want to go to the
hospital.”

“We’ll get everyone checked out,” some old man said. I
scowled back at him, and another young paramedic tried to grab my arm. I jumped
away.

“I’m leaving for the hospital,” Trent said, “she can ride
with me.”

“That’s against procedure.”

“In these circumstances…” he trailed off and shook his head.
“ Bluntly, Sir, fuck procedure. I’m going to the hospital, and she’s coming
with me; you can have my gun and badge if you want.”

Davis draped his SWAT jacket over my body and pulled a key
from his pocket—Kirk’s key.

My gut clenched. He held the link to my final claim of
freedom, but as he reached for the collar around my neck, I wanted to pull
away.

I wanted my freedom to come from Kirk… James… I wasn’t even
sure what I was supposed to call him anymore. After removing the collar and
cuffs, Trent kept me close to his side as he led me down toward the street
where the cars were parked.

“You and K—” Time to stop calling him that. “James, you were
close?”

“We trained together. They tried to pass this off to someone
with more experience, but we knew each other and I fought to be his contact.”
He opened his car door, but instead of climbing in, he leaned over the roof.
“You weren’t supposed to get caught up in all of this—”

“I know.” I slid into the car hoping to avoid future
conversation.

As the car pulled away from the retreat, I licked my dry
lips and picked at my nails. I was still covered with blood; anyone else who
saw me would think I was the one doing all of the killing.

My body clenched as soon as we hit city limits and I
recognized where we were. Civilization. The real world. People going about
their everyday lives.

Not a one of them had any idea what was going on twenty
minutes outside of the city.

“Rose,” Trent whispered.

I recognized my name, but it felt foreign. I still hadn’t
let go. I wondered if my name would ever feel like my own again. “I’m fine.”

Fine, right. I couldn’t even sit still and I knew Trent saw
it. I squeezed my fingers, rubbed them against my leg. Scratched my feet
against the carpet. I wanted out of the city so badly I couldn’t even see
straight.

At the hospital, we waited in the car for a few minutes
while Trent checked his phone, and I tried to get myself under control.

“Are you ready for this? There’s a private waiting room, so
we won’t have to be around anyone more than necessary.”

I blew out a long breath and nodded. As he led me in, I had
to keep reminding myself to keep it together. On some level, it felt like a
trick. One of Ross’ employees was bound to pop out at any second and throw me
into lockup. Luckily, no one else boarded the elevator and as soon as we
stepped off, we went straight to the nurse’s desk.

“They took him into surgery when he got here,” he said,
waving at one of the nurses and calling her over. “Can you find an extra pair
of scrubs?”

The woman looked me over, raised her eyebrows, and walked
away, returning a few minutes later with a stack of gaudy green clothes. Trent
grabbed them and led me around and through a small private waiting room. I
guessed that his business brought him here often. He opened the door to a tiny
bathroom and laid the clothes down next to the sink. “I’ll let you get washed
up.”

I handed back his jacket and dropped the straps to my dress.

He cleared his throat and closed the door. In my own little
world, I’d forgotten about real world etiquette. Not that his presence really
registered anyway. I was on autopilot.

I threw my dress into the trash then pulled a long section
of paper towel out of the dispenser and began scrubbing at the blood on my
hands and arms. Some had even transferred to my legs when I’d sat down. I tried
to clean under my fingernails and wipe up the excess blood, but it seemed like
there was no end to the stains.

Finally, I rinsed off and splashed some water over my face
before slipping into the oversized scrubs. I looked in the mirror, taking in my
rudely disheveled appearance, but the blood was gone. I didn’t care about the
rest.

Trent was leaned against a chair arm when I opened the door;
he stood, but waited for me to approach.

“Sorry about that,” I waved at the door. “I didn’t think.”

“It’s okay.” He kept his distance but didn’t look away.

For fuck’s sake, I was back to being looked at like a caged
animal. I collapsed into a chair, hoping that if he knew I was staying put he’d
stop watching my every movement.

“I talked to a nurse,” he said, “James is still in surgery
so, we can wait in here. I’d like to get you checked out though.”

Just saw the doctor this morning,
I thought, but no
one here would recognize Clarence’s opinion on anything. “I’m fine.”

“I can have a doctor come in here.”

I sighed, rubbing my forehead. “Whatever you want, if you
need me to get cleared then do it. Get it over with so I can just be free of
all this.”

Trent nodded and stepped outside. I almost regretted what
I’d said because now I was alone with no one to protect me—even though I wasn’t
sure what I needed protection from.

I didn’t want anyone else touching me, even if it was a
doctor. However, it wasn’t just a doctor; it was a doctor, a nurse, and a
phlebotomist. My leg bounced off the floor and I stared across the room as they
did their work, only giving monosyllabic answers when absolutely necessary. I
didn’t want to be examined; I wanted to know that Kirk was okay.

That
James
was okay.

As much as I kept telling myself I needed to use his real
name now. I was still more connected to life as Silver than life as Rose. After
the past few weeks, that was my reality. Just like I couldn’t make an overnight
change when they had abducted me and tried to turn me into a slave, I couldn’t
flip the switch and go back to normal now.

Normal was life before Kirk.

Whatever this was, this was life after Kirk.

*****

It was another two hours before they took James to a regular
room and okayed us to visit him. The doctor assured us that although he was
still unconscious, he was stable, and should make a complete recovery, but I
wasn’t ready for what I saw when we entered the room.

He was barely the man I knew, so pale and frail looking with
all of the tubes and wires. I stopped just inside the door, running my fingers
through my tangled hair. I felt the beginning of tears well up and forced
myself forward; at least while he was asleep, Kirk wouldn’t be able to see my
tears.

I slid my hand under his cool fingers.

I heard someone else enter the room, and hushed voices
behind me, but I tuned them out, pulling up a stool and leaning over the side
of the bed. I was so exhausted, my vision was blurry, but I fought to keep my
eyes open, unable to take my gaze off of him.

James’ hand twitched and I sat up so quickly I almost fell
off the stool. I saw a hint of his grey-blue eyes and squeezed his hand,
probably to the point of pain for him.

“You don’t give up, do you?” he whispered.

“You know better.”

Trent leaned over the other side of the bed. “Quite the
stubborn girl you found.”

The corner of James’ mouth quirked up, but his eyelids
fluttered closed again.

“They’re giving us another fifteen minutes or so,” Trent
said. “Then, they want to give him time to rest.”

I leaned my elbow against the bed railing, using my free
hand to rub away the pounding headache in my forehead. “I can’t leave. Where
would I go, anyway?”

“Home,” James whispered.

“Your rent and bills are all taken care of,” Trent
explained. “We made sure you didn’t lose everything.”

I glared across the bed at Trent as he spoke. James hadn’t
only used my driver’s license to check my background; he’d at least tried to
make sure I could have a halfway normal life when he finally managed to get me
out. I couldn’t believe it, but part of me drew back at the news, at the
thought of going back there. I was afraid of my old life, afraid of facing it
again.

“The friends I was supposed to meet for dinner,” I said.
James hadn’t brought it up again since I’d asked about Charlene, and I’d been
afraid to mention it myself.

“You only mentioned one,” James said, his voice growing
fainter every time he spoke.

“Well, I was supposed to meet two, but I only remember being
with one. Charlene?” I glanced at James then back at Trent.

“She’s fine,” Trent said. “She doesn’t remember anything
happening.”

“Why’d they take me and not her?”

Trent shook his head. “She was assaulted and left in her
car, but she doesn’t know anything. She came into the police station day after
day demanding that we find you. Not an easy woman to calm down, I hear.”

Feeling lightheaded, I leaned back. It was unfair not to
tell her that I was fine, but I wasn’t ready to deal with the conversation or
the company.

“I heard she went back to Nebraska to stay with her cousin
for a while.”

I exhaled slowly. “So I just go home and go back to normal?”

“I’ll take you to a safe house tonight,” Trent said. “We’ll
give you as many resources as we can to help you get back on your feet.”

Resources. The last I checked they didn’t make resources
that erased the mental images I couldn’t escape.

I rubbed my hand over my face. “I’m not leaving.” I
couldn’t. Even for a night, the thought of being alone terrified me. The
thought of being away from James terrified me.

My chest tightened and I leaned over the bed railing trying
to compose myself as James squeezed my fingers.

“Rose,” Trent began, but before he could say anything else,
James cleared his throat. Trent sighed and shrugged, “I’ll be right outside.”

“You’ll be fine,” James whispered.

Arguing with him was an unfair scenario—I felt guilty trying
to argue with a bedridden man who had just taken a bullet for me. I had my
stubbornness and I knew I’d last longer in the argument, but he had the
advantage since I didn’t want to push him.

“I’m not ready.” My chest ached, but I managed to hold back
the tears. Either that or I just didn’t have any left.

“You are, Rose. Stay with Trent. I trust him and I know
he’ll take care of you. We both need rest, Sugar.”

A buzzing tingle radiated through my chest.
Sugar
. I
didn’t even know what that meant anymore. “I can sleep here.”

Kirk’s pale lips pressed together. We both had to learn how
to do this again, how to be people, not-so-normal people pretending to function
in the real world.

“Even if I leave, I won’t sleep,” I said. “I’m not trying to
be stubborn about it, I’m just….”

“Terrified?”

All of my emotions reflected in his eyes. I leaned over,
slipping my fingers through his hair.

The door opened again and Trent peeked in, “Rose. We have to
go.”

I kissed James’ forehead. “We’ll be okay?”

He nodded and his eyes fluttered closed, but I couldn’t pry
my hand away from his.

Trent touched my shoulder and I wanted to beg him to let me
stay. I’d hide in the closet if I had to.

“I understand,” he said, “but they’re not budging on the
order. We have to go. They’ll call me immediately if his condition changes at
all.”

*****

Trent stayed the night with me in the safe house but left
just before breakfast to head to the station to complete his paperwork on the
raid. After an hour of the new crew staring at me as I paced through the living
room, I couldn’t stand waiting around anymore.

“If you won’t take me to the hospital or let me call
someone, I’ll walk.” I stormed toward the door, but one of the officers blocked
my way. “I’m not a criminal and you can’t keep me here.”

“It’s for your own safety; Detective Davis will be back—”

“Trent can fucking find me at the hospital.” I pushed by
him. “The only question is whether or not you’re giving me a ride. I’m going to
find a way there.” They were just doing their job, I supposed, but I was sick
of people not letting me make my own decisions.

“Fine,” the officer relented and nodded to the other, “call
Davis and give him the update.”

I left the officer behind in the lobby, running up the
stairs to the room where James had been, but it was empty, so I rushed back to
the desk. “James…” I didn’t even know his last name, so I pointed to the room.

The nurse shook her head. “We can’t give you any information
ma’am.”

“For fuck’s sake, just tell me if he’s in the hospital. I’ll
check every room and find him myself.”

Trent rounded the corner. “He’s not here,” he said dryly.
“He’s in protective custody. I can’t tell you where; I don’t even know.”

I looked for the nearest thing I could throw through a wall.
Trent reached for me, but I backed out of his reach.

“I can’t—I need.” My body started to shake.