Lay It Down: Bastards MC Series Boxed Set (35 page)

She bit her bottom lip and “hmphed” the way she did when she was debating something. That habit always distracted me and pulled my thoughts to places they shouldn’t be, like wondering what sounds she would make if it was my teeth sinking into her. Forcing my mind to clear, I raised the third shot and downed it fast.

“I just worry about you.”

“I know.” I’d been a screwed up mess after my divorce; there wasn’t a bottle of booze I didn’t like.

Joes had come to my hotel a few weeks after I’d left my house, and she made me sober up. She stayed with me for days while I acted like a pathetic loser, whining and crying and telling her I didn’t have a future without my wife or kid. It was an embarrassing time, and I’d wiped most of it from my mind—of course she’d remembered.

I swallowed hard. “You really think Taylor’s future material? ‘Cause she’s obviously too good for me.”

Jo chuckled. “Obviously. But she’s young and you’re… well, you’re you. She’s probably convinced she’s the lucky one.” She shook her head again. “You be nice to her!”

I’d been seeing Taylor for a few weeks, and even though I’d told Jo all about her and Taylor all about Joes, I’d been dreading introducing them. Becky hadn’t been bothered by the fact that my best friend was a woman; she trusted me, and I never would have betrayed that trust. But some—hell, most—of the women I’d dated since the divorce didn’t feel the same way. My last girlfriend had been convinced that I was going to leave her for Jo one day; instead I broke it off because she wouldn’t stop obsessing and wanted me to stop seeing Joes anywhere other than work. I apparently needed to come with a warning label:
Hot female best friend included. Petty, self-centered, and jealous women need not apply.

Taylor wasn’t jealous of anyone; she knew she was damn close to perfection and didn’t have a problem letting everyone know she was God’s gift to men. Yet not only was the threat of another woman still there, but I would do anything for the other woman in this scenario. I just didn’t know how Tay would feel once she figured out how close Joes and I really were.

I was worried about Jo too. She’d been crushed after my divorce. She tells everyone that I’m her best friend, but there were times when it seemed that she and Bex were closer than we were. She’d laugh and tell me it was the “girl code” that made her take Becky’s side in arguments and that I was still her best friend. I’d complain about it, but secretly, I liked the fact that the two of them were cohorts, because it meant I got to spend more time with my two favorite girls. When Bex left me though, she’d dropped Jo too, devastating my friend. I didn’t want to be the cause of that pain again. If she and Taylor got close, and Tay and I didn’t work out, Joes would be left once more.

It had been almost a month since we’d started dating, almost two since we’d met, and it was time for me to introduce the two most important women in my life. Figures it would happen at such a fan-fucking-tastic time, but the week had already been shit, and if they didn’t like each other, that would be par for the course my life had taken lately. I may not have shown it, but I was relieved to avoid that bomb and happy that at least Jo liked Taylor.

“When am I not nice?”

Jo only answered my question with an angry one-eyebrow look.

“Hey!” I held up my hands in defense. “I’m nice to her!” I laughed.

“Who are you being nice to?” Pretty Boy Billy Boy came up behind Jo and wrapped his arms around her possessively.

There wasn’t a single man in that bar still wearing what they’d worn to work except for him. No, everyone else had gone home and changed into jeans. But Billy? His pompous ass needed the entire world to see he wore a suit and tie; he needed everyone to think he was important.

Fucking asshat. I reached for my glass and took a long drink as he slid his face into Jo’s neck. I fucking hated him with every fiber of my body, but I nodded my hello. “Billy.”

“Matt.” His voice was just as cool as mine; there was clearly only one reason we needed to talk to each other, and she was standing right between us. He gave Joes a quick squeeze, making her squeak. “You ready to go, Pudge? I’m exhausted!”

My hand tightened on the glass when I heard the nickname he still used
. Fucking hate him
. I clenched my jaw, remembering the promise I’d made to Jo last year about minding my own goddamned business. As much as I wanted to beat his ass into oblivion for the sly way he constantly talked down to her, I had to hold it in. He was Jo’s choice, not mine. My job was to support her.

Pudge, Joes told me once, was his term of endearment for her. I didn't understand how a name like that could ever be anything other than an insult. And only an absolute selfish fuck would not be able to see how much it bothered her; it freaking bothered me for her. She wasn't fat. I hated the word curvy—since it had been overused in the last few years to explain away obesity—but that was exactly what Jo was. She reminded me of the 50s pin-up girls in Uncle Liam's workshop—full and round in all the right places, tight and toned in the rest. Lately she'd gotten too thin for my liking, a fact I blamed on Billy and his insulting nickname. I tried to keep my face blank but knew my repulsion must show.

Jo caught my look, and for an instant, shame drifted over hers and she broke eye contact. Patting Billy’s hand, she nodded. “Yeah, babe. I’ll be right there. Go get the coats?” Billy grumbled but retreated back to their table, and she turned eyes that vaguely reminded me of the Caribbean Sea to me. “You sure you’re okay? ‘Cause if you need me to, I can stay.” She smirked suddenly. “I’m not sure how your girlfriend would feel about me hitching a ride home, but…”

I fought the urge to haul her into my arms and instead cupped the softness of her cheek. I stared into her eyes, getting lost for a minute as I thought about what I really wanted to say.
Fucking right I need you to stay. I need you to come home with me, need you to make this entire week fade into oblivion
. Reality crept in, and I shook my head. “No. Go home. I need to go save Taylor from Teagan anyway.”

She reached a hand up, covering mine. “You know I’m here if you need me, right? I'll always be just a phone call away.”

I nodded. There wasn’t much I was sure about anymore, but that fact was clear.

She dropped her hand to my chest as she stepped into me, stretching up on tiptoes, and kissed my cheek. “Love you, Matty.” She smiled quickly then backed away, my hand falling from her. “See you tomorrow!” Jo called over her shoulder as she made her way to Billy.

I finished off the whiskey before I turned and leaned back against the bar. Taylor was lost in conversation with a group of clerks from work, not even noticing that I wasn’t where she’d left me earlier. I watched her laugh with my friends, waiting for her to realize I was staring, hoping she could feel my eyes on her. She never gave me as much as a glance.

Jo was wrong; Taylor wasn’t my future. I had to be honest with myself, as much as I fucking hated the idea. There was only one woman I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, and she was taken by a dickwad who thought he was too good for her. If she was mine, I’d do anything to keep a smile on her face, make her happy, and keep her safe.

I glowered at that thought, knowing I’d never have the chance. The ball-busting truth was that Billy wasn’t the only one bad for her; the skeletons in my closet terrified even me and were hidden away for a damned good reason. If Joes knew a quarter of my shit, the secrets I kept, she’d run away screaming. I’d never be able to let her in because once I did, she’d leave and never look back. That was not a chance I was willing to take.

No, Jo would never be mine.

That cold hard fact pissed me off more than everything else that had happened this week.
Fuck my life.
I turned back to the bar and ordered another round.

Chapter 1

Jo

I tried to be a good, attentive friend and listen while Teagan talked about her day. However, I couldn’t keep my eyes from drifting to the phone next to me, and I only heard a few words as I let my mind wander. I bit my bottom lip, determined not to turn my cell over and look to see if anyone had called. What was the point of silencing the ringer if I was just going to drive myself nuts by checking it every five minutes? Keeping my resolve intact, I leaned back against her headboard, making myself concentrate on her voice.

“Just so grown up, ya know? It blew me away. He isn’t even close to being the same kid he was five years ago; I really think that this placement will decide to adopt. As long as he can keep himself out of trouble.” She laughed. “I had to lay down the law again, gave him the old ‘I love you, but if you are a brat and screw this up, I will kick your butt!’ speech. You know which one I mean?”

I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. Teagan seemed to have the worst-behaving teenagers on her caseload. Thank God she had the patience of a saint and loved them all.        

She pulled out another armful of purses and balled up clothes, shoved them into the already giant pile, and pushed her mahogany hair out of her face. “It’s in here, I swear! I just never wear them, but they will be so cute with that top you bought!”

She’d been in her closet for almost half an hour, searching for a shoe that she insisted I had to wear out tonight, while I sat cross-legged on her bed, drowning in misery.

I couldn’t care less about the shoes; there was only one thing weighing on my mind, and it didn’t have a thing to do with what I was going to wear later. Hell, I didn’t even want to go out anymore. If I hadn’t promised half my co-workers that I’d meet them, I’d stay in my pajamas all night and sulk in my room. I wondered, once again, if Matty was going to make an appearance. I gave in, picked up my iPhone, and groaned when I saw I didn’t have one single missed call or unread text. Sighing, I tossed the phone angrily back down on Teagan’s bed. I didn’t know what annoyed me more—the fact that he hadn’t called or that I was upset about it.

Teagan leaned back on her haunches, concern etched on her beautiful face. “You sure you don’t want me to cancel? I will if you want me to come out with you all.”

I smiled at my dearest friend, trying to offer reassurance. I could honestly say I didn’t know where I’d be without T. She’d not only offered me a constant shoulder over the last few months, she’d taken me in and given me a place to stay. Her boyfriend, Tom, was finally coming home after three weeks away for work. Both her daughters were gone for the night, and with me going out, they had the apartment alone for the first time ever.

“Don’t you dare! You and I can go out drinking any time. You need to enjoy Tom while he’s here.”

She frowned at me skeptically but turned back to the closet. A few minutes later, she yelled, “Aha!” and picked up a sexy, red spike-heeled stiletto that looked way too dangerous for me to wear. “Found it!”

She turned, beaming. Her face fell when her eyes met mine. Pushing her giant frame off the floor, she joined me on the bed and leaned her head back next to mine. The bed tipped slightly under her weight, and I adjusted so I didn’t roll into her. I wasn’t a tiny woman, but Tegan dwarfed me by a good ten inches and roughly sixty pounds.

“Oh, honey! He’s probably got a million and ten things going on right now. It was a crazy week! He’ll call.”

I didn’t argue. Teagan had always adored her “biker boy” and told me once that if she’d been a little younger, he wouldn’t know what had hit him. She loved us both, but she’d never thought we were a good match. Even though she didn’t like us as a couple, she’d been extremely supportive; she hugged me when I was angry with him and got giddy and girly with me when things were good. I knew she must be tired of me moping, especially after the last few days. But instead of snapping at me or telling me that she knew this would happen, she only smiled and told me we’d get through it. I couldn’t bear the thought of telling her how badly I’d screwed things up this time.

I hadn’t spoken to Matty since Tuesday, and that conversation hadn’t gone as planned. There was so much I needed to say to him, so many things I wanted to tell him, but instead we’d argued. Feeling bad because I had been such a bitch during the call, I’d sent him a text apologizing and telling him where I was going tonight. I asked if he wanted to meet me. He hadn’t even written back to say no. I sighed again, closing my eyes.

After what felt like years of radio silence, the two of us had reconnected two months ago; well, if you could call Matty picking me up and carrying me to his car, demanding I talk to him, reconnecting. We’d talked hundreds of times since then and exchanged a few thousand text messages. However, every time we’d made plans to get together, life always got in the way and one of us had to cancel. I was desperate to see him; I needed my boyfriend to be more than a voice on the other end of the phone.

That’s if he was my boyfriend. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what we were anymore. Matty had said I was his forever but that we just didn’t work right now. When I asked if he thought we could fix us, he said we could, but that it wouldn’t be easy. He was worth the effort, and I was willing to do almost anything to get us back to where we had been last summer. I believed that our declarations of love after Todd’s adoption party was the closure each of us needed in order to put the past few months of hell behind us and move forward, to work on mending whatever was broken so we could be together.