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Authors: J. A. Laraque

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BOOK: Life-After
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Third City in New Chicago was Clara’s favorite restaurant. It was a single circular room fifty feet in the air overlooking Lake Daily. Every table had a window view and the room rotated so you would have a panoramic view of the city. It was in that restaurant that I asked Clara to marry me.

Watching a place from my past appear before me should have raised every red flag I had. My thoughts had just been on proposing to Clara and a restaurant long destroyed appeared before my eyes. It should have bothered me, but it did not. I was happy to see it because I knew I would see her.

The small circular wooden tables had the same black silk tablecloth on them. I could see clearly now. I was standing just outside the elevator in the center of the restaurant. It did not feel like a dream, I was there. I could make out many of the conversations of the people in the packed restaurant. Even the warmth from the nearby candles was felt on my skin. If I was creating everything then I was a master at my craft.

The mistrusting and questioning side of me was pushed away. I had accepted the place I was in and with the sound of classical music coming from the piano I realized when I was as well. I took three steps across the crimson colored carpet and there it was. The sent parted the air clearing away all others. It was the smell of her perfume. Dead or dreaming, my heart began to race as I felt goose bumps spring up across my skin.

It led me to her, toward the table where we sat that night. Standing near a large column I prepared myself. I felt nervous, like a young man on his first date. No, it was deeper than that. It was how I felt the night I carried the velvet covered box in my left pant pocket. I leaned around the column. I wanted to catch a glimpse of her before she saw me.

With only a glance into her ocean blue eyes the pain of losing her was washed away. Part of me wanted to just stand there and watch her sip from her glass of water, waiting for me to arrive. Clara wore the red dress I bought her on our one month anniversary. She would wear it on special occasions or just to set my heart on fire.

The shoulder-less dress showed off her hourglass figure and satin white skin. I could see she was thinking of me wondering why I asked her there. Running the tip of her finger across the rim of the glass was her tell. Watching her press her lips to the glass when she took a drink sent a flash of warmth though my body. In an instant I was thrown back to when I truly loved someone and was truly loved. It did not matter if these events had already played out. I was willing to repeat them again and again until the end of time.

I did not want to wait anymore. I was ready to approach her when a thought occurred to me. I reached down towards my left hand pant pocket and realized I was still dressed in my uniform. There was no velvet covered box, nothing that I had that day. A wave of panic came over me. The world before me felt so real and yet me, the person in that world was from a different time. I could not understand why I would be placed at that place, at that time, but not as that me.

She lifted her head from the table and stared toward me. My body froze. I was unsure of what to do next. It may have been obvious, but it was one thing to approach Clara as my past self to relive what I knew. What I was faced with was explaining my presence at that moment. I did not know what to say to her. I wondered if I should tell her the truth and would she believe me or become angered thinking it was a prank.

There was no time to continue thinking. I stepped out from behind the column. Clara smiled, her bright eyes welcoming me to her. I felt relieved as I opened my mouth to speak to her when everything went black for a moment throwing me off balance. I staggered backwards to see someone in front of me walking toward Clara. A strange sensation flowed through my body and at the time I did not understand what it was.

I refocused my eyes on Clara. The man leaned over kissing her on the lips. A rage came over me as I watched this man with Clara. As he sat down I saw his hand reach down to his left pant pocket then go inside. It hit me like truck. In that instant I realized who the man was. It was me.


You love to keep me waiting, don’t you?” Clara said to what I now knew was the younger me. “So, you call me and tell me to dress up and come out here. Just tell me what did you buy?”

My feelings switched as I listened to her speak to him. It made me realize that I must have been relieving that day, but as an observer. It was clear that I had no true presence there. As far as everyone else was concerned I did not exist. The David sitting at the table with Clara was a recording from my past. I could not alter it, I could only watch. That did not settle well with me. I was willing to relive that moment as a participant. However, to watch it unfold like a fly on the wall was not what I was hoping for.


What makes your think I bought something? Oh, yes. I remember. Last time we came here it was because of that gadget I bought.”

Listing to ones words is like reading ones writing. It never sounds right to you. All I wanted to do was grab hold of Clara and never let go, but even without trying I knew it was not possible. It shammed me a little to feel the way I did at the time. There I was standing before the woman I loved and watching one of the happiest moments of my life, but since I was only watching, the moment felt diminished. Considering all the death and destruction I had been surrounded by, it should have been paradise. However, to me, at that moment, it was nothing more than a sad memory.

I could do nothing but wonder what would come next, not what my younger self would do, but what would become of me. What would happen with the David I was watching would unfold the same way it did that night. I danced around the subject of my purchase. She was correct that I began to use our restaurant as a way to soothe over rough patches in our relationship. Love is not perfect and ours had its issues, but in the end it made us stronger and brought us closer together.


Is that what you call it?” Clara said sarcastically. “That stupid holographic history pad you spent a week’s pay on never worked right and when it did was totally useless.”


Yes, it did not work right all the time, but when it did it was pretty awesome, being able to relive our history with three dimensional holograms. I still say it was a great buy and not stupid.”

It was completely stupid. Listening to those words come out of my mouth almost caused me to laugh. I did some foolish things back then and yet Clara took them in stride. I was more nervous than anything. Part of me was afraid she would say no and the other half was afraid of her saying yes.

Clara just smiled and shook her head. She was preparing herself for me to give her some story about something I purchased. I knew exactly what was coming next of course and watched as my younger self took a long drink from his glass then looked into her eyes. I had thought about what I wanted to say for weeks and had originally planned to tell her after dinner, but I could not wait any longer.


Clara, during the war many of the soldiers would speak to me about their wives or girlfriends. When everything went wrong they said they would pull though because of the thought of going home to them. I remember my sergeant asking me what I had to go home to. I never answered him. I knew I had nothing. No family, no real friends. I fought only to survive because to me, death would be failure. I had nothing else.

There were others like me who when the war ended went home to empty houses. They had a nickname for us, hollows. I was ready to accept that I would spend my life alone. Things were different after the war and my continued service was all I thought I had to look forward to. That was until that day in Union Hall.”

Union Hall was not just the place where the treaty was signed. After the fighting stopped there was still much negotiating to do. Bringing the world together was a daunting task and the only thing the factions could agree upon was the meeting location. I could have taken leave before being assigned to Naxum Research, but there was no reason for me to do so. Taking a guard posting to most combat soldiers would be degrading. I found it peaceful and interesting at the same time.

I learned a lot about the peace process and heard a lot more conversations than I should have. It was several weeks of watching the same people come and go. We were a large team tasked with protecting the dignitaries. There were plenty of chances for social interaction, but I stayed focused on my job. That was why that day, when she approached me, it caught me completely off guard.


I did not even see you approach.” I watched myself continue retelling the story, reliving it with every word. “Out of all the guards on duty, I never understood why you chose me. When you offered me a cup of water I could only wonder why.”


You looked thirsty.” Clara responded in jest with a beautiful smile across her face.

What I did not tell Clara until months later was that I had seen her before. I could not lie and say that I thought about her every day, but when I saw her arriving every morning carrying her stack of papers looking so determined, I could not help but smile. I never thought about approaching her. Perhaps I was scared, but I told myself it would not be professional. When she approached me I wondered if she was aware when I would look at her. Honestly, it did not matter. I was glad she made the first move.


When you handed me the water and I touched your hand I thought to myself, you better not let this one walk away. There was a kindness about you that made me feel at ease.”


You had a look about you.” Clara said reaching across the table touching the top of his hand. I was actually jealous of myself, wishing I could feel her touch again. “Most of the other soldiers looked…well they looked hardened. You, well, you looked lost.”

I was lost and the nick name, hollow, did fit me to a tee. All I had was my duty and though I did not wish to be back at war, the time just standing there watching people go by allowed far too much time to reflect on a life I was not happy with. I had nothing and when Clara approached me I knew she was the one that would fill the void in my life.


You gave me everything, Clara and I know at times I have not been there for you. When you spend your life expecting to be alone it is hard to accept that you are truly in love. I almost took the water from you that day and walked away, but I knew if I did that I would regret it for the rest of my life. I didn’t even believe in concepts such as love at first sight. I don’t know what to tell you, it was like we had to be together and there was no other option.”

She briefly closed her eyes. Her cheeks became redder as she pressed her lips tighter together making a smile. She was on the brink of tears. He knew that then as I remembered it at that moment. I could have closed my eyes and seen the same scene play out, but I wanted to watch. Taking the velvet covered box from his pocket I remembered my hand shaking even though by the time I had stood from the table I had forced myself calm. I watched him drop to his knees. I found myself copying his actions. Clara’s eyes widened as tears began to stream from them.


I want to say I’m sorry, Clara. Sorry for being so closed in with my feelings. Sorry for taking so long to tell you I loved you. Sorry for every time I couldn’t make you smile. You have given me so much and all I can give you in return is my heart.”

I had never spoken words like that to anyone. Those words I did not rehearse. They came from a place I knew little about, but they were real and Clara knew that. As he opened the box the room became silent, people from the other tables took notice. Back then, as far as I was concerned it was just her and I, alone in the moment. Everything had come to that moment and I wanted to make it one to remember.


Clara, after being around so much pain, so much death, you have given me a peace I thought I could never find. The feeling of true love that I did not believe I would ever know and a partner I promise I will never leave behind. I am already yours, forever. Will you marry me and be mine?”

Clara was the outspoken one while I was quiet. She would be open with her emotions while I would keep mine locked away. That night, she was struck speechless. Almost falling out of her seat she wrapped her arms around me. Even watching the moment I could feel the warmth of her touch. Her kiss was like no other that night, it felt as if we had frozen that moment. Breaking the silence she whispered in my ear the word that changed my life forever.


Yes.”

I found myself crying. I had not shed a tear since the day the meteor fell. I lowered my head for a moment when I noticed everything around me was darkening. In a panic I began looking around, watching reality slowly fade into the darkness. I screamed out Clara’s name reaching out to her, but my hand passed right through her. It was just as I feared. I was nothing more than a ghost, witnessing my past. That chapter had come to an end and the darkness was the curtain fall. There was nothing I could do but stand there and embraced my return to the shadows.

Surrounded once again in darkness I was not even allowed to grieve on the loss of my happiest memory. The darkness brought with it a chill that coursed through my body. I felt as if I was dying. I pondered if that memory was my gateway leading me to my afterlife. I asked myself if it was a dream to prepare me for what was to come next, but what I wanted to know was what dream would come. Would I be allowed to experience more pleasure or was pain all that remained for me?

A bright sphere of light in the distance was the beginning of my answer. I could not move. All I could do was watch it expand out toward me. I felt like a deer caught in headlights except as the closer the light came toward me, the calmer I felt. The light washed away the darkness and bathed me in its warmth. Soon the light had completely surrounded me. It began as a soft white then slowly began to brighten until it blinded me.

BOOK: Life-After
6.33Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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