Live Original (Sadie Robertson) (13 page)

that only start fights.

A servant of the Lord must not quarrel

but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach,

and be patient with difficult people.

—2 Timothy 2:23–24

Both of these verses make the same point: don’t argue over stupid stuff!

Choose to rejoice when your friend rejoices and to be sad when your friend is sad. One year I decided to try out for cheerleading at school. My best friend tried out too. She made the squad and was really excited about it. I did not make it, but I was still happy for her. I didn’t want the fact that I didn’t make it to be a concern for her. She earned it, and she deserved to celebrate. I wanted to celebrate with her.

That was the same year all of the
Duck Dynasty
stuff got crazy and busy, so God was watching over me and already had that planned. The next year my friend tried out again and I told her, “If you make it, we’re going to do something really fun. If you don’t make it, we’re going to do something really fun.” I know sometimes things like trying out for any kind of sport and not making it seem like the end of the world. But when God closes one door, He opens a better one.

Romans 12:15 says:

Be happy with those who are happy,

and weep with those who weep.

It’s clear: we’re supposed to be happy and excited when our friends are happy and excited, and we’re supposed to be sad with them when they are sad. Sharing people’s feelings and being sensitive to them in these ways definitely strengthens friendships.

Choose activities that are good and fun for your friend and for you. If you are going to be friends with a person or a group, you will do a lot of things together. You can choose to do things that will be fun and good for you, or you can choose to do things that will get you in trouble. You get to decide. Nobody likes to be bored or to have a bad time, so when you are with your friends, choose to do things that are safe and respectful but also fun for everyone.

My friends and I enjoy being together because we do things that are just fun. We know what makes each other laugh without cutting anyone down or being sarcastic. We talk about things that are happy, we dance, we go out to eat at fun restaurants, we hang out and watch good movies, or we just sit around and talk. Of course, we are not perfect and we have all messed up, but we work toward bringing out the best in each other. Ephesians 5:4 says,

There must not be any unclean speech

or foolish talk or dirty jokes.

All of them are out of place.

Instead, you should give thanks.
⁷

Sometimes, people think being a Christian means you don’t get to do anything fun, but that is not true. It just means you choose your fun. Psalm 118:24 says, “This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” That tells me I can be happy every single day. Proverbs 15:13 says, “A glad heart makes a happy
face.” So get your friends together and have a good time—and you can all put on your happy faces!

Choose to truly listen to what your friend says. Saying what we want to say and feeling that others are really listening to us is important to all of us. Most of us do not have any trouble being good talkers, but we may struggle a little to be good listeners, and that is just as important.

Our friends will go through hard times—and so will we. One of the best things we can do for our friends is listen to them, then let them know we have heard what they said and we care about how they feel. We don’t need to rush them so we can say something; instead, we need to listen and pay attention before we respond. Most of the time, having someone who will really listen means more to a friend than someone who just wants to comment on the situation.

James 1:19 is a really good piece of advice:

Understand this . . .

You must all be quick to listen,

slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

Do you see what this verse says? It says we need to listen quickly and speak slowly. That tells me we need to listen first and speak last.

Especially if we are in some kind of disagreement or misunderstanding, we need to listen before we talk. Proverbs 18:13 says,

Spouting off before listening to the facts

is both shameful and foolish.

Who wants to be ashamed and foolish? Not me!

Choose your friends wisely. Your friends are the people you hang out with, and if you are a teenager, you may spend more time with your friends than with any other group of people in your life. The people you hang around are the ones who influence you. If you have happy people in your life, you will be happy too. But if you let yourself be around people who are down on themselves, you will get down on yourself too. So you can see why choosing friends wisely is so important. Proverbs 13:20 says,

Walk with the wise and become wise;

associate with fools and get in trouble.

I don’t want to get in trouble, so I am going to make the best choices I can make when I choose my close friends.

First Corinthians 15:33 says, “Bad company corrupts good character.” In other words, even if you are a good person, you can lose your positive values and good character if you surround yourself with bad company. The opposite is also true. If you spend time with good people, they will build up your good character, helping you become an even stronger, better person.

In addition to the things above, there are other ways you can help yourself have great friendships: You can be nice to people; you can be helpful; you can pay sincere, noncheesy compliments. You can also encourage people, and you can be excited with them when they do something like make the honor roll, land a part in the school play, get on the homecoming court, finally have a starting position, or get admitted to the college where they really want to go.

When you choose friends, one of the best things to do is look for happy, positive people who will help you grow in your faith and who encourage you in your relationship with God. The most important friends you can have are the ones who encourage you spiritually
and help you mature as a Christian. If that’s what you build a friendship on, you have made a good choice.

WHAT NOT TO DO IF YOU WANT GREAT FRIENDSHIPS

Besides all the things we can do to be a good friend, there are also a lot of things we can do to hurt the friendships we already have or to keep ourselves from finding new friends. I want to focus on three of them specifically. My mom calls these things “sins that can corrupt friendship.” To “corrupt” just means to ruin, and these things will ruin friendships fast. The first one is jealousy, the second is pride, and the third is selfishness. I’m sure you know these words, but let me write a little bit about why they do so much damage to friendships.

Jealousy. Jealousy can tear people apart like nothing else. It’s very dangerous in a friendship. Here’s some really strong statements from the Bible:

A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body;

jealousy is like cancer in the bones.

—Proverbs 14:30

For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition,

there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

—James 3:16

I warned you that those verses were strong! We need to take them seriously and make a real effort to avoid being jealous of anyone, over anything.

When we are friends with someone, we should be happy for each other, no matter what happens. If someone gets a better grade than you, be happy. If someone gets the car you have been wanting for years, be happy. If someone gets a college scholarship you were hoping for, congratulate them—and mean it. When good things happen to your friends, be right there with them and celebrate with them the way you would want them to celebrate with you. Sometimes good things will happen to you; sometimes they won’t. When they don’t, be mature enough to refuse to be jealous or angry.

When I didn’t make cheerleading, I could have been jealous; thinking only about my own feelings and getting stuck in disappointment would have been easy. But instead, I chose to be happy for my best friend and to celebrate with her. We both got to be happy over the good news when she made it. I said to her, “When there’s a ball game, you cheer with the uniform and I will cheer in the stands, and we will have an awesome year.” That’s exactly what’s happening.

I want to say one thing about friends and boyfriends. Your friends are your friends. They are not people you may date for a while and then break up with. Your real friends will always be there for you. Especially if you are a teenage or preteenage girl reading this, remember that boyfriends come and go, but a friend can be a friend forever. Jealousy, especially jealousy over guys, really just gets in the way. A friend may date someone you dated previously. It happens. Make a decision right now to keep your friendships in good shape and not let jealousy ruin them.

Pride. Nobody wants to hang out with people who think they are better than others. That’s a major turnoff. I learned a long time ago that the best way to live is to put God first, other people second,
and ourselves last. This is a great set of priorities—and if these three things are in order, the way we treat people and the way we act in general should prove that God really is first and that we really do care more about other people than about ourselves. Instead of always trying to get our way, we let others have their way. Instead of having to be right, we accept that others also have good points to make and opinions that matter.

Romans 12:3 says:

Don’t think you are better than you really are.

This does not mean you get down on yourself and lose your confidence (because remember, confidence is key). There’s nothing wrong with doing something well and feeling good about it. But feeling good about something and being proud about it are two different things. People who are proud think they are better than others. They have a big head about who they are and what they can do—but sometimes they are not all that great and other people are not all that bad. Everyone is valuable; everyone can do something well; everyone is important to God.

James 4:6 says,

“God opposes the proud

but gives grace to the humble.”

If God opposes the proud, then proud is something I do not want to be! I want God’s grace in my life, and the way to get it is by being humble—the exact opposite of being proud.

Selfishness. Most of us have seen people who are selfish and self-centered. They want their own way, they don’t want to share
anything, and sometimes they think everyone else’s job is to make them happy. That kind of attitude will destroy a friendship.

When selfishness is part of a relationship, one person usually ends up doing whatever he or she wants without considering what the other person wants to do. Selfish people insist that a whole group go along with them, even if others would rather do something else. They want to go to the restaurants they like, listen to the music they like, and hang out the way they like to hang out. They do not share the good things they have, and the fact that they could bless someone else never really occurs to them. They often give the impression that they think they are better than everyone else, so they should get to do whatever they want.

Philippians 2:3–4 basically communicates everything I believe about friendship:

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.

Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.

Don’t look out only for your own interests,

but take an interest in others, too.

If we can live by this verse, we can avoid bad friendships and enjoy great ones.

Sometimes, friends do get jealous and act prideful or selfish—often because they feel hurt or disappointed. When a friend acts this way, it hurts us too. We feel let down. As friends, the best thing we can do is understand and offer grace and forgiveness, just as we hope they will offer those things to us when we act out. No one is perfect; we all have moments of jealousy, pride, or selfishness, but we need to recognize those characteristics in ourselves and change them rather than living in those sins, which will be a curse to our friendships.

OLD FRIENDS, NEW FRIENDS

I started this chapter talking about the fact that a friend is a friend forever. That’s true. Some friends will stick with us for the rest of our lives, but that does not mean we should not make new friends. Two-Mama tells me not to ever close my heart, to always keep my heart and mind open to new people God will bring into my life.

I go to a small Christian school—not a large high school with tons of people. At my school, making friends is pretty easy. Of course, everyone is not best friends with everyone else, but we all know each other’s names and we’re friendly. I also have friends from camp. I have known many of those people since I was very young, so I consider them old friends.

Last year some new girls, two sisters, came to my school and I got to know them. They are two of my best friends now. They have become part of my group of close friends. If my old friends and I had not been willing to open our hearts to new friends, we would have missed knowing two amazing people who have brought good things into our lives.

Friendships are gifts from God. It’s up to us to take them seriously and treat our friends well. We need to value our old friends, make room for new ones, and commit to being a great friend to all.

Live Original Challenge

1.
 Who are your best friends?

2.
 Think of three of the best friends you have and write down their best qualities or three reasons you are friends with them.