Looking for Julie (10 page)

Her phone rang and she answered without looking at the display. “Hey,” she said, expecting to hear Jamie’s voice.

“Hey, you moved out.”

“Who?”

“Karen. I asked Jamie for your number. That okay?”

“Sure.” She stopped hurting for a moment.

“Want to hang out or study together or something?”

“That would be great, except I have to work tonight.”

“What time?”

“Not till six.”

“Lots of time. I’ll walk you to work and maybe eat there and walk you home. Where do you live?”

She felt a sort of sick excitement—stunned by Karen’s boldness, worried that Nita might give her a hard time. Wasn’t that what she wanted, though, to make Nita jealous? She gave Karen directions.

“Cool. I’ll come now.”

She sat on her bed, trying again to study with no success. After reading one paragraph about five times, she put the book down and waited. When the doorbell rang, she ran her fingers through her hair and shook it out before going to the door.

Nita had let Karen in and was talking to her. She saw the grin on Karen’s face and thought who wouldn’t smile like that at Nita. She was disgustingly attractive.

“Is Sam around?” Karen asked as Sam stood quietly watching.

“Yeah. Why?” Nita stammered.

Karen noticed her then, standing just outside her bedroom door, and said, “I was beginning to think I had the wrong place.”

Sam smiled. “Let’s study in my room.”

Karen looked from Sam to Nita. “Sure.” She went with Sam into the bedroom and Sam closed the door.

“So, what are you studying?” Karen asked, looking around the room as she set her backpack on the floor. The computer chair and the bed were the only places to sit. Karen chose the bed, pulled her Uggs off and crossed her legs under her.

Sam leaned back against the pillows mashed against the headboard. “I’m reading the most boring textbook in the world.”

“Yeah? What’s your major?” Karen asked.

“Education. What’s yours?”

Karen grinned. “Mine too. I want to be a phys. ed. teacher and a coach and maybe a personal trainer.”

“Cool! Do you ski?”

“Water ski? Love it. You?”

“I meant downhill.”

“I was at Alta over Christmas vacation.”

“Lucky you. I was at the U.P. and Granite Peak. I’ve been to Colorado but never to Utah.”

“This was our first trip there.” Karen’s grin stretched. She grabbed her ankles and leaned forward.

Sam told her about skiing with Edie. “She’s awesome. She got Jamie another room when his roommate’s girlfriend moved in with them.”

“You must be really good friends for you to stay overnight,” Karen said.

“We are.” She didn’t want to tell her the real story.

Nita tapped on the door and opened it. “Hey, are you working tonight?” She hadn’t shown any interest in what Sam was doing since she’d brought Carmen home.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Just wondering. I’m working too.”

“I know. So?” Sam said rudely.

“Can I talk to you a minute?” Nita asked.

Sam sighed loudly as if this was an imposition, when in fact she was thrilled by the attention. “Excuse me,” she said to Karen.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere.”

“What is it?” she asked after closing the door behind her.

“Is she going to be here all afternoon?”

“Carmen spends the afternoon here all the time,” she pointed out.

“She leaves before I go to work. I want to talk to you about house rules.”

“House rules. What house rules?”

“No one stays overnight. That’s what we agreed on. Remember?”

Sam’s face felt like it was on fire. For a moment her brain froze at the implications of this. “Oh, for chrissake, Nita, we’re studying. Why do you care anyway?”

“I don’t.”

Karen opened the door. “Whoa, I don’t want to cause problems.”

“You’re not.”  Her heart thumped.

“Maybe I should go,” Karen said.

“No, no, don’t go.” Sam backed Karen into the bedroom and closed the door, hardly aware of what she was doing.

“I never saw Nita at any LGBT meetings.”

“That’s because she’s always studying or working.”

Karen looked at her. “You’re not a couple, are you?”

She shook her head, staring back nervously. “No. She’s got a girlfriend.”

“Carmen?”

“Yes, Carmen with the single eyebrow.” It was a mean thing to say and she was immediately sorry, even though it was true. She was better looking than Carmen, except for the figure.

Karen took a step toward her, close enough now for Sam to feel her soft breath on her face. She would have stepped away, but her back was to the door. Her heart hammered in her ears as Karen touched her cheek with the back of her hand, so gently she hardly felt it. She grabbed the hand awkwardly. “Let’s sit down.” She was panicking.

“Okay,” Karen said.

Her cell phone rang, startling them both. It was Jamie, but she turned it off and dropped it on the bed.

“You don’t want to answer it?” Karen asked with that crooked smile.

She shook her head. “Not now.”

“Hey, it’s Saturday. We can study tomorrow. Let’s just get to know each other today. What else do you like to do besides skiing?”

“Bike, drive, kayak,” she said after a moment of thought. “What about you?” She didn’t mention the thing she liked to do best, which was read a good novel.

“Play softball and basketball and water ski. Stuff like that. I was on the girls’ teams in high school.”

Later, when they were getting ready to go to Chili Verde, Nita had already left. “Let’s do this again,” Karen said as they put their jackets on, “like tomorrow. We can really study then.”

Sam smiled at her, wondering what Karen saw in her. She’d hardly come up with interesting answers when Karen had asked her what she liked to do. She’d said, “Drive.” How dumb was that? But she loved to drive. She’d never played softball or basketball in high school except during P.E.

Karen leaned toward her. “I wonder what it’s like to kiss you?”

Hardly able to breathe, Sam wished she’d forget the asking part and just do it. “I don’t know,” she managed to say.

“Would you like that?”

“Yes,” she whispered, hoping her breath was okay.

Karen took her face between her hands and looked right into her eyes before kissing her.

It wasn’t a first for Sam. She’d kissed Nicole a few times. Each time she’d been too worried about the process to enjoy the moment. When Karen said, “Mmm. You taste delicious,” she laughed with relief.

When they were standing on the rickety porch outside Sam’s apartment at eleven that night, Karen kissed her again, longer this time, and they sort of melted against each other. The door opened and they moved apart, but Karen kept her arm around Sam.

Nita’s eyes flashed with what Sam thought was anger. “If you’re going to kiss, do it inside. Haven’t you heard of gay bashing?”

Karen smiled. “Don’t you know we’re in Madison, lesbian heaven? I’m going now. See you tomorrow, Sammy.”

The heat of the apartment leaped out and embraced her as she stepped inside. She took her jacket off in sort of a trance. She could hardly believe what was going on.

“What happened to Jamie?” Nita asked with a hint of sarcasm.

“I’ve got to call him,” she said and went into her bedroom.

“Hey, you called?” she said to Jamie.

“Yeah. Where you been all day? I almost came over to show you the new me.”

“Karen was here.” She told him what had transpired.

“No way. I’m jealous.”

“I think maybe Nita is.” She was whispering. The walls were thin. “And you know what? I don’t care. Karen’s coming over tomorrow.”

“No shit?”

“None. What new you are you talking about?”

“I dyed my hair.”

It was her turn to say, “No shit?” and then, “How do you look?”

“I’d come over but it’s too late and too cold.”

Carmen had arrived early Sunday afternoon and she and Nita were holed up in Nita’s bedroom. Sam was sprawled on the lumpy sofa with the same old boring text in her lap when Karen showed up.

Sam opened the door. “Come on in.”

Karen stamped her feet on the raggedy rug. Her backpack bulged as she set it on the floor. “It’s goddamn cold out there.”

“I know.” The wind rattled the windowpanes, and the cold seeped through the glass. Sam picked up the backpack. It wasn’t nearly as heavy as it looked.

“I packed some clothes and stuff. I thought maybe we could order a pizza and maybe I’d stay overnight. You know? Have a sleep-in, instead of having to walk back to the dorm.” Karen met Sam’s eyes and Sam glanced away.

“Nita won’t like it,” she said, her heart racing to nowhere. “See, we’ve got this agreement about no one sleeping over. It’s because I didn’t want to stay here when Carmen slept here.”

Karen’s eyes looked like smoke and a small smile played with her lips. “Rules are made to be broken.”

 “Come on,” she said, going straight to her bedroom. Karen followed and Sam quietly closed the door.

“Let’s study in bed,” Karen said.

Wordless, Sam looked at her. Karen’s nose and cheeks were red, her dark hair tousled. “Okay,” Sam said. “I’m going to use the bathroom. Be right back.”

She looked at herself in the mirror while brushing her teeth. Her blue as the sky eyes looked back at her. Did she want to do this? Yes, she did. She peed and washed her hands and hurried back to the bedroom, where Karen was dressed in worn gray sweatpants and a too big T-shirt.

“The towels are under the sink,” she said, and as soon as Karen went to the john, she changed into a T-shirt and flannel pants. She was in bed when Karen slipped back in the room.

“Nita was coming out of the john when I went in. She doesn’t like me, does she?”

“She doesn’t like me either,” Sam said. “She likes Carmen.”

“Ah, Carmen with the single eyebrow.” Karen slid under the covers and took Sam’s hand, and again Sam could hardly breathe against the pounding in her chest.

She slid further down and so did Karen.

“This is perfect for kissing.” Karen smiled sweetly.

They were facing each other. Sam inhaled shakily. She could smell toothpaste. “I brushed my teeth.”

Karen laughed. “I did too, just for you.”

Karen’s lips were still cold, and Sam was thinking they weren’t very good at this when the door opened. They jumped apart.

“No overnight visitors. Remember?” Nita stood in the opening her thin shirt backlit so that Sam could see the dark nipples.

“Carmen is here,” Sam said.

“How about we change the rules when you and Sam both have someone over, so that we can all stay overnight?” Karen suggested.

“No,” Nita said, “and you shouldn’t be in bed together.”

“Why? It’s warm in here. You should try it,” Karen said.

“Sam,” Nita’s voice was rising, “remember what we agreed to.”

“Okay. I’ll leave when it’s dark,” Karen said. “I just thought you ought to know that I can see through that T-shirt and if I can see through it, everyone can.”

Sam was as shocked as Nita looked just before she slammed the door shut behind her. She giggled nervously, then put the pillow over her head and howled till she felt like she was going to throw up.

Karen lifted the pillow and grinned at her. “It wasn’t that funny.”

“I know. She’s going to hate me.” She was completely sober now and worried again.

“Hey, you have to live with her. I’ll go in a couple hours. Next weekend my roommate Lisa is going home. You can stay in my room.”

“I have to work weekends,” Sam said as Karen snuggled closer.

“You can go to work from my place. I’ll even walk you there.”  Karen kissed her on the nose and cheeks and then on the mouth. Her tongue snaked into Sam’s mouth, and she pulled Sam against her. “I love the feel of you,” she whispered.

Sam forgot about the test in her learning disabilities class on Monday.

“We’ll study in a minute,” Karen promised, reminding her. Her hand covered Sam’s crotch and Sam felt an embarrassing gush of fluid. At first she thought she’d peed in her pants. “Hey, you are so wet.”

Sam thought she was not ready for this, but Karen’s hand slipped inside her sweats and the panties underneath. Her breath caught when Karen’s fingers began stroking her.

“Come on, touch me.” Karen’s whisper tickled her ear.

She slid her hand into Karen’s sweats. Karen wore no panties.  Once set into motion the force of desire was unstoppable. They were both moaning, unable to stop despite Sam’s worry that Nita might hear. The next moment, though, her entire attention focused in on Karen’s fingers, which were sending her into frantic motion. She was in the throes of ecstasy when suddenly she climaxed and could no longer bear Karen’s touch. Karen let out a startlingly loud shout and sort of collapsed on herself.