Authors: Karoyln Huddleston
Alexis & her thoughts
I’m in a cloud and feeling lifeless right now. How can this be real…I’m worried about another woman in my husband’s life and here I set going to catch my husband up with another lover. That’s a man. How the hell did I not see this coming? We just made up last night…all lies. Everything was a bold face ass lie. He made love to me only to destroy me…what the fuck was Tristan thinking. I gave him my heart, soul and my body and this is the thanks that I receive for loving him. I can’t deal with these lies anymore. After I confront him I want him out of my life forever and he…oh my God what will I tell Ronnie? She loves him so much…Kandi is talking to me but I can’t focus. I mean… I hear her voice, but I’m in another zone. How do I grasp this whole thing? How do I continue my life and move past such hurt and betrayal? I should turn around and go back home. I don’t know what to say to him…I feel like he wanted to tell me so many times. Looking back over everything I see now and I see clearly. My husband was hurt and scared. He didn’t know how to tell me he was gay and I didn’t know that. He’s been suffering in silence ever since we’ve been together. I know deep down he loves me and that he can’t help being who he really is…a gay black man. And in this society that’s a curse. I love him so much but my heart is so broken for me and for him. But at the same time I’m so upset because he didn’t trust me enough to share his heart with me. Looking back on it I didn’t have a clue that he and Jay were a couple. How unfair that Jay laughed in my face and was planning to steal my husband the whole time…what the hell. I can’t believe this is my life.
Jay feels confident
So I guess Tristan feels like he's ready to tell Alexis about us… damn it's been long enough. It's been 5 years that I've been waiting and let’s not mention all the years I waited before her. But my baby is ready to tell the truth and I'm going to support him and stand right by his side regardless of what happens. He is my man, always has been and I love him more than life. I can't wait to marry him and make him my husband. I will never let him think he made the wrong choice, my desire is to keep him satisfied and comfortable. I'm going to do everything in my power as his man, husband and friend to make him happy. I don't know why he ever married Alexis she never had what it took to keep satisfied, he is gay and no woman will ever suffice. Furthermore… she ain't got nothing on me! I know what he needs and wants, whether it’s in bed or out. She just doesn't know him like I do, he’s my baby and I will take good care of him always. And if the world ends tomorrow, it will end with me loving him.
So tonight we’re going to tell his wife that we are lovers and that we want to be together. We have decided to do this as a team, and I couldn’t be happier.
Finally my dreams of solely being with the love of my life are coming true.
The Truth is…
Alexis, Tristan & Them
So Jay and I finally got out of bed and decided to get dressed and head out for what was left of the day. Maybe grab something to eat and hit the gym. We were laughing and talking, and things seemed to be getting a little bit back to normal. Jay was more relaxed now that he knows I’m leaving my wife. I think he feels more secure… next thing I know I hear somebody beating on the door like the police! I swear I hear my wife's voice I listen closer… and it's her and Kandi’s voices I hear. My heart almost came out of my chest. I'm a grown ass man and I felt fear rushing through me, I began to feel instant nausea. Something wasn't right, why would they be here?
I am willing to bet my life this is all on Kandi’s messy ass. I know she’s the ring leader of this commotion, I thought I seen her earlier during the argument Jay and I had outside. No she didn't bring my wife over here… I should kill that bitch myself! I go to the door look out the peephole… sure enough it’s Kandi and Alexis. I turn around and Jay’s face is all twisted up and he saying let them in. I whisper to him, give me a minute damn. Here he go in his feelings again…I just need a minute…but I don’t have one. It’s now or never! So I get Jay to calm down, meanwhile my wife outside the door calling my name loud as hell, Kandi cosigning everything she say. This ain't the way that shit was supposed to go down, man this finna get real ugly.
I pushed Jay to the back of the house, once in the room I looked at him and felt horrible for all that I’ve put him through. I grabbed his face and looked him dead in his saddened eyes and I said, “Look baby please let me handle this my way. I'm not going to leave you ever again I promise you from the bottom of my heart. I'm going to end this now and you and I will be together until our dying day.”
And he seemed to calm down a little bit, so I go to the door… I stand there for a minute as I man up. It’s time to face the truth, I open the door and Alexis launches right at me. I grabbed her and turned her the opposite way of me so she’s swinging at air. She swinging like crazy, how ironic this is my second fight today. I keep asking her to just calm down! Please let me talk to you! Please! And Kandi isn’t helping at all, she’s talking reckless in the background and instigating… but I have to remember that’s what she does best, lonely bitch. She is such a troublemaker I can't get my wife to calm down because Kandi is talking cash shit, this is a pure catastrophe. Kandi is the messiest female I know and if I hit women she would be the first one to get it. But I don't and I love my wife and I would never hurt her either, but this situation right here is totally out of control.
I finally slam Alexis on the couch and beg her to listen to me. I looked into her eyes and said “Alexis listen to me, I am your husband…listen to me please.” She begins to cry hysterically, but I finally get her to calm down somewhat, until Jay comes out and he and Kandi began yelling at one another… I yell at her forcefully to shut up! But she and Jay keep going back and forth. Finally I snap, “Everybody shut the fuck up, dammit…shut up…everybody! The whole house got quiet, it was so quiet I didn't even know what to say. Until I looked at my wife and I felt horrible all over again, the longer I stood there looking into her eyes it felt like nobody was there but her and I. I loved this woman but I love Jay to and now it's time to face the music. I look into my wife's eyes and I sit down right next to her. I took her hand in mine and gently spoke to her I said, “Alexis I'm gay and Jay is my lover.” I was waiting for her to jump off the couch and hit me again but she didn’t. Instead she asked me how long and why? I told her the truth that I have been seeing Jay long before she ever came in the picture. I told her that I love her but the fact that I was gay wouldn't allow me to be completely happy with her or any woman. I explained to her that Jay was my first love and my first gay relationship. The more I shared with her, the more she cried, I could hear Kandi in the background smacking her lips every time I spoke. I wish she’d take her messy ass somewhere away from me. But no matter what was going on the distinct sound of my wife's voice the sound of her cry destroyed my heart. Even Jay wasn't saying a word at this point.
I told my wife that at one time I did like women, but even then I liked men more.
But when I met her, I was truly intrigued and drawn in by her beauty and strength. And as much as I love her, I've tried so hard to be with her but I can't forget about Jay. I explained to her as gentle as I could that I've been with him ever since I was young. And even though he's not the only man I’ve been with, he's the only man I've ever loved. I've tried over and over to change these feelings but I can't my heart is truly with him and I don't know what else to do. I'm sorry for betraying you Alexis, as I spoke my wife just sit there almost in a comatose state. Her eyes were open but I could tell she was not there, the tears slowly ran down her face as I dropped a ton of bricks in her lap.
I felt terrible but at the same time I feel so free. I put my arm around her and she just laid on my shoulder as if she had no fight left. I loved her but as I thought about Jay I looked over at him standing there watching me and my wife go through this very sad and private situation. We were both exposed and vulnerable, in front of everyone. Embarrassing? Yes. But all so liberating, it felt as if the world had been lifted off my shoulders. As I looked at my lover, soon to be husband my heart melts for him and I can't stand to be away from him another moment. I get up and walk over to him and with each step my body feels lighter and my heart feels even more satisfied. We embrace one another for the very first time in front of other people. I began to cry as we kiss and fall in love all over again as two free souls.
Alright… I feel bad for Alexis. I will admit that. She's a good woman and she deserves much better than all of this drama. But the truth is, nothing can stop Tristan from being gay. Just like me, he was born this way, and it’s who he is. Not only that but nothing can change his heart, he loves me and we belong together. However, I do realize that it is his fault for being dishonest with me and Alexis from the start. He knew that he was gay when he married her. I believe he married her basically to prove to himself that he could be straight, which couldn’t have been further from the truth…and I told him that then. I knew it then and I know it now. And as bad as I feel for her… I can't help but breathe a sigh of relief, because I've been in love with Tristan for so long and I have dedicated my life to this man. All I’ve ever wanted was to be with him for the rest of my life. I hope that Ronnie will understand and still love her dad regardless of everything that came out. She is his joy and will always be welcome in our lives and in our home. I’m so deep in thought I didn’t even notice my lover walking towards me, he had a look of peace written all over his face. When he reached me he embraced me like never before. Not to mention that we’d never hugged in front of anyone before. And it feels so good…I looked at him and was about to say I loved you when he kissed me. Deep and passionate, my soul was so lit and the happiness that flooded my body was new and I love every second of this moment. Then all a sudden a loud pop…what the fuck! Did that bitch just…
As Jay and I embraced and began to enjoy our new found freedom, I heard a loud pop…and seconds later Jay's face changed. He appeared to be in agonizing pain. He immediately fell limp in my arms, at that very moment I began to feel intense pain in my chest. We both fell, me on top of him. But he wasn’t moving or talking that’s when I noticed blood on his shirt and a hole right in the center of his chest, as I touched it I realized it was a bullet hole. I looked back up at his face and my lover lay there motionless with his eyes wide open and a small amount of blood coming from the side of his mouth. All I could do was scream his name…Jay…baby please answer me…Jay..nooo. Oh how could this be….Jay!
I became blinded by my tears. SOMEBODY CALL 911! PLEASE!
What the fuck…I’m so dizzy. What is happening to me the pain in my chest is excruciating. OH SHIT…I’M SHOT TO!
The bullet went through Jay and into me. I look at my wife and she’s just standing there in pure shock, her eyes are big and she looks confused...and I don’t understand what’s happening. But when I look over at Kandi she has this devilish grin on her face and the more I look… I see a gun in her hand…still smoking from the one shot that pierced my lover and I. Kandi what the hell…you shot us…why? Kandi… why? She looked at me and spoke with a voice of pure evilness. She said “because you foul fuck…I’ve been taking care of your wife mentally and physically for the last three years and I hate you for all the rotten shit you did to my girl. I make her smile when you make her cry, I hold her at night and make love to her when you don’t even bother to come home. I’ve wanted you out of the picture from the beginning. Now you and yo punk bitch can burn in hell together.” The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the hospital with doctors working and talking all around me. Asking me questions and sticking me with needles. All I could do was look, I couldn’t speak, no words would come out of me…where is my lover?
My life will never be the same. Those were the first thoughts that came to my mind as I woke up in a hospital room. I don’t remember exactly what happen but I do know that Kandi shot Jay, and I will never forget the look on his face. I know he’s gone…no one has to tell me. I seen it…when he was in my arms…I watch the life drain from him slowly. I wish it would have been me. I can’t deal with life without him. I’ve never known life without him. How can I live? As I open my eyes, the sun is brightly shining and the warmth feels nice, yet my soul is ice like and dark. Why God? Why the man of my dreams? I heard footsteps coming towards my room, and I could smell the familiar fragrance of my wife before her ass even entered my space. I can’t believe she has the fucking nerve to bring her ass anywhere near me. I can’t believe her and Kandi were lovers? I’m so shocked and baffled I would’ve never known. But I wonder why she didn’t feel like she could tell me that? Gay women are more accepted then men…I think? I don’t know why her love for my fuckin wife would make her kill my lover and soon to be husband. Just as my life was about to be everything I’ve ever wanted this ratchet bitch kills the love of my life. It wasn’t that serious to me, yeah I love my wife but I wouldn’t have given them any problems at all. I just wanted to be with Jay and enjoy my happiness…all these years. Only to lose my lover as I come out to my wife. Why God? Why? The minute Alexis walked in the room I could see the hurt in her eyes. For some reason I knew that she didn’t want Jay dead. I know my wife and she isn’t dirty or conniving like that.