Maybe Tonight (7 page)

But now it was Jesper’s last night in Copenhagen and he shuffled along even slower than usual. Mads couldn’t get much out of him. Questions were met with indifferent shrugs or “I don’t know…” and then silence. He didn’t push. But when they reached the steps leading up to the apartment, Jesper came to a halt and groaned and kicked the wall with his Converse-covered foot. Then he howled and hopped around like a confused child.

Mads tried not to grin. Hopefully, the boy hadn’t broken his toe. He waited for the tantrum to pass and reminded himself this would be his life soon–though it would be with a little girl instead of a teenage boy.

“You okay?”

“No…”

“You want to tell me what’s going on?”

“I… aww…
fan
…. I should hate you, right? I mean, you pretty much screwed up everything when you got together with Laney. I should hate her too–she left me, and she was the only one in that goddamn apartment who even gave a shit about me. But I can’t hate either of you, can I? She was never this happy with my dad. And you’re a good guy.”

“We didn’t want to hurt anyone–”

“But you did… my dad is still bitter. He might pretend he isn’t, but he is. And I miss Laney.” His scratchy voice echoed in the stairwell. Mads wondered if Laney was at home, if she’d heard them.

“You know Laney still cares about you. You know you can call us whenever you want to or need to.”

“That’s the thing. I should be so fucking pissed off right now and all I keep thinking is I’d rather live here with you guys and I know I can’t.”

“It’s like we told you before, Jesper. You can always come to us.”

“Not when the baby comes.”

“Why not?”

“You think Laney’s going to want me hanging around once she’s got her baby? You’re giving her what my dad never wanted to give her. You think she’s going to want me around then?”

“She’ll want you around. She’s got a soft spot for you,” Mads nudged Jesper’s shoulder and then slowly began climbing the stairs. “Come on. It’s fucking freezing.”

“He thinks you won’t want him around once we have the baby,” Mads told Laney. They’d just finished dinner and Jesper was in the living room, talking to his father and reassuring him that he was indeed coming home the next day.

“But… I told him he could always come to us.” Laney stopped and grimaced. She pulled out a chair from the table, then slid into it.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…nothing. She’s moving around a lot.” Laney closed her eyes and breathed out slowly. Mads felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do–shit, how pathetic would he be when the baby finally decided she was ready to be born?

“Honey, don’t just pace…sit with me, hold my hand…put your hand on my belly and you can feel her.”

Mads knelt by her chair. One arm looped around the back of her chair as he leaned his forehead against her side. When she gently cupped the back of his head and stroked his neck, he felt the bubble of panic melt inside him. He did as she told him, let his hand rest on the curve of her belly and felt his daughter’s tiny foot graze his skin.

“That’s her…” Laney murmured. “That’s Liv.”

And for a little while he forgot about everything, there was nothing else that mattered. Just this moment when he could feel his daughter moving inside the woman he loved. And he wished even if he knew it wasn’t possible that he could share this with his mother. To tell her, “Look,
mor
,  I found someone who makes me happy, who loves me…and I love her like she is the air I breathe. And we’ve created something so precious together.”

In the morning, they drove Jesper to Kastrup Airport and saw him off. Mads watched as Laney hugged the boy and fussed over him as he checked in and reminded him to call her as soon as he’d landed.

They walked him to the security check point and there, Jesper grabbed Laney in a tight hug and whispered something in her ear. She laughed and nodded, then kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair.

Jesper and Mads fist-bumped and then the boy shuffled off, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder.

As they headed back to the car, Mads laced his gloved fingers with Laney’s and held her close to him. The winter morning sun was just barely over the horizon and the sky was still pale gray with streaks of thin white clouds.

“You think he’ll be okay?” Mads asked.

Laney nodded. “He asked me if he could be Liv’s godfather. I told him he could be one of them. I hope that was okay.”

Mads grinned. “Yeah, that’s totally okay. He’ll be her surrogate big brother.”

“What were you dreaming about?”

“I dreamt I was in a room filled with babies and they were all different colors but they all looked like you…”

“You’re still worried about that?” She’d admitted once that she was afraid there would be a day when Liv would come home with a playmate who would turn out to be one of the children Mads had helped bring into the world. He’d tried to assure her it wasn’t likely, but even he worried about it sometimes. He didn’t know how many of the donations were successful. He didn’t really want to know. That part of his life was over.

“I keep thinking the lawyers missed something…or that the clinic will put pressure on you again.”

“I signed the paperwork officially terminating my services,” Mads reminded her and kissed her temples. Her skin was hot beneath his lips. “Are you feeling okay? You feel feverish.”

“I’m fine…I just woke up…and you’re so close to me…any girl would get a little hot and bothered.” she grinned at him but her eyes still looked a little glassy.

“You’re sure? You’d tell me if something was wrong?”

“I’m fine, Mads.” And then she kissed the tip of his nose and snuggled into him. “I don’t want to leave this bed. I want to stay here all day with you.”

“I’m hungry though…”

“You’re always hungry…” She slid her hand beneath the covers let her fingers trace a line from his chest to his thickening cock. “See? I know you so well.”

“Of course I want you…but I want proper food too.”

“No fun…” she disappeared under the covers and showed him a few reasons why staying in bed was a better idea…

By the time they made it out of bed, it was closer to lunchtime than breakfast. Laney took her time about showering and getting dressed, but she had good reason. Her baby bump was slowing her down. And now they knew she was much further along than they’d originally thought. When she first found out she pregnant, Mads and Laney assumed she couldn’t be more than three months pregnant. But they’d been off by a more than a month. All those times when they’d met in secret…neither of them thinking very much about condoms and only wanting to be close, to be joined and sated by one another. They both suspected she was already pregnant by the time they “met” at Ingrid and Anton’s, when Mads came face-to-face with Niklas and the reality of Laney’s life with him.

Now as he shrugged into his favorite fisherman’s sweater and pulled on his jeans, he tried not think about Laney and Niklas as a couple. There were moments when he envied the financial security Niklas probably took for granted. Without the extra money coming in from donations, Mads had to work harder at building his client base for the workshop, which meant longer hours and more mundane projects like installing kitchen cabinets or building shelving units.

He could hear her in the living room, on the phone with her cousin Eddy. Those two talked to each other so often. He knew she missed her cousin. Maybe he’d suggest that Eddy come and spend Christmas with them. Jesper had already called twice and asked if he could come down but Niklas had vetoed the idea and informed Laney that Jesper would be spending the holiday season in Thailand, with Niklas, Siri…and Karolina.

That was what she was used to. Winter holidays in the sun, staying at five-star resorts, not looking at price tags. That had been her life with Niklas. Now she made budgets–the baby planning budget, the weekly grocery budget, the Christmas gift budget. And he wished he could give her a life more secure than this. He wasn’t even sure he could afford to spend much on Christmas presents this year–three clients hadn’t paid their invoices yet, and he was chasing them down. He’d gone a bit crazy buying wood for the nursery sets he was building and then there was the money he’d been forced to pay back to the clinic, though it was less than the 70,000 Danish krone they’d initially demanded, losing 30,000 krone still screwed up his budget.

He shook his head. Best not to think about it too much. He still had enough money saved up to cover his expenses at the workshop, and Anoushka had recommended his work to some of her colleagues so there were some new orders coming in. Last week an interiors magazine had contacted him and asked if he’d help out with pieces for a shoot they were planning. Maybe that would give him more exposure.

But it wasn’t really the exposure he wanted. He wanted to be able to provide for Laney and their future children. Because he never saw them with just one child. There were always three in his mind. Three little girls who were carbon copies of their mother, who clamored for his attention and whom he loved more than anything else in the world.

Somehow, he’d figure it out.

No day could start without coffee. That was a given. And since they’d skipped breakfast, it was time for brunch. They walked from their apartment across the bridge to the café that would forever be known as their place–where Mads had sat in the window and first saw Laney on that fateful August day.

Inside the café was warm and cozy and their favorite spot, the window seat was available. While Mads ordered, Laney claimed their spot. She’d nabbed a few newspapers and looked pleased as punch when he sauntered over with their coffees.

“You look like the cat who caught the canary,” Mads mused as he set her bowl-sized cup of cafe au lait on countertop.

Laney broke into a huge smile and said, “You will be too when you see this.” She slid the Weekend Style section of the local paper over to him.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to revamp my wardrobe…”

“No, you look just fine as you are. Turn to page three.”

He took a sip of his black coffee and then set his cup beside hers. Why did he suddenly feel so nervous? He glanced at her, she was still grinning and now she was shaking her head at him. “Trust me,” she said as she leaned closer to him. She let one hand trail along his thigh. “You’ll like this.”

But before he could open the paper, the waitress arrived with their brunch plates. She craned past them and set the plates on the counter and barked out a quick “enjoy” before rushing off to take care of the next orders. Laney nudged his plate aside, flicked open the newspaper and then pointed to the feature article. And there at the center of the page was a photograph of him next to an oak armoire he’d designed that was influenced by his love of Børge Mogensen’s take on modernism with its clean lines and vegetable tanned leather insets.

Mads skimmed the article…it was an interview…no one had interviewed him…then he saw the byline. Laney’s name was listed as the writer and the article had been translated by Ingrid. There were more pictures–the nursery he’d designed for Lida, as well as the pieces that would become Liv’s nursery. Whitewashed ash cabinets he’d designed for his cousin Henrik. An armchair made of teak and reclaimed rope reminiscent of Kaare Klint’s church chair, which he’d crafted as part of an entry for a furniture design contest but never bothered to enter. “But…how did you do all of this…?”

“I used my contacts at work,” she said. “And that time when you gave Johan and Marius a tour of the workshop…I was asking you so many questions, I thought you’d figured it out.”

“But…how?” He re-read some of the passages and tried to piece everything together. Laney steadied him with her touch, she stroked his nape and then raked her fingers through his hair. Which each touch the shock of the surprise softened. “You’re really something…” He smiled finally and something white hot burned in his chest and spread through him. Why did she love him so much, he wondered. Why did she believe in him when others didn’t?

“You design beautiful furniture, Mads…and I want people to know who you are.”

Later they drove to Humlebaek and had dinner with his grandmother and his cousin Henrik. Laney had insisted on stopping at a florist’s shop and they arrived laden with a huge American-style wreath, poinsettias and balsamy boughs of spruce.

While Mads and Henrik took over cooking, Laney and Alma decorated the living room with the spruce boughs and poinsettias. Four small silver-colored lanterns with thick church candles had been set up as a centerpiece on the coffee table, one candle to be lit for each week of advent.

“I saw the article in this morning’s paper,” Henrik said as he adjusted the flame under the risotto.

“Yeah, that was Laney’s doing.” Mads smiled to himself. He was still amazed she’d managed to keep it a secret from him.

“Quite a coup!”

“You think so?”

“Tomorrow morning, when you get to the workshop, you’ll probably have tons of messages waiting for you, from people who want you design kitchens or shelving units…or those inlay tables of yours. This could be the start of something big for you, Mads.”

“Yeah…maybe.”

Henrik grinned at him. “You getting a little nervous?”

“Yeah…a little. Christ, this is all so new. You know? I’m not used to this. Not used to having someone who loves me as much as she does, to knowing that she wants to be with me. And that we’re going to have a baby together. That’s pretty scary right there…I mean, I can’t wait, but I’m scared out of my mind too.”

“Understandable. It’s a big responsibility.”

“And then she does something like this…because she loves me and she believes in me.”

“You want my advice?”

“You’ll give it to me even if I don’t want it,” Mads joked. He took the wooden spoon from Henrik and commandeered stirring the risotto. He was glad his cousin was back in Copenhagen again after being in Singapore so long. Henrik was the closest thing Mads had to a brother. And even if he’d often envied Henrik for never having had the instability that had marked most of Mads’s life, he didn’t want to imagine a life without him there.

“You’re right, you know, I’ll tell you what I think no matter what.” Henrik laughed. He took a long sip from the bottle of chocolate stout he’d opened. “And here’s my advice–just roll with it. Don’t question why she loves you. She just does. Don’t be afraid you’re going to be a crap father–you had one, you know you don’t want your daughter to have the same, so you won’t be one. Laney could have stayed in Sweden with the guy she was living with, but she wanted to be with you. She chose you, she wanted to have a baby with you. And now she’s done something that could help you realize your dreams. So just roll with it.”

“Sounds so simple.” Mads claimed the bottle from Henrik and took a sip.

“It is, old man. You just roll with it. And you let life happen.”

“So…did you learn all of this in Singapore?”

“Nope, it’s my life’s philosophy. I’m not stressing about being single. If I meet someone, I meet someone. I’m not stressing about whether my boss is planning on sending me overseas again. If it happens, it happens.”

Henrik pried the beer bottle away from Mads and grinned. “And you can get your own beer. There’s plenty more in the fridge.”