Mend the Seams (19 page)

“I know how much it hurt Brailee to let her go when y’all left your home, so once I got the fencing up, I had Carly dig around to find out where she was taken too. Been wantin’ to bring Brailee out here since I got her, but wanted you to know first.” 

Her smile never wavers and for the first time, since I laid eyes on Savannah she looks happy, lighthearted even. Seein’ her smile with inhibition swells my heart with pride. I knew if I could hold her close enough I’d eventually break through her barriers, shattering the shell that held her in captivity for too long. I knew even when she wanted to be alone to sulk in her misery that if I’d keep pressing her, showing her that tomorrow would be a bit brighter she’d eventually find happiness again. She’s courageous and resilient, even when she feels broken and small. She just needed to feel love to let it all shine through.

Chapter Twenty

“Gotta busy day, Sav. Got paperwork to catch up on at the diner, need to run by the home improvement store to pick out paint, and well that’s more your thing. Wanna come hang with me?” Luke asks as I finish packing the twins’ lunches. I toss him a sideways glance and a light bulb flashes in my head.

“Actually, I’m not feeling too well this morning. Was up a few times last night with a queasy stomach so I’m gonna rest after taking the kids to school.” I rub my stomach for show. So I tell a little white lie…big deal. My stomach is queasy, only because I’m wracked with nerves. I’m not sick, just a bit consumed with feelings that are penetrating my heart-feelings I don’t know how to accept just yet. A few hours of alone time sounds heavenly. I love spending time with Luke, but we’ve been snug as a bug in a rug since he came home and I could honestly use some breathing room. He’s smothering me just a bit. I need to exhale, clear my head and sort through my thoughts.

Luke looks me over cautiously, then pulls me flush with his chest as he rest his hands on my hips. His icy blue eyes peer down at me, a crooked smirk plastered on his face. “Why didn’t you wake me up, Sav?”

I shrug my shoulders as if it was no big deal. I considered waking Luke up, asking him to just hold me. I feel safe when I’m in his arms and that is what scares me the most. He’s pushed his way through my heart and I’m petrified of what will happen if I admit that. “I’m fine, Luke. I’m a nurse and a momma to twins. I can handle a little upset stomach. It was probably just a sugar rush from all the ice cream I ate.” Luke and I stayed up a little late last night watching
22 Jump Street
. Once we finished the movie, we cleaned up the mess and spent a few hours on the couch just talking about us. Everything from childhood memories, our biggest fears, to our favorite vacation spots.

“You know I can’t leave ya by yourself, Sav. I won’t be able to work with a clear head if all I’m doin’ is worryin’ ‘bout ya.” He dips his head and presses a feather light kiss to the corner of my lips and my knees buckle as my head spins. He grips me tighter to his chest, noticing my quaking legs and his smile spreads from ear to ear. He knows how he affects me and he knows I’m just lyin’ out my ass to protect my heart. “See, you’re so weak you’re knees ‘bout gave out on ya!”

“You think you’re funny don’t ya.” I giggle, poking him in the side.

“So you admit I’m affectin’ ya, sweetheart?” Luke’s eyes soften and his chest stills like he’s holding his breath, waiting for me to deliver a painful blow.

“Well, Luke Ashton, I can’t clear my head enough when you’re constantly near me to decipher how I feel.” For once, I don’t look away. I hold his stare, daring him to react, suddenly brave and stupid all at once. Luke’s sighs in defeat.

“Then maybe you need to stay home and rest. I’ll drop the twins off at school for ya.” He rakes his fingers through my hair and kisses the top of my forehead, inhaling a deep lingering breath.

“I can take them, go on and get your day started.” I reply.

“Oh hell no. You’re not feeling
well
,” he mocks and wiggles his eyebrows, “so I think my girl needs to take a hot bubble bath to clear her head.” My knees quiver again, but Luke’s so caught up he doesn’t even notice. I nod my head in agreement and pull away from Luke to gather up the kids. Kissing them on top of their heads, I send them out to Luke’s truck.

“Don’t forget to buckle up!” I call to them.

“Sav, they’ll be fine. Won’t let nothin’ happen to our kiddos.” Luke replies and we both turn to stone, gazing at each other.
Did he mean to say
our
kiddos?
Judging by the fear etched on his face it looks like it was a slip of the tongue and he’s prayin’ I didn’t notice-but I did.

“Yeah, yeah. Have a good day.” I stammer over my words, waving him off. He nods and turns to step away when suddenly he spins on his heels and steals my breath with one, sweet innocent kiss.

“
Feel better
, sweetheart.” Luke’s smile stretches across his face so deep, if he didn’t have ears it’d cut his damn head in half. He takes a few steps backwards then with a smirk and a wink he jogs over to his truck, making sure that Brailee and Braden are buckled in before he drives off.

So a hot bubble bath was apparently just what I needed. After Luke drove off I had to tear myself away from the doorway, my tense knuckles straining against the doorjamb as I was left lightheaded and confused by his innocent kiss. Just a small kiss-his soft, thick lips pressed against mine. He’s pressed gentle kisses to the corner of my lips, forehead and to the side of my wrist on many occasions-simply flirting, showing me affection. But this kiss was different. Innocent, yet warm and inviting.

Life over the last month has been uneventful. After the divorce was settled, I wanted Brailee and Braden to be aware of the circumstances of mine and Josh’s relationship. It was hard for them at first, to hear Josh wouldn’t be around for many years, but they are still very young and don’t quite understand his absence or why we are no longer married.

Although their little hearts broke, Luke has been here to pick up the pieces, one by one, snapping them back in place securely. He’s taken my family as his own, in a strange sorta way. Initially, I was concerned-worried he’d get close with them only to break their hearts in some fashion, but as time passes Luke continually proves himself to truly be
home
. It warms my heart to finally see the glint of happiness in their eyes, their smiles never fading so it seems. That broken piece of us that we’ve been missing for so many years suddenly seems fulfilled and I find comfort by it all because it’s a sensation I’ve missed for far too long.

The shocking revelation of this last month has been Drew’s fleeting silence. There’s an eerie calm lingering about in his absence, and although nothing has occurred since finding the note on the fireplace, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit curious as to what he may be up to. I don’t expect him to give up his cowardly taunts, but I refuse to lay in wait with fear. Happiness is finally surrounding me, and I will bask in it.

Spending this last month with Luke has been fun. Getting to see the real Luke, the man behind the broody, silent persona has been revealing to say the least. The man whose world has been shattered, only burnt remnants of him left in destruction’s wake. The man who’s spent the last four months helping me pick up the pieces of my life, refusing to allow me to succumb to my weaknesses. Luke is fun. I’d never rode a motorcycle until he took me out a few weeks ago, and I was scared as hell at first. But once the wind started to blow through my hair, the warm fall breeze kissing my face while my arms clung to Luke’s tight, strong chest-I was sold. That day together holds many first memories for us that I’ll never forget. I’ve never felt so relaxed nor been filled with such copious amounts of laughter.

The phone rings just as I’m finishing up my makeup, pulling me from my thoughts. I check the call screen before answering, and noticing it’s Carly I click
TALK
. She’s all hyped up, ramblin’ on and on. Must’ve got some good sleep to be this perky so early in the mornin’.

“Well, get ya ass together. I’ve had enough of this house, so I’ll see ya in ten.”

“I’m ready, but what the hell you got planned?” I ask her, laughing at her enthusiasm.

“Don’t much matter, as long as I can breathe.” She laughs. “Maybe we’ll head down to the mall for some shopping. The weather is finally starting to cool and Heidi Jo needs some new clothes.” Yeah, I bet she does. That kid’s closet is the size of my bathroom and the clothes are stuffed so tightly on the rod, you can’t get your hands between two shirts. I swear I don’t think she wears the same outfit twice and guess what-this is all Carly’s doin’s. Before, Colton would throw her in some leggings and a cute top, maybe sometimes a sassy little tutu or overalls. Not Carly, she goes friggin’ overboard dressin’ her like a damn life-size American Girl doll.

“Okay, sounds like a plan. I’ll see ya when ya get here.” We disconnect and I gather up my cell phone, purse and wallet then wait on the front porch for Carly. Ten minutes later she pulls up the long drive and we set off for a day of shopping.

My gut told me to kiss her, so I did. Her reaction was priceless and I knew in that moment that I had her. I haven’t stopped thinkin’ ‘bout her all damn day, so I’ve been rushin’ through paperwork just so I can get home to her a little faster.

Home
no longer sounds foreign to me. Home ain’t just a structure that keeps you safe from the elements or the material refuge that you seek when you’re just not ready to face the world. Home is the sanctuary where you find your peace, where you’re surrounded by love. I ain’t been home too damn long. I’ve lived with my old man, but ain’t ever been comfortable in the confines of his alcoholic tirades. I bought that house and land in hopes that one day I’d feel at home, but it’s always just been a heap of wood and glass to me. Until Savannah. Now, no matter where I kick my boots off or where I rest my head, I’ll always be home with Savannah.

It’s been hell but worth the battle. If I didn’t push my way through to her, encouraging her to fight, to keep treadin’ through the waves refusin’ to let her drown, I don’t think she’d ever recovered. Savannah is stronger now, her mask nearly transparent. The woman I started to fall for is vanishing, a stronger, more resilient woman taking her place. After years of heartache I never thought I’d feel whole again, but right now I’m one happy man. She’s not fully given herself to me yet, but it won’t be long before I can finally claim her as mine.

My small, cramped up office begins to suffocate me so I walk out to the back parkin’ lot to get some fresh air. The door slams behind me and I inhale deeply as the sunshine baths over my face. My stomach rolls and my chest tightens as I inhale the putrid smell of smoke. It’s crisp and the burnt wood smell causes my nose to wrinkle up in disgust. It’s late October and forest fires in Kentucky are common right now. Don’t know how many friggin’ fires I’ve fought up in these mountains. Careless jackasses go out and set their huntin’ blinds then drop their cigarettes to the ground not realizin’ how flammable the crisp, dry leaves are. One small ember is all it takes. A cold sweat beads across my brow and roil of panic crashes against my ribs. I head back inside to my office on shaky legs.

Fallin’ back into the leather chair I inhale a scattered wind, keepin’ my focus on my boots as my heart thuds against my chest. Damn, I hate panic attacks. Very reason I couldn’t go back to the firehouse after losin’ Alyson and Sawyer. The scent, sight and thought of fire robs me of my strength, paralyzing me on the spot.