Read Middle School: My Brother Is a Big, Fat Liar Online

Authors: James Patterson

Tags: #Family, #Juvenile Fiction, #Social Issues, #Siblings, #School & Education, #Humorous Stories, #Adolescence, #Multigenerational, #Adoption

Middle School: My Brother Is a Big, Fat Liar (20 page)

BOOK: Middle School: My Brother Is a Big, Fat Liar
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Just you wait, Missy Trillin
, I thought.
Your queendom is about to get trashed.

When You Seek Revenge, Dig Two Graves

I
’m taking her down, even if I go down with her.

That was the thought that whispered itself over and over in my mind as I lay in bed that night, staring at the ceiling. I wasn’t angry. I was perfectly calm. Okay, maybe a little excited.

Missy had insulted, humiliated, and betrayed me. I’d lost my bet with Rafe. I’d gotten detention—twice. There really wasn’t anything she could do to me that she hadn’t already done.

So I was free.

Free to get revenge.

An image of Mini-Miller flashed in my mind—how he looked as he limped away from me. I solved that problem pretty fast. All it took was a couple of kicks to the shin.

Remembering that made me realize that Mom was right. I
am
good at sticking up for myself. And Missy really isn’t any different from Mini-Miller except that her clothes are nicer.

But was kicking her shins the best way to teach Missy a lesson? Probably not.

There were almost too many good alternatives.

Revenge Served Lukewarm

G
eorgia, it’s seven AM. What on earth are you cooking?” Mom asked when she walked into the kitchen two days later. She blinked blearily at the large pot on the stove.

“Just desserts,” I told her. I stirred the thick mass of rice pudding in the pot on the stove.

“Desserts? At seven o’clock on a Thursday morning?”

“I’m bringing the snack today,” I said. “Once a week, someone brings in a snack for homeroom.” Yes, I felt guilty about lying to my mom. Guilty and a little proud too, because it turned out I was good at it.

“What?” Mom shuffled over to the coffeepot. “Rafe never did that.”

“Oh,
Rafe
,” I said, shrugging in my most
Rafe-doesn’t-ever-participate-in-class-activities
way.

Mom is never really awake before her morning coffee. It isn’t hard to fool her.

She just nodded and then suggested that I add a little more nutmeg to the pudding. So I did. Then she offered me a ride to school, since it would be hard to carry the huge plastic tub on the bus.

Perfect!

I got to school early and hid in a stall in the girls’ room near the gym. The Princesses occupied it every morning for the ten minutes before homeroom. They needed that time to slather on makeup and figure out ways to insult perfectly nice people, I guess.

“Can you believe what Ashley Parker is wearing today?” I heard Brittany ask as the Princesses waltzed in.

Right on time
, I thought gleefully.

“She looks like a cup of cottage cheese,” Missy said, and the other Princesses cracked up.

Wait
, I told myself.
Wait until the time is right.

I watched through a crack in the door as Missy smeared on some lip gloss, then pursed her lips in the mirror. “Who’s going to tell Madison that she’s got broccoli caught in her teeth?” she asked.

“I will,” Bethany volunteered. “Who eats broccoli for breakfast, anyway?”

Missy fluffed up her hair. And then she headed into the other bathroom stall.

I counted to five, then climbed up onto the toilet seat, hauled up the tub, and let out a huge “Bluurrggh!”

I fake-barfed warm rice pudding all over Missy. The moment it glopped down the side of her head, she screeched like a cat in heat. Like a cat in heat that’s just been puked on
while peeing
.

“BLUURRGGH!!!” I upped the volume of my retching noises.

The other Princesses rushed to help, but the door was locked and Missy was blinded by pudding, so they fumbled around while I just calmly walked out of there as if nothing had happened. My only regret was that I didn’t actually get to see Missy, but I had a heck of a great time imagining it.

Mom was right—revenge tastes best when you add a little extra nutmeg.

A Visit with the Lizard King

I
was only in homeroom for about five seconds when the school secretary appeared and handed a note to Mr. Grank. When he read it, his head snapped up. “Rafe’s SISTER,” he announced, “the Lizard King has called you to the Pit of Torment.”

“Hmm.” I kicked the giant pudding tub behind my desk. “Okay.” I followed the school secretary down the hall to the principal’s office.

A cricket chirped as I slid into the chair across from the Lizard King, Mr. Dwight. My flesh crawled as his long tongue shot out and his teeth crunched. The room went silent.

Poor cricket.

“I hear you’re following in your brother’s footsteps, Ms. Khatchadorian,” the Lizard King hissed. “Why don’t you tell me about this pudding incident?”

“Pudding?” I repeated, as if I had no idea what he was talking about. I was doing my very best
whatever-are-you-talking-about-my-good-sir?
face, with my hands clasped under my chin. It’s a proven innocence stance.

Heh-heh-heh.
A chuckle from a giant lizard is a scary sound. The Lizard King stretched out a scaly hand and tapped his claws on the arm of his throne. “Come now, Ms. Khatchadorian,” he said. “Someone poured a pot of pudding on Missy Trillin, and you are the prime suspect.”

Please note: I didn’t even lie!

BOOK: Middle School: My Brother Is a Big, Fat Liar
6.87Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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