Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual (7 page)

Many professional dominants begin training potential clients by mail. The prospective client is expected to show proper respect and follow directions. The training may be as simple as returning a questionnaire or answering a letter, or it may require that the submissive assume a specific posture (kneeling, for example) while writing to the dominant, wear certain articles of clothing (panties, a cock ring), use special written forms of address, and send photos to prove that he has done his part.

This sort of training can be adopted by other dominants as well. It is a wonderful option for individuals whose partners live at a distance or who travel a great deal.

A-related form of training is by electronic mail. "Cyberslaves" have the advantage of instant contact with the dominant. There is some concern among Internet users that online exchanges may not be as private as we might hope. Anonymous fileservers do exist, and are one option to explore if privacy is an issue. The same techniques used in postal training are appropriate for e-mail, but the dominant should remember to leave the slave's hands - at least one of them! - unoccupied so that she can type.

There is an entire industry devoted to sexual encounters by phone, and people are often surprised to learn how many phone sex customers are looking for a dominant. Phone training demands a vivid imagination and some acting skill, but it has the added appeal of instant feedback -

you can hear the passion and desire in a slave's voice, the demanding presence of the dominant in his speech. BDSM "party lines" exist all over the country - check any mainstream pornographic magazine - although callers should take care not to give out too much information to strangers (home addresses, for example). Many professional dominants will do sessions by phone as well.

"Please, Sir, May I Have Some More?": Full-Time Relationships
Total Slavehood: Fact or Fiction?

Many readers of BDSM erotica develop a curious tendency to confuse fiction and reality. Let me reiterate:
Story of O
is a work of fiction. That is, it is an artfully told lie that manages nonetheless to tell us something of the truth. But that truth is not literal. Certainly dominants pierce and brand their slaves; some may even own villas on the outskirts of Paris. But I'm afraid I must disappoint you: excruciatingly wealthy sadists with stables of nubile young women at their beck and call are not the norm. Such stories do express the depth of a submissive's desire, the passion a dominant feels at the willing submission of a loved one, and the often mysterious workings of the erotic imagination.

To the extent that they portray these emotions, the stories are true.

This is not to say that full-time slaves and their masters do not exist. It has become a commonplace in introductory BDSM literature to pooh-pooh the concept of 24-hour-a-day, 7 -day-a-week dominant/submissive relationships, and indeed, such correctives for the overactive imagination are necessary. Yet, to the extent that a slave arranges his life around his Master's and maintains constant awareness of his calling as a slave, I believe he embodies the ideal of the "total" slave. It is the ordering of one's life according to the principles of service that makes one a slave, not a collar or a contract or an afternoon workshop.

Live-Ins

A “live-in” is, as the term suggests, a slave who lives with his or her dominant. In our imaginations, the live-in has become the archetypal slave, waiting patiently in a corner, naked and collared, always at his Master's beck and call. But how can relatively average people live like this?

There are three models for a live-in relationship: marital, dependent, and employee. It is instructive to look at the ways in which I these models, as economic contracts, allow for a division of labor and responsibility between two parties.

In the marital or partner model, one person or both parties may work to earn an income, as is now the case in many domestic partnerships. In theory; the dominant gets to say how the money is spent, although in practice, this task is often delegated to the submissive. The submissive is expected to run the household, provide for the comfort of the dominant on a day-to-day basis, and in return, can expect security and affection.

In the dependent model, the submissive is treated as a financial dependent, like a child. Here the submissive is supported by the dominant, or, if the submissive earns an income, he turns it over to the dominant. In most cases, the dominant saves or invests that money to create a trust fund for the submissive. In return, the submissive is expected to perform certain chores or tasks in the household. The submissive may be given an allowance, but he remains essentially dependent on the dominant.

The third model is the employer-employee model. In this case, the submissive lives rather like an
au pair:
he receives room, board and a modest sum of money in return for specific tasks, be it chauffeuring or shopping.

In practice, relationships run according to these models may look alike, but the assumptions that underlie them are very different. The marital model is first and foremost a partnership, and for that reason it is the most workable model for most people who are not independently wealthy. The dependent model presupposes that the dominant has or makes enough money to support two people, or has enough financial savvy to invest the submissive's money wisely. The
au pair
model is appropriate for dominants who work at home and need a/personal secretary, and for submissives with very specific, marketable talents. (My rule of thumb is, if the submissive would be paid for doing a task in the mundane world, she should receive equal recompense in some mutually agreeable form, be it legal tender, living space, or service trade.)

Contracts

Miss Abernathy is a great believer in contracts. There is a qualitative difference between saying

"OK, you like canes, your safeword is (mercy and you hate gags. Got it!” and signing a piece of paper that specifies the rights and responsibilities of both parties. We live in a litigious culture, and contracts carry weight.

The basic purpose of a contract is to spell out, in as much detail as possible, the responsibilities of both parties, and the benefits they may expect.

The most notorious BDSM contracts are undoubtedly those that Leopold von Sacher-Masoch negotiated, on separate occasions; with his lovers, Fanny von Pistor and Wanda von Dunajew. Re-printed in Krafft-Ebing's famous work,
Psychopathia sexualis,
they are two very different examples of contracts between a dominant and submissive. In the first, limited contract, Sacher-Masoch agreed on his word of honor, to be Frau von Pistor's slave, to fulfill her every wish and command for a period of six months.” For her part, Frau von Pistor agreed not to demand anything dishonorable of Sacher-Masoch (i.e. that would make him dishonorable as a person or a citizen)"; to allow him time to work each day; to give him complete privacy in his correspondence and other writings; to punish him for his offenses according to her judgment; to wear fur as often as possible, “and especially when she is cruel.” The contract also provided for re-negotiation and for-long periods of interruption, at Frau von Pistor's discretion. As it stands, this contract can be adapted to fit the needs of modern dominants and submissives.

The contract between Sacher-Masoch and Wanda von Dunajew is somewhat lengthier and of a very different bent. In it, Sacher-Masoch gives up the pretense of bourgeois respectability that he had with Frau von Pistor, and signs over his body and soul to Wanda, giving her permission to make him a criminal and to “martyr him with all the torments imaginable, even to death.”

I hope it will be clear from the preceding discussion that the second contract is a work of the erotic imagination, and it is hardly surprising that Krafft-Ebing saw in Leopold von Sacher-Masoch a man obsessed. It should also be dear that neither of these contracts would hold up in a court of law.

An example of a more modern and realistic contract can be found in
The Lesbian S/M Safety
Manual
(ed. Pat Califia). Written by Diane Vera, the contract provides for the dominant's "full owner ship and use of [the submissive's] body and mind" for a specified period of time. The contract enumerates the slave's responsibilities in general terms: obedience; renunciation of personal pleasure, except as permitted by the dominant; truthfulness; acceptance of criticism and punishment; effort to act in accordance with the dominant's wishes in all things. Most important, though, the submissive accepts the dominant's will "[w]ithin the limits of physical safety and [the submissive's]

ability to earn a livelihood." In her notes on the contract, Vera states "Except in authoritarian religious cults, I doubt that anyone can totally surrender his/her autonomy forever, though doing so temporarily can be an exciting and emotionally rewarding experience for some people."

Both Sacher-Masoch's and Vera's contracts are general; slave contracts can also be extraordinarily detailed. Clauses can and should include the following:

• safewords or some other signal for a "time-out"

• specific responsibilities of both parties, including financial ones

• circumstances under which the contract will become null and void

• any physical or psychological limitations of the parties who may and may not know about the contract, or read it

• any specific rituals or formulas or tides that playa role in the fulfillment of the contract

• a discussion of collars, tokens, and/or permanent marks

• punishments and rewards

• the beginning and ending dates of the contract

A preliminary contract should be negotiated for a short period of time only - a weekend, or perhaps two weeks - after which the contract should be re-negotiated and any changes made. Some dominants prefer month-to-month contracts; others opt for three or six-month periods. People change more quickly than contracts, so
is inadvisable to sign a contract for more than a year at a time.

Sample Slave Contract

Obviously, the details of any contract would depend on the circumstances and wishes of the signers. The following is a rather extensive sample contract that may be amended for more general use.

Consensual Slave Contract

This document is intended to specify the responsibilities of Jane Doe (hereafter "the slave")
and John Smith (hereafter "the Owner") as part of a consensual arrangement between them' This
agreement r is valid fom midnight of January 1, 1996 through midnight of March 1, 1996. This
contract is a private agreement between the parties and under no circumstances is it to be read by
anyone other - than the undersigned.

This contract will become null and void if any of the following, circumstances should occur:

a) either party becomes seriously ill, is hospitalized, or dies, or if
b) either party is required to attend to urgent family or business matters that will take him or her
away from home for more than fourteen (14) days. In this event, the undersigned may
agree to put the contract on temporary "time out," and agree to' negotiate for its
reinstatement at the earliest possible date.

I, Jane Doe, being of sound mind and body, do hereby submit my will to that of the Owner,
John Smith. I wish to be his personal servant and sex slave. I agree to fulfill, to the best of my
ability, the following provisions.

1) The slave is to devote herself in mind and in body, to the desires of the Owner. She will obey
him without question, knowing that he will never knowingly subject her to anything that will
cause her physical or mental harm.

2) The Owner agrees to attend to the physical mental and emotional well-being of the slave. To
enable him to do so, the slave will answer any question put to her as clearly and honestly as
she is able.

3) The slave also agrees to make daily entries in a slave journal. Entries should be at least one
page in length and are to be made in the approved written format, that is, without use of the
first person singular pronoun (“I" or “me”) and any first person singular possessive forms
('my" or “mine"). In addition, all references to the slave are to be made in Iower-case while all
references to the Owner are to be capitalized. The journal is to be addressed to the Owner and
will be read by him and him alone. Should this contract be dissolved, the slave will retain sole
possession of the slave journal.

4) The slave will strive to maintain her health and vitality to better serve the Owner. She agrees to
inform the Owner of any physical discomfort, such as back or knee pain, that she may notice
during the course of service. The Owner agrees to provide, at his expense, any medication
necessary to treat conditions that result from service and to keep a supply of such medication at
his home. The slave agrees to abstain from alcohol for 24 hours before any training session.

5) The slave agrees to maintain personal cleanliness in a manner suitable for service. She will
remove all body hair on a regular basis and will rouge her nipples before each training session.

When so ordered, she agrees to receive a cleansing enema from the Owner.

6) The slave agrees to wear whatever clothing the Owner may choose. This includes, but is not
limited to, items of clothing (such as a corset) that the Owner may require her to wear under
her street clothes.

7) The slave agrees to make her body available to the Owner whenever, wherever, and however he
wishes. The Owner / accepts full responsibility for the slaves safety, and agrees not to require
unprotected sex from the slave.

8) The Slave's training will include one formal S/M session per month. These sessions will always
conclude with a formal caning. The slave acknowledges that these sessions may result in marks
and agrees to inform the, Owner if she expects to be in a circumstance (such as a doctors visit
or massage) where such marks might be a source of unwanted attention.