Mistletoe & Bastards (7 page)

Kirby looked
across the table at him. “But we haven’t had pudding yet. I’ve been
totally starving myself all day for Millie’s pudding.”

“Take a
traveller.” He began to clear the plates and take glasses from
people’s hands in case they thought this was another of his
jokes.

“What’s up?”
Sam asked, draining the last of his red wine. “The night’s but
young.”

The grin on
Johnny’s face was bigger than the one Heath Ledger had when he
played The Joker in the Batman movie. “Exactly. And Mel and I want
to spend the rest of it shagging each other’s brains out. So nick
off home, the lot of you.”

Okay. Maybe not
so romantic.

But worth it to
see the looks on everyone else’s faces as they were bustled out the
door.

Johnny and I
were lying in my bed. His arm was slung around my shoulder keeping
me near as he could and my cheek was against his naked chest,
listening to the rhythmic thud, thud of his heart.

“So, it’s
Christmas on Saturday,” he said.

“Like I wasn’t
aware of that.” Through the open door, I could see the remnants of
the party littering my living room. Even after the cleaners did
their magic, it was going to take hours to pack it away. I slid my
hand under the covers and down to his groin.

“What are you
doing?” he asked.

“What? Now? I
was thinking about going down on you again but if you have a better
idea…”

Johnny pulled
me closer. His eyes twinkled as he rolled me over so I was lying
along the length of his body. “I’d like nothing more, but I was
actually referring to Christmas Day. What are you doing on
Christmas Day?”

It wasn’t a
difficult answer. Most Christmases for me consisted of a dinner
eaten alone at an expensive restaurant, followed by the consumption
of copious bottles of red wine in the privacy of my own home.
Sometimes I bought myself a present and opened it on Christmas
morning, pretending I didn’t know what was inside. If I was lucky
my mother would deem to call me on the day but, mostly, I was
ignored. It had been that way since the day my father had left us.
My mother had descended into some sort of bubble where she blamed
me for his leaving and, so, for the past two decades she’d been
behaving as such. It didn’t matter that I’d been a kid, that I’d
done nothing. I’d effectively lost both my parents that day. I’d
been alone my entire life since then. And my heart had turned to
stone because of it. But that seemed to be changing. I circled my
finger around Johnny’s nipple and bent my lips to kiss the spot.
“Nothing, most likely. Christmas is a non-event to me.”

“Why not come
to my place? You can meet the family. I warn you though; Christmas
lunch is always pretty big. Mum will try to overfeed you and old
Uncle Arnie invariably drinks a shitload too much wine and tries to
feel up the younger cousins.”

“
Ahh
, a
genetic trait. At least your family will have someone to carry on
the tradition when Arnie drops off the perch.”

Johnny pinched
my bum. “Funny. I’m a reformed man. No more groping for me.”

“Why?” I
wriggled against him.

“I don’t feel
the need to grope… not unless it’s you I’m groping.”

Aww
.
That was sweet. Luckily I wasn’t the blushing type.

“Don’t go
getting mushy on me, Johnny. You know I’ll run for the hills.”

“You won’t.
You’ll stick around and get used to me. You’ll come to love me for
the handsome, irresistible larrikin I am.”

“And you know
this how? You seem pretty sure of yourself.”

“I am. I’m the
only bloke on Earth who can put up with your incessant screeching
during the rugby.”

“That’s because
you wear Sports Ears and can’t hear me.”

“And I like
that you think the book is always better than the movie because I
do, too.”

“It’s amazing
how much we have in common,” I joked.

“Plus, I’m the
best damn shag you’ve ever had. How can you knock me back?”

To prove it he
began to do that certain thing he knew I loved. I felt myself
beginning to give in to him, to surrender parts of me I’d never let
see daylight. It frightened me. This wasn’t one-night-stand sex or
friends with benefits. This was moving to a level that shook me to
the core.

“Stop, Johnny,
stop.”

His hands
cupped my face. He looked so earnest and so very endearing. “What’s
wrong?”

“I just—”

“—You think I’m
only after one thing. You don’t believe me when I say I’d give up
the wild life for you?”

“Can you blame
me? You do have something of a reputation.”

“You have to
trust me, Mel. My playboy days are over. I won’t let you down. I
promise. I—”

My hand clapped
over his mouth. “
Shhh
.”

He looked into
my eyes and said the words without uttering a single one.

No. No. No. He
couldn’t, could he? It was too soon. I might have been warming to
the idea of a relationship but I certainly wasn’t ready for any
type of statement involving the L word. I didn’t even know if that
was in my vocabulary. I had to stop this ridiculousness before it
went any further.

“I’m going for
a shower. The cleaners will be here any minute to rectify that
shithole in the lounge.” Faster than if Johnny announced he had
some hideous transmittable disease, I leapt from the bed and ran
for the safety of the bathroom. I contemplated the lock on the door
but realised that was probably taking it one step too far. I mean,
he was Johnny, not some degenerate axe murderer.

“Did I say
something wrong?” he called after me.

I turned back.
“No, no. Just get up. Get dressed.”

“Am I allowed
to take a shower?”

“Not with
me.”

“What about
solo? I reek of sex. Not that that’s a bad thing.”

“Yes. Solo. By
yourself. There’s a spare toothbrush in the cabinet.” And I slammed
the door.

As I stood
under the shower, my breathing began to return to normal. What
wrong with me? Why did I keep pushing Johnny away? Of course, I
didn’t have to thing for long. I knew I had issues with trust. The
action wasn’t exclusive to Johnny; it was all men. As soon as I got
to a point where it looked like something serious might be
happening, I bailed. The insecurity was crippling me and I knew I
had to move past it or I’d never be able to have a sensible
relationship. And I couldn’t keep using my career as an excuse. And
I certainly wasn’t going to start seeing a therapist for the
problem. I wanted to be with Johnny. All I had to do was suck up my
feelings and take it slowly. I could do it. Hell, if I could go
skydiving for a dare, I could bloody well keep a boyfriend.

I hoped.

I rinsed my
body and turned off the taps, standing for a second and watching
the last drips of water run into the plughole. All I had to do was
let down my guard. Try to see the positive rather than be eternally
cynical. And what better person to do it with than Johnny? He was
my best friend aside from Millie. He knew every little detail about
me, things that I never shared with anyone. He was hot and
intelligent and he looked great in a pair of rugby shorts. If I let
myself admit it, he really did turn me on. Plus, he seemed to like
me in a non-platonic way — a crucial factor if we were going to
move beyond friends.

I slipped into
my underwear and went back to the bedroom where the man in question
was sprawled on the bed wearing only his boxers. Now that I’d
decided to give it a go, the sight of his big hard body was enough
to make me want to jump him, but I didn’t.

“What are you
reading?” My eyes registered the book he had in his hand.

“
Jane
Eyre
. I found it in your bookshelf. I hope you don’t mind.”

Mind? I was
astounded that of all the things on my bookshelf that was the book
he’d chosen.

“Not at
all.”

Johnny flipped
through the pages. “I haven’t read this book for years.”

“You’ve read
Jane Eyre
?”

Okay, clearly
there was more to Johnny than even I knew.

“A few times.
I’m not nearly as moronic as you seem to believe. I’ve read some
Jane Austen too and Oscar Wilde.”

“Quite the
Rhodes Scholar.”

“Come here.”
Johnny put the book down and beckoned me to him. I lay down beside
him and he wrapped his arm round my waist, his hand coming to rest
on my bum. “You feel nice,” he whispered.

“Thank
you.”

He rolled to
his back and picked the book up, thumbing through the pages. “You
know this part where Rochester tells Jane he feels like he has a
string connecting his heart to hers?”

“
Mmm
.” I
loved that scene. But then, being alone for most of my life, I
connected with the story on a number of levels.

“Well, that’s
sort of how I feel about you.”

Oh God. Not
again.

“I think we’re
sort of the same,” Johnny continued. “We pretend we’re tough and we
don’t need anyone but we’re not like that at all.”

That was
true.

“Johnny?”

“Yes?”

“Can you stop
being so nice to me? The whole idea of a relationship is freaking
me out. You know I don’t go for all that soppy stuff and if you
keep quoting the classics I’m going to start laughing.”

“Relationship?”
He feigned horror. “I was only thinking I might get into your pants
on a more regular basis if I showed you my tender side. I wasn’t
going to propose.”

“Such a
charmer.”

“You don’t want
to be wooed, then?”

Oh
puh-lease
.

“It depends on
how you intend on wooing me. If there’s going to be flowers and
going down on one knee, you have to know I’ll most likely clock you
with them.”

Johnny
chuckled. “I wouldn’t dare. How about we start with Christmas? You
never gave me an answer.”

I bit my lip.
“I don’t know if I can do a big family Christmas. I’m not
ready.”

“If you can
handle a night at the club, I’m pretty sure you can give my family
a run for their money. They’re pussies.”

“But I’m not
used to crowds. I spend my holidays alone. I like being alone. I
think we need to get to know each other a little more before I go
foisting myself on your olds.”

Johnny sat up
on the bed. “Sure. Okay. Well, if the actual day is a step too far,
how about we meet for dinner tomorrow night? Let’s do a bit of a
romantic first date thing where you frock up, we drink a shed load
of expensive champers and then have rowdy Christmas sex.”

I couldn’t
believe I actually agreed to the idea. But that was Johnny. He
could charm the wool off a sheep’s back.

Christmas
Eve.

I hadn’t seen
Johnny for a whole day. Crazy really, that I’d been counting the
hours but at odd periods during the day that’s exactly what I’d
found myself doing. As I’d stood in the kitchen, gazing out over
the rooftops while I drank my morning coffee, a vision of him in
his boxer shorts and apron had crept into my head and forced my
lips to curve against my coffee mug. He’d looked so cute — not that
I’d ever tell him that. Johnny already thought he was God’s gift.
He didn’t need an excuse to make his head swell any further. After
that, I’d found myself thinking about him intermittently during the
day. As I’d been out jogging, I’d imagined him running beside me.
As I stood in the line at the checkout getting rammed by some old
dear and her trolley, I thought of him putting his body between her
and me, being protective the way that Sam was with Millie. Johnny
would be good at protective. He had that look about him. When Kirby
had rung to ask if I wanted to have Christmas dinner with her and
her family, I’d declined but my mind had instantly gone to Johnny.
If I was going to do Christmas he was the only one I wanted to do
it with.

Now, here I
was, dressed in my best and, despite the fact I’d told myself I was
not putting effort into this ‘date’ because if I had no
expectations they couldn’t be crushed, I was super excited. Every
nerve in my body was on alert; I’d never felt excitement like this.
Ever. I was all fizzy inside, like a big glass of champers, like
Kirby said she felt when she got her hands on the newest shade of
Mac lipstick.

I liked Johnny.
A lot.

And I really
wanted this to work.

I pulled open
the door of the bar where we were to meet beforehand and stepped
inside, looking around for my date. Even though I was a few minutes
early, I knew Johnny would be there; he was never late. Like me, he
abhorred tardiness of any sort, which could prove difficult if we
ever had children — for the children, I mean.

Oh shit. I’d
just contemplated children. I hadn’t thought about having kids
since I’d announced during my last long term relationship that I
had no intention of pushing something the size of a watermelon from
my body. Which, of course had been one of the reasons for the
demise of said relationship. Being the type to commit fully when I
decided to do something and knowing that raising children was a
huge commitment, I’d always thought I didn’t want children. Now
here I was, on my first date with the man I’d ribbed incessantly
for the past three years, thinking about having his babies. God, I
had it bad.

I stepped into
the room, the cool air a relief after the usual Christmas swelter
outside. It only took me a couple of seconds before I spotted
Johnny’s blonde head over the crowd at the bar. He looked handsome
wearing a pale blue shirt I hadn’t seen before. It matched the blue
of his eyes. I pushed my way toward him knowing he hadn’t seen me
and intending to cover his eyes and whisper a little dirty
‘surprise’ in his ear but as the crowd thinned between us I changed
my mind. Johnny was deep in conversation with a girl. She was about
our age and absolutely gorgeous. She was also laughing and smiling
into his eyes.