Authors: Mia Downing
Tags: #erotic romance
Gavin let his cock pop free. “I want to ride you.”
“Jesus, is that even possible?”
“Well, yeah. What positions have you used?”
“On the knees.”
“You’re in for a treat, babe. Hold those restraints tight, and don’t buck me off.”
Erik laughed. They’d gone to see the bucking bulls at the civic center in the spring and had enjoyed every second of it. “If I buck you off, you’ll bust your head open and I’ll be stuck like this.”
“Good incentive to keep deep inside me.” A packet ripped and something cold and clammy rolled over Erik’s dick—condom. A tube opened and more cold followed as Gavin worked lube onto his cock. “Ready?”
“Don’t you want me to beg?”
“Fuck me, please.”
“I thought you’d never ask.” Gavin’s thighs clutched around Erik’s hips as he rose.
Though he wished he could see, Erik had a mental image of how hot Gavin would be, taking him like this. It was one of the many, erotic mental movies he’d jacked off to for so long. The look of bliss on Gavin’s face, how his lips would be parted in a breathless O of desire. He kept those images running, matching them to the sensation of his cock diving into the crack of Gavin’s ass, sliding up and then down, lubing the puckered hole that beckoned.
“Easy,” Gavin murmured. “It’s been a while, and I didn’t warm up.”
“Let me. Untie me.”
“Shh.” The head of Erik’s cock hit home, the tight ring of muscles giving way as Gavin sank down, impaling himself just on the tip. “I like the burn when it’s been a bit.”
Those muscles contracted around his corona, and Erik fought for sanity. Fuck, he was really sliding inside Gavin. Granted, he didn’t have much control over the situation, but when all was said and done, his cock was going to be balls deep in the man he loved. Gavin worked toward just that, inching himself down, his breathing as labored as Erik’s.
“That’s good,” Gavin breathed. Erik pictured Gavin with his eyes closed, that Zen-like look he wore while painting etched on his face. “So perfect.”
Erik agreed. His balls couldn’t get any tighter, and they almost seemed to scramble upward, wanting inside Gavin’s tight ass, too. That moment was heaven and hell, the pleasure both torture and bliss as he teetered on the edge of release. He breathed away the tightness, the delicious throb that meant he’d spill when Gavin took a stroke.
“If you move, I’m coming,” Erik warned.
“Don’t come until I tell you to.”
“Then tell me.”
“Shh,” Gavin soothed. His fingertips brushed Erik’s chest, as if he were steadying himself. “Breathe.”
Gavin’s thighs clenched, his feet burrowing under Erik’s legs. Dragging up, then plunging down, the lube easing the path, making everything slippery and hot, loose though every muscle in Gavin’s tight hole bunched around Erik’s shaft in a quivering mass of contractions. Erik breathed, in, out, in—sharp. Fuck that felt good.
“Don’t hold it. Breathe.”
Out in a whoosh, then in again, in time to Gavin’s strokes. Erik tried to buck, just a little, sinking himself in deeper. His cockhead tapped that sweet spot inside Gavin, and he moaned. Again, then again, this time with more urgency, more depth, more…everything. Erik breathed in ragged, raging breaths, his skin as wet as the lube on his cock. Though his balls begged to come, to relieve the pressure, something inside Erik wanted to wait for those words.
“Come for me, Erik.”
Those four words were like nitrous to Erik’s orgasm, shooting him over the edge like a car going over a cliff. Full throttle, toe-curling pleasure consumed him, and he moaned around the bliss. His balls couldn’t get any tighter, the pressure unbearable. He shot deep, coming harder than ever, the release sweet. The contractions of Gavin’s ass milking every last drop from his cock.
Gavin groaned, leaning forward so his cock rubbed furiously against Erik’s belly, the skin there slick from pre-cum. He stiffened and then the tension left him, his muscles pliant as hot heat branded Erik’s belly again, claiming him. Gavin heaved and panted, his muscles quivering. He slipped his hands around Erik and hugged him fiercely, as if Erik were planning an escape.
“My God,” Erik finally gasped when he could catch a breath.
“Yeah.” Gavin dropped a gentle kiss to Erik’s lips then settled down to hold him with less urgency, pressing his chest to Erik’s, his cock nestled between their stomachs. His strong arms wrapped around Erik’s shoulders, and Gavin gripped him tight.
And a tear fell, splashing onto Erik’s shoulder. What would he give to have his hands free right now, the blindfold off to stare into his lover’s eyes, to comfort him… But somehow, Erik sensed that was exactly what Gavin didn’t want.
Gavin drew a ragged breath and whispered, “Sorry.”
Gavin kissed him again and rose, pulling free from Erik’s softening shaft. He removed the condom in a crinkle of bunching latex. A moment later, the blindfold came free and Erik blinked in the soft light to regain his bearings. The restraints were next. Gavin rubbed his wrists and kissed them, restoring the full flow of blood.
“I’ll clean us up.” Gavin rose and hesitated. “I would like you to stay. Sleep with me. Would you? We haven’t slept next to each other since the tree house.”
No, they hadn’t, and Erik wanted nothing more. That time, he’d dreamed of slipping into Gavin’s sleeping bag. This time, he wouldn’t have to. “I remember.”
Gavin smiled softly at the memories. “Good times, those were.”
“If I had…” Erik swallowed, needing to know. “If I had crawled into your sleeping bag with you back then, do you think our lives would have been different?” He didn’t care about his life, because his was pretty sweet. He only wanted to take Gavin’s pain.
Gavin’s smile saddened. “Everything happens for a reason. Even me being an addict. Probably losing Ang. It all has a reason, I think, a part in the grand schematic that makes up life.”
“Fuck that. I want to go back in time, slip into your sleeping bag, and let it change.” Erik fought the anger. Fuck the whole greater plan in life. Though he was grateful for the plan’s sudden turn of events, landing him in Gavin’s bed, he couldn’t help but feel bitter. “I wanted a miracle for you, way back then. I even prayed for you.”
Gavin hesitated at the door. “Maybe the prayers finally made it.”
Somehow, Erik doubted that. He knew Gavin too well. Though he fought his demons, others had stepped in and done their job. Way, way too much crap to just shovel away. Pray away. Erik sighed.
Erik would sleep with the man he loved. He would make sure the tears stayed at bay, along with the nightmares. He would do the job he’d set out to do, and in the morning, they’d go back to their separate corners of the world, meeting in the middle for a brief rendezvous with paint and candlelight.
Erik hoped it was enough.
Gavin returned to the room and blew out candles, well aware of the role reversal and Erik’s sudden unease as he sat on the bed, wiping up with the edge of the sheet that Gavin would wash later.
In the past, Erik was the confident one, boldly breaking out into a new world when he’d come out their senior year in high school. He never cared he was the only nerd sitting at the football players’ table, ensconced between cheerleaders and Gavin. Never cared that being Gavin’s friend during the dark years meant he’d been labeled a druggie, no good, weak. In a small town, labels were everything. Erik wore the labels like freaking prizes. Medals.
Gavin was a weak shit. How sad that he’d been considered the strong one for so long, just because he could toss a football, because he could stand up to his friends and not allow them to talk trash about his best friend? And yeah, it was brave, maybe, to stand up for someone else. But so much easier than standing up for the true Gavin. What the man inside had wanted.
If he were strong, he would have stood up for himself. Said,
No, I don’t want to play this fucking game, I want to paint.
He loved football, but not as much as his dad did. Playing meant he got smacked around less by the old man, so he did it.
He would have said,
No, I don’t want to date Emily. I want to date Erik. No, I don’t want to light up. Take that shot. Hell, yes, let me paint and go to another world, create an escape in a healthy way.
Gavin lifeguarded because the beach was always a safe haven for him. It was place to decompress without thinking too deeply, the sound of the waves therapeutic, the salt and sun working their own magic on his soul over the years. As a kid, he’d skip school and go to the beach, even in winter. It was the one place he never felt he had to be high or drunk.
But now, he had summers free from teaching at the grammar school and he had to keep busy if he didn’t want to fall back into the clutches of addiction. Getting paid to sit and stare at the ocean all summer was almost stealing from the town when he’d done it for free for so many years. He loved swimming and it fed his need to protect people from the unknown. It was a way to enjoy the sun and, yet because he had to stay vigilant, his mind was occupied. No thinking of what could have been or what he wanted.
But if he had a choice as a kid…he would have just lifeguarded and painted. And loved Erik. Still wanted to do that.
Gavin was a weak, fucking shit.
He knew come morning there was no way he was walking out of this house hand in hand with the man he loved. No way in hell. Weak, because it had nothing to do with being ashamed of Erik.
What bothered him now was that he had hoped Erik would be replete and satisfied, not staring off down the hall, looking as if he’d indeed found out what a weak shit Gavin was and regretted every minute of the discovery.
“You okay?” Gavin asked. The room was dark now, and just a sliver of moonlight mixed with the hall light, giving him enough light to see Erik’s guarded expression.
“If you’d told me an hour ago I would feel like I’d been dropped into a minefield of holy hell pleasure and then detonated, I would have laughed. That was…intense.”
“You hate me?” If Erik did…Gavin swallowed.
Erik rose and cupped Gavin’s jaw with his hand. “Gav. Never.”
“I’m sorry I can’t be what you need me to be.”
“Dude, you’re always what I need you to be. Yeah, you blew my mind with this kinky shit because I expected you to be a virgin to this kind of sex, not some trained, gay fuck god. But you are what I need you to be. You’re safe. You’re alive. You’re clean. You’re you. That’s what I need.”
“Jesus, Erik.” Gavin ran a hand through his hair, emotions spinning, the vortex a mixture of dark and light. But deep inside, he was convinced, despite the kind words, despite the history, that Erik would realize he was a weak, fucking shit and then he would leave him, too. That’s what happened in Gavin’s life. “Jesus.”
“Yeah.” Erik’s hand dropped. “Shower?”
“Sure.” Gavin led the way. They showered together, which was weird and not. Not weird because they’d showered together all the time in high school. Weird because they’d never washed each other, kissed, or caressed each other. Yet it felt weirdly right, as if they’d done it for years, until Erik dropped to his knees and began sucking Gavin’s cock.
Gavin placed his hands on the wall and leaned into them, knowing he’d never be able to stand without the assistance. As badly as he wanted to say no, he needed this, needed the release to escape the intense pain building in his chest, like an elephant’s foot pressing down, increasing by the second. “If you wait until the bed, I can do you, too.”
Erik let him pop free. “Not kinky enough? You can’t get a blowjob in the shower?”
“I’ve never had a blowjob in the shower.”
“Then let me be the first. I’ve dreamed of this, tugging down your trunks and sucking you on the lifeguard stand, right there in the sunlight, having you explode and scream my name to the crowds you lord over.”
“Shit, not happening.” The image made him harder than steel, and he fought the urge to fuck Erik’s mouth. “But hot.”