My Ex From Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy) (6 page)

Theo looked between me and Hannah. I guess between my shell shock and Hannah massaging her temples like she was in pain, he figured we needed to level out. “Sugar and caffeine. Now.”

Theo had every staff member wrapped around his finger. Our cook, Ms. Washington, especially adored him as he flirted with her shamelessly. It did get him bakery perks, so the boy was onto something.

He used his charm to score us coffee and chocolate chip peanut butter cookies destined for tonight’s dessert. We ate them—as we did every meal—at one of the scarred wooden tables of varying sizes, seated on mismatched chairs.

I picked one up and inhaled its yumminess. “You got peanut butter in my chocolate,” I said casually, trying not to show how scared I was. See, Hannah and I had this stupid ritual we always did. And if she didn’t answer me, then I knew everything had changed between us.

“You got chocolate in my peanut butter,” she replied.

I sighed in relief.

“Goof,” she said, nudging my leg with hers. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Theo added about four packages of sugar to his coffee then continued his tale. “Hades sent Kai to Olympus to kidnap you to see if he could use you as leverage. Plus there was the added bonus of torturing you for any dirt on your dad.”

“Delightful,” I murmured between bites.

“There was a snag. You and Kai.”

“Me and Kai what?” I leaned forward, eager to find out.

Theo sighed. “You fell in love. No one counted on that. Kai stole you away to the Underworld, but he wouldn’t let Hades touch you. And it wasn’t worth the headache to Hades to cross him, since he had you, for all intents and purposes, as his prisoner. It was all disgustingly nauseating bliss until someone decided to murder Persephone.”

So people had wanted me dead before, too? “Who?”

“Must have been Hades,” Hannah replied.

Theo shrugged. “Someone wanted you gone. Could have been anyone. Neither Hades nor Zeus wanted you two hooked up. Lesser gods would do anything to win their favor. Suck-ups.”

“Dead, though. It seems a little extreme.” I shuddered at the thought.

“Sometimes, death is a blessing which we don’t have,” Theo responded darkly. I felt bad for him because after that whole liver thing, he knew what he was talking about.

“What I do know is that I found you, dying on the floor.”

“Why were you in Hades? You lived on Mt. Olympus.” It seemed very suspicious to me that he just happened to be there. “Also, we need more cookies.”

“You’ve had four,” Hannah pointed out.

“I’m having a very trying day. Better pimples than a fiery, mortal death.”

Hannah made the motion of playing the world’s smallest violin.

“Will you two shut up and let me finish?” asked Theo.

“If you get cookies,” I said.

Theo obliged. Probably because he knew I’d just keep whining “Theo, can I have a cookie?” until he did. Smart boy fetched one more small biscuit for each of us.

“Let’s just say,” he said, breaking his cookie open, “I didn’t like constantly running into the god who had caused my liver to keep getting eaten. Zeus is a douche. Of epic proportions. Hades is too but he’s all ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ crap. Otherwise, I’d never have been allowed in. Mr. Paranoia had the Underworld clamped down tight.”

“You found Sophie, I mean
Persephone
and … ?” Hannah prompted.

“I spirited her body away. Essentially made a deal to put her soul, her essence into human form.”

“Can I have my other body back?”

“No. It’s dead.”

That fact shouldn’t have upset me so much. This me didn’t know or remember the other me. But I felt gutted. Like I’d lost someone incredibly close to me. Guess I had.

Theo must have noticed how pale I went at the finality of his words because he added gently, “Sorry. It was the only way.”

I grudgingly nodded.

“My plan was to watch over you as you grew up human and then when you were eighteen, release your true identity, train you to your full powers, and let you fight for mankind and end this stupid war.” He lit up with the passion of his plan. “Your allegiance is human but your powers are godlike. Since Persephone is Spring and the embodiment of earth’s fertility, as both human and goddess, you’re bound to the earth. Before you were,
you
know
, you told me that you knew the way to stop them. Any memory of that?”

“Nada.”

“This plan would definitely anger Zeus,” Hannah said, thoughtful.

Theo gave a cherubic grin. “A happy benefit.”

“So you were using me.”

“I saved you,” he retorted.

I thought about this. “You did. But the price was being farmed out to Felicia and then being stuck in this crapshow for pretty much my entire life. If you were really watching over me, you would have pretended to be my nice dad. You wanted me to be your Joan of Arc puppet.”

“I couldn’t be your dad. Things got … messed up. That’s why you didn’t meet me until grade two. Felicia’s utter lack of parental ability was perfect because she stashed you somewhere I could keep you safe. Besides, if this had happened the way it should have, you wouldn’t be whining.”

“Yeah, well, would’a, could’a, should’a,” I snarked.

We’d been crossing into one another’s personal space. A loud whistle pierced the air. Theo and I whipped around to find Hannah glaring at us.

“Both of you, shut up!”

That startled us. She’d never spoken to us in that tone of voice. The few other students across the room looked over.

“The way I see it,” she said more quietly, “it’s humans who have been used. If I am going to believe this story, it sounds like we are the only innocent beings in all this. You Greek gods and goddesses are a bunch of narcissistic insensitives with unlimited power. Just a dandy combination.”

“Don’t lump me in with them,” Theo sulked. “I’m a Titan.”

“What? You’re not even a Greek god?” Oh this was just great.

“Titans are better. We’re the deities who came first.”

“Theo,” Hannah said urgently. She motioned to me. Both of them shot to their feet, grabbed my arms and hustled me out of the cafeteria.

“Look down,” Theo hissed at me.

I had no idea what was happening until he shoved me in front of my mirror, back in my room.

“Sweet.” My normally blah brown hair had gotten darker. More lustrous. It had also gone from dead straight to falling in loose ringlets to my shoulders. “I’m like the after picture for a hair ad.” Massive delight.

“That’s your real color,” Theo said. “Persephone’s real color.”

“Well, it’s extreme makeover time because check out her eyes,” Hannah said. “They’re green. As in brilliant.”

Theo looked at me a minute then came to stand beside me. “You’re taller too.”

“A couple of inches,” Hannah agreed.

I glanced down to see my ankles sticking out of my leggings like a total nerd.

Hotter, taller me? My whoop of delight was probably heard in China.

“And I get to live with this now. Thanks,” Hannah muttered at Theo.

He gave her a grimace of apology.

“Will my magnificence get cranked to eleven?”

“Only if we’re truly blessed,” Theo grumbled. “You won’t reach your original height, but yeah, it’s all part of your true persona. Your natural abilities coming through.”

“How big was my rack?” I asked hopefully.

“Such tact,” Theo admonished. “I never noticed.”

“How would big boobs help you save humankind? Unless you’re planning to poke out Hades’ eye with your diamond hard nips.” Hannah rolled her eyes at me.

“Maybe that was my fiendish plan all along. I am goddess, see me poke.”

I gnawed on my thumbnail. The thought that humankind’s existence was dependent on me was terrifying. Yes, I had some new memories and yes, I could do wonderful/awful things, but fundamentally, I didn’t feel any different. “It’s not like I suddenly feel this deep sense of purpose or destiny or anything.”

“You will,” Theo assured me. “As more of your memories return.”

“Am I going to have to face those … things again?”

“Probably. ”

“Things?” Hannah’s eyes lit up at the mention of new, potentially deadly creatures. She fell onto her bed, crossed her legs, and got comfy. “Do tell.”

Theo flopped himself along the foot of her bed and clued her in. “The Pyrosim are courtesy of Hades.”

“I called it an Infernorator.” I added my impression. “It reminds me of the dude from ‘The Scream’ except flying and on fire. Power specialty, shooting fireballs.” I squished in between the two of them. I could have sat on my own bed, but I wanted the contact.

“Pyros, from the Greek for ‘fire,’” Theo added in a helpful manner. “Villain number two was a Photokia. You know. Photo. Light.”

“Gold Crusher. It must play for Zeus?” I glanced over at Theo and got a confirming nod. “Looks like a biker with an overly active growth hormone. Freaky mutation of choice, gold glowing eyes that shoot electricity. Also, thunderbolts tattooed on its head. In case you forget how it’s going to destroy you.”

I thought about it a moment. “That’s lovely. Despite the fact Zeus and Hades hate each other, the one thing they can agree on is that they want me dead. Yay me.”

“Think I could get a blood sample from one?” Hannah mused, clasping her hands under her chin.

“No,” Theo and I chorused together.

She was not to be put off. She slitted her eyes and regarded me craftily.

“You are not dissecting me.” I shoved Theo between us.

“One little blood sample.” She threw me her most winning smile. “For science. I bet it would prove very interesting.”

“Stand down, Dr. Frankenstein,” Theo replied. “Her DNA is human.”

“What now?” I asked. I was overwhelmed.

Theo thought about it. “The important thing is to stay within the school grounds at all times. You’re back on the radars of Hades and Zeus. We need to keep you safe until you’ve got all your memories and powers in top form. Don’t want you killed before we even get started.”

“Look at me, all welcomed back into the bosom of my family.” I thought about Bethany and smiled. “No matter. Plenty to make me happy right here.”

Hannah peered at me. “That look … I’ve seen it before.”

Theo glanced at me and snorted. “Yeah. In the mirror. It’s bloodlust. Magoo,” he warned, “whatever you’re thinking. No. You don’t just get to Godzilla your enemies. You can’t let anyone else know who you are. Much as you’d like to, no killing Bethany.”

I rolled onto my back and peered at the ceiling thoughtfully. “What if I just gave her a little anti-face lift? Say in the sixty to eight-five-year-old wrinkle range?”

Hannah shook her head. “Bethany is at least a quarter human and therefore you’re bound to protect her.”

“But it’s okay for a leopard to rip into her.”

“Give me that blood sample. If I find any leopard DNA, she’s all yours.”

“Come on!” I protested. “There’ve got to be some perks to this stupid destiny.”

“We should set some ground rules,” Hannah decided. “A code of conduct. Like Dexter has.”

“I’m a goddess, not a serial killer. I have no codes.”

“Rule number one,” Hannah stated, “No hurting humans. You can kill all the mythical creatures you want.”

“They’re not mythical if they’re trying to kill me,” I pointed out.

“Don’t get uppity with me,” she retorted. “Rule number two, I agree with Theo. No blowing your cover. You are strictly Clark Kent around here.”

“Couldn’t I at least be Tony Stark?”

“Yeah, ‘cause that’s subtle,” scoffed Theo. “If I can pull off a meek exterior, so can you.”

I twisted my head to shoot him a skeptical glance. “That’s your meek exterior? You’re the most sarcastic bastard I know.”

“You should hear me when I’m not censoring myself.”

“Rule number three,” Hannah swung her legs off the bed. “To be determined as I see fit. As are rules four through infinity.”

“You can’t do that.”

“I just did. And there’s no point huffing about it. See rule one.” She smirked. “You know, now that I’ve got my head around this, I think I’m going to like this new state of being.” She scrunched up her face. “Not like I have a choice. Adapt or die.”

Neither, apparently, did I. Sophie Bloom, disaffected adolescent, had a new gig; Persephone, savior of all mankind. All right. That didn’t have such a bad ring to it.

There was still one thing I had to do. Hannah and Theo headed down to dinner but I excused myself, pleading a headache. In reality, I just wanted some alone time.

After one more quick mirror check of joy, I cracked my laptop open and began to Google myself. There were a zillion variations on my story. I shied away from the ones involving rape and pomegranates. Rape for obvious reasons and pomegranates because it freaked me out that my love of that fruit might have pre-dated my birth.

I read about how Dad might have been married to Hera but that didn’t stop him whoring around with my real mother. Demeter. Which begged the question of where she was, because allowing me to be kidnapped was a serious parenting oversight. Although, almost better than the thought of me kicking Bethany’s ass was imagining what my true mother would do to Felicia.

I stared at my screen for a long time, then opened my email and began to type.
Dear Your Royal Imperialness Demeter, Goddess of Grain and Fertility, Preserver of Marriage, and Bringer of Seasons, Or can I just call you Mom?

You’ve read the rest of that email, so as you know, I had nowhere to send it. But boy, did I wish I did. I had a feeling that she was the one person who would tell me the truth.

Of course there was always Kai, but he’d opened this whole can of worms then disappeared. I had no clue where to find him.

If I had been reunited with my girlfriend whom I’d thought was dead, I’d be ecstatic. Kai was furious, which made me think that maybe he hadn’t believed I was dead. Maybe he’d been looking for me all this time. That’s why he asked me if it was all a big game.

In my opinion, even if he
was
mad that I’d disappeared for sixteen years, he should have come back. If I was his big love, the dummy should have been here kissing me some more. Helping me. Whatever.

God or human, males were stupid across the board.

My stomach growled. Being a goddess sure burned calories. I checked my watch and saw that if I hurried, I still had time to nab some chow. Glancing down at my clothing, I realized that it was dirty from my outdoor encounter. I was dismayed to find that my sweater had gotten badly snagged as well. I briefly considered changing but didn’t think I’d have time.

With my hair coming loose from its elastic, I flew down the hallway toward the cafeteria. As I rounded a corridor, I collided hard with a very solid body. I stumbled back, aware of Principal Doucette saying “Here is one of our juniors, Sophie Bloom. Sophie, meet our new transfer student.”

I straightened up to find out who had enrolled as our new victim. I mean, student.

There before me was Kai, in faded jeans, slung low on his hips, and a black sweater. His hair flopped over one eye and he had a slight case of dark stubble along his jaw. Apparently, no detail was too small to notice about this guy. If only I could channel that into something useful. Like homework.