My Lucky Days: A Novel (28 page)

Lucky would be the father of my child. And those moments when he came into the picture would be pure fairy dust and magic. But I would need to toughen up. I would need to do everything in my power to make sure
I alone
was enough for our baby. Because those magical moments wouldn’t happen very often.

The tears fell from my lashes as we stared at each other. The pain was raw in my heart. I loved him so very much. And the parts of him that I loved were the parts that would take him away. Lucky had always been bigger than life. Always bigger than this place.

He pulled me into his arms, holding me tighter than he had all night. I welcomed the sudden warmth of his body. His ragged breaths hit my skin and my silent cries left wet spots on his shirt. “Can I tell you something?”

I nodded against his chest.

“Colt’s father lives over in Beckett.”

“What?” I pulled back and looked at him. “I thought he was like . . . missing or something.”

He brushed a tear off my cheek. “No, Mama and Colt know exactly where he is. It’s not something any of us like to think about. But he didn’t disappear. He just made selfish decisions and turned into a complete asshole. A drunk asshole, actually. His name is DeWayne Evans, and he left Colleen when Colt was little. Ran off with some woman he met at the bar. He’d been a drunk most of their marriage, but she’d hoped things would eventually get better.” He shook his head. “Mama has always been quite the optimist.”

“Does Colt see him?”

“No. He used to try but finally just gave up. DeWayne floated around, living in different shit-holes. Even spent a little time in county jail. But he’s been in Beckett for about five years now. Lives in some rundown mobile home park. The last time Colt saw him, the roof was caving in and his dad was passed out with a pile of beer cans on the floor. Didn’t even know his son had stopped by. But Colt paid for someone to come fix the roof. And hasn’t been back since.”

I sniffled. “That’s so sad.”

“Yes. And I don’t know what’s worse. Not knowing who your father is or being Colt, knowing the worthless bastard is one town over, drunk and on welfare. Knowing exactly what he’s doing while not giving a damn about you.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Lucky tipped my face up, looking into my eyes. “This is what I’m trying to tell you. My brother and I both got the shit end of the stick when it came to fathers. And we both vowed not to be either of them. It’s why I spend so much time with Mia and Zach. I want those kids to have all of us. And never doubt who we are to them. I will do the same for us.”

My heart hurt for him in so many ways. It hurt for both of them. He really wanted to have it all and I needed to let him try—even at the expense of my heart.

“I get it now.” I smiled sadly. “But I still think you should tell Jack yes. Try to make it work. The baby won’t be here yet. And we.” I stopped for a moment. “We—”

“Will come up with a plan.” He finished my sentence. “Are you sure? Really sure?”

I nodded. He kissed me, his lips tasting of hope and love as my fingers ran through his soft hair. I wasn’t really sure about any of this. But I knew deep in my heart, Lucky would do everything in his power to make all of this work.

T
he following weeks passed with the growth of new leaves and spring sunshine. I finished student teaching. On my last day, Hunter Paisley brought me a plant with purple flowers. I accepted it with a hug, holding back my tears. According to his mama, little Hunter saw the beautiful African violet at the grocery store and insisted on buying it for Ms. Jenson.

It was the sweetest gesture that touched my heart in the best way. I could make a difference. I had with only one little boy after a few months. Imagine the possibilities if given a chance with those who really needed it.

As for my life, Lucky and I worked on a plan. He still wanted me to come on tour with him during the summer. I didn’t really feel like spending all those weeks on a dirty bus. But I wanted to do my part in trying to make this work. And I didn’t want to be away from him. Even if it meant going on the road.

I agreed to join him at the beginning of June in Santa Fe, New Mexico. By then, Peyton and Skylar would have left and I would hopefully feel well enough to be on the road—and hopefully there was enough room for my case of Clorox wipes.

After a nice talk with the school principal, I accepted the position with Gibbs Elementary for the fall. Lucky wanted me to move into the pool house. Colt and Callie would be there to help me while he was on the road.

I didn’t really like that idea. In a few months, I would be responsible for another human. I needed to take a stand at the very beginning and learn to handle it on my own. I couldn’t be the same old Katie. I needed to be better. I had to be better—whether I liked it or not.

And I knew deep in my heart, I wanted to stay in
my
house after my roommates left. It felt like home to me. I could make Skylar’s bedroom into a baby room, and Lucky could use Peyton’s room for his equipment. We talked about it every night for a week until I finally convinced him it was the best option.

Our plan continued. When Lucky came back for my graduation, he would move everything over from the pool house as Skylar put hers in the U-Haul truck. She was headed to New York with Dylan. She had landed some fancy internship with a design company and he had decided to go with her.

Peyton on the other hand was staying until the end of the month before moving back to Bedford. She was going to take a position at her local elementary school. Someone had actually hired the self-proclaimed sex goddess to be in charge of first graders. I hoped they paid someone else to check her drawers for a hidden flask.

I would miss her—every flamboyant word that made me cringe and every crumb I had to pick up off the floor when she decided to eat muffins while drunk.

I hated talking about moving day. The girls would be leaving me. I found myself constantly wishing for it to be freshman year all over again. I wished for those early days of popcorn and movies, of finding my real family. We all knew it was coming, but in my heart, graduation day was more of a sentence than a liberation.

The nostalgia was strong in the air as I stood in front of the library fountain, dressed in my cap and gown while bobby pins dug into my scalp. As the soft spring breeze floated through the air, I put an absent hand against my stomach.

I had an actual baby bump now. Little kumquat had changed into an orange. Sometimes I felt the little flutters, I think. I wasn’t sure. Maybe it was gas or my imagination. But I wanted them to be real. I never told anyone. Not even Lucky.

“Come on, Katie. Get in the picture.” Peyton motioned for me to join them.

“I shouldn’t,” I protested.

“Don’t give me that look.” Her eyebrows went into defiant arches. “You are part of my family. So get your fat ass over here.”

I reluctantly went over in front of the campus fountain, letting her place me next to her aunt Shelby. We all smiled toward Lucky who was holding the camera.

My parents didn’t come to graduation. It hurt. Their flippant disregard didn’t faze me much anymore, but not showing up for my college graduation ceremony cut a slice inside my heart. I had planned to tell them about the baby when they came too.

They made some excuse—some meeting or some other bullshit activity in San Francisco. My father had mailed me a check for ten thousand dollars with a card.
“Congrats, Katie.”

Not that I minded the money. But I would have gladly ripped that check in half if it meant my parents had sat in the crowd when I walked across the stage.

Just thinking of that card made my blood boil again. They were too busy to even write the full word
Congratulations
and my mother didn’t even bother to sign her own name at the bottom. It was my father’s handwriting for both of them.

Everyone has a breaking point, a true moment when the straw finally breaks the camel’s back—well, that day was mine.

I had ripped the card in half. And then again and again. I shredded the paper into hundreds of pieces with my bare hands. They spread in tiny confetti chunks all over the carpet and then I sucked them up in the Dustbuster and burned the pieces in the sink with a match.

As for the graduation money or blood money or guilt money, I deposited the check in the bank and saved their stupid present for the baby—the one I had no intentions of disclosing to them.

I let out a deep breath. No use in getting angry today.

Lucky put an arm around my shoulders. His lips brushed my cheek. We had yet to spend any alone time together since he arrived in town this morning for the ceremony. I felt his hand run softly over my stomach before pulling me into an embrace.

“You feel so different,” he whispered in my ear. “I can’t wait to see you without this thing covering you up.”

A blush went up my neck. I did look different and felt different. And this graduation gown did a good job of hiding every change. “You might not like what you see.”

“I will think you look beautiful.” His grin took on a mischievous twist. “Come on.”

Lucky pulled my hand and I followed him to the other side of the library. He was wearing a blue button-up shirt and dark jeans with a shiny pair of brown cowboy boots. I think they were new.

Next to a tall shrub, he spun me around, pressing me against the outer wall of the library. He rested a hand on each side of my head. “It’s been weeks since I’ve seen you. And I had to share you with an entire arena of people before I could even kiss you.”

I smiled, touching his cheeks. “I share you with arenas all the time.”

“Not yet.” He grinned as the sun sparkled behind him. “But maybe soon.”

“It will be soon,” I whispered.

He leaned in until his breath touched my lips. “You looked really pretty up there today.”

“Thank you.”

“And now for my kiss.” His mouth pressed softly against mine. I had missed this. How it felt to be with him. His smiles. His laughter.

I couldn’t imagine graduation day without Lucky. As he kissed me, his hand moved to my waist, running over my stomach again. “I know you’ve sent the pictures, but it’s so different feeling you.”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

“I’m really excited about tomorrow.”

“Me too.” Lucky was finally going to make it to a doctor’s appointment with me. And I truly was excited too. The more I looked into his brown eyes, the more I smiled.

He leaned in closer, pressing his body against mine. “I can’t wait until you both come back with me. It’s never enough time when I’m here.”

“I know.” I fought the tears that suddenly wanted to spill from my lashes, knowing the summer on the road was just a Band-Aid to our problem—a compromise of sorts. But I wasn’t going to ruin today, this moment, with those negative thoughts.

I closed the gap between our lips. He kissed me back, pulling slowly until my mouth opened and his tongue touched mine. The magic grabbed my heart and my breath. He brushed his lips down my neck and his fingers found the zipper on the top part of the gown.

“What are you wearing under this?” I caught the teasing glint in his eyes.

“Don’t.” I looked over his shoulder, noticing all the people walking by on the sidewalk.

“Okay, I’ll freeze us right here.” He laughed. “But give me a hint. What’s underneath this?”

“Something blue,” I whispered.

“Lace or see-through?” He cupped my right breast. “I can’t really tell.”

I shook my head, feeling the heat go up my neck. “I’m not telling.”

“You don’t play fair, Katie.” His eyes bore into mine for a moment. And then his hand ran down my waist to the hem of the fabric, pulling the black robe slightly up my leg. “What about under here?”

The bricks were against my back and his body was against my heart while his fingers grazed my thigh, inching higher and higher until he reached my dress. He squeezed the back of my leg as he kissed me.

I knew his kisses the way I knew his smiles and the sound of his breath through the phone. As his lips moved against mine, it wasn’t a light peck. This was a bold kiss. The kind he usually gave when he made love to me.