Nikki's Heart (6 page)

“It’s Friday, Mom; I went to Dad’s house,” I sighed. “Didn’t you see the note I left by the phone?”

“Um, no ... did you leave a note?” She was lying; I could hear it in her voice. And there was no way she missed the note if she picked up the phone. Why would she lie, though?

She called again right after supper. I was in the kitchen, coloring with the twins.

“What time did you say you were coming home?” she asked.

“Sunday afternoon,” I answered.

“What?” She wigged on me. “You have to come home tonight, Nikki. You can’t leave me here alone all weekend. I need you to come home now.”

“I can’t come home now, Mom, I have a date with Cody.”

“You have to cancel it.” She couldn’t be serious.

“I don’t think so,” I said.

“Why don’t you bring him here, then?”

“No way.”

I hung up the phone, shaking my head. I couldn’t believe she had even suggested that. Did she really believe I’d go for that?

Cody was dropping me off at my dad’s house when she called again.

“Nikki, where are you?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

“Mom, I’m at my dad’s house. I told you that earlier.”

“I keep hearing noises. I think someone is in the house.”

“Damn, Mom, no one is in the house. You’re just hearing things and freaking yourself out.” I was too mad to be concerned.

“There is Nikki.”

I sighed, pushing back frustrated tears. “I’ll just come home, okay?”

“Oh would you?” She sounded suspiciously happy. “I’m really sorry; I know you’re trying to spend time with your dad and everything.”

“Yeah, right.” I hung up.

Mandi was waiting up for me. Thankfully she didn’t ask any questions. I just told her I had to go home; I didn’t go into detail. I could tell she was annoyed, but so was I.

Cody insisted on coming in Mom’s house with me, even though we both knew no one was in there. He searched the whole house and, of course, came up empty.

My mom was on the couch passed out when we walked in. She was sprawled out and snoring loudly. Cody shook his head in disgust. “I can take you back to your dad’s house.”

I sighed. “It’s no use. She’s just going to keep calling until she gets me home anyway. I might as well stay here.” And that’s all I have done all weekend. Sit around watching my mother perfect the art of being drunk. And believe me, she has.

February 2

I was jerked out of a deep sleep at four o’clock this morning by a blood-chilling scream. I jumped out of bed and ran out of my bedroom. The scream came from my mother’s room. I burst through her door without thinking about who might be in there. It was a stupid thing to do; if someone had been in there I could have been hurt.

My mom was sitting in the middle of her bed, with her knees pulled up to her chin. She looked petrified.

“Watch out, Nikki!” She shrieked when I walked in.

I spun around; certain someone was behind the door. No one was there. There was nothing in the room besides us.

“Nikki, get away from that thing!” Mom cried.

“What, Mom?”

“That snake.” She pointed towards my feet. I froze, ready to dive for the bed if I had to. I do not like snakes at all. I looked down. There was no snake.

“Move real slow, Nikki, and it probably won’t even see you.”

I was staring at my mom with my mouth hanging open. “What are you talking about, Mom? There’s no snake down here.”

“How can you not see that? It’s huge.” She was shaking badly. “It’s right there.”

I was starting to freak out. She was dead serious. There was no snake at my feet, though. In spite of being scared to death, I got on my hands and knees and peeked under the bed. Other than a few dust bunnies, there was nothing there.

“Oh my God, Nikki, get up!” my mother screamed. “Get up, get away from that thing!”

I walked over to her. “Mom, listen, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but there is no snake in this room. I even looked under the bed.”

She looked at me with the face of a frightened child. “I can see it, though. I can see it right there.”

How could she see something that wasn’t there? What is wrong with her? Has she finally just gone off the deep end? I had to sit on her bed, literally holding her hand, until she went back to sleep. She would not believe there was no snake in the room. When she was finally out, I went back to bed. There would be no more sleep for me, though. How could I sleep not knowing what else her overactive imagination might conjure up next? I have never in my life experienced anything so completely terrifying.

February 5

I went out with Cody tonight, and I ‘accidentally’ left my cell phone on my dresser. It was the most peaceful night I have had in forever. I even forgot about my mother for a little while.

I almost had Cody drop me off at my dad’s house, but I didn’t have any clothes and stuff. And it was after eleven when we got here. It was way too late to show up over there.

Mom wasn’t home when I came in, and she didn’t leave a note. When I checked my phone, there were fourteen missed calls, all of them from her. She didn’t leave any messages, though, which is better than fourteen messages right? I’m glad I ‘forgot’ my phone.

February 6

Cody spent the whole day teaching me how to drive. It was so much fun! He couldn’t believe I never even got my driving permit or that no one has taken me out driving before.

We went to his housing edition, and he had me drive all around it. I think I did pretty well, at least I didn’t run anything over.

I don’t know why I haven’t learned to drive before now. I am going to try and get my license soon, and maybe my parents will help me get a car. It would sure be lot easier than asking for rides all of the time.

Don’t get your hopes up, Nikki, that way you won’t be disappointed in the end.

February 9

It happened again.

I was out with Cody, getting another driving lesson today. When I got home I found my mom sitting on the couch. She was holding a glass of rum and Coke, and she was talking. She stopped when she saw me, and she stood up.

“Nikki, I’m glad you’re home. Look who stopped in for a visit.” She gestured toward the chair, and I noticed how bad her hands were shaking. “It’s my mom.”

My mouth fell open. The chair was empty, thank goodness, because my grandma has been dead since I was six years old.

My mother was still talking to me, but I wasn’t listening. She went back to the couch, and sat down, sloshing rum and Coke on her jeans. She talked away, like I wasn’t even in the room.

My head was spinning, and my stomach was rolling. I was very close to pushing that panic button. For a few minutes, I couldn’t even move. I could only stand there, staring at my mother. She didn’t even notice me.

I hadn’t mentioned the snake incident to anyone. I guess I had tried to convince myself it was all a crazy nightmare or something. Do crazy nightmares come back, though? I knew at that moment, something was seriously wrong. I knew I would have to tell someone; I could not handle this one on my own.

Of course, that someone was Cody. I explained everything to him as best as I could. I was almost afraid he would think I was the one losing it. Especially when I told him she was in the living room, talking to her dead mother. He told me to lock myself in my bedroom and wait for him to call me back.

I sat in my room, trying to concentrate on my homework. I could still hear her talking, though, and it was making me extremely uncomfortable. I was more than a little afraid, more like downright petrified. More than anything though, I felt helpless. I am not used to feeling helpless. I don’t like feeling that way, either.

I waited forever for Cody to call me back. I was getting worried after an hour and a half. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t calling; he said he would. I couldn’t believe he would leave me hiding in my room all night, either.

I had the phone in my hand ready to dial his number when I heard a car pull in the driveway. I got to the window in time to see Cody and Trish climbing out of the car. My heart stopped beating. Why did he bring his mother?

“Nikki, we’ve got to talk,” Cody said as soon as I opened the door.

Thankfully my mom was no longer in the living room. I could hear her in the kitchen, though. I snuck Cody and Trish to my bedroom as fast as possible.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as I locked the door.

“We know what’s wrong with your mom,” Trish answered. “And frankly, we’re not convinced you’re safe here.”

“When you told me what was going on, I got on the Internet,” Cody explained. “I found something that sounds just like what is happening to your mom. It’s called delirium tremens, or DTs. It means your mom is at the point where she has withdrawal symptoms from the alcohol. The symptoms are tremors and hallucinations.”

My eyes were wide. I remembered how her hands were shaking a little while ago. “You mean she really is seeing things?”

“If she is really having DTs, then yes, she really believed she was talking to her mother,” Trish said.

“Oh my God,” I whispered. “What am I going to do?”

“Maybe you should consider moving out for a while,” Cody suggested.

“I can’t leave her here talking to dead people!”

“You can’t stay here and encourage her to talk to dead people, either,” Trish said softly.

“I’m not sure she could handle life alone.”

“Maybe it would give her a reason to sober up,” Cody suggested.

“Maybe,” I said. “But what if it killed her instead?”

Trish put her arm around my shoulder. “What if she hurts you, Nikki? She’s not just a danger to herself, you’re in danger, too.”

I rushed Cody and Trish back out of the house. My mother would have a coronary if she realized Mandi’s best friend was in her house. And she wouldn’t need many more rum and Cokes before she forgot about her mother and came after me.

I promised Cody and Trish I would think about getting out of here for a while. I also had to promise to sleep with my bedroom door locked and not to run out if my mom screams in the middle of the night. A difficult task, to say the least.

February 10

I finally went to bed around one o’clock this morning. I spent two hours doing nothing but pacing the floor. It wasn’t a very productive way to spend the night. Trish’s words echoed over and over in my head.

“What if she hurts you, Nikki?”

“She’s not just a danger to herself, you’re in danger, too.”

“You’re in danger, too.”

I am spending the weekend with my Dad and Mandi. I need some time to work everything out. It’s all up to me now.

February 12

It was hell getting out of the house last night. I really thought Mom and I would end up in a fistfight. She was drunk, and she was not interested in anything I had to say. She even threatened to ground me.

Ground me from my dad’s house? Can she even do that?

I finally just walked out when Mandi pulled into the driveway. I prayed all the way to Mandi’s van that she wouldn’t come after me. She was in a mean mood, and lately I don’t put anything past her.

I have turned my cell phone off. I left it on my bed while I had dinner and played with Jaren and Jena. My mom had called seventeen times.

I made a date with Mandi for lunch tomorrow. I am going to ask her about moving in here. I want to make sure she is okay with it before I ask my dad. She is the one who runs the house, after all.

February 13

I got the okay from Mandi. Well actually it was more than an okay. She is very excited about it. She said she has been waiting a long time for me to ask that.

I told her my mom has been drinking too much, and it is making me uncomfortable. I didn’t mention the DTs, how could I? You just don’t go round telling everyone your mom is seeing dead people.

Mandi being the way she is, though, didn’t need any explanations. She just believes I am making the right decisions and offers to help if she can.

We talked to Dad after we put the twins to bed tonight. He said I am welcome to stay as long as I want. He also said if my mom had any problems with it, he would take care of it.

I hope it doesn’t come down to that.

February 18

It has been a whirlwind of a week around here. I can’t believe I haven’t even had time to write in here.

I went to Mom’s Monday afternoon and packed some of my things. Mom was there, and of course she was drunk. I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I had to be sneaky. It took me almost an hour to get to my room. I played her stupid game and pretended I was happy to be home. If I had acted any other way, it would have caused a fight.

When I finally made it to my room, I packed as fast as possible. I couldn’t lock the door, because that would make her suspicious. Instead, I kept one ear pointed toward the door at all times. I was prepared to stuff my suitcase under the bed if she came down the hall.