No Strings Attached (The Pink Bean Series Book 1) (20 page)

“I’m sorry, but I can’t,” Micky said.

“I’ll hang out here with Micky,” Robin said.

After Meredith had left, Robin said, “Have you ever been to Newtown? It’s where all the lesbians hang out.”

Micky just chuckled and shook her head. “She’s not going to, er, tell anyone at work about me, is she?” Sydney was a big city, but the banking world was small, and not a lot of bankers’ ex-wives went by the nickname Micky.

“About the hot piece of ass I’m dating? How can you possibly expect her to be discreet about that?” Robin joked and kissed her on the cheek.

Micky hadn’t seen Robin since saying good-bye to her quickly on Wednesday morning. Robin had been leading a two-day workshop on a subject matter Micky had forgotten about and hadn’t come into The Pink Bean for her daily coffee. Micky had thought about her every single second.

After most of the small crowd had dispersed, Micky found herself huddled around a table with Robin, Amber, and Sheryl, while Kristin and Alyssa cleared up. Micky had offered to help, but Kristin had waved her off, claiming it would be done in no time as she winked at Micky ostentatiously.

“While you’re here,” Sheryl said to Robin, “can you make this country a little less backward and tell the government they’re utter pillocks for not having passed marriage equality yet? It’s just ludicrous.”

“I’ll do my best, but I have to say, I never thought the US would legalize it in all states before Australia did. It is, indeed, ludicrous.”

“Would you and Kristin get married?” Amber asked.

“At this point, I truly don’t know.” Sheryl slanted her body over the table. “Kristin asked me to marry her when New Zealand legalized it, but I had to say no. Just out of sheer principle. What’s the point of getting married somewhere else, only to return to a country that doesn’t recognize it? We have all our paperwork in order, anyway. I know she asked me for romantic purposes, because why else bother? But, Goddamn it, it’s just so unfair, and I’m so sick of being treated like a second-class citizen and not having the same rights as all those heterosexual people who get married without giving it a second thought, then end up divorced and bitter ten years later.” She shook her head. “No offense, Micky,” she added.

“None taken, but I guess you’re right.” Truth be told, Micky hadn’t given the whole marriage equality issue a lot of thought. She’d been married. She wasn’t planning on doing that again. She couldn’t possibly see the point of once more promising herself to one person for the rest of her life. She’d been there, done that, and had the emotional scars to show for it.

“Hey, Amber, Martha’s been asking about you,” Sheryl said next. Clearly she’d spent the better part of the poetry readings finishing her own personal bottle of wine—despite The Pink Bean’s lack of license. “Now that Micky here”—she pointed her thumb at Micky—“is off the table.” She followed up with a deep-bellied chuckle. “But it’s okay, we’re all lesbians, after all.”

Micky didn’t see what was so funny about that, although Sheryl obviously thought what she’d just said was hilarious.

“She was very sorry she couldn’t make it tonight, but she’s a grandmother with babysitting duties.”

Christ. A grandmother. Micky wasn’t sure Sheryl was doing a good job selling Martha to Amber by saying that.

“Anyway, she asked if I could give you her number.”

“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” Amber said.

“Why not?” Sheryl drank from the glass of water Kristin had given her earlier.

“I haven’t had a chance to speak to Micky about it,” Amber said.

“Micky is sitting here smitten as a kitten with Robin,” Sheryl said.

Then Kristin arrived and put her hands on her partner’s shoulder. “I think someone’s had enough,” she said. “Come on, babe. I’ll take you upstairs.”

“Things are just getting interesting, honey.” Sheryl looked up at Kristin. Her eyes narrowed, then her chin dropped and she rose. “I bid you all adieu.” She pointed at Amber. “Let me know, okay?”

“So that was the
erudite professor
you told me about,” Robin said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“She likes a drink. Don’t we all?” Micky was starting to see through the perfect exterior of Kristin and Sheryl’s relationship. “What did you want to talk to me about, Amber?” she asked, not wanting to gossip about her employer’s partner’s drinking habits too much.

“I haven’t seen you in days. Let’s catch up soon,” Amber said. “I have an early class tomorrow, so I’d better head home.”

“I guess it’s just us then,” Robin said after Amber had left. “Want to come back to my place for a bit?”

“Oh God, please don’t ask me that.”

“Just for half an hour. Forty-five minutes tops.” When Robin cocked her head like that and smiled that seductive smile, Micky couldn’t possibly say no.

✶ ✶ ✶

“I won’t see you all weekend?” Robin asked while she peppered Micky’s neck with kisses. “Not even on the sly?”

“Don’t ask me that while you kiss me like this,” Micky said in between groans.

“You’re making me feel like a teenager again, with all this sneaking around.” Robin pulled away from her and looked her in the eye. They’d barely made it inside Robin’s flat. Micky stood with her back against the front door.

Micky had made a point of writing down Olivia and Christopher’s schedule for the weekend, something she had never done before, but neither one of them seemed to have a lot going on in the coming two days, at least not at overlapping times. Either way, it was more a psychological barrier for Micky. When the children were with her, she didn’t spend every last second in their company. She had felt compelled to do that post-divorce, but they’d quickly made it clear that they didn’t want their mother around all the time. Anyway, this wasn’t a matter of proximity. The issue was what Micky was doing when she was out of the house. She wouldn’t just need to tell Darren soon, she’d need to inform her children—and her mother.

“I promise it won’t be like this for long, but…” Micky always involuntarily smiled when she looked at Robin, especially when Robin’s body was half pressed against her like that. “Why not enjoy the excitement that comes with it for now?”

Micky pulled Robin close for a kiss and lost herself in their lip-lock. When, way too soon, the time came for her to leave, her clothes were all ruffled and her acute desire had not been sufficiently quenched—because despite the quickie they’d just had, Micky’s hunger for Robin was so bottomless that half an hour alone with her didn’t even come close to satisfying it—but she walked home with a spring in her step and a blush on her cheeks nonetheless.

They were together now, and at least for the night, before she had to face the world again in the morning and the prospect of coming out, she could luxuriate in the glowing heat running beneath her flesh that resulted from time spent with Robin.

Micky was in love, and she felt it in every cell of her body.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

“So,” Micky said. “Should I give Sheryl your number to pass on to Martha?” It was Sunday afternoon, and they’d taken Olivia and Chris to Balmoral beach in Mosman where Micky used to spend so much of her time when she was still married. The kids were walking to the beach restaurant with their grandmother to see if they could squeeze them in for dinner tonight.

“I was wondering when you were going to bring that up.” Amber stared straight ahead.

“I’ve tried, Amber, but I just can’t shake off the memory of the chemistry crackling in the air between the two of you at that dinner party.”

“But she was there for
you
. Sure, at first sight, I did like her, but my mind didn’t even go there, I swear to you.”

Only Amber would ever feel guilty about something like this. “Well, that really couldn’t have gone worse for her, what with Robin showing up like that.”

“I know all of that, but… I don’t know. It feels weird.”

“It may feel weird for half an hour or so, but think of all the time you have left after the feelings of weirdness have subsided.
And,
she’s not one of your students.”

“Maybe we should organize a group thing again first. Get the initial awkwardness out of the way to see if the spark is still there.”

“What are you so afraid of? A beautiful, available woman is interested in you. You should be jumping for joy instead of hesitating like this.”

Now Amber did turn her head to look at Micky. “You know how I’ve been burned in the past.”

“But this is the future.” Micky sat up a bit straighter. “You pushed me to put myself out there and be more open to new things, and look at me now. I’m crazy about a gorgeous woman. That’s what happened to me because you encouraged me to stop dwelling in the past and to finally face my fears about who I truly am. You did that for me, Amber. Now I’m doing the same for you.”

“I know you’re right, but for me to be okay with it, I need to let a little bit of time go by. Not long, just a few days, or a week.”

Micky sighed. “Nothing happened between Martha and me. We had a forty-five minute conversation alone. That’s it.”

“That’s not true, Micky. You told me about her, and you invited her to your house. I know you’re probably thinking this is one of my crazy Amber rules, and it is, but I just need a little bit more time. You’re my best friend. I can’t just… move in and move on.”

“But I’m with Robin now. What does that say about me?”

“We’re different people. I’m not judging you, if that’s what you want to know. You and Robin, that’s an entirely different situation. I do want to go out with Martha. It’s been a long time since I met a woman I was so immediately interested in, I just need a little more time.”

“I’m already glad you’re willing to admit to being attracted to her.”

“I didn’t say attracted, Micky, I said interested.” Amber’s facial expression was dead serious.

Micky laughed and shook her head. “Just don’t use our friendship as an excuse because what you really are, is afraid to put yourself out there.”

“I’m not. But there are other things to consider. Did you hear what Sheryl said? She’s a grandmother.”

“Well, you’re a godmother.”

Amber quirked up her eyebrows. “Not the same at all.”

“I know, I just fear you’re trying to think this to death before anything has even happened.”

“That’s just how I am. Let’s not forget how much time I gave you after your divorce, my dearest friend. You don’t think I had to bite my tongue many a time?”

“Er, many a time you didn’t.”

“Then I at least held off saying what I really wanted to say, while you know that’s not my style at all. I was just being a good, considerate, patient friend.” Amber let some sand slip through her fingers. “Besides, you’ve been sleeping with Robin for a few weeks now and you still haven’t told me.”

“Told you what?” Micky looked at Amber’s hands instead of at her face.

“Remember that talk we had a while back about
the spectrum
?”

“I do.” Micky dug her fingertips into the sand.

“And how since then you’ve fallen in love with a woman?”

“Well, yes, which you know all about, so what’s left to tell?” Did Amber really need her to say the word?

“I think it would help you a lot to say it out loud. You’ll be telling your children soon, Micky. You might as well practice on me.”

“You want me to say that I’m a lesbian? That word is really so important to you?” Micky’s fingers cramped up in the sand.

“That particular word is of no importance to me whatsoever. It’s not about the word. It’s about you saying it out loud and, finally, after all these years, admitting it to yourself, and to me.”

Micky cleared her throat, looked her best friend in the eye, and said, “I’m in love with a woman. I like women. I guess that makes me a lesbian.”

Amber smiled. “Oh, Micky. It’s not about what label you stick on yourself or how you identify, it’s about you finally just saying it out loud.” Amber reached for Micky’s hands. “I’ve seen you struggle with this for such a long time. With all the duties you think you had in regard to everyone. Everyone but yourself. How you pushed aside your own happiness so your family could be happy.” She fell silent for a second. “This is an important moment. It really is.”

“Maybe it is.” It wasn’t a hugely cathartic moment, but significant nonetheless. Because what Amber had just said was true, Micky had never admitted it to anyone else, until now. She’d barely admitted it to herself. She looked past Amber’s shoulder and saw her mother and the children approach. “But here comes the family.” She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath.

Amber let go of her hands but kept looking at her. “When are you going to tell them?”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Micky met Darren at the same restaurant he’d told her about Lisa. They didn’t sit at the same table, but aside from that, the day could be a reenactment of that very lunchtime conversation—except for one big difference, of course. She would have preferred a more private setting, but privacy wasn’t something they had between them anymore.

No matter how deeply she breathed, Micky couldn’t get her heartbeat to slow down. It had become a nervous drum inside of her, an insane pitter-patter, reminding her how far out of her comfort zone she was stepping. Because this was Darren. The man who had slept next to her, carefree, safely wrapped up in a cocoon of marital security, for eighteen years.

“Darren will be the easiest one to tell,” Amber had assured her. “You don’t see him all that often and what he thinks about it doesn’t really matter that much in the end.” This was true on some level, but as Micky sat across from him, weighing the words in her head—and already having them sound so wrong before they even came out—the intimacy they had shared also made him the hardest person to tell.

“What’s going on, Micky?” he asked. “Am I going to need a glass of wine for this?” He held up his glass of sparkling water.

They’d dispensed with the small talk already. They’d discussed the kids’ wellbeing. Micky had picked a week when they were with their father to tell him because she would need to see Robin afterward. She would need the time and space to have all these feelings that were wreaking havoc on her common sense re-affirmed.