Nobody’s Girl (11 page)

After staying at Derek’s overnight and then all weekend, Pearl was able to return to work, but she was still full of self-loathing. Derek and Connie had been so kind. They had believed her lies about being ill and she’d been cosseted by both of them. Of course, this had made her feel worse and she felt torn in two. She had betrayed Derek. Should she break up with him?

Pearl baulked at the thought. Despite her feelings for Kevin, he didn’t want her, he’d made that plain, and if she broke up with Derek she’d be alone again, unprotected. Not only that, she would lose Connie too, a woman she had grown deeply fond of.

A foretaste of what was to come happened as she walked through the market on her way to work. She was greeted with smiles, waves, and several stallholders stuffed bags of fruit into her arms. She was even given a bunch of flowers from the old lady who sat on the opposite corner to the café. The flower seller was known for being mean, her flowers often wired around the base of the blooms to make them look tight and fresh. Pearl took the carnations, the old crone patting her hand, and laden, she was greeted with more smiles from Bernie when he saw her.

‘Hello, love,’ he said. ‘Are you feeling better now?’

‘Yes, I’m fine, thanks.’

‘I see the stallholders have been showing their appreciation. You’d better take that lot through to the kitchen.’

‘Have you heard anything about Eric?’

Bernie’s face straightened. ‘He’s in hospital, and may be there for some time. Go and have a word with Dolly. It’ll be better coming from her.’

‘Pearl!’ Dolly exclaimed. ‘It’s good to see you, girl, but you still look a bit pale. Are you sure you’re up to doing a full shift?’

‘Yes, I’m fine. Bernie said that Eric’s in hospital and you’d tell me why.’

Dolly exhaled loudly. ‘This ain’t gonna be easy for you to hear, but from what we’ve heard he has a lot of rectal damage needing surgery. The poor kid is badly traumatised too.’

‘What about Mr Bardington? Has he been arrested?’

‘Pearl, don’t ever mention that man’s name again, especially to the police. We have a way of looking after our own around here, and believe me, he got what he deserved. As far as the police are concerned, they were told that he ran off.’

‘Oh, please, don’t tell me that he got away?’

‘No, love, there was no chance of that. That bastard will never harm another child.’

‘You … you don’t mean that he’s—’

‘Don’t ask,’ Dolly interrupted. ‘All I’ll say is that there are a couple of blokes who run this borough, and they sorted it out. That’s all you need to know. Now go and get yourself a cup of tea before the rush starts.’

With a small nod, Pearl went back to the dining room. She had seen the beating, and from what Dolly had inferred, could guess what had happened to Trevor Bardington. It she wanted to remain in this area, like everyone else she would have to keep her mouth shut. But her stomach churned. If she had called the police instead of running to Derek, the man might still be alive, but instead she had caused his death.

‘You look awful,’ Bernie said. ‘Are you sure you can manage today?’

‘Yes,’ Pearl told him. She saw Bernie’s concerned expression, the kindness in his eyes, and blurted out, ‘I feel awful about what happened to Trevor Bardington. He’d still be alive if I’d called the pol—’

Bernie held up his hand before she could finish the sentence, saying quickly, ‘Who said he’s dead?’

‘Dolly said he’d never hurt another child again, and … and I assumed that’s what she meant.’

‘Don’t assume anything, Pearl. That bastard got the kicking he deserved and a good one at that, but it wasn’t one of our lot that took a knife to him. When he was handed over, that came later. From what we’ve been told, he’s been castrated, and that’s why he’ll never be able to hurt a child again.’

‘Castrated?’

‘Christ, girl, I ain’t about to explain the procedure. Sufficient to say that the man’s alive and you have nothing to feel guilty about.’

‘Oh, thank God,’ Pearl said, relief making her collapse onto the nearest chair.

‘Here, get that down you,’ Bernie said as he placed a cup of tea in front of her.

Pearl gulped the hot, sweet brew and a few minutes later Alice Freeman arrived.

‘Hello, Pearl, it’s good to have you back. You still look a bit rough, but don’t worry, I’ll help you as much as I can until you’re up to scratch again.’

‘Thanks, Alice.’

‘You’re a bit of a hero around here now and it’s nice to hear that Derek and his gran have been looking after you.’

Pearl hung her head. Yes, Derek and Connie had been wonderful, but after what had happened with Kevin she didn’t feel like a hero. She felt more like a slut.

By the end of the morning rush, Pearl had been inundated with gifts. She had also been hugged, thanked and made a fuss of by every customer.

Derek came in at eight o’clock, his face showing concern. ‘Are you all right, Pearl? Is your tummy still holding up?’

‘It’s fine, but I’m a bit overwhelmed by the way the customers are treating me.’

‘You’re the talk of the market. They’ve taken you to their hearts and you’re one of us now.’

‘But, Derek, all I did was hear a noise.’

‘Yeah, but you acted on it. If you hadn’t, we might never have found Eric. Or when we did, it might have been too late.’ He reached out to take Pearl’s hand. ‘Listen, love, I know you can’t face living in your bedsit, so I’ve had a word with Gran. She said you’re to stay with us until you find somewhere else to live. When you finish work, give me a shout, and I’ll come with you to pack up your stuff.’

Pearl hung her head with shame. She didn’t deserve this kindness, yet at the thought of living in that room, knowing what had happened above her, she felt sick. Derek’s offer was her only alternative, at least until she could find somewhere else.

‘Thanks, Derek,’ she murmured, unable to look him in the face.

It was midday before Pearl saw Kevin. She wanted to hate him, but couldn’t, her heart skipping a beat as he passed. He walked through to the kitchen, ignoring her, and when he came out again, he barely glanced in her direction. Pearl’s eyes blurred with tears. It didn’t seem possible that he could ignore her after something so intimate had happened between them.

Kevin spoke to his father and then walked out of the café without a backward glance, leaving Pearl feeling sick inside. She’d been an idiot, a fool, but despite what he said, she had still clung to the hope that he loved her.

There was a knot of pain in Pearl’s stomach, but then she dashed at her tears, shoulders stiffening with resolve. This was another lesson, one she would never forget. She had let down her barriers – barriers put up long ago in the orphanage. She had allowed someone into her heart, and was now suffering for it. Never again. She would never let her barriers down again.

She was fond of Derek – Connie too – but she wouldn’t allow her feeling to go deeper than that. From now on, nobody would be able to hurt her.

*

For the rest of the shift Pearl did her work, but her smile was forced, and once or twice she saw Bernie looking at her worriedly. As soon as the lunchtime rush was over he called her to the counter.

‘You still look a bit rough. Go on home and I’ll help Alice to finish off the tables.’

Pearl thanked him, and though she wasn’t ill, she was glad to leave. She had been fighting all day to bury her feelings and now felt emotionally drained. ‘What about Mrs Dolby? Are you sure she won’t mind?’

‘You leave her to me. Now go on, get yourself home.’

Pearl pulled off her apron and was just leaving the café when she saw Kevin walking towards her. With her head down she made to walk past him, but this time he didn’t ignore her.

‘Well, Pearl. You’re quite the little celebrity now.’

‘Let me pass.’

‘Now then, don’t be hasty. I was just going to suggest that I pop up to see you again tonight.’

‘Wh … what?’

‘I said I’d like to see you again.’

She looked up at his handsome face and her stomach fluttered. ‘You … you said you don’t want a steady girlfriend.’

‘Yeah, that’s right, but we can still have a bit of fun on the side.’

Pearl’s hand flew to her mouth as she shoved past Kevin, flaying herself for once more letting him get through her defences. One look at his handsome face and her resolve crumbled. It had to stop – it
had
to. She was nearing Derek’s stall now and fought to pull herself together, forcing the mockery of a smile.

‘You look awful,’ Derek said. ‘Maybe you went back to work too soon. I’ll get someone to watch me stall and we’ll collect your stuff.’

‘I can’t face going to my room now. Can we collect my things later?’

‘Of course we can. Go on home and Connie will see you’re all right. I’ll pack up in about an hour.’

He leaned forward, giving her a peck on the cheek before she hurried away. Home, Derek had said. Oh, if only it could remain her home – a refuge where Kevin Dolby could never get near her again.

Pearl’s steps faltered. There was a way. Instead of waiting, she could marry Derek as soon as possible. As Pearl continued her journey, the thought became more and more compelling.

At eight o’clock, Pearl and Derek had collected her things, and now they were back in his house. It had been hard to return to her bedsit, but with so few belongings it hadn’t taken long to pack. Derek too had been impressed with her drawings, and was now urging her to show them to Connie.

She reluctantly pulled out her portfolio, and was amazed by Connie’s reaction. ‘Blimey, girl, this is a smashing one of Derek. It looks just like him.’

‘See, Pearl, I told you they’re good.’

‘Why don’t you sell them?’ Connie suggested.

Pearl’s stomach knotted. Kevin had said the same thing and she’d been so flattered, the memory of what happened afterwards making her flush with shame.

‘Gawd, look at her, Derek. She’s blushing. I ain’t kidding, Pearl. I reckon you could sell these and make yourself a few bob.’

‘Maybe. I … I’ll think about it.’

‘Pearl’s room wasn’t up to much, Gran. I’m sure she’ll be able to find something better.’

‘Of course she will, and it’s a shame we ain’t got a spare bedroom. It can’t be much fun sleeping on that sofa.’

‘It’s fine,’ Pearl said, ‘and it’s good of you to have me. I’ll find something else as soon as I can.’

‘What did Nobby Clark say when you told him you were leaving?’

‘He said he could see I wouldn’t want to live there now, and even gave me back my week’s deposit.’

‘Huh, that’s probably because Derek was with you. I wouldn’t trust Nobby as far as I could throw him. Anyway, Derek, how about taking Pearl’s stuff through to the front room, and then we’ll have a nice cuppa?’

‘I’ll make it,’ Pearl said, jumping to her feet, and as she began to prepare the brew, she felt at home in Connie’s kitchen. Once again she hardened her resolve. She would marry Derek, stay in this haven, and now all she had to do was encourage him to ask her.

On Friday, Frank Hanwell set up his stall again, but he was a different man. There were no more jokes, no ribald exchanges with his customers, and when he went into the café the other costermongers became strangely quiet, most keeping their heads down as Frank headed for one of Pearl’s tables.

‘Hello, Frank,’ she said quietly. ‘What can I get you?’

‘I’ll just have an egg and a couple of rashers of bacon.’

‘How’s Eric?’

Frank reached out to grasp her hand, his eyes agonised and his voice barely above a whisper. ‘He’s coming home next week, but he won’t let me near him. It’s almost as if he blames me for what happened. He’s so quiet, Pearl, but it’s his eyes that get to me. They look blank, as though my son is dead inside.’

Pearl returned the pressure of Frank’s hand, floundering for something to say. She felt so inadequate, so unworldly, and could find no words of wisdom to comfort the man.

‘It’s early days yet,’ was all she could come up with, and after writing his order, she rushed to the kitchen. For a moment she stood just inside the door, reliving that awful moment when she first found Eric.

‘What’s the matter, girl?

‘Oh, I’m sorry, Mrs Dolby. I’ve just taken Frank Hanwell’s order and—’

‘Christ, no wonder you look upset. How is he?’

‘He looks awful. He told me about Eric, and … and I didn’t know what to say to him.’

‘I’m surprised he spoke to you about it,’ Gertie said as she joined them. ‘He’s hardly said a word to anyone since it happened.’

‘Maybe it’s because Pearl found the lad,’ Dolly said, rushing back to the stove to save some sausages before they blackened. ‘We can’t talk now,’ she said impatiently. ‘Pull yourself together, Pearl, and get on with your work.’

Gertie threw her a smile of sympathy before hurrying away and, taking a deep breath, Pearl picked up a couple of orders, carrying them through to the dining room. It was busy, the breakfast rush well underway, and when Derek came in he had no option but to sit at one of Alice Freeman’s tables.

When Frank’s breakfast was ready, Pearl placed it on the table, but the man said nothing as he picked up his knife and fork. He’d been joined by costermongers who always sat with him, but as Pearl took their orders the usual camaraderie and jokes were missing.

Awful though it was, when Frank left, it was as if everyone in the café sighed. The noise level picked up, and occasional subdued laughter could be heard.

Pearl went over to Derek, shaking her head sadly. ‘Poor Frank, and now everyone seems relieved that he’s gone.’

‘It’s human nature, love. It was a terrible thing that happened, and it touched all of us. A lot of people are probably thanking God that it wasn’t their child, and they don’t know how to comfort Frank.’

‘I didn’t know what to say to him either.’

‘Nor me, and my stall is next to his. He’s still very upset and is losing trade. I wish I could do something, anything, but feel helpless. I can’t imagine what the family is going through, and rumour has it that Eric has been mentally affected. It may take years for him to recover, if he ever does. The poor little tyke.’

‘Oh, Derek, why is the world so cruel?’

‘I dunno, love, but lots of good things happen too. It’s just that when something like this occurs, we forget them. Count your blessings, Gran says, and she’s right. Come on, cheer up.’

Pearl forced a smile, leaving Derek to take an order. She turned to look briefly at him over her shoulder, glad that he had come into her life. No matter what, she felt that Derek would always look after her – and was comforted by the thought.

Kevin came downstairs at eleven o’clock and, seeing Pearl, he smiled. She could pretend all she liked, but he knew she still fancied him. It was a bit of a bugger that she’d left her bedsit. She was staying with Derek, and out of his reach, but once she found another place he intended to sample the goods again.

Since that first time he’d been unable to dismiss her from his mind. Pearl had been a virgin and for some reason she felt like his property now. It wasn’t easy to get a girl into bed, most insisting on walking up the aisle a virgin, but it hadn’t been hard with Pearl.

He went through to the kitchen, ordered his breakfast, and made a point of sitting at one of Pearl’s tables. She’d run off last time he suggested seeing her again, so maybe he should change his tactics. She was timid, soft, and a bit of charm wouldn’t hurt.

‘Hello, Pearl,’ he said, smiling as she put his breakfast on the table. ‘You look nice. Would you mind getting me a couple of slices of bread and a cup of tea?’

She said nothing, her lips tight as she scurried off. Kevin eyed her as she went to the counter, admiring her now shapely figure. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad having her as a steady girlfriend. He wouldn’t have to take her out much, and as he’d been the first one to have her, it would be nice if he remained the
only
one. She would be his own exclusive property and on hand whenever he got the urge.

Kevin waited until Pearl returned to the table, noticing that her hands were trembling, the cup rattling in the saucer as she placed it on the table. ‘Thanks,’ he said and, glancing around, saw no one in earshot. ‘Pearl, I really would like to see you again. Maybe I could take you out one night?’

He saw the hesitation in her eyes, but then she shook her head, saying curtly, ‘No, thanks. Derek is my boyfriend and I don’t want go out with you.’

Unused to girls turning him down, Kevin spat, ‘Yeah, but you slept with me, not him. Perhaps he’d like to hear about it.’

‘Oh, no! Please, you can’t tell him.’ She paused momentarily, then begged, ‘Please, Kevin, don’t say anything to Derek. You … you see, we’re getting married.’

‘What? You’re going to marry that ugly sod?’

‘Derek may not be much to look at, but he isn’t ugly. He’s a good man, a nice man.’

‘Nice! And that’s reason enough to marry him?’

‘I … I think a lot of him.’

Kevin’s fingers tightened around his cutlery in anger. So, she preferred that ugly sod to him. Huh, well, he’d see about that. Once Derek found out that he’d had her first, there’d be no marriage.

‘Bugger off,’ he growled, and finding that he’d lost his appetite he swallowed only his tea before marching out of the café.

It didn’t take him long to reach Derek’s stall and Kevin feigned friendliness as he went to his side. ‘Watcha, mate. How’s it going?’

‘Hello, Kevin. It’s a bit quiet today.’

‘Pearl tells me that you two are getting married.’

‘Did she?’ Derek grinned widely. ‘Blimey, that’s great.’

So, Pearl had lied, and now Kevin forced a laugh. ‘It sounds like you knew nothing about it.’

‘Well, we’re courting, but I haven’t proposed yet. I thought Pearl would want to wait until she’s a bit older.’

‘Huh, she’s old enough and, believe me, she knows how to make a man happy.’

Derek’s face darkened. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

Self-preservation kicked in, and Kevin baulked. Christ, was he mad? If he told Derek he’d been there first, the man would kill him. He desperately sought for a way out. ‘Well, mate, I can see how happy you are, and it’s obvious that it’s down to Pearl.’

Derek jaws were working, his tension obvious, but as Kevin’s words sunk in, he relaxed. ‘You’re right. Pearl’s a smashing girl, and now I know she wants to marry me, I’ll do the proposing. Mind you, I’ll have to save for a ring.’

Kevin’s eyes narrowed. He wanted to punish Pearl for turning him down, to make her pay. Not only that, he wanted to sample the goods again. He needed time to work on her and had somehow to put a spoke in Derek’s wheels. ‘If you ask me, she’s a bit young and I reckon you should hold off for a while before proposing.’

‘No, I don’t want to do that. Her birthday’s a month away, in October, and I should have enough saved for a nice little solitaire by then.’

Kevin managed a smile, yet as he walked away it was quickly replaced by a scowl. Christ, despite his trying to put him off, Derek was still going to propose in October. Pearl was a bitch. He’d shown her a good time and she’d enjoyed it, yet she was going to marry Derek bloody Lewis. Well, if that’s what she wanted, fuck her. There were plenty more fish in the sea and he wouldn’t waste his time on her again.

Pearl was anxiously watching the door, but it was after three o’clock before Kevin returned. She had to speak to him – had to know if he’d told Derek. He was heading for the kitchen and she quickly stood in his path.

‘Get out of my way.’

‘Did … did you say anything to Derek?’

He sneered. ‘Worried, are you? Well, you can relax. I didn’t tell him, and in fact he’s welcome to you.’

Pearl’s breath left her body in a rush, and seeing that Bernie was looking at them curiously, she quickly moved out of Kevin’s way. He swept past, and her heart jumped when Bernie called her over.

‘Is there a problem, Pearl?’

‘No, I was just saying hello to Kevin.’

His eyes narrowed. ‘Pearl, I’m saying this for your own good. If you’ve got any ideas about my son, forget them.’

‘I … I haven’t got any ideas about him.’

‘I’m glad to hear it. You stick with Derek and you won’t go wrong.’

She gave a slight nod, busying herself with a bit of last-minute tidying before her shift came to an end. Yes, she would stay out of Kevin’s way, but she hated how her treacherous body reacted every time he came near her. Kevin changed like quicksilver: one minute nice, the next horrible. Pearl hung her head. She both loved him, and feared him, yet now wondered if he was right. Had she mistaken sex for love? Was it just lust that she felt?

It was time to go and as Pearl put on her coat, Nora arrived, beaming widely, her face holding the innocence of a child. For a moment Pearl’s fingers itched to sketch her again and she studied her features, trying to hold them in her mind, but was too worried about Derek to concentrate. Had Kevin told the truth? Had he really said nothing to Derek?

She called goodbye, leaving the café to walk slowly to his stall, the breath leaving her body with relief when he smiled warmly. Oh, he was such a lovely man, and though he didn’t arouse any feelings in her, she was safe with him.

Once again Pearl’s resolve hardened. Kevin was dangerous, unpredictable, and it was better to keep out of his way.

‘Hello, love, I just saw Nutty Nora charging through the market. She looked like a rag bag.’

‘Oh, don’t call her that. She may be slow, but she isn’t nutty.’

‘It’s a nickname she’s had for years.’

‘It seems so unkind.’

‘Yeah, you’re right, it is, and from now on I won’t use it. Mind you, I still think she could do with smartening herself up a bit. Sometimes she lets off an awful whiff.’

Pearl looked down at her own clothes. She desperately needed some new ones, and as the second-hand shop was at the end of the market she intended to see if she could find a couple of outfits.

Derek had the local paper and she picked it up. ‘Did you see any bedsits to rent?’

‘Yeah, a couple, but there’s no hurry for you to move out.’

‘I don’t think your gran would agree. I’m taking up her front room.’

‘It’s not her house, love, it’s mine. Gran had the tenancy transferred to my name years ago. She wanted to make sure that if anything happened to her, I wouldn’t get chucked out.’

Pearl smiled faintly. The house might be in Derek’s name, but it was obvious who ruled the roost. ‘It’s still time I found somewhere else to live.’ She stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss on the cheek, Derek gripping her hand for a moment before she hurried away.

Her heart was lighter as she opened the door to the second-hand shop, but was greeted by a musty smell that made her nose wrinkle. There was a mishmash of stuff for sale: old books, bits of china, a few pieces of furniture, all covered in dust. She was about to turn tail when an elderly lady came out of a back room, her heavily lined face breaking into a smile.

‘Hello, dear. Can I help you?’

‘I … I’m looking for a couple of outfits, but …’

‘Well, you’re in luck. I’ve just had some stuff in that’s in good nick and looks about your size.’ She shuffled over to a metal rack, her fingers gnarled and bent with arthritis. After riffling through the rail she pulled out a skirt and blouse. ‘Here they are and, as you can see, there ain’t a mark on them.’

Pearl reluctantly crossed the shop floor but when she got closer, she could see what the old lady meant. The blue skirt looked lovely, pleating from the waist into a flare, and the white blouse immaculate. When the old woman pulled out a dress, Pearl’s eyes widened. It was patterned with pink roses on a cream background, the material heavy and of good quality. The skirt flared from the waist too and there was also a matching bolero with short sleeves.

‘You can try them on, if you like.’

‘Oh, yes, please.’

She was led to the back room, finding it piled high with more clothes and old furniture, but there was a full-length mirror. The old lady left, and after trying on the skirt and blouse, finding them an almost perfect fit, Pearl reached for the dress. She twirled in front of the mirror, amazed at how lovely it looked, and now crossed her fingers that she could afford them. Quickly dressing, she then carried the outfits through to the shop. ‘How much are they?’

‘Well, now, let me see. You can have the skirt and blouse for a shilling, but I want two bob for the dress.’

Pearl gasped, unable to believe her luck. Both outfits would have cost pounds new. Afraid the woman would change her mind, she quickly pulled out her purse.

The clothes were shoved in an old brown-paper carrier bag, and as the old lady handed it over she cocked her head to one side, her eyes narrowing. ‘In the not too distant future, we’ll see each other again.’

‘Yes, I’ll definitely come here again.’

‘I know you will, but it may not be to buy clothes.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Don’t worry about it, duckie. It’s just that I know our paths were meant to cross and one day you and I will need each other.’

There was something all-knowing in the old woman’s dark eyes and Pearl shivered. ‘I … I don’t understand.’