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Authors: Hamish Cantillon

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BOOK: O-Negative: Extinction
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David frowned at him.  “No that wasn’t one of my policy objectives nor the main reason I went into politics as you well know.  Anyway despite your completely unwarranted and unfounded allusions I’ve reviewed all the applications and believe there is one standout candidate.”  He made a show of flicking through the pile of papers in front of him.  “This candidate has all the qualities I expect to see in someone I will be working closely with, now what was the candidate’s name again……?”  He passed Greg Megan’s application.

 

It was Greg’s turn to laugh.  “Right I’ll make the call.  If any of the press do pick up on this, which I suspect is unlikely in the short term, I suggest we play the ‘Congressman Mitchell left the decision making process entirely in the hands of his Chief of Staff Mr Greg Harmer’ yes?”

 

“Agreed.  You’ve made an inspired choice Mr Harmer.”

Chapter 5 -  JOE - January 2016

 

The alarm went off next to Joe’s head.  He felt like someone had just banged a gong, similar to that scene from the beginning of all those old Rank Distribution films.  It took him a few seconds to work out where the noise was coming from and then he swept his arm out knocking the offending object to the floor. 

 

With the abatement of his alarm he now had the opportunity to contemplate how long he had left to live.  He wasn’t sure, but the way he was feeling he might already be dead.  Well at least he hadn’t been woken by the constant light this morning though he wasn’t sure the price was worth paying as his head felt terrible.  When he turned over his stomach lurched as if he’d just gone over the top of a rollercoaster.  He couldn’t remember when he’d had a hangover so bad.  He wondered if Michael had deliberately given him a bad batch of homebrew.  Joe wouldn’t blame him if he had.  Though he’d tried to stick to the branded beer, luxuries like that were in short supply and had soon run out - leaving no alternative but the home brew. 

 

He put his hand up to the small cupboard hanging next to the side of his bunk and on the second attempt managed to open the door.  He rummaged around for what seemed like an eternity until his hand came across the distinctive shape of a sheet of Nurofen.  He pulled the silvery sheet out and peered at it blurrily. Two left, thank God.  He put them in his mouth and swallowed without water – he couldn’t face making it to the bathroom to get some.  As he put his pillow over his head he heard Peter Jackson his bunk mate whistling as he got up to go for a shower.  To Joe it sounded like someone was scraping their nails down a blackboard.

 

Two hours later he woke again.  The first thing he noticed was that his bladder was bursting; the second was that his alarm clock was lying on the floor smugly telling him it was 10.20 in the morning.  He lurched out of his bunk realising he was massively late for work.  Unfortunately he’d forgotten that he was also massively hung over.  The sudden movement necessitated him rushing out of his room and down the corridor to the toilet.  After emptying the contents of his stomach he lifted his head from the toilet bowl and noticed he was still wearing the same clothes from the night before.  All in all not the best way to start a day. 

 

After a refreshing (for once) cold shower he put on some clean clothes and carefully made his way to his workstation.  There was no point heading to the dining area.  He’d missed breakfast and Carole was a stickler for keeping to the set meal times.  He knew he should really be heading out to his drill site to pick up the next set of samples but the thought of a 90 minute snow track ride with the sun shining into his eyes sounded like torture.  When he eventually made it to the lab Wendy was the only one there.

 

“Well hello sailor.  What do we have here?” “You look very similar to my friend Joe, but you can’t be him as he should have been up and out of the station by O nine hundred hours at the very latest”.

 

He gave her a pained smile. “I’m not going to lie to you Wendy, I’m a bit fragile this morning.  Do you have any Nurofen on you by any chance, I used my last ones earlier?”

 

Wendy rummaged around on her desk and then brought him over couple of tablets and a glass of water.  “You’re in luck.  I don’t feel so great myself but you look much worse than I feel so here you go.”  She looked at his pale face and cracked lips. “How much did you drink last night?”

 

He thought about the question for a moment and then replied. “Wendy I can honestly say that I have absolutely no idea.  In fact I can’t seem to recall much of last night at all.  Was it a good party?”

 

Wendy smiled.  “Oh yes a fabulous time was had by all…..” She paused for full effect. “Though I can’t say a certain Professor Chapman looked best pleased when you started snogging Susie Pilchard….”  “I dare say Ms Pilchard’s days as the station’s comms officer are numbered”.

 

He gave a start at Wendy’s comments.  “Please tell me you’re joking Wendy? Susie Pilchard?”.  A vague recollection of a large buxom woman squeezing his arm while her mouth locked over his surfaced from the depths of his mind.  “But why did you let me do this Wendy.  In the first conversation I ever had with Susie she made it clear she was on the lookout for a husband!  That was her prime motivation for coming to Antarctica – a high male to female ratio”.  He put his head in his hands “Oh my God what on earth was I thinking?  Florence is going to have a fit and Susie will be on my tail forever more.  Oh this is dreadful.  I am never taking another sip of homebrew ever again”.

 

He suddenly realised he’d spoken out loud.  Wendy laughed.  “Well well well Dr Harper you are a very naughty boy indeed.  Professor Chapman, in the equipment shed, with the lead piping and all that.  Tut tut tut tut tut.”  She wagged her finger at him.

 

He could have kicked himself, well at least he would have, had he not been unable to raise his foot more than an inch off the floor at that precise moment.  “Oh this is a nightmare.  I think I’m going to have to become a monk or something”.

 

“Oh don’t worry lover boy I was only joking.  I don’t care what you get up to.  Ben and I have known for ages anyway.  Every time Madam Chapman speaks to you you look like you’ve been caught stealing sweets from the newsagents.”

 

He slumped in his chair.  “Is it that obvious?  Anyway I can’t worry about all that now. It’s just about all I can do to sit upright in this chair”.

 

Wendy couldn’t resist having the last word.  “Ok Joe I’ll leave you to suffer alone, anyway I need to message Susie to let you know you’ve surfaced. She was in here earlier looking for you”.

 

She said it with such a straight face that he wasn’t sure if she meant it or not.  Only when she broke into a big grin did his heartbeat drop back down again.  What an idiot he was.  His only consolation was that he probably had the rest of the day to get himself back together.  Most of the rest of the staff would be off station taking advantage of the fine weather.  He turned on his computer.

 

The first email was from Jessica.  Unbelievable.  It was like she had a sixth sense that told her when he was at his most vulnerable. Apparently she’d put the flat on the market and put his stuff into storage – ‘how out of character for bothering to put my stuff in storage as opposed to binning it’ he thought.  This feeling that he’d misjudged her faded as he read on to be told she’d charged the costs of the move and the storage to his credit card; the details of which she still had.  He was pretty sure those wouldn’t be the only unexpected charges on that card.

 

The next email was from Gerry.  He sat up a bit.  Gerry had spoken with Bobby Sanderson and apparently the Americans and the Brits back in London were somewhat mystified by the lack of contact with the central stations.  To top it all the satellite that had taken the image yesterday was now experiencing ‘technical difficulties’ - techy shorthand for ‘nobody knows why it isn’t working’.  Gerry went on to tell him that the resupply ship would be docking at the Halley berth later that day. On the ship there was a platoon of Royal Marines who had originally been due to join the training exercises on the Peninsula but had now been tasked to proceed overland to Amundsen-Scott station.  Major Sanderson had asked Gerry whether Joe would act as a guide.  This seemed strange to Joe - Halley was several hundred miles from the South Pole station. It would make much more sense to send a plane from McMurdo or Rothera rather than trekking overland from Halley.  He could see there was more than met the eye here.

 

He called Wendy over. “Hey Wendy come and have a look at this.  Looks like the level of excitement around here just went from sleepy to adrenaline junkie overnight”.

 

Wendy came round to read the email from Gerry.  She whistled slowly.  “Wow wee Joe this is heating up a bit.  You’re going to need to sober up pretty quick.  I can smell a conversation with your l’amour coming sooner than you might have hoped”.

 

He stood up.  His head reeled and he had to sit back down again.  “She’s not my ‘l’amour’ Wendy, but yes I think I do need to sober up….”  “Coffee I need coffee.  Let’s head over to the dining room”.

 

He just about made it to the dining area in one piece with Wendy kindly lending an arm at key moments.  She even offered to talk to Carole when they got there to see whether she could get him some food as well as a cup of real, as opposed to machine produced, coffee.  Shortly after Wendy had gone into the kitchen Carole popped out for a quick look and then went back in again with a frown on her face. Nevertheless a few minutes later a steaming cup of coffee and two slices of toast were placed in front of him by Wendy. 

 

Carole called from the kitchen hatch. “I knew you’d had too much to drink last night when I saw you smooching with Susie. Are you crazy Joe, you know she’s looking for a husband right?”

 

He raised his hand half-heartedly in thanks.  “I know it Carole. I think I might have to emigrate”.  She laughed and went back into the kitchen. 

 

Wendy put her hand on his shoulder. “Well you better get that down you Dr Harper.  I’m leaving you to face Professor Chapman alone.  I don’t want to get in the way of your lover’s quarrel and all that.  Plus I need to get back to work - you may have heard of it?” 

 

Wendy left him and he managed to get one of the slices of toast down him and half the coffee before the chair next to him was pulled out and Florence sat down.  “Dr Harper I presume?  So good to see you.”  Her face said otherwise. “I must have missed you at breakfast.  Did you get an early start on retrieving those drilling samples? I’m amazed that you managed to get up so early considering the state you were in last night….”.

 

He had the decency to look sheepish.  “Err morning Florence, no I needed to catch up with my email and some colleagues….”.

 

Florence put up her hand.  “Joe please, if I wanted bullshit I’d have flown back to the UK and gone for a walk in the countryside.  You were absolutely hammered last night and when you woke up this morning with a massive hangover you turned over and went back to sleep.  Am I right or am I wrong?” 

 

He turned, somewhat slowly, so he could face Florence.  “Ok you’re right I may be a touch hung over but I have actually been talking with Gerry Dyer over at Rothera about a strange satellite image. Have you checked your emails since you got back in?”

 

Florence sighed. “Yes I have and yes I have received a ‘station head eyes only’ communiqué this morning.  Despite this supposedly being a ‘secret’ communique I note the information within it seems to have been disseminated around the station.  Keeping a secret in this place is almost impossible.  If we were at war most of the staff would have been shot at dawn….. First against the wall of course would be your good ‘friend’ Susie.  Who has no doubt been adding the contents of the communiqué to the gossip she’s been spreading about how you seduced her last night….please tell me you didn’t sleep with her”.

 

He spluttered into his coffee “I certainly did not, is that what she’s saying?” He was horrified at the thought.

 

“Mmmmhhh well anyway it appears the resupply ship has docked and while that’s normally a time of celebration I understand from my ‘top secret’ message that as well as work shy geologists I now have the pleasure of looking after a full platoon of Royal Marines.  What the hell happened to the ‘no build-up of military forces on Antarctica doctrine?’ ’’ She looked at him carefully for the first time.  “Are you going to be in a fit state to lead them on this wild goose chase tomorrow morning Joe?”

 

He took another sip of his coffee. “An hour ago I’d have said not but I appear to be perking up a bit again. It must be your presence”.  Florence pursed her lips.  “Joe Harper you must think I was born yesterday. Flattery is not going to get you off the hook that easily. When you return from accompanying this madcap mission into nowhere’s ville you’re on waste disposal duties for at least a month.”

 

He twisted his head round towards Florence, causing a sudden pain between his eyes. “Oh come on Florence you can’t assign an academic to those duties.  That’s why we’ve got Greg Jones and his boys here”.

 

Florence looked at him in all seriousness and said sarcastically “Oh can’t I Mr one drink and I’m anybody’s….Mr one drink and I can’t get out of bed until 11.00 am?...”. 

 

He realised she meant it. “Fine if that’s the punishment you want to inflict I’ll take it on the chin.  But anyway I think you might be wrong about this being a madcap mission. I’m guessing you haven’t seen the satellite picture I’ve seen.”

 

Florence looked back at him sceptically.  “And I guess you were one of the believers when the Daily Star published a photo of a World War II bomber on the moon?  Go on get out of my sight but when you get back from your babysitting trip you’re mine…. and I don’t mean that in an ‘equipment shed’ type of way.”  She paused.  “Though come to think of it maybe I’ll have thought up some ‘other suitable punishments’ for you by the time you get back.”  She smiled at him as she said this and he knew he was forgiven. He’d still have to do the waste duties but he was pretty sure this would be interspersed with other more enjoyable activities.  Florence got up and went to meet the resupply team. 

BOOK: O-Negative: Extinction
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