Read Off Leash (Freelance Familiars Book 1) Online

Authors: Daniel Potter

Tags: #Modern Fantasy

Off Leash (Freelance Familiars Book 1) (2 page)

BOOK: Off Leash (Freelance Familiars Book 1)
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How? Why? The old man had called me a kitty. Had he done it? Had his injured brain somehow twisted my mind? Induced a brain clot that had driven me insane? Would someone else walk into the bathroom and see a naked man on all fours making funny faces in the mirror?

And if my senses could be trusted and the line between possible and impossible had been moved, what then? I couldn’t decide which would be more of a disaster: being mad or being the serial killer of the animal kingdom.

Worse, Angelica detested cats. At least people don't call animal control when they see a dog. I hissed in frustration and recoiled instinctively at the sight of vicious fangs in my own mouth! I’d have to be very careful about smiling.

Using the toilet while mulling over how my old neighbor had turned me into a cougar with his last breath proved to be a disaster. Paw pads and smooth white plastic don't make for a very high coefficient of friction. I wound up with a sore nose, an aching shoulder, and sopping wet. The sopping wet was mostly the shower's doing. I only put one foot into the toilet, but when a very strong urge hit me to lick said foot, desperate measures were called for. I'd never been so happy that our cheap old house has L-shaped faucet handles in the shower. A round plastic crystal would have been murder on my teeth.

I was rolling around on a towel, utterly failing to dry myself in a civilized manner when a small high voice declared, "Holy Walnuts! You're huuuuuuuge!"

There was a squirrel perched on the sill of my window, his paws pressed up against the glass and his beady little eyes so wide I could see the whites. His paws quickly slapped over his mouth when he saw me looking and then he flashed the bush of his tail as he bounded away.

I was a very large cat, and now a squirrel had talked to me. My eyes shifted to the door, waiting for the men in white coats to burst through and take me away.

After they didn't show, I untangled myself from the towel and padded over to the window. My house had been remodeled so many times that the layout showed signs of schizophrenia. The window in my bathroom stood three feet wide with two sliding panes of glass side by side. Fortunately for my finer feelings, it faced a stone wall, which occluded the old man's yard next door.

Pawing the window open, I shivered as the cool outside air struck me. I didn't have to worry about being spotted from that house, did I? All my wet fur felt wrong, cold and heavy on my skin. I found myself licking my chops as my tongue itched to do more. That frightened me. A few minutes, maybe an hour before, I had been totally out of sorts. Now it took a conscious effort to stop myself from acting like a cat. Worries circulated through my mind. Would animal instincts eventually override my thoughts? How dangerous could it be to give my paw the lick that it desperately itched for?

My stomach rumbled as I stuck my head out of the window and peered towards the back of the house. No squirrels. My stomach gurgled a bit at the very thought of a squirrel. The story of my life: food first, thinking later. If the squirrel did come back, I wanted to talk to him, not eat him.

I slunk to the kitchen, trying very hard to ignore the discomfort of my damp fur. The fridge proved to be a bit of a challenge, but yielded after I placed a few claws in the seal of the door. I fished a bit of leftover steak out of the crisper drawer. It was fortunate that neither Angelica nor I are vegetarian. Hell, Angelica almost never ate anything but meat unless forced, so the fridge was well stocked in the event that a resident of the house ever became an obligate carnivore. Had I been transmuted into a rabbit or a donkey I would have been truly screwed.

Remembering, or rather not being able to recall, the last time I had mopped the kitchen floor, I hopped up on to the counter with my steak in a bag. The cold beef tasted better than I thought it would. The meat had a sweetness to it that I never noticed before. Still, as I congratulated myself on not ripping the entire fridge apart in a ravenous frenzy of feeding, I conducted a well-ordered ransacking of our nonfrozen foodstuff. Another leftover steak from a few nights ago was on the edge of edibility. The cold cuts were next: ham, baloney and a half pound of American cheese, which while tasty I would pay for later. Finally, I found a stash of fancy holiday salamis. Those greasy meats were as sweet as candy once I clawed the plastic open.

Sated and feeling more like a stuffed turkey than a feline, I curled up on my countertop and began licking my paws to get off the last remnants of that almost sugary grease.

 

 
Chapter Three

 

 

I
hadn't realized I had drifted off to sleep until the doorbell startled me out of it. A high-pitched chirp of surprise escaped my throat as my legs pinwheeled over the granite countertop for a moment. My paw pads slipped over its smooth surface before suddenly finding purchase. My legs launched me across the kitchen, and I slammed my shoulder into the opposite wall so hard I felt the sheetrock crack before I slid down the wall, snarling in frustration.

Who the hell was at my door?

As if in answer, the deadbolt helpfully unlocked itself and a glowing woman floated into my house. No feet were visible beneath the hem of her long dress. "Happy Awakening Day!" she declared with a sunny grin and flourish of her hands. Small stars and emoticons flowed between them as she made a rainbow over her head.

The woman herself had grey hair pulled up into a tight bun with two blue and green striped chopsticks, her wrinkled face sporting no makeup other than an oddly grey lipstick. Her bell-shaped dress rounded her spindly frame, swirling with blues and greens, and the air around her seemed to shimmer with its own soft light. For a moment I feared I had fallen into a Disney film and the kitchen appliances were about to burst into song. I gave the toaster a withering look just in case.

The woman clapped, and the rainbow vanished into a flash of light as she turned her smile on me, her eyes twinkling. Her teeth were very white for her age. Her eyes widened a bit as they scanned across me. "Oh, wonderful!" Her eyes came back to mine. "You must be Mr. Thomas Khatt. Yes?"

Not really seeing an option, I tried to make an affirmative noise. I had been expecting a meow or something, but I chirped like a bird! Some fierce apex predator I had become.

"Ah. Good, good. Well, I am Mistress Sabrina. I'm here to welcome you to the Real World."

Something must have shown on my muzzle because she laughed.

"That's all right, dear. Nobody believes when they first awaken to the true world. But trust me, you'll find this side of the Veil to be far superior! You have a very long and happy life ahead of you. Far better than this dreary little hovel."

I tried to tell her I had a life already, but my tongue just sort of flopped around in my mouth as that sense of unfamiliarity bit back into my brain. Involuntarily, I shivered.

"Yes, I know. This is a definite adjustment." She leaned down and cautiously extended a hand out towards my head. I shrank back from it instinctively; she had a faint scent of ozone. "But you're not going to last long on your own." She looked at the scattered wrapper shreds that drifted around the kitchen floor. "It's going to be okay, kitty."

I snarled at that. She flinched a bit but didn't back up. Nice to know that fangs counted a bit in this new "Real World."

She shook her finger at me. "Now, now, dear. No need to be cross. It's what you are and that is not likely to change. You will get used to it. Remember that you are one of the lucky ones. Not everyone survives an Awakening, after all."

At that particular moment, I did not feel lucky. Exchanging my thumbs and voice for claws and fangs did not seem a particularly advantageous trade from my perspective. I took a step back from Sabrina.

"I'm not going to hurt you." She stepped forward and tried to touch my head, violating my personal space again. I ducked and hissed, letting her know that if she persisted we were both going to find out a cougar's bite strength.

She let out a labored sigh and rolled her eyes. "Cats."

I narrowed my eyes. She was the one who had waltzed into my home, told me everything I knew was wrong and
then
tried to pat my head as if I were a toddler! I failed to see how my being a cat at this particular moment had anything to do with my irritation.

Sabrina crossed her arms. "Now look here, dearie, I'm here to help, but you are going to meet me halfway." Her flint-grey eyes hardened a midge, and I felt my fur prick up as static electricity settled onto my hide. "Tooth and claw will not get you very far in this wild and wooly world. No matter how big you are, you are still a small fish against"—she held up her hand and a spark cracked between her thumb and forefinger—"sorcery. So to prevent any misunderstandings, you will not show me, or any magus in my company, your teeth again. First and only warning, dearie." Electricity arced between her fingers and her palm, hissing and popping as the glow around her brightened. "Understand?"

My ears folded flat against my head. I nodded, although I made an effort to conceal my teeth. Realization was dawning on me that she wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Good!" With a clap of her hands, the iron lightning lady instantly transformed back into a hyperkinetic fairy godmother. "Shall we, then? You've got much to learn, and it would be best to fit you with a talking spell sooner rather than later. Words always prevent misunderstandings." She gestured at the floor in front of her. "Now come here and let me get a good look at you."

I gave a huff of frustration as I regarded her for a moment, trying to buy a little time to think. I didn't know what to make of this woman, but I couldn’t see any alternatives. I could take her up on the offer and possibly get my voice back, or attempt to run and hide—“attempt” possibly being the defining word. She could tase me before I could run my clumsy self out of the kitchen.

Looking at things in that admittedly cynical fashion, the choice was obvious. Buy time to gather more information.

Other parts of my brain were busily flipping out over the possibilities hinted at by Sabrina's existence. Woman flying and casually summoning electricity? What was next? Zombies chewing on my door? Werewolves marking territory in my yard? As usual, fear held my awe and wonder in check. Hesitantly I stepped closer and sat down in front of her, my head about even with her chest.

Sabrina knelt but still appeared to hover an inch off the ground as she looked me over, drifting around me like a buyer around a used car. "Let's see. I'm guessing you're a bit over two hundred pounds, right at the top of the weight range for mountain lions. Although you could probably stand to lose about fifteen of those."

Just great, I lose my voice but I get to keep my spare tire? Further proof that the universe itself is a sadistic bastard. I flinched a little when she ran her fingertips over the crown of my head. The alien sensation of her fingers threading through my fur to scratch my ears felt pleasant, but did not make me melt into a warm purring pile, as I perhaps feared. I looked up at her and she stopped, flashing me a rueful smile.

"Oh, fine. And the students wonder why I tell them to pick dogs for familiars." She grumbled as she turned to the door, "Come along, then."

Outside sat an ancient moss-colored Cadillac convertible, the top up on this warm summer day. Paint flaked around the wheel wells, but otherwise the car looked well kept and free of rust. I looked up at Sabrina and tried to furrow my brow.

"Oh, dearie. You were expecting a golden carriage drawn by eight white horses, perhaps?" She laughed as she gestured me towards the car.

I tried to shrug, which didn't really work without a collarbone, so I shook my head.

She sighed and gave me a little nudge. "Go on, get in the car." The back door unlocked itself and swung open as I crossed the threshold of my doorway. A squirrel, the same one that had been in my window, sprang out from behind the apple tree in my front yard and dashed into the Caddy. Now I knew why this magus was in my house. The little rodent had sold me out.

"Why, hello, Rudy dear," Sabrina said as she shut the door to my house behind me. A moment of panic shot through me. I didn't have my keys! Or my cell phone or anything! The feeling of nakedness twisted my gut into a knot. Instinctively I turned back and tried to open the door. Sabrina quickly sidestepped out of the way as I battered the doorknob with my paws and let out a soft yowl.

Sabrina shook her head, although her smile had drawn a bit thin, maybe sad. "You don't need anything in there, Thomas. You've awakened into a new life—your old one is gone."

I hissed in anger and frustration, pressing my lips together to conceal my teeth. There certainly were important things in there! I was just going with her for a question-and-answer session! If this woman thought that I would leave without saying good-bye to Angelica, then she was in for a surprise.

"Go get in the car, Thomas. We will explain things soon, but you can't let yourself be seen out here. Someone will call animal control, and then they will drug or shoot you."

I hesitated.

"Come on! Stop being a sour puss!" The squirrel barked from inside the car. Ignoring the rodent, I looked at the closed door, promising I'd be back, and then trotted over and jumped into the back seat. The squirrel scampered into the front of the car and leapt onto the passenger-side dash.

As I sprawled out across the Caddy's wide backseat, I was surprised to find it was a bit of a tight fit. I nearly slipped off when I attempted to curl up, and the low ceiling prevented me from sitting up. I could have just lain down lengthwise and rested my head on the armrest in the door, but I needed to see where Sabrina drove. So I wound up hunching uncomfortably, my ears flattened against the canvas ceiling. The door closed of its own accord, and the driver's side opened to admit Sabrina into the car.

BOOK: Off Leash (Freelance Familiars Book 1)
11.67Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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