Operation One Night Stand (15 page)

A
t six thirty on a Friday night, Murphy’s was packed for happy hour.
Brian was busy behind the bar and when he turned and noticed the three of us walking in, he stopped mid martini shake and winked.

“Dinner or just drinks?”
he shouted over the din of people in work attire.

“Both!”
Sarah shouted back.

I would have answered but I was momentarily awed.
Who knew so many arm muscles flexed when shaking a martini shaker?

“Hold on!
I have a table in the back for special guests.”

“Special guests, huh?
I bet he’s sending us to the back so he can check out your ass.”

“Not funny.
I’m meeting up with Ryan later.”

“At least you remember his name.”

“That’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny.”

Dropping my shoulders, I acquiesced.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

We followed one of the waitresses to the back of the bar, and off to the corner was a huge table for ten.
It was just secluded enough to avoid most of the asshattery that was par for the course in a bar on a Friday night but close enough to the pool table to still feel like part of the crowd.

“Drinks?”

“Two bottles of Cab.”

“No problem.
Specials are on the board.”

The girls had their noses stuffed into their menus.
I was starving but for some reason my attention was on the bar.
There were two bartenders to keep up with the drink orders.
Brian had his sleeves pushed up to his elbows and I noticed the bar towel tucked into his distressed jeans.
I watched as he hopped up on a stool and reached for a bottle on the top shelf.
Our waitress was standing off to the side talking to a customer with our two bottles and three glasses on a tray.

“I’m having the French onion.
Like I said, it’s so good.”
Melody leaned back and stretched her arms over her head.

“Chicken Caesar salad.”
Sarah folded her menu and pushed it off to the side of our table.

I hadn’t even looked at the menu.
I picked it up quickly, but not before catching the two exchange a look.

“What?”

“I don’t know why you didn’t just go for Brian to begin with,” Sarah offered.

“He wasn’t the target.”
I leaned back and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Maybe not.
But he is hot.”

“So?”

“So?
You haven’t stopped checking him out since we got here.”

“Oh, please.
I’m just looking around for our waitress.
She’s over there talking to some customer.
Not sure what she’s waiting for.”

“Testy much?”

“I’m not testy.”

“I think we still need to hear all about this Michael character.”

“I second that!”
Melody raised her hand.

The waitress came just in time to pour the first glass of wine.
I suddenly felt like I needed the drink.

I spent the next bottle and a half explaining Michael Mortimer.
I described every come-on, every subtle and not so subtle cue, and every reaction from Yolanda.
By the time I was finished, I felt like I’d told a life story, and the events were only from the past week!

“So, what do you guys think?”

“You already agreed to go to the dinner thing with him?”
Sarah poured another glass as I nodded.

“And he’s hot?”
Melody piped in.

“Well, yeah.
But is that really the point?
Yolanda and Mr.
Little want me to go, anyway.”

“Of course it is.
Listen, Care.”
Melody leaned in.
It was Serious Mel time.
“Take advantage of the opportunity.
So what if this guy’s a weirdo?
As long as he’s a decent guy, what do you have to lose?
It’s not like you’re promising him anything.
It’s a night out with a good-looking guy.”

“But he’s a client!”
Sarah chimed in.
“That alone should keep her away.
Caroline doesn’t want to lose her job over this.
It’s like I told you, Mel.
Your boss may be hot but, for one, he’s your boss and, two, he’s married.”
She ticked off her points on outstretched fingers.

“True.
Both of you have valid points.
I think, though, this dinner I agreed to would fall under work.
Especially since my boss is sending me to represent the company.
I mean, Michael’s getting some literary award and if I accompany him to the event in the name of the house then I can chalk it up to work, right?”

“Exactly.”

“Be careful.”

My friends spoke at once.
At the same time, a young guy stumbled in our direction and plopped down in the chair next to Sarah.

Though he was dressed nicely, he reeked of alcohol.

“Hey, baby doll,” he slurred, his eyes half closed, as he sidled up to Sarah.
Way too drunk to have been drinking only during happy hour.

“Uh, hey.”
Sarah pushed his hand off her thigh.
Melody leaned over and draped her arm around Sarah’s shoulders.

“What’s up, buddy?”
Melody softly rubbed her nose along Sarah’s cheek.

“Just hangin’.
Came over to see what you hot chicks are doing tonight.”

“Her.”
Melody licked Sarah’s ear.

Sarah turned a lovely shade of crimson as she tried not to laugh.

“Oh, yeah.
I’m down with that.”
The guy leaned closer and his hand started kneading his crotch.
Thankfully my stomach was empty or I would have vomited all over him.

“You might be but we aren’t.
I’m strictly into pussy.”
The way Melody overpronounced her “p” was actually kind of sexy.
I emptied the bottle into my glass, sat back, and watched the show.

The guy’s eyes widened as Melody caressed Sarah’s breasts.
Sarah was about to fall into a fit of laughter.
Melody, on the other hand, looked as serious as a heart attack.

“Come on.
There’s you, me, her.
It’s a no-brainer.”

Wine actually came out of my nose.
I busied myself cleaning off my face and tried not to break out into a hysterical fit of laughter.

“You know what else is a no-brainer?”
Melody leaned in and ran her hands through his hair.

“What?”

Melody whispered in his ear loud enough for the rest of us to hear.
“You.”

“Damn straight!”
He banged his fist on the table.
I think he thought she was complimenting him.

“So,” Melody continued as she licked Sarah’s face, “when the voices speak to you, do you poke them with cotton swabs?”

“Huh?”
Horny butterface looked confused.

“There are some ladies over there who’d probably be more into dick than we are.”
Melody nodded toward a gaggle of college girls.
“Why don’t you go hit them up?
Your cock won’t get wet over here,
baby doll
.”

The guy looked over to where Melody directed him and plastered a huge smile on his face.
“Well, if you ladies change your minds, you know where to find me.”
He dropped his business card on the table and walked away.

“Hey!”
Melody called out to him.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget to be awesome, man!”

His face broke out into a lewd smile and, as he turned and walked away, the three of us broke into loud fits of laughter.

“What the fuck, Mel?”
Sarah snorted as she shoved her hand in her shirt, putting her boobs back into her bra, then grabbed a napkin to wipe off her face.

“What?
As your best friend it’s my duty to always pretend to be your lesbian lover whenever you are getting hit on by an ugly asshole at a bar.”

“You’re awfully convincing.”

“Aw, Care.
You jealous?
Next time, it’s your turn.”
She wiggled her eyebrows and ran her tongue across her lips.

“Weirdo.”

The waitress came by with another two bottles and a martini glass with a pink drink, which she handed to me.

“What’s this?”
I lifted the glass, smelled it, and took a sip.

“Wet Pussy.”

I spit out the sip.

“What?”

The waitress looked bored.
“Yeah.
Brian sent it over.
Said you liked kinky drinks.
So, you ready to order?”

Melody and Sarah peeked around the corner and waved to Brian, laughing hysterically.

“Well, uh, tell him I said thanks.
I’ll have the cheeseburger, medium rare.”

“Fries?”

“Huh?”
I was distracted by the view I had of Brian’s ass as he once again climbed the stool to reach the top shelf.

“Do you want French fries?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Chicken Caesar salad.”

“French onion soup.”

“I’ll be back with your orders.
Enjoy your pussy.”
I am pretty sure that was sarcasm.

It was Sarah’s turn to spit out her drink.

“Oh my God, Care!”

“He’s just being silly from the other weekend.”

“I don’t know.”

“What time is it?”
I pushed to change the topic.

Sarah looked at her phone.
“Seven fifteen.
Why?”

“Ryan won’t be here until nine.”

“So?”

“So nothing.
Just making conversation.”
I sipped my Wet Pussy.

Sarah stared at me.
“So that’s what our conversations are reduced to?
Commentary of the comings and goings of who you’re dating?”

“No.
Don’t be an ass.”

“Care, it’s Friday night.
Relax.
Party on,” Sarah reasoned.

“I like to party,” I mused.

“And by party,” Mel interrupted, “she means take naps.”

“Shut up!”
I laughed.
They were right.
I needed to be less socially awkward.

Thankfully, the waitress brought our food relatively quickly.
I was starving.
As I took a large bite of burger, Brian walked over, pulled out the chair next to me, and sat down.

“What’s up, ladies?
Finally, the crowd is thinning out.”

I couldn’t talk.
I had too much food in my mouth.
I couldn’t even chew.
I was sure a glob of ketchup, or mayonnaise, had made its home at the corner of my mouth.
The juice of the tomato squirted onto the table.
I averted my eyes, turned my head, stared wide eyed at Melody and Sarah—anything to avoid the painfully embarrassing cavewoman display of my eating a cheeseburger in front of Brian.

“You okay, Care?”
Melody asked with a sweet smile on her face.
I wanted to punch her.
In the face.
With a chair.

“That’s an awfully big bite.
I didn’t know that much could fit in there.”
Brian smiled at me.
“Good to know.”

My response was unintelligible and ended with a spray of hamburger meat on Brian’s shirt.
I wanted to crawl under the table and die.

“No one likes a spitter, Care.”
Sarah pointed out.
How lovely of her.
I began to choke on my food.

Brian smacked me on the back and laughed.

“Drink something.”
He poured a glass of wine from the bottle on the table and pushed it over to me before pulling out his towel and wiping his shirt.

I shook my head, took a sip, and managed to melt the food small enough to fit down my throat.

“Thank you,” I squeaked out.

“Anytime.
So you’re meeting Ryan later?”
he asked as he pilfered a fry from my plate.

“Yeah.
How late are you working?”

“Closing.
Fridays are always busy.”