Private Message (4 page)

And with that I turned off my phone. I looked over at Erin; she is wide-eyed and holding her chest. "Why aren't we going?" she practically screams at me.

"I told him I had company, and I don't know about you but I am enjoying my company." I wink at her.

She lets out a big sigh. "Yeah I am, don't get me wrong or anything. But you have to admit that was kind of exciting."

I look away and I can feel my cheeks flush a little. "Yeah, it was."

Wow, she said no? No one has ever turned me down. But then again, she wasn't all over me at the bar the other night. She wasn't dressed like the other women there, and she wasn't there for a hookup, which is why most people go to Chatz to begin with. Now I have to know why she was there. Question is, how I am going to get her to meet me there or anywhere now that someone has apparently given her all the details on my reputation. Crap. And what's even crappier is that I have my family dinner tomorrow.

Before leaving for my traditional Sunday night family dinner, I decide to call Dan and check in with him. "Hey man! What's new?" I ask my best friend.

"Oh, same ol', same ol'. You know the routine: Sleep, eat, work…well in your case: sleep, eat, work, and screw." He always likes to rag on me about my sexual endeavors. "So, what type of girl did you nail last night?"

"None." I confess.

Silence fills the dead air on the phone line. "What do you mean none? Are you sick? Is everyone OK? It takes devastation to for you to keep it in your pants!"

Ugh, I have to talk about with someone. "There's this woman…She came into the bar last night and well she's not what I typically go for."

"And…?" He urges me on.

"And, I may have sent her a private message."

"DUDE! This is major! You never do that! Awww someone's getting married!" He teases.

Tensing up at the word, "No. I don't think so. Maybe I just had one too many that night." I try to reason.

"When did you meet this girl?"

"Friday night after Gwen's class."

I can practically hear the gears in his head spinning. "What made her so different? And why didn't you make a move? I mean no one has said no to you before." Yeah, don't I know it?

"Well she's not like any of the other women I have been with. You know my type. This girl, she's short, wears glasses, came in wearing jeans and a t-shirt and get this, Chucks." I spill.

He lets out a hearty laugh on the other end "Yeah, definitely not the type you go after." Dan goes quiet again, this can't be good. "So, you're telling me that you haven't banged a girl for two, count them TWO days? What about today?"

Agitated now that my best friend doesn't think I have any self-control. "NO! None in three fucking days, OK?" I know I shouldn't snap at Dan, considering he's the only person who knows the real me and how I operate. Maybe it's the lack of sex…

"All right! Got it man, I'll drop it. It's just unlike you that's all, kind of proud honestly. I mean since the whole Nicole thing." He's sincere.

"Yeah. Thanks." I don't want to even continue on with that subject, so I turn it around. "When are you going to find the 'right girl' as you like to put it?"

"I'll know when I see her." Ugh, someone needs to have their ovaries removed.

Dan starts laughing at my obvious tone of disgust. "One day you'll try it again."

"Whatever. Hey I gotta get to my Dad's place, when are you coming back into town?" I am eager to have a few beers and a jam session.

"In a few weeks actually."

"Awesome. Sounds good dude." And we sound off.

Me in a serious relationship? He is freaking mad.

I pull into my father's driveway on my bike, and look up at the semi-mansion on the cushy cul-de-sac. I liked it here. Dan lived just down the strip, so getting together every day to work on our band skills was pretty awesome. It was a safe community, a typical neighborhood.

Well I may as well face Dad's girlfriend, after her Friday class.

I walk in and Caroline rushes me and gives me a tight hug. She's fifteen now, growing up, but she's still my baby sister. She's about half a foot shorter than I am now,
man when did she sprout up?
She is definitely getting older. Instead of braided pigtails she now has a chin length bob with bangs. With her hair as black as mine and rouge lipstick, she is reminding me of a nineteen-twenties flapper. "Benji! Thank God you're finally here! I was dying listening to her talk nonstop about her class and her adventures in the sixties."

"Well, I am here now and it's time for me to feel embarrassed too..." Caroline hasn't exactly had the picture perfect childhood, after we moved to the states she in a way shut off. She was young when we made the move and I know it was a big change for her. I know it wasn't just Dad's job offer here that prompted our sudden move, but because of my troubles at the other schools and law. But recently she's been more distant, which is odd considering we were so close years ago. I'll have to pull her aside later to find out what's up.

We walk through the foyer to the kitchen to find our father with his arms wrapped around Gwen's waist from behind as they look out the kitchen window.

"Hey Dad," I announce when we walk into the large chef's dream kitchen. They turn in unison. It isn't odd to see Dad with a woman; he's had his fair share since mum passed away. He didn't jump right into dating, though. It took him about five years before he could even look at a woman, but once some of the wounds had healed he tried to find his perfect match again, with a few flings in between. He explained that no one would ever compare to our mum, that she was beyond beautiful, and she was classy and full of life.

"Hello Ben," Gwen greets me with a wink. Oh God, here we go, and as long as these two are together I am never going to live this down.

I take in a deep breath. "Hey Gwen, I hope your students were able to accomplish what you wanted."

"Well, you know I need you to come back to the class tomorrow so my students can finish their drawings," she said with a huge grin. Yeah, how could I forget about going back to a classroom with twenty or so students staring at my naked body as I sit up on display for them?

"Yeah, I know, I won't forget and I will be there." I give her a reassuring nod.

After dinner we all move into the living room. Dad talks about his recent achievements at the hospital. A big award was presented to his surgical unit, along with a rather large donation. But what catches my attention is how attentive he is with Gwen. I can't remember the last time I saw him so attracted to a woman he was seeing. It's just sort of odd, because they are polar opposites. Dad is a successful doctor and she is a community college art professor. Well, I always hear "opposites attract," so why not in this case? As long as she isn't a gold digger, like the last girlfriend.

Caroline excitedly tells us all about this summer fashion program she applied to in New York City. Apparently she would get to help out a few up-and-coming designers by fetching materials, making calls, and sorting mail. This is apparently huge to Caroline. She has always been a fashion freak; since she was three she was picking out her own clothes and trying new things. By eight, she was designing clothes and began learning how to sew. Now, at fifteen, her whole closet is full of her creations, and I'll even admit they aren't half bad (and I'm so happy they're nothing like the girls at the bars wear!)

"So Benjamin how's the magazine doing?" Dad asks. He has always supported my interest in music. Hell, he told me all about the old-school punk shows he would sneak into as a teen in London. He even bought me my first bass. But expected me to do that kind of thing in my free time and ultimately I think the bass was a bribe to get me to even go to college. Eventually Dad grudgingly accepting my choice to study writing, Dad wanted me to follow in his footsteps. To be a real career man, a doctor like him. This was always a sore subject that usually ended with us ignoring my career of choice or me storming out in a rage.

"Really good, I have a few shows coming up to cover and I'll be interviewing the bands." I love my job and I know it shows on my face. I am proud of what a success the magazine has become. And even when I'm not set up for work I still go to as many rock shows as I can.

"You know Ben, when are you going to come to realize that writing about a band for a column isn't going to last you your whole life. Eventually your boss will want to hire someone younger, more up with the changing music? That they will let you go without a second thought? Then what? What will you do for the rest of your life to fall back on?" My Dad rambles the same speech at least every other month.

I suck in a deep breath preparing to recite my typical lines on the subject. "Dad, I don't know how long this will last or where it will take me. That's the adventure in it. I don't want to be hog tied down in a position that not only brings amazing outcomes for your patients, but so much heartache and devastation. I can't do that to good people. To have that much trust set in your hands, with the risk of messing up and killing someone, I... I just couldn't handle that."

He looks like he's about to set his standing argument when I finish what I want to say, "I may not write for
Tones
forever and that's fine. But I will always write and I hope it's about music, but if not that's fine, because I'll still be doing what I love."

I look from my father who is starting to stand to leave, just as he always does, when my eyes meet Caroline's. She looks blank and her eyes teary. "Caroline? Are you alright?" I ask my sister.

She blinks, rubs her wrists and nods at me before replying, "Yeah, I'm fine, just a lot of stuff on my mind. School stuff you know." Her voice is soft and dull. Non-Caroline. She darts her eyes to our father, who is looking at her. "Dad doesn't want me to go to New York this summer." She states.

That's all it took for dad to blow up "You know why that is Caroline! Do you know how many people actually get jobs in the fashion field? Where they can make an honest living? Hmm? Not many, I can tell you that. Now if you were to focus more on your science studies, well now that's where you could excel."

"I don't want to be a doctor Dad." She responds to our father with a lifeless tone. It breaks my heart, because I know exactly what she's going through with him. Hell that's why I rebelled so much back in London. When mum passed he got real strict.

Not being able to stand seeing her take his crap anymore tonight I stand, "Let's go sit out back for a few, it's nice out." I suggest. She stands and we make our way out the patio doors in the kitchen to the large deck out back.

She nods and wipes a single tear from her face with the back of her wrist, her gray sweater absorbing the moisture.

Once outside I speak, "I know it's tough with Dad, and you know I know how bad it gets. But just remember before you know it, it'll be summer and you'll be in New York putting your foot in the door of your dream. You can do this Caroline, I believe in you. This will be the best thing for you."

I see a spark of hope in her eyes, "And before you know it, you'll be living in New York going to fashion school. Just listen to your heart and a little less of Dad. Hell I had to."