Promise Me This (6 page)

Nate

I directed Jessie around the pond using the back roads. She still wouldn’t let me drive, even though I knew exactly where we were headed. Maybe she liked being directed, bossed around even— though she could be quite dictatorial herself. That thought alone made the front of my pants stretch tight.

Being back in this town sucked. But having Jessie here anchored me somehow. That stormy place inside of me had been reduced to a drizzle.

Seeing my childhood home, where some of the most brutal fights between my parents occurred, really got to me.

And then when I saw that boy standing in that driveway, damn, that had unleashed a flurry of emotions. I imagined me at that age. How innocent and vulnerable I had been. I thought all dads got that angry and used their fists.

But it was so natural to be in that car with Jessie. She didn’t react or push me to talk. She just let me be. I had been so close to her and could’ve easily closed the distance between us. Call me crazy, but I think she might have let me. Instead, I stared into her eyes and nearly got lost in them. No way had I ever done that with a girl. I didn’t even stick around long enough to truly notice their eyes.

Jessie obviously guessed something was up, and I was okay with that. In fact, I almost told her. All of it. But the only person currently in my life who had figured some things out was Bennett, because he had a shit life growing up as well.

But I needed to avoid attachments, so there was no way I was going to confide in a girl. Maybe I could bend the rule though, since Jessie was a friend and this trip had solidified that maybe she was becoming a
good
friend. The problem was: I didn’t know how to compartmentalize my wild attraction to her. If I had kissed her, this trip would’ve taken a different turn, to something way more complicated.

I was emotionally raw right now so it wasn’t the best time for me to make that kind of decision. And besides, I never allowed myself to dream. But if I did, they might include someone just like her.

I pushed that way-too-fluffy thought out of my head and gave her a cursory glance. “At the fork in the road, bear left.”

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I envied the relationship she’d had with her parents. Her dad and his damn words. They had stuck with me, lodged somewhere in my throat. I felt them deep, like they were spoken for me.
Promise me this
. Shit, really?

But Jessie appeared to have had such a good life; how much darkness could she possibly have inside her? Or maybe her father’s point had been that we all had some measure of it, just on different levels. And my levels ran too fucking deep.

When she neared the bridge, she stepped on the brakes and pushed the gear into park. “Up close, it’s way taller and wider than I had imagined.”

She was already out of the car and shooting before I could get one foot out the door. She was so excited and I loved watching her in action. I didn’t understand a lick of what she was talking about as she went on about settings and camera angles, but her eyes got this quiet intensity to them that made her even more gorgeous.

The light was filtering through her caramel brown locks and even the blue tips gave them a softer glow. Against the angular cut of her hair, black eyeliner, and colorful tattoos, her face was absolutely angelic. Her full cheeks and lips were perfectly pink and sometimes, like right now, I couldn’t help but to imagine how they’d taste.

She asked me about the history of the bridge and thankfully I had brushed up on that information before our trip.

“There’s also a plaque posted up there that’ll tell you when it was commissioned and built,” I said, pointing to its spot on the bridge. “You might want to get a shot of that.”

I’d even double-checked facts with my mom who had grown up here, so I was ready for her.

Had my maternal grandparents still been alive and living in this town, I would have even considered visiting them. But unfortunately, I only had a few early memories of them. The only family left on my mom’s side was her sister—Kai and Dakota’s mom—and they only talked occasionally by phone.

My mom also had a brother, who allowed me regular time on his racetrack in Mahoning County. He was cool but absolutely did not care for my father, so he never came around. But I wished he would, because he could probably kick my father’s ass in two seconds flat.

And considering my dad had grown up in foster care his entire life, he had no real family to speak of. Which might’ve also explained why he also had no fucking heart. But there was no room to feel sorry for him—he had essentially bullied me my entire life.

And that was the thing about dirty little family secrets. People might’ve had their suspicions, but those suspicions were the very thing that kept them from getting too close.

“Will you go up on the bridge with me?” Jessie asked, breaking me out of my heavy thoughts.

I headed toward her and up the incline of the hill. At a particularly rocky section, I automatically reached for her hand to help keep her steady. Her arm stiffened in momentary hesitation, but then she entwined her fingers tightly in mine and allowed me to walk her up. That felt like a small victory where Jessie was concerned. I couldn’t help feeling somewhat protective of her—I cared about her as a friend, after all.

“Have you ever gone rock climbing?” I asked.

“Hell no,” she said, and I laughed. “I’m slightly terrified of heights. This isn’t too bad, though.”

“So then you weren’t serious about bungee jumping?” I said.

“I stand by my original declaration of
never say never
,” she said. “How often do you go?”

“Pretty regularly. You should come sometime—if only to get a feel for it.”

She shrugged. “Maybe I will.”

I liked that she was open to trying new things, and it sounded like she had her parents to thank for that as well.

When we got to the bridge and positioned ourselves side by side, looking out over the pond, I heard Jessie sigh. “It really is very pretty.”

She raised her camera and took a couple shots from this angle. “I bet my dad would’ve loved photographing this.”

“It might’ve even reminded him of that place you said he grew up,” I said and she nodded.

I felt solace from the fact she had shared her dad’s stories on this trip. The idea that she felt comfortable enough to talk about him with me.

“If you look west you can make out the other bridges I’m going to show you downtown.”

“Where?” she focused her lens in the direction I was aiming but quickly became frustrated. “I can’t see anything.”

I stepped behind her and pointed over her shoulder. “See that smaller brown building? Look just beyond that. You can make out just the edge of one of them. It looks like a steel cage.”

I waited for her eyes to adjust to my instructions. I was standing so close behind her, my hips were almost touching her lower back. I could smell her again and from this vantage point, I could see all the piercings on her upper ears and just make out the edges of a tattoo on her shoulder.

“I see it,” she said, her voice sounding low and throaty. “It’s like this town has dual personalities.”

“That’s a good way of looking at it,” I said, still settled in the same position. I liked looking at her from this angle. At her round hips and small, feminine shoulders.

“Kind of like a lot of people I know,” she said, stealing a quick glance over her shoulder.

“What do you mean?” When I stepped nearer she became motionless, her eyes shutting momentarily.

I tried to control my breathing but I was close enough to run my lips across the nape of her neck. Close enough to grab for her wrists and bring them behind her back, trapping them while I devoured her smooth skin. The thought made my dick throb against my zipper. Fuck.

“Everyone . . . has a hidden part of themselves . . . they don’t allow anyone to see,” Jessie said with some effort.

“Yeah?” I moved even nearer and I knew she could feel my harsh breaths against the column of her throat. Maybe she even felt my hard-on as my jeans brushed over her hip. I didn’t know what in the hell I was doing, I was just running on pure emboldened instinct. “Hmmm . . . wonder what yours is?”

Suddenly she spun around, her breasts now grazing my chest and I nearly swallowed my tongue at the soft feel of them.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” she whispered, her gaze full—half with mischief, half with lust.

We stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment, much like we had in the car, but this time, it was different. Now there was a heated tangible energy between us, nearly tethering us together.

“What?” she mumbled, tilting her face toward mine. “Just ask me.”

I wasn’t sure what in the hell she was getting at. Did she know exactly what I was fantasizing about doing to her? Or was she still referring to the previous topic about people hiding stuff? Maybe they were one and the same.

“I . . .” I stuttered and then suddenly everything became too real, my fear of letting this go any further clawing up my throat and paralyzing me. “We . . . we better get going to the other bridges.”

I stepped back and turned away. She didn’t hesitate or even question me. “Okay. Let’s go.”

We drove in virtual silence to two other bridges. I stood to the side of her as she took shot after shot, wondering what in the hell I thought I was doing when I was up on that covered bridge by the pond. And what in the heck was she doing or saying or asking.

“I’m . . . starving,” she said, finally lowering her camera. “How about you?”

“Yeah, I could eat.”

***

I guided her to an underpass directly beneath the bridge. Years later, there was still a diner there named Jerry’s and it was packed, but we were able to get the last booth in the middle of the crowd.

We ordered a couple of burgers and sodas and pretty much melted into the seats. It felt good to finally sit down.

We ate for a couple of minutes in silence, while I studied the people in the restaurant, wondering if I’d recognize any of them. The cook definitely looked the same but I hadn’t lived here for ten years, maybe twelve. Jessie definitely had drawn the crowd’s attention though. Not many girls around here looked like her. But she didn’t even seem to notice.

“That was a big day,” I said. “Who knew being an assistant to a photographer was such hard work?”

“Thanks for coming with me,” Jessie said with a small smile. “I would have been lost had it not been for you.”

Hearing the gratitude in her voice made me even gladder I’d made this decision to come. Even in its own way, returning here had been liberating. It was as if I’d released some of those dark memories into the wind.

“No problem,” I said, after stuffing a handful of fries in my mouth and washing them down with a Coke. “If we were going to be here longer I’d show you one last bridge.”

“Yeah?” she said, stopping midbite.

“But I think you’ve got plenty for your project already,” I said, recounting how much film she’d already used. “Don’t you?”

“Probably,” she said, shrugging. “But now you’ve got me intrigued.”

She ate her last bite and wiped her mouth. “Why don’t we just go to that last place now?”

My eyebrows lifted. “We can go if you want.”

My gaze darted to the window and I noticed it was already dusk.

“Damn, we’re losing light,” she said, zeroing in on the same thing. “Maybe I can get a night shot.”

We both left enough money on the table for the food and tip—because of course, she wouldn’t let me pay—and then walked outside.

Rounding the corner to her car, I noticed that her tire was low. “Shit, you must have driven over something on the back roads. I think you have a slow leak.”

“Oh no,” she said, dipping her head to get a closer look. “Probably these damn potholes in this stinking town.”

I bent down to inspect the tire. “This is going to suck to travel home on, pretty soon we’re going to be down to the rim.”

“You don’t think we’ll make it?” Her voice was laced with worry.

“You
are
a chick, aren’t you?” I said, to trying to lighten the mood. “It’s just not worth it to try. We could have a blowout on the freeway, and then plow headfirst into something.”

Her eyes momentarily widened in alarm and I held back a smirk at how cute she looked when her vulnerability showed through.

She bit her fingernail, mulling it over. “I have a spare tire in the trunk.”

I rounded the bumper to the bed of her truck before stopping and contemplating our options. “We can’t make it back on a donut tire. It’s too far.”

I looked around the streets, trying to remember where there was a maintenance garage in town. “You need a new tire, Blue, but every place around here is probably shut down for the night.”

She kicked at a rock on the ground. “Damn it. Have I told you how glad I am that you came and I’m not doing this alone?”

“I’m glad, too,” I said, feeling warmth travel through my chest. “Do you have a busy morning?”

I was going to have to cancel logging time at my uncle’s racetrack but suddenly, that didn’t sound as enticing to me anymore. It was better to be here with Jessie, keeping her safe.

“Just some studying,” she said, biting her lip. “Then work in the afternoon.”

“Let’s drive up the road to a service station,” I said. “If I’m right and they’re closed, then I think we’re going to have to spend the night.”

Nate

“Do you know a cheap and decent motel around here?” Jessie asked, biting that damn lip and looking as nervous as I felt—but I wasn’t sure if it was for the same reasons.

“Yeah, probably,” I said, trying to reassure her. “We’ll get separate rooms.”

She looked off in the distance as if calculating something in her brain. I was choking on the thick air between us, so I decided to lighten the mood. “I mean, I know how much you want me to unleash the monster in my pants, but he’s such a cover hog, he’d need his own bed.”

My eyes flashed to hers and for a brief moment something burned red hot between us before her lips quirked up and we both dissolved into laughter.

“Square, I know you’re loaded and all with your fancy car and apartment,” she said, a worry line etched between her brow. “But renting a separate room would probably add over a hundred bucks each and I also need to pay for a new tire in the morning.”

She was pacing and cursing and biting her lower lip, completely stressing over this. I never had to worry about money. Only about being safe. It was the opposite for her. “No worries, Blue. It’s on me.”

“No way, I’m not going to let you pay for me. I’m not that girl,” she said, her hands landing on her hips. God, she was stubborn as shit. And hot as hell.

“Just this once,” I said. “You can pay for—”

“What if we just got a room with two queen beds?” she said, cutting me off. “You put your monster to rest for the night. I’m not scared of him. Or of spending the night in a room with a guy friend.”

“Well then I guess it’s settled,” I said, a smirk on the edge of my lips. Still, my hands were shaking at just the idea of it. “Let’s check into a motel. And then find a bar.”

“Sounds about right,” she said quietly, her shoulders finally unwinding.

I held out my hand. “I’m driving. In case that tire blows, I want to be in the hot seat.”

“What the hell, Nate?” she said, just like I knew she would. “Is this because a girl wouldn’t be able to handle it?”

“Knock that shit off,” I said, my voice booming. She was not going to win on this one point. “That’s not what I meant. I can’t explain it—I just want to drive your truck. Now give me the damn keys.”

She stared at me, her jaw slack. Like she couldn’t believe I had basically just bit her head off. Her eyes moved down to my lips then up to my eyes.

“Fine,” she said and stomped off to the passenger side of the truck. I couldn’t help grinning.

I placed the key in the ignition and adjusted the mirrors. “Geez, you’re a little thing. I can’t see shit.” Then I pushed back the seat so I could stretch out my legs.

I gingerly steered the truck onto the road, trying to avoid the potholes littering the street. A few minutes later, after we had driven past a darkened service station, my stomach twisted into a knot over the idea of having to stay overnight with Jessie. More time spent getting to know her, meant more time liking her, and I was already positively on fire for her. My rules weren’t going to hold up in this situation.

I made a few more turns, ending up on the main street near the rural part of town again. If I was remembering correctly, there was a cheap and decent motel around here somewhere.

Jessie sat in silence beside me, either fuming because I was driving or because she was going to be out a couple hundred dollars when all was said and done. Little did she know there was no way in hell she was splitting that room with me. But for now, I’d let her think she was.

I turned into the motel parking lot and pulled into one of the many empty spaces. The bar next door was hopping, though. It was so full; cars were parked on the grass.

I remembered that bar. It must have changed ownership because it was now called Lucky’s.

“Looks like we won’t have to go far to find a drink,” she said.

“
Lucky
for us,” I said, parking the car. She looked down at her lap and smiled.

We walked inside and got our room situated after I made it clear that it would be charged to my credit card and she could pay me cash later.

After she dug in her purse and shoved money in my hand, we headed toward the exit with our room key. I was too exhausted to fight her about it, so I just pocketed the bills and would decide later how to get the cash back in her possession.

Since Lucky’s was such a hit, our only option was to squeeze in at the bar. Two guys in cowboy boots looked Jessie over and I had the urge to put my arm around her, slide her against my side to keep her protected.

Yeah right. If I was being honest, it was more than that. I wanted to claim her as mine. But she would probably think that was a dick move and besides, there was no claiming a girl like Jessie. She didn’t take shit from any guy, which was why I let myself become friends with her in the first place.

After flagging down one on the bartenders, I ordered us two beers and a couple of shots. There was a country band playing and Jesse looked so out of her element, it was hilarious.

“What the hell are you laughing about?” she asked after taking a sip of her beer.

“This just doesn’t seem like your kind of bar,” I said, turning and sliding the shot her way. “Sorry, pretty sure there’s no biker bar anywhere close.”

“Well then I guess these guys would be safe from Cory,” she said, shouting over the loud music, and I laughed. “Is this your kind of thing? Are you a closet country music lover?”

“Maybe,” I said, messing with her. “What if I am?”

Her eyebrows rose. “Then I’d say you’re even more of a puzzle.”

“A puzzle?” I said, surprised by her answer. That was the second time this weekend she had hinted at that.

Two women in tight jeans and cowboy boots stood up from their seats at the bar and I motioned to them so we could grab them first. I grasped for Jessie’s hand and tugged her a couple of feet along with me. That was the way to deal with Jessie, I now realized. If you surprised her, she didn’t have time to react.

One of the girls was a knockout blonde with a little too much makeup on. She held my gaze and smiled at me. When she looked down at our entwined hands, I felt Jessie’s grip tighten.

“Thanks for the seats,” I said. “Have a good night.”

The blonde opened her mouth as if to say something else, but I just nudged past her and pulled the seat out for Jessie to slide into. Jessie’s gaze shot up to mine, a hesitant look in her eyes. She leaned forward and said, “Do you want a minute, to . . . you know, do your thing?”

She was referring to the blonde and I’ll admit her question dumbfounded me. And then incensed me. Did she really think I’d want to go hang out with some random girl when I had Jessie all to myself for the night?

I shook my head, not even giving the girl another glance. “I’m here with
you
.”

Before she could respond, I raised my shot glass toward her and we did a silent toast. I hoped that would help get my skittering pulse under control.

We made ourselves comfortable on the seats and watched the band for a couple of minutes. She stared at me and then back at the dance floor.

“What?” I shouted, because the music was so loud.

“I’m just waiting for you to belt out a tune and then ask me to square-dance, mystery man,” she said raising her glass and then taking a sip.

I leaned over and found her ear. She shivered, which completely threw me for a loop. Unless I had just startled her because I’d been so close.

“What’s so mysterious about me?”

She shrugged and turned toward me in her seat.

There were people behind us trying to push their way into our space to get to the bar, so I put my hands on either side of her thighs and tugged her chair directly next to mine, creating a barrier between us and the rest of the world.

I kept my hand on her seat near her leg and she looked down at my fingers. Then she tucked her head toward mine and said, “Lots of things have been surprising about you.”

“Where is this coming from?” I turned my chin toward her and now we were huddled together as if in our own little safe haven. I could feel her breaths on my neck and the hairs on my arm stood at attention. “Have you always felt that way about me?”

She shook her head. “Only recently.”

My eyes met hers and she looked so damn serious right then. It felt almost like she could see right inside of me. See all of my secrets. All of the ways I was keeping myself locked in a cage. It was like she was offering me the key to let myself out.

I took that offering and stepped one foot out to test the waters. “Tell me what you mean.”

Some dude reached for his beer on the bar behind me and I lowered my hand, my fingers grazing across her leg. The muscle in her thigh tensed, but I didn’t look at her, didn’t even acknowledge that I’d touched her and God, I had no idea what the fuck was wrong with me. This was Jessie. My friend. The girl I couldn’t mess things up with.

“You’ll think it’s lame,” she said, her breath coming out in little wisps.

I shrugged. Maybe it was for the best that I didn’t push her to tell me. But as we listened to the end of the song it was killing me not knowing what she thought of me.

Finally, my hand brushed up her leg again, grabbing her attention. “Try me.”

She nodded and held my gaze. “It’s just, when I saw you with that girl in the bathroom bar . . .”

I cringed. I should have realized she’d bring that up. Was I about to be schooled by her? I figured that it’d be best if I just waited in silence, allowed her to take the lead for what she’d want to say.

“It’s just . . .” she continued. “I know you hook up with girls but you never really talk about it or bring anyone around.”

“You’re right, I don’t. Because it’s never for more than one night.” Why the hell was I even telling her this? She’d think I was an even bigger man whore now. And that didn’t sit well with me. It was true that I kept that part of myself away from her. Even when the guys razzed me about it, I deflected or joked around about it. “It’s not every weekend. But sometimes . . . it all just builds up.”

“Are we talking about sexual frustration here, Square?” she said, nudging her knee playfully against mine.

“Exactly,” I said, raising an eyebrow. “You familiar with it?”