Rebellion Project (17 page)

Chapter 30

Just Another Notch

“Used is what came to mind,” I said as I plopped down on Parker’s bed and buried my face in her pillow. We had driven straight here after leaving Kayden, and most of the school, to watch me while I stormed out. We had been going home, but I was too embarrassed to go home and hear my father say that he had been right about Kayden. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for the ‘I told you so’ and long winded explanation about how he had tried to warn me about Kayden, how I didn’t listen, and then this happened. I guess some things parents always knew better than their kids. After all, as he pointed out, he had been my age once. While times changed, I wasn’t sure all the problems they faced did.

“I still can’t believe it,” Parker said as she sat on the edge of the bed and placed her hand on my back to comfort me. She been repeating that phrase since we got in the car, and restating it. She looked over at me in a fit of tears, unable to talk coherently. I knew it was hard for her to believe because she had been so sure he hadn’t lied to me from the start, and that he had fallen in love with me. She had even tried to spin it where he knew he had feelings for me and used the dare as an excuse to get close to me without anyone making fun of him. It didn’t help.

While Parker had been partially correct, he had fallen for me, she was wrong on the most important part. He admitted that he did this to me for fun—shits and giggles as he called it. Both terms made me sick to my stomach and only encouraged the tears I had been fighting off. He told me the truth, and it cut deep. I hadn’t been prepared to hear the admission of guilt. I thought I had prepared for the worst case scenario, but I hadn’t expected him to almost blurt out he loved me, either. I refused to let him finish the confession, I couldn’t handle that. He was using it as a safety device, hoping to ease my anger, but it wouldn’t work. I refused to let him find a way out of this so easy.

“Well, believe it,” I said, popping up from the pillow momentarily to look at her.

She looked as if she was the one who had been told a relationship was just for a dare. She looked in pain, and trying hard not to show the extreme pain she was in. She put on a brave face before saying, “But he loves you. I heard him say it, and have seen it in his eyes. He truly does care for you, Lauren. Otherwise he would have let Mac have you at the New Year’s party you told me about. He really cares about you.”

“That doesn’t make up for what he did to me, Parker,” I cried out. A few more tears slipped out as I remembered bits and pieces of our time together. They were all good times, the kisses, free spirited moments, and endless possibilities. It’s wonderful to be with him, and it was all for a dare.

“No, it doesn’t, but you also have to think about how he’s helped you. You can’t just throw all of this away because of what he did before. He didn’t know you then, and when he got to know the real you he fell for you. He did tell you the truth in the end, so it’s worth at least hearing what he has to say instead of baiting him to tell you the truth you wanted to hear,” Parker said.

I flipped over to give her a glowering glare. Why was she on his side? He lied, he used me, and he was never going to tell me about it. He had only admitted it out of guilt, and because I had confronted him on what Alexis and Jamie had said. If I hadn’t confronted him, I would never have known. At the start of school and all through December I would have expected this of him, but five months later I was ready to admit my feelings for him and he was ready to tell me he lied the entire time in hopes I’d forgive him and start an actual relationship with him.

I scoffed at the thought before I considered Parker’s argument. “He doesn’t have anything else to say, and neither do I,” I grumbled, stuffing my face back into my pillow.

“Then how about you listen to me instead,” Parker stated more than questioned. I rolled my eyes, knowing that whether I said something or not she was going to say what was on her mind. I wasn’t getting an option on this one. “Let’s look at how he’s helped you.”

“By lying to me and―”

“I thought you were going to listen,” Parker said, glaring me down until I shut my mouth and sat back for her to talk. If I wasn’t careful she’d duct tape my mouth shut to make sure I wouldn’t interrupt her again. “He’s done so much for you in the few months you guys have been working together. Look at how happy you’ve been lately! You’re no longer miserable because people are making fun of you,” Parker pointed out, which had been the main reason for the project. I wanted them to respect me and treat me better. “He went with you to dye your hair, which I know you love. He helped you live out long time desires such as buying new clothes that actually fit you, getting your ears pierced again, getting a tattoo, and you even got to stand up to Alexis and Jamie, who have tormented you for years.”

“He did all of that because he felt bad for blurting out my family problems, and even then he only took up our deal for the dare,” I mumbled, earning an angry glare from Parker for interrupting. “No wonder he wouldn’t back down from the sex term in our agreement, he needed it for the dare to be completed,” I added before nodding to her to say I was done.

“He assisted you in your change, and that’s dedication to the commitment he made to you. The old Kayden wouldn’t have cared if he made a deal with you. He wanted to just make sure it worked out for him, and with how hard I’m sure you struggled against his ideas, he made sure you didn’t back out. No matter what you say, you know for a fact that the old Lauren would have backed out without him.”

“Maybe that would have been best,” I grumbled. “I only have regrets about trusting him now.”

Parker scoffed at my remark and shook her head. “Trust, that’s what you’re worried about? How can you say you can’t trust him when he took the blame for you at the police station, comforted you during the trying times of this whole thing, and then was going to break the challenge with his friends to have a real shot with you? You can talk about trust and how he betrayed you all you want, but let me ask you one thing. If he hadn’t helped you then what would you have done when Florida sent that acceptance letter?” Parker asked, causing me to almost break my neck at the speed of which I twisted my neck to look at her.

“How did you know about that? I haven’t told anyone about that yet.”

“I found it on your desk, along with the scholarship offer they sent you,” Parker said. “I’m glad that you’re willing to talk to your dad about leaving the state now, especially since they’re offering to cover what you would have paid for instate tuition. What changed your mind?” I didn’t answer, but I could tell she got everything from the glare I cast in her direction. “Must have been Kayden who urged you to go after your dreams. What did your dad say when you told him?”

I bit my bottom lip. She had figured it out, and there was no hiding it now. I had sat my dad down a few nights ago at Kayden’s urging, and explained that I wanted to go to Florida for school. He had been shocked, but proud of me for following my dreams. “He said that while he was sad it was so far away from home, we could make it work for the scholarship and my dreams.”

“And isn’t that where you wanted to go to study Marine Biology or just Biology and Environmental Science in the first place?” I nodded. “Would you have done that before this?”

“No.” I sighed.

“Do you see what Kayden did for you?” she pleaded. While I did see everything Kayden had done for me I refused to admit it. I didn’t want to give him the credit when it had started with a lie. You can’t build a relationship from a lie, otherwise it would crumble down when the foundation was realized to be faulty.

“He didn’t do anything for me.”

“You’re doing exactly what your mom wanted you to do. You’re living your life, and you’re enjoying it! You got into this great college, which you wanted to go to, and you got a scholarship to go there. Your life is looking up because you had Kayden help you. He completed his end of the deal, and look at the life he gave you, Lauren! He gave you your dream life! All he wanted to do was tell you the truth so he could be a part of this new life. Sure, he could have told you sooner, but it wouldn’t have changed anything and you know it. This was a lose-lose situation for him, and there wasn’t a way to keep both sides, but he chose you in the end. He did the right thing, even if it was a little late. He did his job, and now you have to do yours and forgive him.”

“I can’t just forgive him, he hurt me!”

“He also helped you—what’s holding you back from accepting this?” Parker questioned. “You’re so rational, you see that what I’m saying is right, but you’re holding yourself back again. Why?”

“I had feelings for him!” I cried out, shocking Parker, who leaned back slightly to put some distance between us. “I had real feelings for him, and they were growing day by day. I didn’t fake them. I didn’t push them any further than he would let me. He was becoming everything I wanted in a guy and more, but then he goes and does this! How can I forgive him? I trusted him, worked with him, spent hours confiding in him with my secrets and deepest desires, and then he tells me that he did it all for fun. He did this for
fun
and nothing else. He didn’t have feelings for me, he wasn’t working to make it up to me, and he didn’t care about me from the start! He did it to mess with me, and it worked because I was starting to have serious feelings for him. I wanted a relationship!”

“And so did he! He told you he wanted a relationship, but he had to tell you the truth first! He did the right thing; he did what you would have done in his place.”

“After he spent all that time lying to me I’m not sure I can forgive him.”

Parker’s face fell. “You’re just going around in circles, Lauren. It’s not lying since you never asked him, and it turned out well for the both of you. That’s like getting mad at me when I told you I liked your favorite book, but I just didn’t have the heart to tell you it was awful and I didn’t get why you liked it. There was no harm on anyone because of how he tried to make it work out.”

I sighed at her analogy. “That’s different. This isn’t a book that will be donated or thrown away in a couple of years. I thought this was turning into a relationship, something that has the possibility to last a lifetime.”

“It’s not if you really think about it,” Parker pushed. “He loves you. Guys don’t admit that to their friends until they’re sure because they hear a whole bunch of crap for admitting they are whipped. He loves you, and he did you this favor. The least you can do is forgive him. You owe him that much. He did his part of the job and now you have to do yours!”

I perked up suddenly, and idea forming in my head. It was reckless, dangerous, and very much like Kayden. “You’re right,” I said with a soft smile curving onto the edge of my lips. This was the most idiotic plan I’ve ever had, but if it worked, then it would be well worth it.

Parker suddenly sat up straighter, as if proud that her words had finally gotten through to me, but honestly I was thinking of just how this plan was going to work. I was busy letting the wheels turn in my own head. I knew he would hate it, and it would be just enough to snap him out of his mood. If I could move past the lies and straight into the admission I had refused to let him have, then maybe we could be something real. Maybe I could move past the lie if I could know his confession was true, but only if I could be sure, and there was only one way to do that.

“He did follow his end of the deal,” I said with a coy smile, which seemed to confuse Parker. I couldn’t tell her right out that I was going to let Kayden show he had changed, and developed feelings for me, otherwise she may turn around and text Ryan, who in turn would alert Kayden to my plan. I needed to make sure Kayden was being truthful, and that meant taking a risk and hoping for the best. “So, I need to hold up my end of the deal, and be another notch in his bedpost.”

Parker’s face fell, and then quickly turned to shock. She blinked repeatedly, as if trying to process what I had just said before she shook her head vigorously. “That’s literally the worst idea I’ve ever heard, and is not what I said
at all,
” Parker stated, grabbing my arm to hold me back. “You need to find a balance between the old Lauren and the new one. Not just reverting back to the old Lauren because of what he did before he got to know you. Don’t risk it, just talk to him instead.”

“But it’s just it, Parker,” I said, hoping to explain a little of my plan without giving it away to her. “This is what the old Lauren would do, follow the rules of our agreement. He did his end of the deal, and now I guess it’s time to do mine. There’s no changing my mind now,” I said as a coy smile turned mischievous. I hoped this worked, because I was giving Kayden something I never gave to anyone else; a second chance.

Chapter 31

Paying In Full

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves as I knocked on Kayden’s front door. I had been waiting for his mom to leave before I attempted my plan to convince him to skip the apologies. I knew if he started to apologize I’d either become furious or too distraught to move past them. My only hope was that I could make him head straight for the confession. I took a deep breath, the waiting game had once again begun. I had been dumb to make this deal, and it had taken me until now to realize it because I was so desperate for his help. He had made the deal with me because he wanted to have fun, to play with my heart, and to say that he got to the goodie-goodie. Luckily it ended before I fell in too deep and gave him everything he wanted. Now it was a ploy to get what I wanted.

Two could play your game, Kayden. Well, kind of. He was going to get what he had asked for anyway, because that’s what I would do; follow the rules of our agreement. I was going to get what I wanted, if he actually changed. I was broken out of my thoughts when I heard the door lock slide out of place. The nerves came back in full force just before Kayden pulled open the door.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion when he saw me on the other side of the door then they turned upward for a disbelieving stare. “Lauren? You’re here,” he said in disbelief as his lips curled up into a smile. “Does that mean you forgive me?” His voice was so full of hope, it almost hurt me to tell him the truth. I couldn’t give in now, I had to finish what I came here for or I’d never know what could have been.

“No, not really,” I said, clearly crushing his hopes. “I’m not sure I can.”

“Then why are you here?” he asked curiously as he glanced down at the ground, trying to hide his disappointment. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, but to be honest it made me feel a little better after he shattered my heart. Seeing him in pain made me feel awful though. I wanted to tell him that I forgave him, and that I was hopeful for everything he had been about to say back at the school. I sighed, I had to do this fast or I would crumble before I could give him the chance to move past the apologies. I just hoped that I was right, and that everything would work out, otherwise I was just going to make a fool out of myself.

“I’m here to pay you in full,” I stated honestly as I pushed past him so that he wouldn’t see me trying to collect myself. What was I thinking? There’s no way this was going to work. I had hurt him as badly as he had injured me. This was going to be a never ending game. Did I have to end it or could we just move on and leave this town? I could go to Florida and he could go anywhere else he wanted to. I’d never have to see him again. All I had to do was walk out now and make it to graduation, but I knew I couldn’t do that—especially when his touch relaxed me.

He placed his hand on my shoulder and gently turned me around. “What are you talking about, Lauren?” Kayden asked in a confused daze. He was searching my eyes for the answer, but I knew he wouldn’t find one. I was too focused on my goal to give away anything, and soon he gave up, defeated. “You don’t have to pay me for anything.”

“I do, it was a part of our agreement and I always follow the rules, right?”

Kayden’s head tilted to the side in confusion as he tried to figure out what I meant. I could see the gears working in his head, but he just wasn’t getting it. He shrugged his shoulders, and asked me to explain exactly what I was talking about. I knew he wouldn’t get it no matter how many times I varied the explanation. So I took a deep breath and tried to relax; I had to do this. I had to get this to work, he had already shown he wasn’t thinking about my payment, which gave me hope.

It meant there was a strong chance he wouldn’t take it, and we could get straight to the point. It was still a risk, especially if he had written me off like the other girls he had been in a “relationship” with over the years. I knew this was the only way we could move on though, and I wanted nothing more than to move past this and have him with me as a serious boyfriend. I repeatedly reminded myself of that as I wrapped my fingers around the hem of my shirt and went to pull it up. I had it about halfway up my torso when Kayden finally connected the dots.

“Lauren!” he cried out as he stepped forward and pulled my shirt back down into place. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m doing what I’m supposed to,” I stated forcefully. “You completed your part of our deal, and now I have to complete mine.”

“You’re not supposed to do this! Who told you that you had to do this?” he asked, holding my hands at my sides to prevent another attempt to pull off my shirt. His eyes were locked onto me, they seemed panicked and grief-stricken. He was confused and horrified by my actions, but that also meant my plan was working.

“You did!”

“That was before, Lauren!” Kayden stated through gritted teeth. He was angry, at whom, I wasn’t sure. Since he wasn’t looking at me it was safe to assume that he was angry with himself. “You aren’t like this anymore. You don’t have to follow our agreement. I don’t want you to.”

“It’s how I am, Kayden. Let’s just finish the deal, and we can move on!”

“I don’t want to move on!” he yelled back without hesitation. His face seemed pained as he tried to find the words. He raked his fingers through his hair in frustration before turning to me. “Don’t you get it, Lauren? I don’t want to move on from you. I don’t want to finish the agreement and then have you ignore me for the rest of the year.”

“I don’t see why. We graduate in a few weeks and you’ll never see me again anyway,” I said, pushing the topic and refusing to let him escape without an explanation, without the confession. “You could just have me, have what you wanted, and then we’d never see each other again.”

“That’s exactly why I don’t want to!” Kayden yelled, spinning on his heel to turn back to look at me. “I don’t want to never see you again! I want the relationship we had. I liked that! I loved―” He stopped as I looked at him expectantly. So close. I had gotten so close.

“You what?”

His mouth twitched. If he caught on to my plan it would be now. When he didn’t answer, I moved to pop the button of my pants. He let out a groan as he tried to focus on me and not what I was doing. I slowly slid the zipper of my jeans down and looked at him expectantly. He looked like he was fighting the demons inside him as he tried to figure out what to do. I had my hands on the waistband of my pants, and just when I was about to pull them down he grabbed my hands and glared deep into my eyes.

“I know what you’re doing,” he growled. “The last time wasn’t a slip of the tongue. I was going to say it, but you stopped me.”

“I know,” I said. “That’s why I’m here. Prove it to me, Kayden. Make me believe what you were going to say, and that I wasn’t just another one of your usual girls.”

His mouth twitched uncomfortably. “I can’t.” His voice cracked slightly as his gaze eased. His breathing picked up and there was a noticeable change about him. “I can’t tell you how I feel because of how it ended last time. You didn’t believe me and I don’t know if I can make you believe it now. There’s not a lot that words can do and I’ve done enough actions to show that I had feelings for you. I can tell you my feelings are the same.” I nodded to let him know I was listening.

He had spent the last few hours texting and calling me, just trying to get me to talk to him, but I had rejected him at every turn. I needed him to believe that I was closed off so I could get him to open up. There was a truth in his words when he said he loved me, I could see it when I crushed him by saying I didn’t believe him and when I drove away. The only problem was that I didn’t believe him at the time because he could charm his way to any girl’s heart. I needed him say it to me now, when walking out isn’t on his mind, and I wanted him to make an effort to prove his words to me.

“I fell for you and I’ve spent countless hours just thinking of what to do when this exact situation came up, and honestly I didn’t come up with much.” I rolled my eyes, as if to seem unsurprised, but I knew better when it came to Kayden. “I wanted to pull you to me and tell you how much I loved you. I wanted to make sure you didn’t leave, I wanted to tell you exactly how I felt. You wouldn’t let me. I wanted to tell you that I was trying to find a way to keep you. I didn’t care about the dare anymore. I just wanted to find a way to keep you. I didn’t want you to leave. I wanted you to stay. I wanted to say I loved you.”

Without another wasted moment, he lunged for me and took my face in his hands before crashing his lips to mine. We took solace in the moment, him admitting his feelings for me, and me relaxing into him and forgiving the lie. Parker was right, in the long run the lie didn’t matter. What mattered was that we had found each other while I was searching for myself. Now I needed to make sure I could have the one who made it all possible; the one I had fallen in love with.

“It was the best I could think of,” he said, taking a breather from our intense kiss. “I spent a while thinking of something sappy to say, but then I realized that wasn’t me, and you wouldn’t want me to change. So I said the first thing that came to my mind, something that showed I want you to come back to me.” His eyes locked with mine and I heard him gulp as he pushed through his fears. “I love you, Lauren. So please give me one last act of rebellion, stay with me against your better judgment. If you think you can handle it, that is.” He let a coy, hopeful smile curve onto his lips. He had figured out why I had come here, and now we both had what we wanted; each other.

“I know I can handle it,” I said with a smile as I pulled him in for another kiss. My plan had worked perfectly. I had been paying attention when Parker said that he changed to help me and that he openly admitted he loved me. So I knew that if I came here as old Lauren, just to please him and follow our deal, that he would stop me and eventually admit his feelings. I needed to hear them again, I needed to know they were sincere and he had proved it to me with this one gesture. He let me know he had changed, and that he respected me. I pulled away and added, “The question is can you?”

“That sounds like a challenge. I accept,” he said as he lifted me off the ground into a tight hug. “The distance shouldn’t be so bad. I’ve been thinking about it since you told me you were going to accept Florida’s offer. I always did love the beach, so I’d be visiting without a doubt. I may even have to transfer next year because you in a bathing suit year round is too good to miss.”

“If you get that lucky,” I said with a smile as I playfully hit his chest. “Are we sure we could last if you come down to Florida? There are a lot of girls down there in bikinis, and they’ll be all over you. What if we break up and you come to school for me?”

“You offered yourself up on a silver platter, I think I’m golden when it comes to other girls.” He kissed my cheek before adding, “You’re the only one for me.

Golden; that was the perfect word for us. No matter how many scratches we got, how often we were thrown into turmoil, or how hot it got between us, we would survive and still be valuable together in the end. I just hope it lasted through college. I wanted to give Kayden a fair chance now that everything was out in the open. We could start over, fresh, and see just how this went. Being together had been so easy while we faked it, and let us gain real feelings. I’m sure it would be the same when we were in a real relationship, but I guess waiting is the only way to find out.