Reckless Heart (Kauffman Amish Bakery 5.5) (17 page)

Lydia did her best to avoid Tristan’s gaze while she picked at her cupcake. She was thankful the girls talked loudly about their cupcakes. Once they finished discussing the delicious icing, Michaela recited a long list of all the gifts she hoped to receive this evening when her family celebrated her special day with her.

When they were finished eating, Lydia glanced at the clock on the wall and realized that they’d been at the Andersons’ home for nearly an hour. Her stomach tightened at the thought of her mother’s anger and disappointment when they arrived home later than expected.

“I’m sorry,” Lydia began loudly in an effort to get the girls’ attention. “We have to head home. It’s been nearly an hour since we left school, and our mother is going to worry about us.”

“Oh, dear.” Mrs. Anderson popped up from her chair. “May I put a couple of cupcakes in a container for your folks?”

Lydia hesitated, but Irma piped up.

“My
mamm
and
dat
love cupcakes,” Irma said. “Would you also include one for our baby sister?”

“Of course. I bet your sister would love a cupcake,” Mrs. Anderson said. “I’ll be certain to pick one with extra icing just for her.”

After putting the cupcakes into a plastic container, Mrs. Anderson and Michaela led Lydia and her siblings to the
door. Irma thanked them both and hugged Michaela before skipping out toward the sidewalk. Titus mumbled a thank-you and happy birthday before sauntering after his sister. Lydia wished she could run after her siblings to avoid more awkward moments with Tristan.

Mrs. Anderson handed the container of cupcakes to Lydia. “Thank you for coming in. I know Michaela was thrilled to see you all.”

“Thank you for having us,” Lydia said, hefting her bag onto her shoulder and taking the container in her hands. “My family will extend a thank-you for the delicious cupcakes too.” She looked at Tristan leaning against the banister and gave him a halfhearted smile.

“Good to see you,” he said with a wave. “Don’t be a stranger.”

Lydia hurried down the path, wishing her heart would stop thudding in her chest.

W
hile Irma and Titus hurried ahead of her down the road, Lydia walked at a slower pace. Her stomach was in knots after seeing the hurt in Tristan’s eyes, and her stomach fluttered more as her rock driveway came into view.

Irma and Titus hurried up toward the house. Balancing her heavy tote bag and the container of cupcakes, Lydia followed them. Her heartbeat accelerated when she saw her father and Joshua talking by the barn.

Clad in work pants and a blue shirt, Joshua’s brown hair stuck out from under his straw hat while he leaned against the barn. His eyes seemed a deeper shade of blue due to the color of his shirt, and his face displayed serious concentration while her father talked. Somehow he seemed taller and more muscular than before. His shoulders and chest filled his shirt and his arms were bulkier. How long had it been since she’d seen him? Had he grown and bulked up within the past week or had she not noticed him at the last Sunday service?

“
Dat
!” Irma yelled as she approached him. “You’re home early.” She hugged him. “We just went to a party.”

Oh no
. Lydia groaned to herself.
Irma needs to stop talking!

“A party?”
Dat
looked from Irma to Lydia as she moved toward them.

“
Ya
!” Irma pointed toward the road as if in the direction of Tristan’s house. “Our
freind
Michaela’s birthday is today, and she invited us in for cupcakes. They were
appeditlich
.” She looked at her brother. “Right, Titus?”

“
Ya
,” Titus said. “They are almost as
gut
as the ones
Mammi
and
Mamm
make for our birthdays.”

Lydia bit her lower lip.
Not even Titus knows when to stop talking!

Dat’s
frown deepened and his eyes met Lydia’s, causing her shoulders to tense and her heart to jump to her throat.

Unaware of the disapproval in her father’s eyes, Irma continued to talk. “Lydia brought home cupcakes for you,
Mamm
, and Ruthie.” She frowned. “I wish we had one for you, Josh. Maybe we can cut one in half?
Mamm
always says she’s watching her weight.”

With each of her sister’s words, Lydia wished she could disappear into the barn. Did her sister know how much worse she was making this situation?

Josh gave her a tentative smile. “
Danki
for thinking of me, but a cupcake would ruin my supper.”

Dat
looked at Titus and then Irma. “Go in the house,
kinner
, and start your chores. Be sure to keep quiet. Your
schweschder
may be sleeping. She had a rough day.” He turned to Lydia. “You went to a party?”

“No.” She shook her head. Although her eyes were focused on her father, she was aware of Joshua’s probing stare, causing her heart to thud in her chest even more. “We were walking home, and Michaela invited us in. She begged us to come, and Irma also begged me. I couldn’t bring myself to
say no and disappoint them.” She knew her excuse was lame, but it was the truth. She’d only had the best intensions.

“You were worried about disappointing two little girls?”
Dat’s
scowl deepened. “Lydia, you know that your
mamm
has been struggling to care for Ruthie.” He pointed to her. “You’re the oldest. You had the authority to tell the
kinner
that a party is out of the question and to bring them straight home after school.” His voice rose and shook with his growing anger. “Did you even think of your
mamm
? Did you even think about starting supper for the family? You have obligations
here
.” He jammed his finger toward the ground for emphasis.

“I know, but I didn’t think we’d be gone so long. We lost track of time.” Lydia took a deep breath to try to stop the lump in her throat from swelling. Why did her father have to explode and humiliate her in front of Joshua?

“We will finish discussing this in private.”
Dat
looked at Joshua. “
Danki
for coming over. I’ll speak with you later about working for me.” He turned to Lydia. “Let’s go inside and finish our conversation.”

Lydia hesitated. She couldn’t let Joshua walk away without talking to her after witnessing this embarrassing scene. “May I have just five minutes with Joshua? Please?”

Her father touched his beard while considering the request. “Five minutes. Then you’d better be in the kitchen.” He stalked toward the house without another word.

Lydia’s thundering heartbeat echoed in her ears, and her shoulders tensed even more. She waited until he was out of earshot and then shook her head. “I’m in a lot of trouble,” she said, cupping her hand to her neck in an effort to relieve the stress building there.

“What did you expect?” Joshua asked with a palms-up
gesture. “Did you think it was smart to detour at the
Englishers’
house instead of coming home to your sick
schweschder
?”

Lydia glared at him and her anger flared. “How dare you judge me, Joshua Glick? Where have
you
been through all of this? I haven’t seen you in weeks, except at church. You haven’t offered my family any support at all.”

“Whoa!” He held his hands up to stop her from speaking. “You’re the one who made a lousy decision. Don’t take it out on me.”

“Excuse me?” She placed the container and tote bag on the ground and slapped her hands on her hips in defiance. “I thought we were
freinden
. I thought you were one of my best
freinden
, yet I haven’t seen you come and visit once. Today is the first time I’ve seen you offer to help my
dat
.”

Lydia was on a roll, and she couldn’t stop the words from flowing from her mouth. She gestured toward her house with one hand. “Where were you when my sister came home from the hospital? Most of the community was here, but you were nowhere to be found. You used to act like you cared about my family. Now I never see you. You say you’re busy, but can you possibly be that busy, Joshua? It sounds more like you don’t care about us anymore.”

He scowled. “I do care about your family, and I’ve prayed for you, your
schweschder
, and the rest of your family. But we couldn’t make it over the night your
schweschder
and
mamm
came home. We had to go to my grandparents’ house, but my
mamm
sent a dish over with your
mammi
. She stopped by the bakery to give it to her.”

“Oh.” She felt bad for a second but then her anger began anew. She continued her rant, now gesturing toward his house. “You said you’d come visit me over a month ago, but you never did.”

He shook his head. “Maybe I’ve had problems of my own.”

“What does that mean?” she demanded, crossing her arms across her chest and glowering.

“My
daadi
fell and hurt his back about a month ago,” he said. “My
dat
and I have been spending a lot of time over at his farm helping him with his chores. He lives on the other side of Gordonville. That’s why I haven’t been here. I really have been busy, Lydia. I’m telling you the truth.”

Lydia blinked. Now she remembered his telling her he’d been helping his grandfather. Still, her heart sank.
Gordonville
. Did that mean he was also visiting Mary?

“He’s feeling better, so I stopped over today to see if your
dat
needed anything,” Joshua continued. “I’m going to start helping Titus with his chores tomorrow. Your
dat
said he still needs to work long hours and take on more jobs because of the medical bills.”

“Oh,” Lydia said, feeling a mix of guilt and anger. But she couldn’t stop wondering about his relationship with Mary. Although Joshua said he cared about her family, he never said he wanted to be more than friends with Lydia.
He must be dating Mary. He likes her more than he likes me
. “I bet you like going to Gordonville.” She felt tears fill her eyes, and she hoped she wouldn’t cry in front of Joshua. She’d been humiliated enough for one evening.

He raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” she mumbled. “I pray your
daadi
is better very soon.”

He shook his head and crossed his arms over his muscular chest. “What’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean by that?” She studied his face, wondering what he was thinking about her.

“What’s going on with you and this
English
bu?” Joshua
asked, pointing toward the road. “You’re celebrating his sister’s birthday now. You’re getting pretty cozy with his family,
ya
?”

“No,” she said shaking her head. “I’ve already told you, Josh. Tristan and I are
freinden
and nothing more.” She paused and considered the heated conversation she’d shared with Tristan, and her frown deepened. “Actually, I’m not sure we’re still
freinden
.”

“What?” Joshua looked confused. “Now, you’re really not making sense. You’re
freinden
with him, but you’re not
freinden
with him. Yet, you share cupcakes for his sister’s birthday. What is it then, Lydia? What’s really going on between you and him? Do you have feelings for him?”

“No,” she said. “Like I’ve said over and over, we were
freinden
. That’s it.”

“I heard you were alone in the schoolhouse with him,” Joshua continued, his eyes flashing with something that resembled jealousy. “Are you sneaking around with him?”

“What?” She shook her head with disbelief. “No. I was never sneaking around with him. He wanted to see the inside of the schoolhouse because he’d never been in an Amish school. He’s
English
, and you know the
English
are fascinated with us. I showed him the schoolhouse and he walked home. That was it.”

He studied her. “Who have you become, Lydia?”

“What are you saying, Josh?” She eyed him with suspicion. “You’ve known me my whole life. Doesn’t our friendship still mean anything to you? I thought what we had was special.” Her voice was thick, and she wished she could keep her composure. She didn’t want him to know how much this conversation was hurting her.

Joshua was silent for a moment as if considering his words.
“I talked to Mahlon.” His eyes were accusing. “I found out why he’s so interested in having you come to the youth gatherings with him.”

The words were simple, yet the insinuation ran deep. Lydia studied his eyes, wishing she could read his thoughts. Did he know the
truth
about that night?

“What do you mean?” Her voice and her hands trembled with worry.

He leaned in close to her, and she could smell his musky scent. “The bishop asked Mahlon for a list of youth who have been drinking with him.”

She cupped her hand to her mouth in an attempt to stop the gasp bubbling up from her throat.

“He told me about you.” His glare sent a shiver up her spine.

Lydia challenged him with her best steely eyed look. “What are you saying?”

Joshua shook his head. “You were never a very good liar.”

“I have no reason to lie,” she said, her quaking voice betraying her attempt to defend herself. Joshua was right — she was a terrible liar, especially when she knew she’d been caught.

“He told me everything,” Joshua said, whispering in her ear. “I know you went out behind the barn with him and his buddies and drank too much. When he took you home, you couldn’t walk straight.”

She stared at him. “He told you that? You don’t believe him, do you, Josh?”

Joshua nodded. “I know it’s the truth, Lydia. Your eyes and your expression confirm it. You can stop trying to talk your way out of it.”

“Lydia!” Her father’s voice bellowed from the door. “
Kumm
!
Dummle
!”

Joshua jammed a thumb toward the house. “You’d better go.”

Lydia stood cemented in place, wondering what to say to Joshua. By continuing to deny it, she would only get herself in more trouble for lying. Yet, she needed to know if Mahlon told the bishop. She had to find out if the bishop was planning to visit her parents.

And the bishop wasn’t her only worry. Now that Joshua knew the truth, he saw her in a different light. She was no longer the sweet, innocent girl who lived next door. She had a reputation, and he would never consider courting her or marrying her. She could see her dreams of being his wife and the mother of his children evaporating right before her eyes.

All she’d wanted her whole life was what every Amish girl wanted: to get married and have a family. By making one stupid mistake late one night, she’d lost her chance with the one person she wanted to share that life with. She’d also lost trust and friendship with Joshua. She had nothing left. Her heart twisted with a renewed dread at the thought.

“Lydia,” Joshua said, his expression softening. “Go.
Now
. Let me help you with your bag.” He reached for it, but she grabbed it before he could help her.

“Lydia Jane!” Her father’s voice was laced with anger. “Are you disobeying me?”

Carrying her bag and the container full of cupcakes, she started toward the house with her heart in her throat and her body shaking with fear. Glancing down at the container, she could see the outline of the sprinkled cupcakes. How ironic that she was bringing happy birthday cupcakes into the house where her father waited to berate her.

She knew she was going to face the worst punishment of her life when she walked through the back door. But what
would her punishment entail? Did her father know the truth about the night she was with Mahlon and his friends? Was he going to take her out behind the barn or would he simply ground her? Or could the punishment be worse, such as sending her away to live with relatives in another state to save her reputation? She’d heard of youth who had committed indiscretions and been sent away to mend their ways in a new community. Would her father do that to Lydia and ruin her life in the process?

“Lydia,” Joshua called, jogging up beside her and wrenching her from her upsetting thoughts.