Authors: Farita Surdare
I sat in front of my computer, stunned. He was a professor? He taught at the U? Well, was going to. The website said he was going to be teaching the exact theology class I was hoping to get into. Stevain Rogers was a Ph.D in Divinity. He was replacing Professor Edmunds starting this fall.
I closed the laptop again. What was I going to do? He said to stay away from him, but I needed that class. If I got into it, I'd be staring at him every Tuesday and Thursday for 16 weeks! I could sit in the back and keep my head down, I suppose. Yeah, right. There's no way I'd be able to keep from staring at him.
A thought crossed my mind. What was a Doctor of Divinity doing in a bar on a stormy night drinking hard liquor? The man literally had a degree in God. It wasn't exactly something a faithful man would be doing. Maybe he was embarrassed.
Somehow I didn't think that was it.
I'd like to say I'd forgotten about Rogue as the weeks went by, but I didn't. In fact, I thought of him more often. I'd gotten that Tues/Thurs class I wanted. Sure enough, ROGERS was listed by the class listed on my schedule. There was a strange feeling inside me. I didn't understand it. I was really happy that I got into the class, but as the days past I found myself not wanting to go. Was this what it meant to be nervous? Was I afraid? Of what?
Journey's Wheel In The Sky came on the jukebox. I couldn't help but close my eyes and sway my hips behind the bar. No one was in the place. It was nearly closing time. Even Pedro had gone home. He was finished for the night and the place was empty, so I said I'd take care of closing.
"Classic rock fan?"
My eyes flew open and I turned around, startled. Oh God, it was him! My stomach did a funny little flip and my mouth suddenly went dry. He smiled and gestured at me. "Don't let me interrupt."
"Uh..." My face felt hot. "I...uh...I don't really have a choice. Murray hasn't updated the jukebox since the 80s, so it's all big hair bands and ballads."
"Really?" He went over to the jukebox and peered at the titles. He pulled a handful of change out of his pocket and fed the machine a few, then pressed a couple buttons. Journey's song finished and the opening strains of I Won't Forget You by Poison came on. He turned and held his hand out.
I just looked at him. "What?"
I set my rag down on the bar and came around it. "Is something wrong with the jukebox?"
He shook his head and reached for my hand. He smiled and pulled me close. He put our hands on his chest and wrapped his other arm around my back and began to sway.
"Oh!" I exclaimed. "Um...." I wasn't sure what to do with my arm, so I just rested it on his, my hand cupping his shoulder. I looked up at him. His smile widened.
"A little different than dancing by yourself, isn't it?" he asked.
All I could do was nod. My God, how did I not notice how good he smelled before. Better than fresh baked cookies. We moved slowly as the song played. His hand at the small of my back seemed to burn through my shirt. My hand wrapped in his resting on his chest would have been trembling if he hadn't been holding it in his. All of a sudden he relaxed his arms and gave me a little push away from him, his hand still holding mine. I tripped over my own feet and nearly fell over them, but his hands were there keeping me upright as he lifted his arm for me to slide back under. Now my back was against his chest. His hand was still wrapped around mine at our shoulders. His other arm wrapped around my waist. My eyes widened as I felt his entire body pressed against mine. It felt like fire. Before I could get used to the feeling, he spun me again and I was back against his chest. He looked up at him. He laughed softly.
"What do you think?" he asked.
"It's said that dancing is just the vertical expression of horizontal desires," he said. "But I'm not sure that applies if you're dancing by yourself. Or maybe it does."
"Hor...horizontal...d-desires?" I managed to stammer. Oh God, his thigh pressed between mine and was...doing something...below my waist. My legs felt like they wouldn't hold me up much longer.
The all-too-familiar opening piano notes of Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart filled the empty space.
"Do you ever sing along with the song, angel?"
I flinched. "What did you call me?"
"I have a name." He spun me again and held me tight against him.
"I know your name. It's on my class roster. Emmaluna Serafina," he whispered in my ear. "God's Angel of the Moonlight. Unless I'm mistaken and there's another Emmaluna in this town." He spun me around again and smiled at me. "And I'm very rarely mistaken."
I couldn't speak or swallow. I could only look at him. His hand slid down my back to my behind.
"Now, do you ever sing along with the song?" he asked again.
"Some...sometimes. I like music."
"Sing for me."
I blinked at him. "No one's ever asked me that before."
He laughed again. That soft, velvety laugh that made my insides crinkle and an electric shock tingle through me. "I'm willing to bet there are a lot of things no one's ever asked you to do before. Come on. Sing. You know the words, I'm sure."
I nodded and closed my eyes. He shook me a little.
"Look at me."
I did and bit my bottom lip. "Why? I've never...I always sing with my eyes closed."
"Not tonight. I want you to sing to me. Sing, Angel."
We swayed to the music. I found the thread of the song and tried to make the words come, but they wouldn't. My mouth was so dry! I whispered the words.
That buttery laugh met my ears again. His hand pressed against my behind, holding me tighter to him. It squeezed my bottom. Fire raced up my spine and I couldn't help but close my eyes as my head fell back. I whimpered.
"That's it. Just like that. Only louder. Come on. You can do it. Open your eyes, look at me and sing. Hear the music. Feel the rhythm." He pressed his hips against mine as the music swelled.
I felt something, but I'm fairly certain it wasn't music. My legs didn't want to hold me. My arms felt like lead weights. But I obeyed him. I couldn't think to do anything else. I opened my eyes and looked at him, then began to sing along with the music.
"Beautiful," he complimented when the song ended. He brought his hand up from my behind, sliding it up my back to my face. "Thank you, Angel. You sing beautifully, just like your name."
The music stopped but we continued to sway in the silence. The polished wood of the bar caught my eye as we turned and I blinked, shocked to realize I was still at work. "Oh! Oh, God! I...I need to close up. Did you...uh...did you want anything?"
"Indeed I do. Very much." With that he titled my chin up and pressed his lips to mine.
My eyes slid shut and that electric fire tingling up and down my spine spread throughout my entire body. My hands tightened on his shoulders. I whimpered again and my legs finally gave into their weakness. His arm tightened around my waist, supporting me.
He lifted his lips from mine. "What I want is to take you home."
"I have my car."
His velvet laugh rippled my insides like fire. "I meant my home. I want to take you home with me."
"Why would you want to do that?" I asked.
He brushed his hand through my hair. I closed my eyes and shivered.
"Do you like that?" he asked. "Did you like our dance?"
"Mmm," I murmured, enjoying the warm feeling still filling me up inside. "Very much."
"I'd like to express my desires in another fashion," he whispered softly. His hands slid to my hips and cupped my behind. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, and when I saw your name on my roster today...."
"I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you. You said to stay away from you, I know, but...I'm sorry," I said, trying to think past the strangled feeling in my throat. My heart was beating so hard and my body was surely going to burst into flames.
"You didn't know it was me? You promise? You didn't enroll in my class because...well...because of me?"
I shook my head. "I'm a Religious Studies major. I need your class for my degree. I didn't know Professor Edmunds was going to retire. Honest I didn't. But...but I...." I swallowed hard and bit my bottom lip for a moment, hesitating. Then I did what he did to me. I pressed my lips against his. He closed his eyes and I couldn't help but feel wonderful that I'd made him do that. So this was kissing. I liked it. He pulled away after a moment and looked at me. "I'm glad it's you. I want to learn from you."
"And I want to teach you. But for that, you're going to have to come home with me."
"OK. Let me lock up."
We got into his black Porsche and he drove past my apartment. I pointed it out to him as we past it. He smiled and went on, driving me out of the city into the rural area outside. After another few miles he turned onto a dark dirt road and up to a huge house nestled on top of a hill. He parked his car in a large garage and came around to help me out of the car. He opened the door inside the garage that opened into a kitchen the likes of which I'd only ever seen on television.
"Come," he said, gesturing toward a dim hallway. "I'll give you a tour in the morning. This way."
He led me down the hall and down a flight of stairs to a large room painted a warm shade of gray. I looked around. There were several odd-shaped pieces of furniture that looked like a child's blocks all arranged in different shapes, a strange metal X against one wall, a tall padded table in the middle of the room and several different types of material ranging from leather to chain hanging in strips from the ceiling. The floor was a warm shiny wood. An open door showed a beautifully tiled bathroom with gold fixtures.
His hands went around my waist and he pressed his body against mine from behind. I closed my eyes and whimpered as my head fell back against his shoulder. He kissed my neck and whispered in my ear. "You have no idea what this room is for, do you Angel?"
It was all I could do to shake my head.
"Do you remember when I told you that you should be afraid of me?" he asked.
"Mmm-hmm," I mumbled as his hands pulled my shirt from my jeans. God, his fingers were so warm as they brushed the skin he exposed. "I don't know why you'd say that. I'm not afraid."
His hands stopped. "You're not?"
I shook my head again and opened my eyes. I turned around to face him. "No. You're the most...the most beautiful thing I've ever felt. When you touch me...I don't want you to stop. I've thought about you every day, a lot, since I first saw you. All I've wanted since then is to see you again. To...to feel your arms around me again. I don't know why I want that, but I'm not afraid of you. I don't think I could be."
He brought a hand up to my face and slid it along my jaw. His thumb brushed my cheek. I couldn't help but close my eyes and lean into his touch.
"You see?" he said. "That right there is why you should be afraid of me. For that. How easily you surrender to me."
I opened my eyes and shook my head. "Why should that frighten me? Why should you? I want you to touch me. I want...something. Oh, God! I want...but I don't know what...or why.... All I know is that I ache inside without your touch, and it aches more when you do touch me. I don't know which is worse. I just know I don't want you to stop. "
He slipped his shirt over his head and let it fall to the floor. My eyes widened. My God, he was absolutely beautiful. There was no other word for it.
"Touch me," he commanded in a soft voice. "And tell me what you feel."
I lifted my hand and placed it on his well-muscled chest. I shuddered and closed my eyes. I couldn't speak as I lifted the other hand and did the same, and stepped in close to him. I know he said he wanted me to tell him what I felt, but I couldn't. There wasn't words for the feeling inside me.
"You can't, can you?" he said.
I shook my head.
"And you're not afraid?"
I shook my head again. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. I kept looking at him as I dipped my head and kissed the flat spot between his chest muscles. He closed his eyes and groaned through gritted teeth. His hands went to my face and cupped it as he kissed me hard. His tongue slipped between my lips and I whimpered and tried to pull away. What was he doing?! He groaned again and held me tight to him. His hand tightened on my bottom I closed my eyes again and opened my mouth wider so that I could use my tongue to kiss him too. Another groan escaped him, and I felt the vibration in my mouth. Fire tingled through me again, aching deep in my belly. He pulled his mouth away from mine.
"Are you afraid now?"
"I...I don't know what that was, but...." I shook my head. "But it didn't hurt. You won't hurt me."
He cupped my cheek again. "No, Angel. I won't hurt you. I'm going to tell you a word, and if you get scared or something hurts, you say the word and I won't touch you again."
"I don't understand. I don't want to know a word that stops you touching me!"
"Maybe not right now, but you might later. Just in case. I don't want to hurt or frighten you. Promise me you'll use it if you need to."
He leaned in close and whispered in my ear.
"Cease?" I asked when he pulled away. "Why would you want me to say that?"
His eyes widened. "You speak Angelic?"
"Can you read and write it as well?" he asked.
I nodded again.
He smiled. "I think I'm going to look forward to having you in my class. Just as I look forward to schooling you here. Shall we begin?"
I looked around the room. "This doesn't look like a classroom."
"Oh, but it is, and you'll be a perfect student, I know."
He reached for me again and pulled me tight to him. He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me deeply with his tongue again. I closed my eyes and let myself melt into him. No wonder-
He broke the kiss and smiled down at me. "Undress for me."
My brow wrinkled in confusion and I swallowed hard and thought of my back. "I...uh...I'd rather not."
"Shy now? You don't strike me as the shy type. Come, let me see you. I'm not accustomed to having to ask twice to be obeyed."
What an odd thing to say.
"Start with your shoes. Kick them off," he said.
I did so.
He smiled. "Excellent. Now your jeans. Slide them down and step out of them."
He sighed. "Angel, do you want to do this? You said you wanted to come home with me."
"Do what? I'm here with you, aren't I? I don't understand why you want me to take my clothes off!"
He brought a hand to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose before he looked up at me. "You can't possibly be that naive. Surely you've seen people on television having sex."
"I don't watch television. I told you, I had a...sheltered upbringing. TV hurts my eyes and ears."
"But you had an upbringing. Didn't your parents teach you about sex?"
"Just that I'm not supposed to touch...people. Father doesn't like it when we do."
He held his hand out to me. I took it without hesitation. His touch made the fire inside me roar, and I suddenly understood why Father forbade this to us.
He pulled me close and tilted my chin up so that I was looking at him. "I will not touch you without your consent. I will not force your consent from you. If you wish to be intimate with me, to learn about lovemaking from me, it has to be consensual. Now, you said you wanted something but didn't know what. I think I know what that is. Tell me plainly, Angel. Is it me you want?"
"I...I don't know."
He took my hand and pressed it to his jeans. There was a large, hard bulge below his waistband. I could feel it throbbing against my hand through the material. The fire inside me roared and made me whimper.
"I think it is," he whispered in my ear. "I think your body knows what your mind can't name. I'll ask you again. Do you want me?"
"Y-yes," my voice cracked over the word. "Yes, please. Father forgive me, but I do."
"Will you accept me?"
I looked up at him. I knew those words. I understood now. Understood, and nodded. "Yes." I bowed my head. "Yes...my lord."
He tilted my chin up with a finger crooked under it and considered me a long moment before he took a step back and folded his arms over his muscled chest. "Undress for me."
I bit my bottom lip and bowed my head again. My trembling hands went to the waistband of my jeans and I unbuttoned them. I slowly lowered the zipper and pushed them over my hips and down to the floor.
"No underthings. Very nice. Is that a personal preference or a deliberate omission?"
"I...I find them uncomfortable...my lord."
"Both, then. Now the socks and shirt."
I removed my socks but hesitated when I reached for the bottom of my shirt.
He waited. I looked up at him. He unfolded his arms slightly and gestured to the ceiling with two fingers.
"My lord, I...I..."
"Remove your shirt, Moon Angel. Your lord commands it. Obey. That is your place, is it not?"
"I am flawed, my lord."
"That is obvious," he said. "And I care not."
I nodded and bowed my head and gathered my shirt in my hands. I pulled it over my head and tossed it over my jeans on the floor.
"Now unbind your hair," he ordered.
I reached up and pulled the hair tie from my ponytail. My blond hair cascaded down my neck and back to rest below my shoulderblades.
Just above where my wings used to be. It didn't cover the scars of their destruction.
"Come to me."
He grasped me by the throat and pressed his lips against mine. His tongue invaded my mouth again and I whimpered. I kissed him back and surrendered myself completely to him as I knew he wanted. I knew him. My body knew him. It was why I wanted him so. My hands went to his bare chest and rested there. He broke the kiss and smiled down at me.
"Turn around. I wish to look upon you."
I flinched. "My lord-"
"Do as I command, Angel."
I bowed my head and closed my eyes. I choked back a sob and turned slowly.
"Move your hair," he ordered.
I obeyed and pulled my long blond hair across my shoulder, baring my back to him.
Silence filled the room, then I felt his arms slide around my waist. He kissed my exposed neck and shoulder.
"You are beautifully made, Angel. Never think otherwise, do you understand me?"
It wasn't what I expected him to say. Warmth flooded through me, and the fire that had somehow died inside me without me knowing roared to life again, stronger than before.
It was all I could do to stammer "Y-yes, my lord."
He kissed my shoulder reverently. His hand slid from my waist toward the junction of my thighs. I shivered. My head tilted back to rest against his shoulder.
"Are you ready?" he whispered as he kissed the soft spot below my ear.
I nodded. "Y-yes, my lord."
"You will never be the same after this. You realize that," he said, his fingers inching lower. "Once I touch you this way, there's no going back."
"I could not go back now if I wished it, my lord," I whispered, arching into his touch. "Please. I want...I don't know...please...."
"You plead so beautifully. I cannot deny you."
His other hand slid up to my throat and clasped it gently while the lower one brushed the baby-soft blond hair at the top of my center. His soft lips pressed against my throat again as his long middle finger slid along the crevice between my legs. I gasped as the fire inside me surged, seeming to gather to the spot he touched. His soft laughter weakened my knees again.
"Oh, Angel," he murmured as he caressed that sensitive spot again. "You're going to be such pleasure to educate."
All I could do was whimper. The fire in me centered beneath his finger, making my hips writhe to meet it. He continued to rub just that one spot as I gasped and writhed in his grasp. Something was happening inside me. I couldn't hear anything but the rushing of my blood in my ears and the wild beating of my heart in my chest. My body had long since ceased being on fire and was now consumed by the nameless ache inside me.
"That's it, lovely one. Let it happen. Let it come. Don't fight it," he whispered. I felt my hand being moved and pressed against the hard bulge in his jeans. "Come for me."
I didn't know what he wanted, but I couldn't think of that. All I could think about was the crescendo inside me, reaching a fever pitch centered between my thighs. Then something inside me broke and wave after wave of exquisite pleasure flooded me. It was all I could do to cling to consciousness as all control left me, lost to the sea of ecstasy.
Stevain slowed the movement of his hand and kissed my neck again. "There we go. The first one is always the easiest to bring."
It was all I could do to breathe and remain upright, though he was supporting the majority of my weight, keeping me on my feet. "First one? You mean there's more? Like that?" I asked.
He laughed. My body tingled in response to it. I realized the nameless ache within me had been somewhat relieved. It wasn't completely gone, but the raging fire inside me had died down to gentle embers.
"Much more, and more...intense. That was merely a taste. A starter. Something to focus your attention," he said. He bent down and slid his arm under my knees, picking me up. He carried me to the table in the middle of the room and laid me on it. "But we'll let you recover a moment first, as it's your first time."