Seducing Jordan: A Second Chances Novella (2 page)

A soft smile lit Jordan’s features. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“That’s how it felt.” He shuffled in his seat and clutched his fist in his hand.

“I miss doing stuff like that with you. I mean, we still hang out. But since you started dating Cyn…” Jordan shook his head. “Not like things would have stayed the same between us anyway. We were kids then.”

“I miss it, too.” He combed his fingers through his hair. “In high school…I’m starting to realize how many choices I made because of peer pressure or whatever, the things people expected. I know I was a jerk, shutting you out sometimes.” He rocked, trying to regain control of his emotions. The words he had to say burned his throat. “I was afraid people would say I was gay. So I started going with Cyn.” He scraped the wax off the paper cup with his thumbnail. “I wish I’d been a better friend to you.”

Jordy’s lips moved, but no sound came out. He leaned forward. “I don’t remember it that way. You had my back.”

His chest lightened, and a smile broke out across his lips. “Buds forever.”

Jordan bumped Rick’s outstretched fist.

“Want to walk down to the lake when we get back?” Rick asked. “We still have time before dark.”

“Sure.”

He suppressed a grin. The lake was a pretty spot, romantic even. A walk there would buy him more time so he could introduce his intentions gradually.

Jordan led the way down the woodland path toward the lake. Cardinals fluttered overhead and chickadees sang their nasal call. In the shade, it was ten degrees cooler and a pleasant walk, as long as he remained shirtless.

He was glad to be in front. If he’d had a view of Rick’s ass the whole way down, he’d have lost his mind. He was in his sexual prime without a boyfriend in sight. He hoped Princeton would change that.

Were his fantasies about Rick getting in the way of a real relationship? It wasn’t as if he had options, not without traveling to a larger town. He didn’t know of any underage gay clubs. Was there such a thing? How did gay teens meet each other?

The lake came into view. Hugged by a mix of pine, spruce, and hardwoods, it stretched to the horizon and beyond. Sailboats, jet skis, and other watercraft dotted the surface, spreading lines of white across the blue.

He clambered over rocks to a patch of sand, Rick following behind. Their sneakers gently sank into the soft earth. The lowering sun cast a sheen of golden light across the water.

“I love the peacefulness of this place,” he said.

“Me too.” Rick laid his hand on his shoulder.

A tingling pulsed through his body. He pulled away. Why was Rick always touching him? He didn’t touch straight guys like that. Did Rick think it was okay, because Jordan was gay? Wasn’t that all the more reason for Rick
not
to touch him? Straight guys always worried that people would think they were gay. So why was Rick so open about his affection?

If it had been any other close friend, he wouldn’t have minded. But Rick was his dream guy. Every touch reawakened the hope that somehow, they could be together. Now that Rick and Cyn had agreed to see other people, that hope was even stronger. Even though he knew it could never happen.

Two more weeks. Then he and Rick would be apart for two months until the mid-semester break. They’d never been apart that long since they met in first grade. It would be good to have the space to figure out who he was without his best friend.

***

Rick looked out over the lake, then at the back of Jordan’s head. That was the second time in an hour Jordan had shrunk from his touch. What did it mean? If he’d read Jordan’s signals wrong, it was going to be a long, uncomfortable weekend.

“Jordy, is something wrong?”

Jordan turned, his eyes wide. “Why would something be wrong?”

“You’re acting like you don’t want to be here with me.”

Jordan scuffed his shoe against the sand. “We’re starting a new phase of our life, and we don’t know what that means for us. Will we still be friends a year from now?”

“Of course we will. I love you, buddy. College won’t change that.”

Jordan’s lips quivered, and he looked away.

That flicker of emotion renewed his hope. He stood beside Jordan. “Other than my family, you’ve been the one constant in my life. We’re not kids anymore—this friendship can become whatever we want. We’re not limited by other people’s rules.”

Jordan looked at him with confusion in his eyes. This wasn’t going well. Jordan wasn’t getting his hints. “What do you want our friendship to be?” Rick asked.

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” Jordan said. “I’ll go to Princeton, make gay Ivy League friends and lead a gay Ivy League life, whatever that means. You’ll go to Penn State, make jock friends and lead a jock life. Our worlds will never meet.”

“Who says I’ll make jock friends? My parents and I agreed that football would be too much of a distraction for me my first semester of college—and I would never have made the Penn State team anyway. Maybe I’ll make gay friends and you’ll make jock friends. Those Ivy League gays might be too gay for you.”

Jordan chuckled. “You may be right. Which sucks, because I’d like to lose my virginity some time this decade.”

“Maybe the right person is closer than you think.”

Jordan smirked. “You mean I might get paired up with a hot, gay roommate?”

“Your problem won’t be finding guys, but fighting them off.” He swallowed. “Promise me you’ll be careful.”

“I know about condoms, if that’s what you mean.”

“Not just that. Guys taking advantage of you.” His chest heaved. “You’re fucking gorgeous. Some guy who can’t seduce you might decide to take what he wants. It would kill me if someone hurt you like that because I wasn’t there to protect you.”

Jordan squeezed his shoulder. “I’ll be careful. I won’t go out alone, I won’t go anywhere with a strange guy—”

“Don’t believe the first guy who tells you he loves you. In fact, don’t believe any guy who tells you that. If they want sex, they’ll tell you anything.”

Jordan grinned. “Is that what you did with Cyn?”

He scanned the sky. The clouds were edged with pink. “I thought I loved Cyn. I wanted to. By the time we finally slept together, we’d already started growing apart. At fifteen, we were perfect for each other. At eighteen—”

At eighteen, I started fantasizing about you. And I don’t know what the hell that means.

He grabbed Jordan’s forearm and pulled him to his chest. “You need anything, I’m there. I don’t care if I have to drive four hours in the middle of the night. I don’t care if I miss midterms or finals. Nothing’s more important to me than you.”

Jordan looked at him with wide eyes, then nodded. “That goes both ways.”

He wanted to kiss him, to taste that hot mouth. But not here. Not where some homophobe with a gun might see them. Hunters used these cabins, too.

He let go of Jordan’s arm. “It’ll be dark soon. We should get back.”

They headed off in the direction of the trail. They climbed a steep hill, but Rick stopped when they reached the summit. Trees closed around them. With half an hour of daylight left, the shade was heavy.

He cleared the debris from the path with his foot. “I know that people grow apart when they go to college, but I don’t want that to happen to us. We’ve got too much history. You mean more to me than even Cyn does.”

“Dude, what is up with you? My mom isn’t this clingy.”

His stomach twisted. This was getting worse and worse.

“Hey.” Jordan squeezed his arm. “If something’s bothering you, you can talk to me. About anything.”

He was past talking. He wanted Jordan with a ferocious mix of love and sex and possession. This secret had burned too long and was about to burst out of him. He needed Jordan naked, soon, before his self-control left him.

“Let’s just get back to the cabin.”

Hot and sticky after the walk, Jordan got another bottle of water out of the cooler. He twisted off the top with a snap. The cool liquid slid down his throat.

He took off his tee, balled it up, and tossed it into a corner. “I need to wash up.”

Rick nodded but didn’t speak.

Jordan looked around the bathroom. The double vanity was painted black and topped with Carrara marble. Brushed nickel fixtures and porcelain tile floors continued the sense of opulence. Despite the spa-like feel, he couldn’t relax. Something was going on with Rick. It was more than just going off to college—he seemed spooked, as if their friendship was at stake somehow.

He stepped into the two-person shower. Like the rest of the cabin, it seemed designed for a romantic rendezvous. He quickly soaped up and rinsed off. Wrapping himself in a thick, sage-green towel, he luxuriated in the softness.

Thoughts of Rick left his skin sensitized with desire. The towel dragged across hard nipples, sending heat into his cock. He breathed deeply to calm himself. In two more weeks, the three years of temptation would be behind him. He dabbed himself lightly, then dried his hair. He stepped back into his shorts.

As he exited the bathroom, Rick went inside, arm glancing his as he stepped through the doorway. He swallowed to suppress a moan. Rick closed the door, but Jordan’s eyes lingered after him. The sound rushing water in the shower conjured images of Rick naked and slick with soap, hands cleansing those hard pecs and firm glutes.

He flopped onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. How would he get through this weekend without losing his mind? Or worse, doing something stupid? The intensity in Rick’s eyes at the lake…like Rick wanted to kiss him, but that was insane. He was projecting his own feelings. He had to stop before he lost control.

The latch sounded on the bathroom door. He didn’t let his eyes wander over Rick’s nude form as he put on his briefs and shorts.

Rick flopped onto the bed next to him. They lay in silence for a while, both flat on their backs. When they were boys, they used to lie like this on the grass in the backyard and look at the clouds—or at night, the stars. Sometimes they’d talk, but other times they’d just watch, the silence comfortable between them.

“This is nice,” Rick said, “being here with you.”

“Yeah.” He looked over and smiled, but Rick didn’t meet his gaze. His heart rate accelerated. This felt
too
nice. He froze, his eyes scanning the cabin. Where was the second bedroom?

“Sometimes I think about you.” Rick’s hand brushed against his. “Do you think about me?”

His breath stilled.
What the hell?

Rick’s fingers intertwined with his. “Sometimes when I’m with Cyn, I imagine it’s you underneath me. Do you fantasize about me like that?”

Holy mother fuck
. Rick thought about him
that
way? This couldn't...Rick couldn't...But Rick's hand was squeezing his. That was real. And now the silence was stretching on too long. He had to speak, couldn't leave Rick hanging, even though blood was rushing from his head like he might faint.

His throat was so dry he could barely get the words out. “All the time.”

“Do you want it to be more than a fantasy?”

His heart pummeled his chest as if a 300-pound linebacker were running toward him. Adrenaline pulsed into his arms and legs.

He hurried into the kitchen. His trembling hands pulled the groceries out of the bags, sticking them into cabinets at random. A bag of chips slipped from his fingers and hit the floor. “Shit.” That would make Rick mad. He didn’t like broken chips.

Except Rick didn’t get mad. He walked up behind him and laid warm hands on his shoulders.

His breath hitched and his body stilled.
This isn’t happening. I want this so bad I’m imagining things
.

Rick pushed aside Jordan’s hair and kissed his neck. His skin caught fire. Lips soft as suede caressed his flesh. The flick of a tongue sent blood rushing, engorging his penis. Hips pressed against him, erection molding into the cleft of his ass. “Want me?”

He tried to speak, but no sound escaped. He’d forgotten how to breathe. Rick squeezed the bulge in Jordan’s pants, and he gasped.

More, please
. His body trembled with need. He rubbed against the hard shaft pressing into him.

Rick let out a throaty growl. “Bed.”

He wasn’t sure whether it was a question or an order, but he wasn’t about to refuse.

Cradling Jordan’s hand in his own, Rick led him to the bed. He hadn’t seen this gentle side of Rick since they were little boys, before the testosterone kicked in. Tenderness swelled his heart, followed by fear. Frantic thoughts pushed through the haze of lust. What if Rick hated this?

Damn it
. Why couldn’t his brain have kept silent? His heart and body ached for this. But he couldn’t give up Rick’s friendship. He’d rather stop this thing now than lose Rick forever.

Standing at the side of the bed, he pulled his hand free. “Are you sure about this?”

Rick nodded tentatively, as if hovering at the edge of the ocean with only his toes testing the waves.

“That’s not very convincing.”

“I’m scared.” Rick’s voice was taut. “This changes everything. But I love you, and I trust you.”

He wanted to sink into Rick’s arms, to revel in those sweet words. But he didn’t dare. Where was this was coming from? Love? Idle curiosity?
He can’t be in love with me. I couldn’t survive that much happiness
.

“What about Cyn?”

“The last few months, whenever I’ve been with Cyn, I’ve fantasized about you. I need to know if this is who I am.”

His knees nearly buckled. Tears threatened his eyes. “You can’t do this. You can’t suddenly decide…and just expect me…”

Rick took his hand. “I can’t stop thinking about you. I don’t know what it means, but I need to find out.”

The glide of a thumb across his palm left him weak with desire. Lips pressed to his shoulder. A shiver shot through him. Rick’s mouth traveled along his collarbone to his neck.

“You like it when I touch you.”

Jordan massaged his brow. “That doesn’t mean I’m ready—”

“We’ve been friends since we were six years old. We’re attracted to each other. Why shouldn’t we—”

“Because you like girls! Because we’ve never been on a date!”

Rick slid his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “You can set the pace. If you’re not ready for sex—”

“Is that why you brought me here? To a cabin with a king-sized bed?” The realization washed over him like a cold rain. “There’s no second bedroom, is there.”

“I can sleep on the couch, if that’s what you want.”

“How long have you been planning this?”

Rick shrugged. “About a month. I’ve been thinking about it a lot longer. I didn’t know how else to tell you.”

He stared. “We hang out every day. You couldn’t have just
said
something?”

Rick lowered his eyes and shuffled his feet. “I wanted to make it special.”

Fucking idiot.
“You can’t use me like that, experiment to see if you’re gay.”

“I’m not saying I fantasize about men. I fantasize about
you
. The dimple in your chin when you smile.” Rick cupped Jordan’s cheek in his hand. “The way the sunlight turns your hair to gold. When you look at me, I feel this sudden dip in my stomach. I’ve got a huge crush on you. I need to know what that means.”

He paced. Rick followed after him. “If you don’t want to, I understand. It won't change our friendship either way.”

“You think you can fuck me, and go back to being just friends.”

Rick looked away, then murmured, “I don’t know.”

“Well, I can’t.” He swallowed hard. “You’re thinking about the sex, not after. It will change things between us, and maybe not in a good way.”

“I’m willing to risk it.”

“I’m not.” He took Rick’s hands. “I love you too much to lose your friendship. What if one of us doesn’t like it? What if one of us wants more from the relationship than the other?”

“What if we decide this is what we want for the rest of our lives? Are you willing to miss out on that? Because I’m not. Getting closer will only make me love you more.”

He trembled. Rick was luring him in, and he didn’t want to fight it.

“Look,” Rick said, “I’m the one taking the bigger risk here. Until a few months ago, I thought I was straight. My whole identity is on the line. But touching you…holding you…it felt right. More right than anything I’ve done with Cyn. Maybe this is who I am. I need to know.”

He couldn’t stop his tears. His cheeks burned with shame at his weakness. He rushed out of the cabin.

The darkness and warm air engulfed him. He dried his eyes and looked up at the stars, but he couldn’t bring them into focus. The door behind him creaked. He lurched forward, gravel crunching under his feet.

Rick jogged up and grabbed his arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

“After all these years being friends, how can you manipulate me like this? You want to use me to see if you like cock?”

“Keep your voice down. You don’t know what kind of crazies might be out here.”

Jordan crossed his arms and bit his cheek to contain his fury.

“I screwed up, okay?” Rick said in a low voice. “I see how you look at me sometimes, and I thought if you were attracted to me, maybe you would want to…But if that’s not how you feel, I’ll sleep on the couch. Tomorrow, we’ll pretend this never happened. Please, Jordy.”

“You’re an asshole.”

Rick pulled his shoulders in tight and shrugged. “Maybe. But we’re still friends, aren’t we? You said you wanted us to stay friends.”

Jordan strode back inside. The door squeaked, and Rick’s footsteps followed him. He didn’t turn around.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

Rick’s voice was tight. He was obviously hurting. Well, that’s what he deserved, ambushing him like that. Just expecting him to fuck Rick because he offered. Like he was that desperate.

Did he want to go home?
Shit.
He loved Rick too much to leave things hanging between them. He wanted to work this out, repair the damage.

He turned. The sight of Rick took his breath away. Downturned mouth, brooding eyes, pale cheeks—he had never seen Rick so sad. And those bulging biceps, those steely abs made him want to kiss the pain away.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Rick said.

“Like what?”

“Like you want to fuck me.”

He bit his lip. “Sorry.”

“If both of us want the same thing, why are you fighting it?”

“Because you’re not my boyfriend.”

Rick scowled. “Would you feel better if I asked you to go steady?”

“Don’t be a prick. This isn’t a joke.”

Slowly, Rick approached. Jordan closed his eyes, fighting the yearning Rick’s nearness brought.

“I’m more than a boyfriend,” Rick murmured in his ear. “We’ve shared our entire childhood. Don’t turn me down because you think I don’t love you enough. No man loves you more than I do.”

His throat swelled and his hands trembled. He couldn’t open his eyes. He’d lose his will to resist if he saw the desire in Rick’s face.

A hand swept down his arm, and a strangled moan pushed through his lips. A velvet mouth caressed his neck. His knees buckled.

“I—” He couldn’t form the words.

Rick’s hands gripped his waist. “We’ll take it as slow as you want. If you’re not ready for sex, that’s okay. It’s enough to know how good it feels to hold you. That answers the big question. I’m bi. And that doesn’t freak me out. I thought it would, but it doesn’t. Because it’s you. My oldest friend. The person who knows me best in the world.”

He met Rick’s eyes. They were soft and filled with deep affection. Warmth suffused Jordan’s body.

“Tell me what you want, Jordy. I feel like I’ll die if I can’t kiss you.”

“We can’t do this.”

“We can.” Rick nibbled his earlobe. “Say yes.”

Rick’s tongue outlined the spiral of his ear. The thing he wanted most in the world was his, if only he’d claim it. Suddenly, he didn’t care about the future, only about the moment, about Rick’s arms cradling him, Rick’s mouth warming his cheek with tender kisses.

“Yes.” The word escaped as a plea. Rick moved in so close that his breath touched Jordan’s lips. Callused fingertips brushed his cheek. He closed his eyes, not wanting Rick to see the depth of his need. A firm hand gripped the back of his neck and their mouths crashed together.