Seeker (8 page)

“Okay, let me think this over, and when I get back we'll talk more.”

“Cool.”

Willem smiled, glad to have come closer to some kind of resolution there. He brushed past Jake and scooped Curtis into his arms. He was due a midday nap anyway; and ten past ten was close enough. “I'm taking him upstairs, you coming? I need to get my shit together before I have a shower anyhow.”

Not waiting for an answer and knowing Jake would follow, Willem left the room and took to the stairs. When he came back out of Curtis's room he found Jake at the bottom of the second flight of stairs.

“Will you keep an eye on Curtis while I'm away?” Willem asked.

“Of course I will, as best I can,” Jake replied, leading the way up to Willem's bedroom. He sat down on the edge of the bed while Willem made himself busy. “This is going to end badly, you know.”

“Probably,” Willem said, opening his underwear drawer. “But I have to do this, for Curtis.”

“No, I mean this little weekend away. Haven't you seen
Hard Candy
?”

Willem pulled out a fresh pair of socks and a pair of his favourite SPY Henry Lau sports briefs, designed with that extra bit of lift in mind. The wonder bra of men's underwear. His weekend gear was all packed, but he still needed fresh things on for his journey to Southend.

“Well, yeah, since you watched it here with me. And, okay, I can understand how meeting someone I've only known from the net can seem a little odd, but I'm not a kid. I
can
handle myself.”

“Sure, cause you're so tough.” Jake let out a sigh and looked to the floor. “Come on, Will, we're in London. Social capital of the UK, you must be able to find someone. Not like London is short on gay men.”

“I imagine that's true,” Willem said, now looking into his wardrobe for suitable clothes to make a good first impression on Charlie. That they'd seen each via webcam meant nothing. In person was a whole new ball game. “Problem is, I don't get out enough to meet them. You know this. If I'm not swamped in work I'm looking after Curtis, or I'm bailing Ren out of the latest mess,
or
I'm running around after mother.”

“We go out.”

“Right. And you know there are so many gay men in the Chancery. Jake, be glad for me, please. Sure, this could be a complete disaster, I know that, but on the other hand things could work out really well. Charlie could be my version of Amy.”

“Great comparison there, guy.”

“You know what I'm saying.” With a sigh Willem threw himself on the bed, stretching out. “This life of mine is doing my nut in, man. Ste was spot on; I need to get out of my own little box.”

“You discussed this with Steve?”

“Yeah. Why?”

Jake shook his head. “Nothing.”

Willem watched him a moment. Jake seemed quite put out by that, and in truth Willem couldn't blame him. He would have been pissed if Jake had consulted Mike first about such an important thing. “Well, you said the same a few years back when I was with Jacen,” Willem pointed out.

Jake turned around and stretched out on the bed next to Willem. When they were young they'd spent hours in a similar fashion, laid out on one or the other's bed. Jake chatting about the latest hot girl, while Willem mooned over the new boy in school who caught his eye. Mooning over was the right phrase, since the only other boy he'd ever had on his bed was Jake and, other than a brief fiddle, nothing would ever have happened between them. Willem had resigned himself to that fact a long long time ago.

“Same shit, different day, right?” Jake said. “Think your life is any different from everyone else in London? We all do it, guy. Work, go for a drink, eat, sleep, work, go for a drink. Same cycle.”

“You have fun. You always have fun!”

“Yeah, 'cause I don't let myself get too caught up in the shit. Life's for living.”

“Right,” Willem said, flicking Jake's arm. “And that's what I'm trying to do, find a way to live
my
life for a change, and not my family's.”

Jake shrugged, and Willem could tell he was folding. “Well, maybe. But there has to be a better way than with a stranger.”

“Charlie's not a stranger, not any more. And was Amy any less a stranger a week back?”

Jake sat up. “That's exactly what she said.”

“See, I knew I'd like her.” Willem sat up, too, and nudged Jake with his shoulder. “Come on, cheer up, bro. If there's really anything between Charlie, like we think there is, then we need to meet. See if we've got the same chemistry in person.”

“And a bit of sex wouldn't go amiss, either, eh?” Jake asked, his old mischievous tones returning.

Willem glared at him, but he couldn't be serious any longer. So he laughed. “Well, yeah, of course that would be nice. Gay men have needs too.”

“Oh well, if that's all there is to it,” Jake said, placing a hand on Willem's leg, “what say I just give you a quick wank now? Get rid of that frustration for you.”

For a few seconds Willem actually thought Jake was serious, and an old fantasy rushed to the forefront of his mind. He quickly stood, keeping his back to Jake so that his hardness would not be evident. “You son of a bitch, nearly had me hard then,” he said, adding a bit of extra levity for good effect, filling his head with random images guaranteed to bring his dick under control.

“Thanks, nice mental image there.”

“Best mental image you've had in a while I reckon.”

“Don't need one, mate, Amy does me quite nicely. Do you really find these things comfortable?”

Willem turned to see Jake brandishing his sport briefs. He snatched them off Jake. “Very.”

“I'm more of a boxer man, myself, prefer to let things swing freely.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you ain't got much to swing. People like me need to keep it all together, you know?” Willem gathered up the rest of his clothes and left his room. He heard Jake's footfalls on the steps behind him. “I'm getting my shower. Ren should be here soon, so if you want to wait around, no problem. But,” he said, stopping by the bathroom door, “unless you want to watch me throw one off myself, you might want to wait downstairs.”

Jake screwed up his face. “Thanks, I think I'll pass.”

Willem watched Jake descend the second flight of stairs, then he turned and headed into the bathroom. Sometimes Jake was such an easy target.

* * *

The sound of the doorbell brought him out of the shower fifteen minutes later; he grabbed a towel and wrapped it about himself as he emerged and stopped at the top of the stairs, his body dripping wet still. He called out to Jake, having to raise his voice louder than he would have liked, just to be heard over the TV. He couldn't be sure, but it sounded like Jake was watching the latest
Family Guy
spin on
Star Wars
, which cut off abruptly; so either Jake had turned it off or, more likely, put the DVD on pause.

He emerged from the lounge and glanced up the stairs. “Hey, sexy, been thinking about me?”

“Just get the door, man,” Willem said, rolling his eyes, checking to make sure the towel wasn't too tight and thus revealing more than he had thought. It was loose enough, which meant Jake was just teasing as usual. Not that he minded being teased, per se, after all it wasn't an unusual occurrence between the two of them, but with Lawrencia waiting at the door there was little time for their usual banter. Still, on the plus side, if Jake wanted to be on the receiving end of Lawrencia's ratty mood then that was up to him. Willem had no intention of coming downstairs until he was fully dressed and ready to go, which meant Lawrencia and Jake could enjoy each other's company without him.

When she entered the house Willem felt his heart sink. The ebony beauty was gone, replaced by a haggard, under slept, imitation of his sister. Her appearance only deepened his resolve to sort things out once the weekend was done with.

She looked up at him, no smile forthcoming, her deep brown eyes angry. “Where's my boy?”

“Sleeping,” Willem answered, then reconsidered when he heard sound coming from Curtis's room. “Well, he was until a certain person who shall remain nameless,
Jake
, decided to turn my lounge into a cinema.”

“Okay, okay,” Jake said, starting to climb the stairs, “I can take a hint. And you know
It's a Trap!
needs full volume for effect.”

Willem didn't respond to this, neither did Lawrencia. Instead she headed for the kitchen. “I'll put the kettle on.”

“Sure, help yourself,” Willem grumbled and turned back to the bathroom. Before he even managed to step inside he felt a slap on his towel covered backside.

“Nice ass,” Jake said.

Willem stopped, deciding there was a way to get Jake back one better. He turned and pulled his towel off. “Yeah, but you know this is better,” he said, jiggling his bits at Jake, loving the look of pure discomfort on Jake's face. He winked at his mate, then entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

* * *

He washed the residual mousse off his hands and looked himself over in the full-length mirror. “Good to go.”

White socks poked out from his dark blue French Connection jeans, around which was clipped a beige belt with silver buckle. He didn't really need a belt, but he always thought jeans looked better with a nice belt. The grey stylish t-shirt had slashes across the chest revealing a white inner layer, the evidence of which could also be seen around the hem of the sleeves. Around his neck he wore a beaded necklace, a matching bracelet on his left wrist atop of his watch, and two rings on his right hand. One a silver thumb ring, the other a bulkier titanium ring on his wedding finger. These were what he liked to call his gay signage. He didn't usually go into the trappings of gayness, happy to be just himself, the respectable businessman. But this weekend was to be different, an exercise in stepping beyond oneself, and so when he'd gone shopping on Wednesday he made a point of buying the sorts of things he associated with the gays he saw getting on buses to go clubbing on a Friday night.

He felt a bit out of his depth buying the new clothes, usually settling for ordinary looking stuff, but now that he saw himself in full regalia he decided he actually liked it. He felt, in fact, like a new person.

His usually straight light brown hair was styled in the just-out-of-bed look favoured by those in the early- to mid-twenties. Fortunately for him he looked a lot younger than his nearly thirty-five years and so the hairstyle suited him, playing off nicely against his thin eyebrows and narrow eyes.

Willem nodded, imagining the looks on Jake and Lawrencia's faces. Welcome to the new him.

* * *

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and placed his holdall and rucksack on the floor, before planting himself on the bottom step to put his new trainers on. A pair of navy Vans, somewhat more casual and bulkier than his usual footwear, but it completed his new ensemble nicely. Once done he headed to the kitchen, but stopped to poke his head into the lounge where Curtis and Jake were playing.

They were lying on the floor, playing one of Curtis's favourite games; Daleks vs. Autobots. Jake was holding the Dalek, doing his best “exterminate” impression, while Curtis was playing Optimus Prime. It looked like the Dalek was going to lose, what with both the Dalek and Jake's hand being pummelled by the red and blue Autobot leader.

Willem smiled, a brief moment of memory returning; hours and hours of Jake and he playing with their own
Transformers
toys. He just loved it that both that and
Doctor Who
were so huge again; it was as if the late '70s and '80s were repeating themselves.

Jake looked up, shaking his stinging hand. He blinked.

“Whoa. Where's my buddy gone?”

“Funny. As I said, time to live my own life a bit.”

“So I see. Hope he's worth it.”

Willem looked down at himself, then smiled at Jake. “He is.” Jake smiled back, and Willem asked; “Lawrencia out the back then?”

* * *

“Yep,” Jake said, and watched Willem disappear down the hallway. Once Will had gone, Jake's smile faded. It was stupid, but the sudden change in clothes was like a final nail on the coffin of the Willem he knew. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was losing his best friend somehow, and that the person who was going to return on Sunday would be some imposter, walking around with the same memories but with none of the character or bearing.

Jake took a deep breath. Worst case scenario, he reminded himself, seeing Amy's tender eyes looking at him. Will would be okay, she seemed to say, and Jake nodded, hoping she was right.

* * *

Willem found Lawrencia sitting on the small wall that lined the grass in the back yard, her coat wrapped about herself. He inhaled deeply, enjoying the fresh March air. It was a bit chilly, but he wouldn't call it cold exactly. He glanced at his watch. He had about half an hour before he needed to be on the tube.

“Don't start, Will,” Lawrencia said, looking up as he approached her.

He wasn't going to, instead he was going to try the talk-to-her tactic that Jake had suggested, but her tone immediately put him on the offensive.

“Why not? What the hell is going on with you? This is the second time Curtis has stayed here in the last three days. You can't keep on dumping him, it's not fair.”

“What else can I do?”

“Oh, I don't know, how about stay home with him? Bollocks to Jimmy; he wants to travel the country dealing his crap, let him. Curtis is your first responsibility.”

“You think I don't know this?” she asked, and sniffed. Willem could see it now; stage two, the water works. He wasn't having it any more. “I love him, Will, don't you understand that? I know Jimmy's a twat and can't do anything right, but I love him. I
need
him.”