SEPARATED: CONCLUSION TO UN-RELATED (8 page)

“No, I’ll be fine. I feel better already.”

“You and Kellan were like…careful, right?”

“What?”

“Never mind, it’s none of my business.”

He was staring at my stomach, and Justin’
s words echoed through my head. “I’m not pregnant!”

“I didn’t say you were,” he said, but looked away.

“It was only one night, Tyler…I told you that.”

“Did you read the book he bought you?”

“Yeah, I did, thank you very much! I also read the parts about birth control…and I was on the pill.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good. They’re not one hundred percent effective, you know?”

“Tyler, I’m not pregnant!”

“Okay. Well, get ready.”

Tyler
’s entire family was at his house and they all welcomed me back with open arms. I was introduced to the rest of the family, and there were a lot of them. Tyler’s sisters were there.  I was amazed by all the noise and commotion, but I felt welcome and managed to join right in.   

Tyler
’s sister Jen sat down next to me on the couch and started to nurse her baby. I was kind of shocked, but I didn’t say anything.

“Jen, we have bedrooms,”
Tyler said, looking irritated with his sister.

“I get tired of being locked away all the time. If you don’t like it, then you go to one of the bedrooms.”

He rolled his eyes and said, “I’m sorry, Abby.”

“It’s fine, really. Um, so how old is she?” I asked Jen without looking directly at her.

“She’s seven months.”

“She’s beautiful.
She’s big for seven months, isn’t she?”

“Yeah,
and she was a big surprise, too.”

“Oh, you weren’t trying?”

“No, we were definitely not trying. And, I had no idea I was pregnant. Although I should have known. I was never so sick. I couldn’t eat, I was tired and dizzy. My boobs killed me…”

“JEN!”
Tyler shouted, obviously embarrassed.

“Oh grow up,
Tyler,” she snapped at him and then turned back to me. “I really thought I had the flu. I had only been off my birth control pills for two weeks. I was going to get the Depo shot…”

She was still talking, I could hear her, but my mind stopped listening, and instead, I focused on what she had just said. She thought it was the flu…couldn’t eat, tired, dizzy, sore breasts…I was suddenly starting to panic. I must have turned white because she finally ceased talking and
Tyler was kneeling in front of me. 

“Abby, are you okay?”

Off of her birth control pills for two weeks…
 

“Abby!”

“What?” I said.

“Are you okay?”

“Um, I don’t know.” I stood up, not sure what to do. I needed to leave, go somewhere and think.

“Are you sick, again?” he asked.

“Oh, God, I don’t think I’m sick…” I said, and started to panic.

“What’s wrong?”
Tyler’s mother asked, coming out of the kitchen with plates of pumpkin pie. I looked down at the plates and had to run to the bathroom.

I puked…again. I rinsed out my mouth and washed my face and then sat down on the toilet to think.

It all made sense; no wonder I couldn’t get over the flu. I didn’t have the flu, I had morning sickness. I reached down to my still-flat belly, searching for any possible sign, but felt none.

“Are you okay, Abby?”
Tyler asked through the door.

I had to pull myself together. I stood up and slowly walked to the door and opened it.  “I um, I’m not feeling well. Do you think you could take me home, please?”

“Sure. Yeah, come on.”

“I don’t want to be rude, but would you thank your mom and everyone for me?”

“Sure. Let’s go.”

He told his mom I was sick and said he’d be back. 

“Can I get you anything, Abby?” Mrs. Wills followed him out of the kitchen.

“No, thank you. I um, I think I just need to go home. Thank you for dinner.”

“Anytime, honey. Don’t make yourself a stranger.”

I nodded and let
Tyler lead me to his car.

Once inside his car, he turned to me and said, “Are you okay?”

I looked up at him and started to shake as the reality was once again sinking in.

“What is it?”

“I think you were right…” I was breathing hard again, feeling claustrophobic, although that had never been an issue with me before.

“Right about what?” he asked.

“Would you take me home now, please?”

“Abby…”

“Tyler, please. I don’t want to cry in front of you, again. Please?” I begged, my eyes starting to fill with tears.

“Okay,” he said softly and headed toward my house.

When he pulled into my driveway he said, “Okay, you’re home. I don’t really want to leave you…like this.”

“I’m…fine…”

“Are you?”

I shook my head no and the tears started. I couldn’t stop them.
Tyler scooted over to me and pulled me into his arms. I was so distraught, I let him.

“It’s okay. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.”

I looked up into his eyes as the tears poured from mine and nodded. “I know you need to get back to your family, but would you take me to a store, please?”

“Yeah, sure. What do you need?”

I swallowed hard and whispered, “A pregnancy test.”

He nodded and squeezed my hand and drove me to the only store open Thanksgiving night.

“Thank you,” I said when
Tyler walked me to my door.

“Can I come in with you, for a few minutes? I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Okay. I um, I hope it’s not…well, I hope you get the answer you want. I swear I won’t say a word.”

“Thank you.” I watched him walk toward his car and suddenly knew I didn’t want to be alone. “Tyler?”

“Yeah?”

“I changed my mind. Can you stay for a little while?” I asked, terrified to be alone when I peed on that little stick; a little stick that could change my life, forever.

“Yeah, sure.” He walked inside with me and I offered him something to drink.

“No, I’m okay.”

I walked around the living room, nervously straightening this and that and finally Tyler said, “Abby, you’re going to have to face it…sooner or later,” he said, handing me the bag I had set down the second I stepped into the house.

“I know…I’m scared.”

“I know, but Kellan loves you. It’ll be okay.”

I looked up and knew he was right. Kellan did love me, and I knew he’d be a great father. The only problem was…I knew Kellan couldn’t be the father. Images of Joe flooded my mind. That one night weeks after Nancy took my pills away. It almost made me stumble, but Tyler was there and steadied me.

“I think you need to take the test now.”

I nodded and took the test from him and walked into the bathroom.

I followed the directions and peed on the stick and was horrified to see
the word ‘PREGNANT’ appear almost immediately. “Oh, God!” I said and sat down on the closed toilet lid.

“Abby, are you okay? Is it…positive?” he asked.

I reached my hand down to my belly and knew it was Joe’s baby. I was sick again, heaving into the toilet until I couldn’t heave anymore. 

“Abby!”

I looked up at the door and knew I wasn’t ready to face it, yet, if ever. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Well? Are you?”

“I’ll be right out.”

I threw the stick back into the box and forced myself to calm down. I straightened up and brushed my teeth and slowly opened the door.

I smiled when I walked out of the bathroom. “It’s just the flu. See, I told you I wasn’t…pregnant.” The word stuck in my throat.

“Oh, that’s great. Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re not pregnant, but maybe you should see a doctor. You’ve lost so much weight…”

Not for
long
, I thought to myself. “If I don’t feel better soon, I will. Thank you for everything.”

“Will I see you before I leave?”

“Yeah, of course. Go back to your family. I’ll talk to you later.”

I walked him to the door and waved as he drove away. I closed the door and stared down at the box in my hand. I pulled the little stick back out of the box and had to sit down as I stared at that dreaded word that was even darker now. I ran to my room and threw myself down on my bed. Why did this have to happen? I counted back to that night…with Joe, and realized I was already almost two months pregnant. I didn’t pay attention to the signs, and even when Justin and Tyler both confronted me about it, I denied it…even to myself.

I laid there in my room…in the dark, trying to figure out what to do. If I told Kellan, he’d certainly end up in jail, probably for murder; although, in my eyes, it would be justifiable homicide. I had never hated Joe more than I did at that moment. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I knew I had to answer it or he’d probably just call
Tyler.

“Hi! How was dinner?” I asked, in my cheeriest voice.

“It was great, actually. She did have Tofu turkey for her and her daughter, but they made a real turkey for me and her daughter’s husband. I’m stuffed! How about you?”

I looked down at my belly and said, “I’m stuffed, too.”

“Good. So, tell me how your day went?”

We talked for a while, and if he noticed anything unusual, he didn’t mention it. We hung up on a good note and he promised to call me after his test on Saturday.

I cried myself to sleep, in fact, I cried all weekend. I stayed in my room, only leaving to occasionally throw up in the bathroom. I hadn’t eaten and I was exhausted. I didn’t know what to do. I talked to Kellan Saturday night and this time I couldn’t hide the fact that I was sick. I had to have him hang on while I threw up.

“Abby, you’re still sick? You have to go to the doctor to find out what’s wrong.”

He was right, I did need to go to the doctor, but I knew what was wrong.

“Yeah, I know. I’ll go…soon.”

“No, not soon, Abby, on Monday! I’ll call and make an appointment for you myself if I have to.”

“Okay, Monday. I’ll call. Maybe I’ll go back to the one I got my pills from.
She was nice.”

“I think you need to see someone else. I think she only sees women, you know, for birth control and if they’re pregnant…” He stopped talking and started to breathe faster.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“
Abby, you um, you were taking the pills every day, right?”

“I never missed one
…not until Nancy took them away…after you left.” I was forcing the tears back.

“Abby, do you think you could be pregnant? They don’t always work. Maybe you should buy a test.”

“I um, I already did.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were worried about that? Is that what’s been bothering you all this time?”

I hated having to lie to Kellan, but this time I felt I needed to. “Kind of.”

“Um, so…?” he asked, while holding his breath.

I couldn’t tell him the truth. “It was negative. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to worry you.” 

I heard him sigh in relief. “Abby, you don’t have to be afraid to tell me anything, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I want you to call me after you see the doctor.”

“I will.”

We hung up a few minutes later and I went back to pacing my room. I looked at the box that contained the test that was going to ruin my life and I opened it once again. I looked at the stick, hoping that by some miracle that there would suddenly be the word ‘not’ in front of ‘pregnant’ and this nightmare would be over…no such luck. I stuffed it back into the box and threw it against the wall. I knew my life was ruined, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

I was sleeping soundly for the first time in weeks, but I must have left my door un-locked after my last trip to the bathroom, and I woke up to the sound of Nancy standing over me.

“Now you’ve done it!” she said, looking angrier than I’d ever seen her.

I sat up and fought the wave of nausea that was ripping through me at the moment.

“What are you talking about?”

“Did you think we wouldn’t know?”

“Know what?” I asked, irritated by her intrusion.

“I thought it might be true, but I wasn’t sure…until now!” she said, holding up the pregnancy test box in her hand.

I lay back down and turned away from her.

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“What do you have to say for yourself?”

“What do you want me to say? Do you think I’m happy about this?”

“If you think I’m going to let you keep Kellan’s Bastard kid, you’ve got another thing coming!”

I sat up and looked at her in amazement. Did she just conveniently forget about what her husband did to me…three weeks
after
she took away my birth control pills?

“You’re having an abortion!”

“What? I won’t do that!”

“You don’t have any choice!”

“I won’t do it! You can’t make me!” I screamed, foolishly trying to stand up to her. I knew I didn’t want this baby, but I also knew that I would never consider ending a pregnancy…no matter how it happened.

“I
can
make you, and believe me, you
will
do as I say! If you even think of defying me, you’ll regret it, and so will
he!
” Nancy warned me with a look that said not to mess with her.

I sat down and looked away, trying to calm down and gather my thoughts so that I could figure out what to do. I slowly looked up at my foster mother and took a deep breath and said, “Okay, you’re right, it’s the only thing to do.
I’ll have the abortion,” I lied, waiting for her to leave so I could figure out what to do.

“First thing Monday morning…oh, and you’re paying for it! I’ll take you myself!”

“Are you going to stand by and hold my hand, Mom?” I asked, sarcastically.

“I’m just going to make sure you get rid of it!”

I looked down and closed my eyes.

I paced all day long, not sure what to do. I finally decided I was unable to think straight because I was starving myself…and the baby I was carrying. I quietly walked into the kitchen, hoping that
they
were gone, but I saw them sitting at the dining room table.

“Abby, sit down. We want to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“About…your predicament.”

I was shaking and I felt dizzy, so I sat down before I fell down.

“We’ve been talking and I think we have the answer to your problem.”

Somehow I knew I was going to regret asking, but I said, “What’s that?”

“We’re going to raise the baby as our own.”

“What?” I asked, amazed.

“You don’t have to have the abortion. We’ll keep the baby. No one will know.”

“You can’t be serious.” I looked over at Joe, but he quickly looked away, refusing to meet my gaze.

“I’m very serious. I um, I’ve always wanted a baby…and um, I never could have one.”

“I’m not going to give you this baby!”

“Yes, that’s exactly what you’re going to do! You don’t have any choice.”

“THERE’S NO WAY IN HELL I’M GOING TO LET YOU RAISE THIS BABY!” I yelled, suddenly becoming very protective of the life I was carrying.

“You most certainly will! I um, I was thinking about the dates…and Joe’s um, indiscretion…with you. The baby’s not Kellan’s, is it?”

I turned away, refusing to answer her.

“I didn’t think so. You’d be okay with this if you thought…or knew the baby was Kellan’s. But, it’s not, is it?”

I finally faced her and with tears in my eyes I said, “I don’t know for sure that it’s not Kellan’s.”

“You were on the pill when you slept with him though, weren’t you?” she snidely said.

I only nodded, unable to speak.

“But, then I took them away from you…a few weeks before you and Joe were together.”

“You make it sound like we had an affair! He RAPED ME!”

Joe laid his head on the table, obviously miserable.

“Well, whatever. But, the point is, you’re in trouble and we’re offering a solution. You can have the baby, give it to us and then you can run off with Kellan and live happily ever after. He never has to know.”

“I think he’ll figure it out. He’s pretty smart, you know! How am I supposed to keep it from him?”

“You’re not even showing yet. When’s he coming back to visit? Christmas?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s only three weeks away. You can hide it from him. You’re not even starting to show yet.”

“And when he comes home for Spring Break and I’m bursting at the seams? What do I tell him then? Oh, sorry, I’m carrying my foster father’s baby, but don’t worry, our wonderful foster parents are going to raise it like their own!” I was angry. Joe got up, sighed and walked away.

“THAT BABY IS MINE!” Nancy shouted.

“Actually, it’s my baby…and even though I may not want it, I’d rather have an abortion than see him or her go to the likes of you!” I stood up and faltered, very dizzy and I had to sit right back down, against my own will

“You’re very thin…you need to eat,” she said, suddenly becoming maternal. She stood up and started searching through the cupboard. “I’ll make you some eggs and toast.” She opened the refrigerator, “Oh, we’re out of eggs. I’ll send Joe to the store for eggs, bread and milk. You need to eat healthy, Abby…for your sake as well as my baby’s.”

I stared at her in amazement. Who was she trying to kid? If I wasn’t so weak, I would have walked out, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. I sat there, listening to her talk about
her
baby and all the things she was going to do to get ready for
her
baby.

I finally had enough of listening to her talk about her plans for the child I was carrying and I just went back to bed. She knocked on my door thirty minutes later with a tray of food.

“You need to eat. You’re way too thin and you need to feed my baby. I brought you some scrambled eggs, toast with jelly and a big glass of milk.”

“I’m not hungry,” I said, turning away from her. “Lock my door on your way out.”

She grabbed the key off my dresser and said, “No more locked doors now, Abby. I need to be able to get to you in case you need anything.” She sat down next to me on my bed. “I know we haven’t always gotten along too well, but I want to call a truce…you know, like Kellan did. Maybe we can become friends.”

I rolled over and looked up at her in astonishment. “We’ll never be friends, Nancy. I’m not giving this baby to you. It’s not going to happen. You’re not fit to raise anyone…you’ve proven that with me and even more so with Kellan. I’ll never forgive you for what you did to Kellan. You had no right to abuse him like that.” I was calm, but I was seething inside.

I assumed I was in for it, and I turned away from her, waiting for the yelling to begin, but she just quietly got up and said, “I um, I don’t blame you. I’ve…I know I’ve been terrible to you and to Kellan. But, I swear I’ll be the best mom. I know you don’t have any reason to trust me, Abby. But, give me a chance to make it up to you. You’ll see, I can be a good person. No more gambling, and I took all of the alcohol out of the house. I’ll be home as much as possible to help take care of you. You’ll see…” she said and straightened the blankets on my bed and then walked around and picked up this and that.

“Just go away!” I snapped, irritated at her for even touching me.

“I um, I’ll leave the tray here for you. You really do need to eat…and not just for the baby. You’re skin and bone. You just stay in bed and rest today, I’ll bring you lunch later. We’ll work on getting your strength back. You should already be about two months pregnant, so you should be starting to feel better soon…look, I bought a book,” she said, holding up a pregnancy book.

I looked at the picture of the woman on the cover and realized I was going to look like that soon. The thought was depressing and I turned away from her again, refusing to speak.

She quietly left the room without another word. I laid there on my bed, trying to come up with a plan. I had the money I had saved from Kellan and I forced myself out of bed to get it. I put my chair in front of my door to keep
Nancy out, and I reached under the rug in my closet and pulled out the wallet…and my birth control pills.

I sighed when I saw the pills, wishing
Nancy had never taken them away in the first place and then this wouldn’t be happening. I sat on my bed and counted the money. I had almost a thousand dollars saved. I knew I had to leave, get out…and today was the day. I looked over at the breakfast tray sitting on my dresser and decided I needed to eat something before I left…even though I didn’t know where I was going to go. My heart told me to run to Kellan, but I had to stand on my own two feet this time, and besides, that would be the first place they’d look. I ate a few bites of eggs and a piece of toast and prayed it would stay down. I sat back down on my bed and had no clue where to go…

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw that
Tyler had texted me…
Tyler…that was it.
Tyler would help me…he had to, he just had to…Now, I had a plan.

I finished eating my breakfast and removed the chair from the door after I hid the money again. I carried the tray into the kitchen and started washing the dishes.

“Oh, you ate, that’s great. I’ll do the dishes, Abby. I told you, all you need to do is rest.”

I took a deep breath and turned to her, “Thank you,
Nancy. That was really good.”

“Good. Um, so what would you like for lunch?” she asked, in her sweetest smile.

“I don’t know. I haven’t kept anything down for a while. Maybe some chicken soup or something.”

“Chicken soup…we don’t have any soup.”

“That’s okay, I don’t need anything for lunch,” I said, trying to guilt her into it. For some reason she was determined to prove herself to me. I was going to use that against her for the moment.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll run to the store…again.”

“Thank you. I’m starting to feel better. Um, where’s…um, where is…
he
?”