Shadow (Defenders MC Book 1) (6 page)

12

Shadow used his time away to think about his life and what Lacey could mean to him if he could risk finding out.  He wasn't sure he was ready for anything with her or any woman, but he couldn't get her out of his head.  He let his eyes fall on the woman dancing mostly naked in front of him.  He knew he wasn't the kind of man Lacey needed, but he had to keep her safe and he trusted no one but himself to do it. Why couldn’t he want a club girl?  He knew how to treat them and they understood what club life was all about.  Lacey could never understand this life. When she was safe...  He shoved the girl away and stood.

Shadow looked around the seedy clubhouse and let his eyes fall on another sweetbutt dancing for one of his brothers.  He didn't see any that stirred his lusts.  He just wanted to get this done and get back home and that was fucked up even for him.  The club had called in some choice ass for his visit and he knew he should sample a few, he just couldn’t, but he also couldn’t let Lacey get in the way of his responsibilities.  He had a job to do for his club and he did it well because he didn’t feel shit.  Lacey was making him feel and that was dangerous. 

He made his way to the room that had been given to him for his stay.

“Hey there baby.  Can I come up and help you stay warm?”

He looked at the bleached blonde woman with the enormous boobs.

“If I want to stay warm I'll get a blanket.”

He pushed past her but she stayed on him.  He hated being cold, but he would freeze before he stuck his dick in this cheap piece.

“I've heard no woman can take you more than once.  Are you rough baby?  I bet I could handle you just fine.”

Shadow turned on the woman.  He let his eyes fill with hatred as he looked at her and was rewarded when she let her fake smile slip off her face.  “I don't think you know what you are asking.”  He stepped closer.  “There’s a reason they don’t talk about me.  I don’t think you want to know it.”

The woman backed up.  “I can see that baby.”  Her smile was gone and she was turning pale under her thick makeup.

“Get the fuck away from me.”

She scurried away as if he'd turned into a monster in front of her eyes.

Shadow walked by scenes that would be deemed too filthy for porn and didn't bat an eye.  These women knew what it meant to be a sweetbutt or a club whore.  They took what they were given and they were allowed to stay.

The moans, screams and the slap of skin on skin were normal in the clubhouses.  Most of the brothers knew not to go too far, but this wasn't his club and it wasn't his business.  He nodded to Fox and Mark who were playing cards and looked around to find Shank fucking a sweetbutt on the couch.  He looked back at Fox and saw the same disgust mirrored in his brother’s face.  It was time to go home.  Fox had an old lady and he was loyal.  Mark was a free man and he looked miserable. 

“Be ready to head out tomorrow.  We are done here.”

Fox grinned and nodded.  They may be rough men, but home was still home.  For Shadow, home had never been a place, it had always been a person, Lacey.

Shadow made his way to his room and closed his door and climbed into bed.

It wasn’t yet morning when his phone rang.  His gruff tone was answered by an equally gruff order to get his ass back home.  Something was going down and Preach wanted his most trusted men around him.

Shadow was out of bed before Preach finished talking.  He was dressed and downstairs before he hung up the phone and had his boys on their bikes in ten minutes.

“Hey Shad, you gonna tell us what the fuck is going on?” Shank shouted over the roar of bikes.

“Orders and that’s all I’m sayin.”  Shadow didn’t look back at the other man who was only a little younger than he was and had only patched in two years ago, but he knew he wore a frown.  Shank was good at almost everything, except following orders.

Fox and Mark climbed on their bikes and they were on their way back to Cool Creek.  Shadow checked his video feed that he had routed to his phone.  Lacey was sleeping like a baby with a pillow hugged tightly in her arms.  That was his spot and he wanted to be there.

He felt a pang of loneliness hit him and gritted his teeth until his jaw almost cracked.  He could not need this woman.  Women were too weak and could always be taken from you.  He couldn’t need her.  He wouldn’t allow it.

In that moment he made his decision and he knew that it would damn his soul to see it through, but he had no other choice.  He would not allow himself to love Lacey, but he had to taste her if only just once.  He would not see another woman that he loved die because he was too weak to protect her from the life he lived.  It would destroy him, but he couldn’t live without knowing her touch. 

He clenched his fists and looked at the manacles inked on his wrists.  Honor and Duty were written there and the chains bound him to his club and to his brothers.  There was no place for a woman.  His bonds were strong.  A woman would weaken him and weaken his club.  That was not something he was willing to allow.

13

It was late when Lacey heard the roar of a Harley in her drive.  She was tired and had been pouring over files for a case for hours.  She knew she looked terrible, but there was little she could do.  She hadn’t heard from Shadow but didn’t expect to until the next evening.  She figured it was just Preach coming to check on her or maybe Moose.

She smiled and opened the door when she heard the heavy knock and was shocked when she was pushed inside and against the wall.

“Never open that fucking door without looking.  If you don’t know who is on the other side call me.  Do you understand me?”

Shadow was so close she could smell him and she wanted to melt until she met his eyes.  Lacey felt the blood drain from her face and chills raced over her skin.  This wasn’t Marcus, it was Shadow.  She couldn’t stop the shiver and she saw it in his face when he noticed it.

“Damn it!  Don’t be afraid of me!”

Shadow was angry.  It was the most frightening thing Lacey had ever seen.  His face was blank, but his eyes were stormy and his body was rigid.

“Shadow, what’s wrong?”

He turned on her.  “Shadow?  Is that who I am to you?”

Lacey’s heart raced so fast she feared it would give out.

“Marcus.”

“I would kill another person if they called me that.”

He stepped close again and leaned in so his nose brushed Lacey’s.

“Who am I?”

“Marcus.”

Then he did something she had both longed for and feared.  He kissed her.

Marcus felt his lust rise and tried to fight his anger, but it had gained strength with each mile that had brought him closer to Lacey.  When she had flung open her door with no thought to her safety he lost it.

When he kissed her lips he lost himself and found himself in the same moment and he knew he was damned beyond all hope of redeption.

“Marcus…”  Lacey moaned as he continued to kiss her, moving from her mouth to her neck.  His hands found the hem of her shirt and tugged it over her head leaving her in only a simple pink bra.

He filled his hands with her breasts and she felt her body grow moist and languid.  She knew this was a mistake, but she couldn’t force herself to care.  She wanted him and for one night she would tell herself that she could have him.

Lacey clawed at his cut and he slipped it off and draped it over the chair by her door before removing his shirt.

“Here or the bedroom Lacey?”

“Bed.”  It was all she could manage before his lips crashed onto hers again and she was lifted.  She wrapped her legs around Shadow’s waist and caught her breath when his hands squeezed her ass.

Within seconds that seemed like years she felt the bed against her back.  Shadow tugged at her clothes and had her and himself naked before she could think to be embarrassed.  He slid into bed with her and pulled her against him, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

Shadow was losing control faster than he liked.  This woman affected him more than he had known and it scared the shit out of him.  From the moment he had seen her in the moonlight, so long ago she had belonged to him.  Now he knew he would only have her once before he must give her up forever. 

He felt his eyes grow moist and it made him angry.  He shoved her away and rolled her to her belly.  He grabbed her hips and pulled her ass high in the air before slamming into her.  He couldn’t go slow and allow himself to feel or he would never be man enough to let go.

He shuttered as he felt her body wrap around him, consuming him in her heat.  He was on fire for the first time in years and he couldn’t stop.

Lacey felt the shift in Marcus a moment before he thrust her away, but she had no time to wonder over it before he was plunging into her body.  He was merciless and mindless, but Lacey felt nothing but pleasure.  His grip would leave bruises on her hips, but she loved his touch.  She was almost ashamed by how quickly he brought her to completion, but he followed almost in the same instance so she couldn’t fault herself.  She collapsed on the bed only to be flipped and pulled tightly against a heaving chest.

“Tell me I didn’t hurt you,” he demanded.

“You didn’t hurt me Marcus.”  Lacey replied sleepily.

Marcus raised Lacey’s chin with his fingers.  “Look at me.”

Lacey forced her eyes open and saw the blackness of death in his.  She was overcome with compassion.  She raised her hand and ran her fingers over his brow.

“You didn’t hurt me Marcus.”

His eyes slid shut as she caressed him.  He hadn’t felt tenderness in so long he had almost forgotten what it was.  He pulled her close and kissed her lips with all the love he felt in his soul and then he made love to her, slowly, memorizing every inch of this woman who could heal him and curse him with a single touch.  He knew she held the key to his torment, but he could never ask her to free him or he would be risking her life and that was not a risk he could take.

Lacey woke to the ringing of her phone and the sun in her eyes.

“Ms. Carson, are you ill?”

It was her boss’ secretary and she didn’t sound pleased.  Lacey looked at her clock, she was almost an hour late!

“No, I’m sorry Mrs. Dempsey, I will be right in.”

“I’ll tell him.  I suggest you hurry.”

“Yes.  Yes, I am on my way.”

Lacey jumped from bed and paused wondering where Marcus had gone.  There was no sign of him and if she couldn’t feel the slight discomfort between her legs she would have sworn it had all been a terribly delicious dream.  She frowned, but having little time to think of anything, she rushed to dress and then to her office.

14

It had been almost a week and Lacey hadn’t heard from Marcus.  She had called him, but her calls went unanswered and he never called her back.  She called Mrs. only to have the woman avoid the question completely.  All she could figure out was that Marcus was out of town on club business.  She had a feeling that something wasn’t right, but she hoped she was being paranoid.  She told herself it was just Marcus being Shadow and she admitted she knew very little about him.  She had several cases that were keeping her up nights.  Honestly she didn’t have time to worry about a man who may or may not be a lover.  She worked.  She ate.  She slept.  That was her life and she wasn’t unhappy, exactly, but she wasn’t an example of a fairy tale either.

“Get your head out of the clouds girl and get this motion filed.”  DA Westbrook barked as Lacey sat at her desk.

“Motion?”

“Damn it!  Don’t make me regret giving you this job.”  He tossed a file on the desk.

“Motion to suppress the evidence that damn bulldog Varguss has on the Davidson case.  Reasonable doubt bullshit.  Get that thrown out Carson or we get our asses kicked.”

“Yes sir.”  Lacey picked up the file and began thumbing through the pages as Mrs. Dempsey stepped into the room.

“There are two men here to see Ms. Carson.”

Preacherman walked into Lacey’s office looking grim and she felt herself grow cold before he even spoke.

“I need to talk to Ms. Carson alone please.”  His voice was gruff, but his eyes were kind.  Ace stood stoically behind him.

Lacey stood as the others left the room.

“Preach?”

“I have some bad news Lil darlin’.”

Lacey reached out and gripped his arm and ran her fingers over the tattoo that had always brought her comfort.

“Is it Marcus?”

Tears rolled down her face as she begged Preach not to confirm her fears.

He pulled her close and kissed her head.

“No princess.  It’s not Shad, it’s Nana.  She was killed sweetheart.”

“Killed?  Who would kill Nana?”  Her voice quaked as the pain ripped through her chest.

Preach’s jaw hardened.

“They found her sweetheart.”

Lacey’s heart hit the ground.  They had found Nana.  The Devils had found her and they had killed her and it was all because of Lacey.

“How?”  She couldn’t ask the rest of the question or even think about it.  These people were animals.  Nana had given up her whole life to raise Lacey.   The old lady wasn’t even a relative.  Lacey had lived with her grandmother for only eighteen months before the devils had found them.  Shadow had saved her, but her grandma hadn’t been so lucky.

Lacey’s mind drifted back to that horrible night as Preach held her close.  She had never known how Shadow had known she needed him, but he had appeared like a ghost out of her nightmares, dressed in black with death in his black eyes and blood covering his skin.  He had killed the four men sent to murder her.  He hadn’t made a single sound as they ransacked the house and tortured her grandma.  They had been brutal but the woman hadn’t told them anything and they eventually killed her.  Then they began tearing the little house apart.  The house that her mother had grown up in.  The house Shadow had argued was not safe from the first day she arrived there.  Preach insisted that it would be fine since it was over two thousand miles from where she had lived with her family in West Virginia.  Shadow had been right.

They had come for her in the dead of night during a storm.  Lacey feared the storm and had crawled from bed and hidden in her closet.  When the men came to her room they found her bed empty.

Only Shadow had known where to find her and after the house had grown deathly quiet he had slipped into Lacey’s room and opened the door.

Lacey shivered even now as she remembered the blood that had streaked his face and arms.  The hate that had filled his eyes and the desolation.

She had been taken to Nana.  Nana was a part of the club, or had been once.  Her old man had been killed years before and she decided to settle down and raise her sons.  Preach trusted her and that was enough for Lacey.  She had trusted no one but Preach and she feared she never would. 

Nana had been a kind woman in her forties back then and she had known what it meant to be hunted.  She had never argued when Preach or Shad had demanded relocation, she had simply packed up and moved wherever they thought she should.  Lacey had never understood it, but Nana had said Preach had saved her husband and given her a home and she would protect his girl if he needed it.  Lacey had always loved being called Preach’s girl, it made her feel like she mattered to someone instead of just being a burden.

Lacey looked up into Preach’s face now and saw the sorrow etched around his eyes.  That was because of her.

“I’m so sorry.  This is my fault.  I’ve caused you trouble for years.”

“You have given me joy longer.”  Preach kissed her head.  “You mean something to me Lacey girl and I’d give my whole world to keep you safe.  Nana would too.  Don’t you think anyone blames you for this.  I just wanted to be the one to tell you.  Shad is one pissed of son of a bitch right now so you need to be careful around him when he gets back.”

Lacey’s heart fluttered.  “Where is he?”

“He will be by to see you when he gets back, but he has been through some real rough shit Lacey girl.”

“Is he ok?”

“He’s a shadow Lacey girl, always was and always will be.  You start looking at him too hard and he might just disappear like all shadows do, best not to look too close.”

Lacey didn’t understand.  She wanted to know him.  She wanted to stop fearing him.

“He still scares me Preach.”

Preach sighed.  “He scares us all.”