Short Soup (7 page)

He shouldered his way past the guy and strode out to the beer garden. The cooler air wafted across the back of his damp neck. Expelling a long breath, he rubbed his fingers through his hair, trying to regain his self-control. He didn’t know why bumping into Zed had rattled him so much. Maybe it was the timing. Tonight he’d scored a significant triumph with the restaurant, but seeing his old dope dealer had brought back memories he’d rather forget.

The beer garden was half-empty, the dim corner he stood in deserted, so he easily heard the footsteps behind him. A faint scent of perfume alerted him who it was even before he turned. Toni walked up to him uncertainly, her dark eyes fixed on him.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

No, he wasn’t okay. He couldn’t put a finger on why he felt so frustrated, only knew his body was clenched and his throat tight, almost as if he was preparing for a fight.

“Who was that guy you were talking to?” Toni continued.

So she hadn’t been completely immersed in Gary’s company. Good, except he wished she hadn’t seen him with Zed. He shrugged. “Just some guy I used to know.”

“Ronan says he’s a dope dealer.”

His head jerked up. “Oh, so now you think I’m smoking dope.”

“I didn’t say that.” A faint crease appeared between her eyes. “Don’t be so defensive.”

“I haven’t bought any, if that’s what you’re worried about.” At his terse reply she pressed her lips together but didn’t respond. He knew what she was thinking, though. At high school there’d been the usual amount of drug-taking amongst their peers, but they’d never been tempted. Until one day he’d brought back a tiny amount of dope and convinced her they ought to try it at least once. Just a few puffs had made his head spin and Toni had been violently sick. After that they’d steered clear of any form of drug. She’d assumed he’d stay clean like her, but now she knew he hadn’t.

“But you used to,” she said, her voice soft, without accusation, but still it stung him.

Unable to witness her disappointment in him, he sank onto a bench beneath the trees. “A while back,” he said. “After high school when I was bumming around with no real plans. I fell in with some people in the same boat as me. They were heavy dope users, and the stuff was always lying around. They never pressured me, but I started sharing the odd cone with them at parties, and pretty soon I was smoking one almost every day.”

“Oh, Dion.” She plunked herself down next to him. “I heard a rumour you’d been hanging out with a bad crowd.”

He flexed his fists. “Becky, I suppose.”

“I only found out today.” Her eyes started to shimmer. “I never knew.”

“Why would you? You were in Sydney, studying and …” Falling in love, forging a new life, growing away from him in every way. “I had a job as a kitchen hand over at the bowling club. I was sharing a house with these guys and the whole dope thing just became part of the scenery.”

“So you did it just because everyone else around you was doing it?” Her voice shook. “Really, Dion?”

No, he wanted to yell. He didn’t do it to be accepted. There were other reasons, reasons he’d kept buried, reasons he’d barely acknowledged to himself. But now there was no hiding from them, not when the chief of them was sitting next to him, her baffled dismay skewering him. Without Toni he had drifted into murky waters. She was his anchor, his lode star. No way in hell could he tell her, though. He’d been dumb, but he’d be a complete moron to confess this.

He lifted his shoulders, hating how weak he sounded as he replied, “It was just a phase.”

“And your parents? They never knew what you were doing?”

“Dad found out. Dropped in one day and caught me in the act.” His dad had walked in without knocking to find Dion sprawled out on the couch, glassy-eyed and vacant, the squalid living room reeking of cannabis, his paraphernalia scattered on the coffee table in plain sight.

Toni’s hand flew to her mouth. “God! What happened? He must have been furious.”

“Furious doesn’t come close. We had a raging argument. I’ve never seen him come so close to striking me. He told me I was a waste of space and stormed out vowing never to talk to me again unless I cleaned up my act.”

She shook her head. “And your mother?”

“He’s never told her.”

“Oh. So what did you do after the argument?”

“I knew he was right. A week later I apologised to him and said I was going to change. I moved out of the share house, stopped seeing that crowd, even dropped surfing so I wouldn’t run into them. I started work at the Happy Palace, and never smoked dope again.”

“Just like that? Must have been quite an epiphany.”

Not quite as miraculous as that. He’d omitted a few pertinent details. Like the fact that a few days after the meltdown with his dad he’d raced down to Sydney to see Toni, his heart and head in turmoil. He’d wanted to tell her so many things, had wanted to spill out so many confused emotions. He’d missed her, missed having her in his life, and he’d been confident she felt the same about him. Vague plans had boiled in his mind. He’d move to Sydney and while she studied he’d find a job somewhere as a kitchen hand or apprentice cook. Didn’t matter what kind of job, as long as he could be with her.

When he’d spied her making out with Nick, all those wild plans had crashed and burned. He’d turned round and driven straight back to Piper Bay in shock. Toni hadn’t missed him after all. She’d been building a new life for herself which didn’t include him. She was happy, ecstatic even with that boyfriend of hers, and she didn’t need a loser friend latching onto her like a leech.

If the confrontation with his father had been a rude wake-up call, then witnessing Toni with Nick had been the extra punch in the teeth he’d needed. In hindsight Nick had done him a favour; stopped him from throwing himself on Toni and demanding she rescue him. No-one could save him except himself, he knew that now. But at the time it had felt as if he’d taken a bungy jump and forgotten the safety harness.

Now, Toni gazed at him, her expression troubled. “I wish I’d known. I wish you’d told me.” A note of accusation lurked beneath her words.

“Hey, you weren’t exactly around, remember? By that stage you weren’t coming up to Piper Bay very often.”

She blushed and nodded. They both knew she’d been too wrapped up with Nick to bother about anything else. “I know. Still, I wish you’d confided in me.”

He exhaled slowly, thinking of all the different paths their lives might have followed. “And I wish you’d confided in me when you started having problems with Nick.”

Twisting her fingers, she gave a deprecating laugh. “To be honest, I was too ashamed. Who wants to admit their marriage is in trouble and so soon? I thought it better to put on a brave act for everyone.”

“I’m not everyone, Toni.”

She gazed at him for a long time. “No, you’re not. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Reaching out, she brushed her fingers over his hand which rested on the bench between them. “You and I used to be so close. I – I don’t know why we drifted apart, but I want us to be what we were before. Don’t you?”

He didn’t want them to be the way they were before. That wasn’t enough any more. But she was touching him, and he couldn’t resist curling his fingers through hers and holding onto her. “Yeah, of course,” he muttered.

The corners of her lips edged up. “So, no more secrets?”

He tightened his fingers around hers. Heat thudded beneath his skin so hot he was surprised she didn’t notice. The dimness of the beer garden and the humid night air pulled them closer. He’d stopped noticing what was going on around them. All he could focus on was this woman, this childhood friend who should have been as familiar to him as his old teddy bear but was instead an alluring enigma who scrambled all his senses.

“No more secrets,” he replied, his voice husky as he lied to her.

“Good.”

A moment’s pause. Then, it seemed the most natural thing in the world to embrace her, and as he did so he felt her arms wrap around his waist. Immediately his senses were flooded – her scent, her ink-silk hair, her thigh rubbing against his, her breasts pressed up on his chest, her moist breath feathering his jaw. All his pent up fantasies boiled over in an explosion of sensory overload. Her breath grew warmer. When her lips skated over his cheek, fire streaked from his face straight to his groin. Twisting his neck, he angled his mouth down squarely onto hers.

He heard her swift intake of breath. She froze but didn’t pull away as he’d half-feared. He deepened the kiss, and a second later she began to respond. Astonishment shattered through him, quickly chased away by need as he kissed her hungrily. How long had he imagined this kiss? Now it was happening, and it was hotter and juicier than anything he could have made up. He folded one arm tight around her waist. With his other hand he threaded his fingers through her smooth hair, revelling in its fineness before cupping the side
of her cheek, his thumb caressing her jaw. She was satin and fire in his arms, and he never wanted to let go of her. But just as her lips began to part and he was ready to explore her mouth with his tongue, she broke off the kiss, and it felt like someone had yanked out his power cord.

Dumb-struck, he stared at her, aware of his panting and the uncomfortable bulge in his trousers. Her hair stuck to her cheeks, and she was huffing just as hard as he, her lips parted and rosy from their kissing.

“Dion–” She gulped and shuffled away from him. “Uh, what just happened?”

He sucked in some oxygen. Should he tell her that he’d been fantasising about her for years and that since she’d arrived he couldn’t stop thinking about getting her naked every time she got near him? No, that would be guaranteed to make her run a mile. Better to keep it cool and not creep her out.

“Last time I checked we’re two single, consenting adults,” he said, forcing himself to keep still. “We’re allowed to kiss.”

“Yes, but that–” She pressed her fingertips against her lips as if she could still feel the kiss. “That felt wrong.”

“Oh? How can I improve the next time?”

“The
next
time?”

“It didn’t feel wrong to me. It felt pretty damn good.” He reached for her and pushed his fingers through her hair, lifting the heavy mass off her shoulders. How fantastic she’d look naked with all that black shiny hair spilling over her breasts. Cradling the back of her head in his palm, he kissed her again, this time making sure it was light and teasing. When she didn’t resist, he flicked the tip of his tongue over the seam of her lips and was rewarded by a small tremor running through her body. “Was that better?” he asked as he lifted his head.

For a while she seemed too dazed to speak. Eventually she swallowed and said, “This is crazy. You and I, we’re friends.”

“Friends can’t make out?”

“You make it sound so – so natural.”

“It is natural.”

“No, it’s not. Not for me. I don’t go round pashing my male friends.” She jumped to her feet and turned away to stare out blindly at the trees, all the while rubbing her upper arms as if it was freezing, despite the muggy night.

Slowly he rose and stood close behind her. Every muscle in his body ached with the strain of reining in his emotions and denying his need to touch her, but instinct told him not to push her too far so he made himself remain silent.

“Dion, you’re a very attractive man,” she began, her face still averted.

Uh-oh, that didn’t sound too promising.

“You’ve had heaps of girlfriends,” she continued.

None of them were serious, he wanted to say.

“I don’t want to be another of your ex-girlfriends.” She turned to face him. “I don’t want to lose what we have just for the sake of – of a few kisses. You’re too important to me.”

And she had no idea just how important she was to him. “Toni, you’re not going to lose me.”

“You say that now because you’re thinking with your penis and not your brain.”

“I’ve always been told I’m a clever dick.”

She folded her arms and glared at him. “It’s wonderful that you can just live in the moment and not bother about the future, but I can’t.”

“Well, gee, thanks for pointing out my faults for me.”

“I didn’t mean it that way!” Her face crumpled a little. “Dion, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to criticise you, but you’ve really taken me by surprise here. I never thought you, uh, wanted to kiss me.”

His irritation melted away. If she only knew how long he’d wanted to kiss her. “You’re a beautiful person and gorgeous as well. Of course I want to kiss you.” He paused then added, “And you would’ve kissed me last night if your mum hadn’t interrupted.”

Her blush gave her away before she groaned. “Oh God, my parents. Your parents. They mustn’t find out we kissed.”

“We’re not even cousins. What’s the big deal?”

“You can’t guess?” Looking sick, she pressed her fingers against her temples. “I couldn’t face the third degree from my mum. Promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

“I guess you’ve got a point,” he conceded. “I mean, given how close our families are, it’s kind of surprising how they’ve never hinted you and I should get together.” He paused as an awkward thought struck him. “Er, that’s to say my parents have never hinted. I don’t know about yours.”

“Not mine. They’ve never tried to meddle in my relationships, but I’m sure they’d have something to say about us.”

Maybe she was worried her parents would be all for it and she didn’t need the extra pressure. Neither did he. Things between him and Toni were finely balanced here, and the last thing he needed was for their parents to start interfering.

“I won’t tell anyone,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulders. “It’ll be our little secret.”

He leaned in, hoping to kiss her again, but she stepped back with a sigh. “It won’t be a secret for long if we stay out here any longer. Let’s get back to the others before they come looking for us.”

“Okay,” he sighed as well.

He couldn’t resist pressing his palm in the small of her back as he ushered her back inside but dropped his hand as they approached the table. Melissa’s head sagged against Gary’s shoulder, her mouth slack, while Gary looked resigned at having her drool on his shirt. Ronan had deserted them and was chatting up a young woman at the bar.