Silken Threads (15 page)

He hadn’t seen it because he hadn’t wanted to. He had wanted to see a spoiled, shallow woman whom he would not want to be in love with.

“
Cassandra,” he whispered, forcing her to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry.”

Held back by her concern for Cassandra, Jane did not immediately follow the other hands. When she saw Kirk holding Cassandra and saw, too, the look of love and solicitude on his face, she thought perhaps this wild chase had been for the best.

“
Good luck, cousin,” she whispered as she started toward the herd.

Behind her, Kirk loosened his grip on Cassandra. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Cassandra took several deep, calming breaths while she tried to organize her thoughts. His words kept echoing in her ears. ‘I’m sorry,’ he’d said.

“
Tell you what?” she asked finally.

“
That you’re scared to death of horses. Why?”

Cassandra stepped out of his strong embrace. “Shouldn’t we get back?” she asked, avoiding both his question and his eyes.

Kirk shook his head. “When we’re ready.” So saying, he turned toward the horses and grasped both leads. “Walk with me,” he whispered to her as he started to lead the horses back.

Cassandra watched him approach and, surprisingly, felt no fear when she looked at her sweat-drenched mount. When her gaze returned to Kirk, the chilling memory of that other time, after the accident, when her father had brought her back to the riding club to ride again surfaced harshly. Was Kirk going to do the same thing?

“
I …” But she stopped when she saw the puzzled expression on his face.

“
What?” he asked.

“
Are you going to make me get on the horse now?”

Kirk heard much more than the question. He studied her intently. “I was thinking a walk might help.”

Cassandra’s breath exploded from her chest. “Thank you. It will.”

They walked silently for several minutes, and Cassandra began to relax. She had survived her worst nightmare. She was alive, with only some minor pain in her rear end. She almost smiled—almost.

Kirk was alone with his thoughts while they walked. All his preconceived ideas about Cassandra Leeds were falling apart and he was not trying to fight , but he couldn’t any longer, especially since he’d thought he might lose her, forever.

“
What made you so afraid of horses?” he asked after a few more minutes.

“
Does it really matter?” Cassandra asked listlessly, remembering how clearly Kirk had shown that her love was one-sided.

Stopping, Kirk grasped Cassandra’s arm and made her face him. “Yes,” he said simply.

Cassandra’s carefully maintained shell collapsed. “All right,” she whispered.

For the next twenty minutes Cassandra spoke, telling him about everything that happened eighteen years before, from the moment she’d gotten on her father’s champion horse until she woke in the hospital three weeks later. She told him about the nightmares and the unending, paralyzing fear. Tears streaked her face when she finished.

Kirk remained silent for several minutes after Cassandra finished. When he finally spoke, his words were emotional.

“
You’re a brave woman, Cassandra. Braver than a lot of men I know.”

“
No, I’m not. I’m just a scared little girl who pretends a lot.”

“
Don’t denigrate yourself. I meant what I said. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating you.”

Cassandra’s heart fluttered and her stomach churned. His words were warm. Then she wondered if these emotions were just a carryover from the presence of danger.

“
Maybe I should try to get on the horse again,” she ventured in a low voice.

“
Only if you want to.” Kirk’s words were so different from her father’s long-ago, angry orders to a nine-year-old.

“
I ... I want to,” she declared in a firm voice.

~~~~

Kirk unsaddled and tethered his horse and looked around. He saw Cassandra pouring herself a cup of coffee, along with several of the hands. Turning, he started toward two of the ranch hands when Jane stopped him.

“
Can we talk?” she asked.

Kirk guided her from the men, stopping when they were far enough away for a private talk. “Go ahead.”

“
That was a hell of a chase.”

“
It was close,” Kirk replied.

“
Can’t you unbend a little? You almost killed your horse to catch her. When you did, I saw the way you looked at her. Can’t you admit how you feel, even now?”

“
What good will it do?”

“
You’re in love with her. Does she know it?” Jane asked.

“
It doesn’t matter.”

“
It doesn’t matter,” Jane mimicked sarcastically. “Like hell it doesn’t. Sometimes I can’t believe you’re the same man I know and love. The man who has all the answers: the man who always knew what to say and how to say it all. You taught me, which says a lot, but you can’t do it for yourself, can you?”

“
Not now, Jane.”

“
Then when?” Jane asked, her eyes boring into his. “When she’s gone?”

Kirk shook his head and steadied his nerves. “Even if she did feel the same about me, it couldn’t work. We’re too different.”

“
Or too stubborn. She loves you, Kirk.”

“
She might have once, but not anymore,” he said with certainty.

“
Kirk—”

“
Enough,” Kirk stated, ending their conversation by walking away.

“
Oh, no, cousin, not by far,” Jane whispered to his back.

Cassandra sat on her sleeping roll, staring up into the night. Her mind was constantly shifting, her thoughts not on the afternoon, but on the evening.

What impressed Cassandra most was no one had mentioned her mishap. They had also included her in the random conversations that broke out spontaneously among the ranch hands sitting around the fires.

For the first time since arriving at Twin Rivers, Cassandra had started to feel like she belonged. There was nothing overt in the way it had happened, but she was aware of the change it in the little gestures.

However, the one event that brought home a true sense of belonging had occurred just before everyone had left the fire to go to sleep.

Bill Norton, the rider who’d been with them when her horse had been spooked, stood and walked up to her. The men had grown silent, and Jane, who had been sitting next to her, had a shadowy smile on her face.

Cassandra glanced at Kirk, sitting on the other side of the fire and saw him staring at her.

“
Miss Cassandra,” Bill had said, his voice rough but easy, “this is the last night of your first roundup, and we…the boys, I mean, wanted to give you a memento.”

Cassandra tensed but continued to look up at him.

Slowly Bill had slipped his hand from behind his back and held up a tannish object about three inches long. Cassandra had stared at it without recognition, until Bill shook it.

Cassandra jumped. A round of laughter echoed in the night, and as the color had returned to Cassandra’s face, she’d tried to smile. “This came from that critter that tried to eat your horse,” Bill informed her and offered her the rattle.

Forcing a smile to her lips, Cassandra gingerly took the rattle. She’d studied it closely and then looked directly at Kirk. “Doesn’t look half as mean as some people I know.”

With that, more laughter had erupted around the campfire and Cassandra sensed a warmth she had never expected. From the corner of her eye, she’d seen Jane laughing. At the same time, she’d seen Jane’s gaze directed at Kirk, whose smile had become taut.

After that, everyone had gone to their bedrolls, including Cassandra. But sleep was elusive.

Shaking away her roaming thoughts, Cassandra stood, stretched, and walked away from the dying fires, a blanket under her arm. She needed to be away from people for a little while.

~~~~

Kirk lay still on his bedroll, thinking back on Cassandra’s sad tale. For most of the day, he’d chastised himself for having always thought the worst of her.

With her story, a new understanding of whom and what she was, and a breaking down of his false assumptions. He had apologized to her today but wondered if it was too late.

He knew, too, if it was, it was his fault. He had been the one who’d passed judgment and set the rules.

When he’d spoken to Jane, he’d been sure any future with Cassandra was impossible. Yet in the back of his mind, hope still existed.

Through his churning thoughts, he saw Cassandra, who was a dozen paces away, stand and walk from the campsite. He watched her, knowing he would have to face her and face himself.

Making his decision, Kirk followed Cassandra into the night.

~~~~

Cassandra walked slowly, her mind racing with everything that had happened. But overpowering all her other thoughts was the memory of Kirk’s strong arms holding her tight while her body shook in reaction to the shattering ride. She had found, pressed securely to him, that she had been able to draw on his strength and fight for control of her mind.

When she had calmed down and looked at his face, a flood of emotions had filled her body. She had wanted to tell him she loved him, but knew the futility of it. Yet he had been kinder and gentler with her than ever before, and she did not want to chance losing that. It was all she could hope for.

My parents raised me to want too much
, she thought, feeling a deep sadness at the realization. Kirk had been good for her today; he had been strong when she needed him, and he hadn’t forced her to do anything she didn’t want to do.

Even when he’d pushed her to talk about the accident, she’d sensed it was for her own benefit. When she’d finished the tale, it had somehow seemed distant, as if it had happened to someone else. Afterward, when she’d decided to try to ride the horse, she found herself nervous but unafraid.

She realized now that by speaking aloud about what had happened so many years before, the words had been cathartic, releasing her from the suffocating bonds of fear.

“
Do you hate your father?”

Startled, Cassandra whirled at Kirk’s voice, her hand going to her throat. A moment later, she lowered her hand.

"Do you hate him?” Kirk repeated.

“
Hate him? Why?” she asked, puzzled by the question.

“
For sending you here. For preying on your fears in order to take advantage of you. For playing dirty to get what he wanted?”

Cassandra heard anger in Kirk’s words, anger directed away from her. Her heart beat with a different emotion, and a heavy lump grew in her throat. “You really do care, don’t you?” she asked.

Kirk stepped closer to her, and although it was the dead of night, he saw her features clearly. “I care, Cassandra. You know that.”

“
Kirk…” she whispered, closing the distance between them and reaching up to capture his mouth with hers. Her arms went around his broad back, and the blanket, so carefully tucked beneath her arm, fell to the ground.

The world lit with the soaring explosion of their kiss as Cassandra leaned against him. When the kiss ended, they gazed deeply at each other for a long moment, until neither could stand the tension swirling around them.

Kirk’s mouth descended again, slowly. This time their kiss was not a soul-shattering explosion of passion; rather, it a gentle kiss that spoke to their deepest feelings.

As it had happened that first time, they found themselves lying on the blanket, wrapped in each other’s arms. Their bodies joined, their hearts beating as one as they raced toward the heavens, toward that special place in the universe that was theirs alone.

Later, when their bodies returned to Earth and the warmth of their joining spread across every inch of their skin, they lay together, side by side, their hands constantly moving, caressing each other gently while they shared kiss after kiss.

Even later, after they had dressed, they sat holding hands under the sparkling stars.

“
You still haven’t answered me. Do you hate him?”

“
No, Kirk, in spite of everything, I love my father. I only wish he loved me.”

“
Are you sure he doesn’t?”

“
I only know he loved me when I was a little girl.”

“
How could he have sent you here, knowing about your fear of horses?”

Cassandra smiled. It was a cold, hard smile. “I told you why in Wyoming. Gregory Leeds likes to win. He wants me to marry Somner Barwell. He wants to arrange some sort of a merger with Barwell Industries.”

“
He thought you would quit, run away?”

“
It certainly stands to reason.”

“
Cassandra, what about Barwell?” Kirk asked, needing to know the absolute truth.

Cassandra’s mouth went dry, her stomach starting its flip-flops. “I won’t marry him,” she stated. “I don’t love him, Kirk.... I love you.”