Something More (11 page)

The sounds they made drove me insane, and I thought about undressing. After the mental battle, I stripped down to my bra and panties. If I touched myself, it was just me who would have to deal with things, and the way they made me so needy outweighed my own squick factor in that moment. My fingertips slid lower, beneath the elastic, and I couldn’t be bothered to go slow and tease. I knew they were both nearing their own orgasms, and I wanted them distracted, not paying attention to me. Somehow, if they didn’t watch, I rationalized it wasn’t as dirty an act.

My fingers circled my clit faster, watching as their mouths sank and lifted off each other. I was thankful they were still wrapped up in each other when I came. God, it was good even just watching them.
 

I pulled my hand out of my panties and took a deep breath. My mood crashed into me just as hard as my orgasm had, and the jealousy returned to the pit of my stomach. They were beautiful, so in love, so connected as they both came. It made me so, so sad. Irrationally sad.

Instead of waiting for them to finish, I went to the bathroom to clean up. After my hands were washed and I’d cleaned up the little mess, I changed into my pajamas. I stood there, looking at myself in the mirror. It was so easy to drift into thoughts of nasty things about myself. Why was I so certain that at any minute they were going to call things off? Probably the laundry list of flaws I could call up in my head at any given moment.

Noah snuck up behind me as I was looking at the lines at the edges of my eyes, startling me. “What are you doing?” His eyebrows narrowed in confusion.

“Ugh. These wrinkles.”

“What wrinkles?” he asked, looking at my reflection.

I turned to face him, pointing them out. “See?”

“Nope. I just see a beautiful, sexy woman. Jonathan was right—you are weird,” he said, teasing.

My eyes sought solace in the grain of the marble countertop. Yep, I was weird.
 

“Hey,” he said, tilting my face to look at him. “Ready to tell me what’s wrong?”

His arms surrounded me, and I couldn’t hold back the tears.
 

“It just…” I trailed off, looking at the ground. “It just feels like you’ll never love me like you love each other.”

“Baby girl, if you can’t tell how much we care for you, I’m just not even sure what to say.” His voice was quiet, and the ache and hurt in it made my insides churn. “We’re both in so deep for you. I don’t know what more we can do to show you that.

“There are going to be times when you’re not around, or I’m not around, or I have you all to myself…” His lips went to my neck, sucking gently. “We have to work around life. When you’re here, when you
choose
to be here, you are a part of this. You’re a vital part. You’re the butter to our sugar and flour. Can’t bake without’cha.”

I had to laugh. Only fucking Noah would make a baking analogy while I was crying. Just like that, I’d gone from feeling like the outsider to feeling like an essential ingredient.
 

He kissed my forehead. “I love it when the three of us can be together. I’m glad we’ve been able to have so much time lately, but you need to know it won’t always be like this. It’s going to be difficult. You’re going to get jealous. I’m going to get jealous…”

“I’m going to get jealous,” Jonathan said, interrupting and joining our space.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, wiping the tears from the apples of my cheeks. “Don’t cry, my pretty.” His face was so soft and pained.
 

“I was just having a moment. I think it’s over,” I said, taking a deep breath. “No. I know it’s over.”

“Good, ’cause I’m exhausted and ready to close my eyes,” Noah said. “Come to bed, my loves. We can talk more about this tomorrow.”

Who could refuse that?

Holding me together, both of them took a place flanking me. Even though Noah fell fast asleep and snored like a freight train, Jonathan stayed awake, his leg hitched over my hip and his hand stroking my skin for several minutes. His fingers curved over the swell of my breast, and his thumb swept back and forth.

“I love hearing your heart beat,” he said quietly.
 

I didn’t know what to say in response, so I said nothing at first. I accepted his words and let them settle in my soul. It was the first time I realized I was truly, deeply in love with both of them. My heart raced at the realization, and although I wasn’t ready to say it, the thought warmed me.

Pulling his body closer, I hummed and leaned in, kissing him softly. Even though I still didn’t know how to respond, it was important to me that he knew just how much he meant to me. His answering smile was the reassurance I needed.

When I woke up, I felt a trillion times better. There was a little awkward embarrassment over my outburst from the night before, but I couldn’t regret it. It led to comfort and talking and growth, I thought. I smiled then turned to curl up with Jonathan. Noah was gone, but I knew he wasn’t far. I could smell coffee, and I let my hope linger that he was fixing breakfast.
 

“Good morning,” Jonathan whispered, smiling as his fingertips traced over my forehead. “Sleep well?”

“Good morning. I slept…so well. Perfect. I needed that.”

“You having trouble sleeping?”

“No,” I said. “Not really. I mean, it’s always better when I’m here. That might have something to do with the fact that you both exhaust me, though.”

“Can’t help it if we find you irresistible,” he said, leaning closer to kiss me.
 

I scooted into his arms, and we lay together in silence until Noah showed up, sliding in behind me.
 

“Morning,” he mumbled against my shoulder, pressing a kiss into my skin.

“Hey there,” I said, smiling and turning my head back slightly to kiss him.
 

“I made cinnamon rolls and coffee. You guys hungry?”

“Starving,” I said.

Jay nodded, and we unwrapped from each other, walking to the kitchen together. Their hallway was too narrow for us to walk shoulder-to-shoulder, but our hands stayed linked as we walked like schoolchildren on a field trip. The kitchen was an amazing mess, but the smells… My knees practically went weak at the sticky-sweet, spicy smell that invaded my nose. At their insistence, I sat down and Noah brought my cinnamon roll, while Jay carried the coffee mugs.
 

We ate, digging in quickly. As the nourishment filled and energized us, we began to talk. I was grateful we’d weathered our first really uncomfortable and tense moments, and we’d come out on the other side in a place where I felt good asking more questions and trying to figure out where I fit in.
 

“So how long did you two date before you moved in together?” I asked.

“About ten seconds,” Jay said.

I laughed so hard I almost choked on my coffee.

“No, seriously,” I pushed. I wasn’t sure why, but I suddenly wanted to know every detail of what they were before they had become us.

“It was a few days,” Noah said. “Not long at all. We just knew.”

Did they just know with me, too? Or was I the only one feeling that way? Noah had implied as much the night before, but my insecurities still nagged at me.

I nodded, trying to think of how to phrase my question. “What made you guys even talk about the possibility of me?”

“Uh,” Noah said. “You’re serious?” His eyes narrowed, but not in a negative way, as I nodded. “Well, aside from the obvious fact that you’re hot, you’re smart. You’re really dedicated to your job, or so Jay was always telling me. You’re nice. You never judged us, something I can’t say for some of the coworkers there. He would come home from work every day singing your praises; I couldn’t help but fall for you, through him. Last year at the Christmas party, I kept trying to get him to say something to you, but he just couldn’t cross that line.”

“Well, I didn’t want to get fired,” Jonathan said. “What if I said something, and you’d never thought about me or us that way? Then HR could get involved, and ugh.”

“All this time?” I whispered. Sure, we’d flirted, but I had no idea Jay ever thought about something more.

“I think you’re missing some important details, Liv,” Noah said, then took my hand. “What Jonathan and I have, it’s solid. We’ve been together a long time. We never would have risked upsetting the balance of that for a fling or something we weren’t entirely sure about. All this time? Yes. Almost every day, every week, we talked about it. When you gave your notice at the firm, I swear to God, Jonny was a bundle of nerves and excitement. Not only did I have to do a lot of talking to him about how we wanted to push forward, but we spent more than a handful of nights in bed, talking about and imagining what it might be like. Not because we were missing something, or because either of us has some crazy kink the other can’t satisfy… Because even after just being around you for a few hours at that party, I could see your spark and passion, and I wanted a piece of that, too. I wanted to learn your heart, your mind, your body. All of it.”

“I had no idea.”

“Obviously,” Jay said. “So, now do you believe it when we say it doesn’t matter if you’re having your period or get the flu and need us to take care of you? Although you should really just look into an IUD or something. Don’t they have a shot now?”

Wiping the tears that had escaped, I leaned against him and laughed. God, I was such a wreck. Somehow, by the grace of someone, they wanted me, though. And every fiber of being inside me wanted them, too.

“I’ll look into it, and yes, they have a shot,” I said. “In
other
news… What’s on the agenda today?”

“My movie!” Noah said, standing to clear the table. “Well, technically, that’s tonight. We need to weed the garden this afternoon. Wanna help?”

“Um. I don’t really garden…” This was a vast understatement; I killed everything I’d ever tried to grow.

“It’s easy,” Jay said. “We’ll get you good and dirty, and then clean you up.”

“Only a fool would turn down that offer.”

We got up and changed into some grubby clothes. Jay loaned me a pair of basketball shorts, and Noah found an old T-shirt for me. The entire time we were outside, the sun was shining and warming me. Their clothes smelled amazing, like them, their cologne and fabric softener and just
them.
It made me never want to take them off.
 

Noah and Jay showed me what to do, and we worked together for a few hours, cleaning up the area. At one point, Noah left and mowed the lawn to the side of us. It was so oddly domestic, and even though it was housework-type stuff, it was fun with them there. By the time we were done, sure enough, I was filthy. Dirt was caked beneath my fingernails, and I thought I’d never get completely clean again. Just like their other promise, though, they took care of me under the hot water in the shower, making sure I was plenty clean. It was sweet and reverent; it was perfect.

And a little evil, what with the teasing they did.

By the time we were cleaned up and dressed, it was almost time for the movie. Noah picked up the keys and twirled them around his finger. We piled into the car, and I was feeling content just to be with them. Right up until the car started and the radio came on.

“Enough NPR, dude,” I said, reaching from the passenger seat to change the station. “I get too much of this at work. I just want to sing along to some pop princess about booze and fucking.”

“Thank God
someone
gets it,” Jay said from the backseat.
 

I turned back to grin at him.

“Fine,” Noah said, parking at the theater. “But on the way back, it’s news. Get over it.”

I looped an arm with each of theirs almost without thought. When Jay opened the door for us, I gave him a quick peck as I walked through, keeping my arm around Noah’s. I walked to the employee to pay, and when I asked for three tickets, she raised an eyebrow at me.

“Three?”

I looked to my left at Jay then to my right at Noah.

“Yep. Three,” I repeated.
 

With a sneer of her lip, she’d swiped my credit card, then printed and handed the tickets to me. I just laughed. What else could I do? Getting upset wouldn’t help, and besides, I was sort of assuming she was judging. I had no proof. With an eye roll, I took the tickets and walked with my men over to the concession stand. It was Jay’s turn to buy, and we’d already agreed to share a Cherry Coke again, thankfully.
 

“Hey, can we share a popcorn, too?” he asked. “I’m not in a chocolaty mood.”

My eyes went wide. “You want me to share my popcorn? That’s pretty serious. We’ve talked about sharing food before, right?”

Noah interrupted. “Wait, let me get this straight. Cock you can share, but popcorn is a hard limit?”

“In a nutshell, yes. I mean…it’s
popcorn.
I only get this much buttery goodness until the next time we come to the movies. It’s a limited supply, whereas your cocks are, well, constantly welcome company.”

Poor Jonathan turned scarlet and walked away, as if he didn’t know us. Verbal sparring with Noah was quickly becoming one of my favorite pastimes.
 

“Come on, we’re embarrassing the boy,” I said, grabbing Noah’s hand. “Hey, don’t get too far ahead of us, Daddy Warbucks. This snack sesh is on you. And I decided that yes, I can share my popcorn with you. Only because you’re so goddamned gorgeous, though.”

I was provoking him, I knew it. The ticket lady had moved away from her kiosk and was doing the I’m-not-listening thing while wiping the counters, but hell, if she wanted to hear it all, I’d give her an earful. I was clearly feeling unusually feisty.

The theater was practically empty, and Jay was right; the movie had been almost a complete snoozefest. I’d seen enough documentaries to know I didn’t hate them all, but this one should have stayed on the virtual shelf. Snuggling with Jay was nice, though. Noah was clearly into the movie, so I flipped the divider up between Jay and me, setting our drink to his left, and curled into his side.
 

“Hi,” I whispered.

“Hey there.”