Star Fish (15 page)

– Twenty Six –

Scorpio:
There is a light at the end of the tunnel if you choose the correct path. Consider other people’s emotions rather than your own today.

With bleary eyes Brad and I were checking onto our flight from Heathrow when Liv appeared from nowhere. Despite it being silly o’clock in the morning she had on full warpaint, mini-skirt, tight red T-shirt and stilettos.

‘Morning, darlings, I couldn’t let you go through this without me so I’m coming along to make sure that you are both OK throughout your trip. This way I can practise for my dream job of being PA to the stars.’

Despite the tragic situation, you couldn’t help but laugh. Liv was really all heart. Brad even managed a smile.

‘Looks like you actually fell into the make-up bag this morning, you old tart,’ he said gamely.

I started falling about laughing.

‘Brad, you’re a bitch, Amy you’re a minger and I quite fancy seducing a nice Irish boy so let’s go.’

We checked into our hotel early as arranged. Luckily I had a twin room so Liv had somewhere to lay her auburn locks. I was so glad she was here. She knew how worried I was about Brad and about seeing Kieran again, and I couldn’t have asked for a better distraction than her. The funeral was at 2 p.m., so we had plenty of time to get ready and meet for a tactical brandy before we left.

Brad looked grey when we met him downstairs in the bar. He also looked extremely handsome in his well-cut black suit, black shirt and tie. He gulped down his first brandy in one and wailed, ‘I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.’

Liv squeezed his hand. ‘We’re with you all the way, babe.’

For once, she was actually looking quite reserved in a plain black dress, which was at a length that even her granny would have been proud of. The barman obviously realised from our attire that we were off to a funeral and kept topping up our brandy glasses free of charge. By the time the taxi came we were all quite tipsy.

‘I so hope we don’t have to sing “Onward Christian Soldiers”,’ Liv piped up whilst we were waiting for the cab.

‘Why ever not?’ Luckily Brad was on his mobile to his mum so he didn’t hear the next bit.

‘’Cos I used to go out with a bloke called Christian Solders and every time we were about to shag I used to shout “Onward Christian Solders” at the top of my voice and I’m scared that I might laugh.’

‘Liv, yes that is highly amusing but get a grip now, we’ve got to hold this together for Brad now.’

‘Of course, you know I wouldn’t do anything silly really.’

Brad sat at the front of the church with Sean’s parents, grandparents and Kieran and Sinead. We had wanted to be next to him so we could hold his hand but he was happy to be up front with the family so that he felt more involved. Despite my religious disbeliefs, whenever I do go into a church, I feel kind of serene and I do always without fail pray that Mum is happy wherever she is.

Liv and I had never been to a catholic service before, let alone a funeral service and I found it extremely harrowing. I almost wanted Christian Solders to appear so we could shout out Liv’s mating cry! Some strange women had walked in from the street and were mumbling behind us in the pews, it all seemed very bizarre to me. The priest then started wafting around incense over the coffin.

Sean’s was the saddest funeral I’ve ever been to, next to my mother’s. There were so many young people there. Mr and Mrs Docherty were completely distraught, as was Kieran. I could see his big shoulders shaking as he sobbed. Sinead just stood motionless, facing front, and made no move to comfort him. I wanted to run up and put my arms around him right there and then. Brad, I was proud to observe, was a credit to Sean. He remained dignified and held his head high until Sean’s friend, Jack stood up.

‘Sean Docherty!’ He looked up to the roof of the beautiful church. ‘I know you’re looking down at us now. You’re probably thinking, cut all the sad stuff and get down that pub! You were a good fellow, to be sure. Your family and friends all loved your sense of humour, your kindness, your generosity and your ability to make people feel good about themselves even when they were really down.’

His voice started to crack. ‘We’re gonna miss you, mate.’

There wasn’t a dry eye in the church.

‘Before I stand down I also want to mention a particularly important person in Sean’s life, Brad Sampson. Although they weren’t together very long, I know how much Sean thought of Brad and what happiness he brought to his life over the past few months.’

He looked over at Brad and gave him a watery smile.

What a lovely person Jack was, to include Brad. He was obviously aware that Brad was feeling a little ‘lost’ as he had not known Sean’s friends and family long. His kindness would mean a lot to Brad, and to us, his friends.

The wake was even wilder than I had expected it to be. There were about 100 of us all crammed into a back room of an old pub in Dublin. Everybody’s tears seemed to have dried and heavy drinking had commenced all round.

I noticed that Grandpa Ferret had hit the Jameson’s and was chatting to every female who would talk to him. Liv couldn’t believe her luck. Not only was the gorgeous Jack being attentive, there were also several other broad, brooding, dark-haired Irishmen vying for her attention. Maybe, in future, she would realise that she didn’t have to wear short skirts to get what she wanted. For myself, I thought this wasn’t really the time or the place to be on a manhunt. I was intent on making sure that Brad was comfortable and not too distressed, and that I kept as far away from Kieran as I could.

I then noticed Kieran out of the corner of my eye; he was sitting with his mother and holding her hand. His dad was standing up beside them, looking very tired. I felt so sorry for all of them. Sinead was chatting away excitedly to a handsome, red-faced redhead in the corner. I thought indignantly that if that were me, I would be looking after my bereaved husband.

Brad steered me outside to get some air. ‘Ames, I don’t think I will ever meet somebody who I loved as much as Sean.’

I put my hand on his shoulder. ‘Even if you don’t, babe, at least you’ve felt what real love is – not everyone can say that. At the moment you are so raw with grief that everything will seem a negative. I know it’s the old cliché, “time’s a healer” but actually that’s true.’

‘Do you really think so?’ He sounded utterly broken.

‘I know so, Brad. I used to wake up every single day after Mum died for at least a year thinking, my Mum is dead – how am I going to get through this day?’ Then gradually as time goes by you don’t wake up every morning and think about it. You get on with your life and then you suddenly start to remember the good times you had.’

‘I don’t want to forget him or what we had.’ Brad said softly.

‘You never will forget him,’ I promised. ‘I don’t think you ever get over losing someone you really love, you just learn how to deal with it. There will always be a special place in your heart reserved just for Sean, and no one will ever be able to touch that place. That doesn’t mean to say you won’t meet anyone else either, ’cos I know you will. You are a beautiful person, Brad Sampson, inside and out, and if you don’t meet someone – well, we can always get the stirrups and baster out – that’ll take your mind off it.’

Brad managed a smile. ‘Amy Anderson, what would I do without you?’

‘Your life would be a duller place! Now let’s go and get a drink, and see if we need to find a shitty stick to beat the men off of Liv!’

As we walked back into the bar, Kieran was coming towards us.

‘Amy, have you got a minute?’ he said.

Brad gave me one of his ‘are you OK’ looks. I gave a small nod and mouthed,

‘I’m fine, babe.’ I confidently responded to Kieran. ‘Sure, what’s up?’ although my legs were shaking like jelly.

‘Let’s go outside. I need to go somewhere and I want you to come with me.’

I followed him outside, wondering what he was up to.

‘We need to get a cab.’

I didn’t answer, just followed him like a little lap dog to the nearest taxi rank.

Minutes later we were back at the church. Kieran led me to a bench in the graveyard.

‘Sit down, Amy, I want to talk to you.’

I did as I was told. He took both of my hands in his and looked at me intently. His eyes were full of tears.

‘I don’t know how I’m going to move forward without my brother. He was my twin; he was half of me. The day of the accident I felt a pain in my chest the time it happened.’

‘Oh Kieran, it is so terrible I know, but things will get better.’ I felt like shouting, Why are you telling me this! Why have you brought me here?

Then as if he had been reading my mind he said, ‘I expect you’re wondering why I’ve brought you here. I just wanted to be near the two people who I really care about, that’s all.’

A tear trickled down his cheek. He continued hoarsely, ‘Amy, I’ve had a lot of time to think of what’s really important to me over the past few days. I’ve realised that I’ve done some bad things, and hurting you was one of them. From the little I know of you, you are not only incredibly sexy, you are a kind, funny and loving soul.’

I bit my lip and held back my own tears. My inner voice was warning me not to listen, but after all Kieran Docherty had put me through I had to hear him out.

‘I know when I saw you in Florida I didn’t seem to care, but as you can understand I was in a real mess.’ He faltered. ‘I still am obviously.’ On the flight home I had a really long think about you. Only a special person would fly all the way out to America for a couple of days.’

‘Anyone would do that for a good friend,’ I said softly.

‘Actually, Amy, they wouldn’t. You really are a beautiful person.’

He then took my face tenderly in his two big hands and pulled me towards him. I know that I should have resisted. I had vowed before I left England that I would not let this happen again. His mouth was as soft as I had remembered it from all those months ago. His tongue explored me gently, and then as our bodies moved together, the same urgency to have this man inside me went right through me like an electric current.

‘Oh Amy,’ Kieran gasped. ‘I have to have you, here, right now.’ He started kissing me with an intensity I had never experienced before.

‘Not here, we can’t. It wouldn’t be right,’ I panted through his kiss.

We got up and walked with urgency down a path between the gravestones. At the end of the path was a row of bushes. Kieran took off his black jacket and laid it on the ground. He lifted me up gently, kissed the back of my neck, causing my nipples to shoot out like bullets, then laid me on our makeshift bed. He pulled my dress up and gently entered me with his fingers, stroking and caressing until I was buzzing with desire. He continued to kiss me, tenderly now.

‘Kieran Docherty,’ I told him huskily. ‘I want that amazing cock of yours inside of me right now.’

‘Oh, do you now? Let’s see what we can do about that, shall we.’

He unzipped his trousers and pulled them down so I could feel him stiff and proud against me.

I gasped as he entered me. We moved together slowly at first until passion took over. Our orgasms were so intense that we lay panting for ages just holding each other tightly.

I turned to face Kieran. ‘I can’t believe I’ve given into you again.’

‘Amy, please don’t say that. We just made love. It wasn’t just sex. I wanted to be close to the whole of you. It felt real, it felt really right.’

Suddenly I saw red. ‘How can you use the words
real
and
right
when this situation is so terrible! We’ve just shagged in the graveyard where your brother is buried. You are married. You live in America. If you’d cared one bit about me, you would have contacted me somehow to see if I was OK after your wedding night!’

In true male fashion he replied. ‘I did think of doing that but-’

‘Don’t even bother to go on, I don’t want to hear.’

‘Amy, please don’t be like this. I do really care about you, you know.’

‘You don’t care about me enough to want more than an extra-marital shag – and do you know what, Kieran Docherty? I don’t give a damn any more.’

‘Maybe, when I’ve had a chance to recover from losing Sean we should talk about seeing each other more.’

My heart was being pulled towards this man. How could I be so stupid as to want to prolong this? But he had just said that he wanted to maybe start seeing more of me in the future – and just hearing these words made me tingle. If I hadn’t been so completely in lust with this man, I would have noted that the word ‘maybe’ in the male dictionary means ‘bullshit’. Instead, I replied using the female dictionary version of ‘maybe’ which means ‘of course I will but I’m not telling you that now’.

‘Maybe, Kieran, maybe.’

We hurried back to the pub, where the wake was in full swing. The Waterboys were blaring away and Grandpa Ferret was just about to be hit over the head with Grandma Ferret’s handbag. Kieran disappeared to talk to a group of Sean’s mates in the corner. My main concern was for Brad. How could I have selfishly abandoned him like this? I found him in mid-conversation with Sean’s mum and dad. I almost ran over to him. Brad grasped my hand.