Susanna's Christmas Wish (6 page)

Susan sighed in relief. “You don’t have to worry about me either. Matthew means nothing to me.”

“
Yah
, I know.” He brought the buggy to a stop by the barn. The blue car sat not ten feet away, a few snowflakes on the hood from the brief blast earlier.

Susanna climbed down and helped unhitch, stealing another quick glance at the car. Did Herman really know how fully her heart was his? Surely he did. But he still looked worried. Should she wait for him here while he took the horse into the barn? She usually didn’t, and he would notice if she did now. But going in she would risk meeting Matthew without Herman along—an encounter she didn’t wish to make. She would wait for Herman, she decided. He would understand.

Herman led Bruce into the barn. Susanna knew he would put some hay into the stall for his horse. She waited patiently, and when the barn door swung open and Herman came out, she saw the surprised look that formed on his face at the sight of her. “I thought I’d wait for you,” Susanna said, trying to smile.

He nodded and led the way to the house.

Oh, what a royal mess this is! Susanna groaned silently. And to have this happen on Thanksgiving morning—the only holiday of the season she was allowed to spend with her family. This was just awful. And now Herman thought she was afraid to face Matthew on her own. At least he looked like that’s what he thought, judging from how grim his face was.

Taking his hand she squeezed it. Thankfully he squeezed back, but he still looked grim. Well, this would just have to be a grim day. Matthew had no right to put them both through this.

Mary met them at the washroom door, a pained look on her face. “
Gut
morning.” She pasted on a quick smile. “It’s so nice to see the both of you.”

“Why is he here?” Susanna hissed.

Mary’s eyes flew back and forth between their faces.

“
Yah
, he knows,” Susanna whispered. “I told Herman everything the other day.”

“Oh,” Mary managed. “Then that’s
gut
.”

“But it’s not
gut
that Matthew’s still here,” Susanna insisted.

“He’s Ernest’s younger brother. I can’t turn him out if Ernest wants him staying.” Mary’s face begged for understanding.

“It’s okay,” Herman said. “We understand. Don’t feel badly about it.”

Relief flooded Mary’s face as both Mose and Laura came flying out the door and into Susanna’s arms.

“Uncle Matthew is here today again, just like he was the other day,” Laura gushed. “We’ll get to eat with him all by ourselves on the couch again.
Mamm
said so. Isn’t that
wunderbah?
”

“
Yah
, I’m glad for you,” Susanna said, untangling Laura’s arms from around her neck. “When’s Matthew leaving?”

Now why did she ask the little girl that question? Susanna wondered. Already words were slipping out of her which shouldn’t, as they seemed to whenever Matthew was around. How in the world was this day going to end?

“I don’t know,” Laura was saying. “I hope he never leaves! He’s so much fun to have around.”

“Come, now.” Mary pulled on her daughter’s arm. “Both of you go play with your cousins so Susanna and Herman can get settled in. They’ll be here all day.”

Laura and Mose raced off as Mary said, “Here, I’ll take your coats.” Herman handed his over after Susanna slipped hers on Mary’s arm.

Please stay with us
, Susanna begged with her eyes,
so we don’t have to meet Matthew by ourselves
. But Mary had already scurried into the kitchen, leaving them alone. Inside there would be a group of people sitting around on the couches waiting for them. And Matthew would be in the midst of them.

“Come.” Herman squeezed her hand again. He led the way through the kitchen opening, and they entered the living room to hollered greetings.

“The young lovely couple themselves.”

“They still look alive.”

“I can’t believe it. They haven’t eaten each other yet.”

“That’s what love can do, you know.”

“Now…now…give ’em a little break. They’ll grow up eventually.”

Susanna figured her neck was growing red from the teasing, and she lowered her head. Meeting Matthew could really mess things up, she worried. She shook hands around the circle, following Herman.
Where is Matthew?
she wondered.
He has to be here somewhere. And we’re almost around the living room
.

When Ernest stood up to shake their hands, smiling from ear to ear, Matthew’s face became visible from where he’d been sitting behind his brother’s chair, keeping his head down.

Now he stood and offered his hand to Herman. For a moment it looked like Herman wasn’t going to take it. Then he nodded and extended his hand. “
Gut
to see you again.”

“
Yah
, and you too.”

“Staying around long?”

Matthew shrugged. “Depends when Ernest kicks me out of the house, I suppose.”

Herman didn’t say anything, turning to move on. Susanna knew she had better do something soon or everyone would be looking at her—if they weren’t already. Matthew could be making things easier by offering to shake her hand, but as usual he wasn’t.

“Hi,” she said, nodding.

“
Gut
to see you again,” Matthew said, looking at her for the first time. He looked tired, his eyes weary.

Susanna rushed past him, following Herman to sit on empty chairs set up along the wall. They were still much too close to Matthew, but there was no other place to sit. Matthew was watching her. She squirmed. Thankfully no one seemed to notice as the chatter in the group continued and lifted to a still higher volume when more of the family arrived.
Mamm
and
Daett
arrived last, going around the circle and shaking hands with everyone. They were as jolly and happy as they could be.

No one seemed uncomfortable with Matthew in their midst, Susanna observed. They had accepted him, as they should. Being nasty to shunned people wasn’t the way to act.
Mamm
and
Daett
had always insisted on that. There was little chance of winning people back who had left, they said, if you were mean to them.

But that didn’t mean they had a right to stare at you, Susanna defended mentally. Especially if they used to be your boyfriend. She was married now and belonged to Herman. Matthew had no right to look at her for long periods of time. Herman might think she was doing something to attract the man’s attention.

“I’m going out to the kitchen,” she whispered in Herman’s ear.

He nodded, looking relieved.

So he had noticed. Making her way through the crowd of people, Susanna found Mary and
Mamm
working in the kitchen. Several aunts from both sides of the family were also standing around. Clearly there was no work that needed doing. Still, she was not going back into the living room. Not until Herman moved someplace where Matthew couldn’t see them.

“So how’s married life?” Ernest’s sister Betsy asked, a big smile on her face.

“Very
gut
.” Susanna smiled back.

“You make such a nice couple,” Betsy said.

Susanna held her breath for a moment. This was, after all, Matthew’s sister talking. She had always seemed happy about the match with her brother when Susanna had been dating Matthew.

“I told Matthew myself that he was making an awful mistake by letting you get away,” Betsy continued, not seeming to notice Susanna’s discomfort. “But he has such a thick head and had to do things his own way. Now look at the mess he’s in.”

Susanna still didn’t say anything. What was there to say?

“He’s now planning to straighten out some things,” Betsy continued. “Even plans to stay around awhile. I hope he does, for all of our sakes. But I’m glad you didn’t wait for him. You’ve found a decent man, if I must say so myself.”

“Thank you,” Susanna whispered. That was some compliment coming from Betsy. But what did she mean by Matthew planning to stay around for a while? Before she could ask, Betsy moved away and was soon out of speaking range in the crowded kitchen.

T
he long, oak dining room table spilled into Mary’s living room, extended to its maximum by extra leaves brought down from the attic. Ernest and two of his brothers had set them in place, grunting and teasing each other the whole time. Mary had hovered over them, hollering out instructions.

“Don’t break the edge, Ernest!”

“Oh no! You’ll scratch the surface.”

“It fits in if you don’t push too hard.”

With all of Mary’s attention to the task, the other sisters had held back from overloading their men with instructions. Herman helped move the other furniture back against the living room walls, watching the antics with an amused look on his face.

The look had fled away the few times Herman’s eyes glanced over to Matthew, who was still staying in the background.

Now that the tablecloth was down and the whole length ready to fill with delicious products from the kitchen, all of the sisters on both sides had pitched in, making the task an easy one.

“The food’s ready,” Susanna heard Mary whisper to Ernest.

Ernest fumbled with his hands, apparently nervous now that the time had arrived to speak. There wasn’t much he had to say, but for some men even a few words in public brought out the sweat on their upper lips.

Susanna could imagine Herman in the same situation, but he wouldn’t be nervous. He just wouldn’t. She had never seen him take charge of a large family gathering, but Herman sweating like Ernest didn’t fit at all. A cloud passed over Susanna’s face. They probably never would have a large family gathering at their place. Not with Herman’s feelings about such things. He seemed okay today, but having all this food spread out in their house might be another matter. With
Da Hah’s
help she would adjust and not give these things so much meaning. And she was probably allowing the bitterness of the Christmas disappointment to cloud her judgment. Herman, after all, had little against Thanksgiving.

“Ah…” Ernest began. “It’s Thanksgiving morning, of course. And…well, we are glad you could come.” Ernest’s glance strayed over to his brother Matthew for a moment before looking away. “We’re thankful for all the
gut
things
Da Hah
has given us this year. All of us have our health, I think. Except for the little things, which we won’t go into.”

There were a few chuckles around the circle. Susanna had heard the story from Mary herself. How Ernest had been in bed with a bad case of the flu only a few weeks ago—an illness that had lasted more than six days, keeping him out of the fields—a subject he was still embarrassed about. Ernest considered such a lengthy downtime over the winter flu a sign of weakness and an insult to his manhood.

“But we are well now,” Ernest continued, seeming to lose some of his nervousness. “And we’re living in a blessed land where we have freedom to worship
Da Hah
. This we can always be grateful for, something about which our forefathers could only dream of. So here we are, with our
fraus
and our children gathered around us.”

Ernest choked up for a moment, and his nervousness returned.

Susanna saw Mary squeeze his arm and noticed Ernest visibly relax.

“So let’s sit at the table. The married folk out here. There are places set up in the kitchen for the children.”

There was a rush of children out to the kitchen while the adults found places around the oak table. Mary hurried about, making sure everyone had found a seat.

“You don’t have to be shy,” Mary told one of the aunts who was contemplating whether to sit beside one of her brothers-in-law. “He’s not going to bite. We have the turkey for that.”

“I’ll protect her if John steals her turkey,” her husband said. “I always could handle John in our wrestling matches growing up.”

This produced hoots of laughter.

“Oh really?” John shot back. “Do you want to head out to the barn after lunch and see if you can back up those bold words?”

The older brother chuckled but didn’t say anything.

“I think John’s grown a bit since those days,” John’s wife, Esther, said.

This brought hollers of encouragement from the men.

“That a girl.”

“Stick up for your man.”

“Now, now!” Ernest protested from the front of the table. “Everyone settle down so we can have prayer.”

A hush came over the room at once and spread into the kitchen. Susanna looked around from her place near the living-room window. Had Matthew gone into the kitchen? He wasn’t at the dining room table, which he shouldn’t be. But she hadn’t seen him leave for the kitchen, though he must have. Now if Matthew would stop disturbing the rest her life, they would be okay.

“Let’s all bow our heads in silent prayer,” Ernest said.

Silence settled over the house, broken only by a few chair squeaks from the kitchen. The children must be having a hard time holding still, Susanna figured. But they would settle down soon with the
gut
food they’d be eating.