Take a Deep Breath (Lake of the Pines)

BOOK: Take a Deep Breath (Lake of the Pines)
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Take a Deep Breath

Shar Dimick

 

Copyright © 2012 Sharlyn Avina Dimick

Cover Design Copyright 2012 © Sharlyn Avina Dimick

Cover Photo Copyright 2012 © Roystudio at Dreamstime.com

Author Photo Copyright 2012 © M. J. Brazier

Published by Sharlyn Avina Dimick

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including
photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the
prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief
quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses
permitted by copyright law, without permission in writing from Sharlyn Avina
Dimick.

For more information contact Sharlyn at [email protected].

This is book a work of fiction. Names, characters,
businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the
author’s imagination or are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to
actual persons (living or dead), events or locales is entirely coincidental.

Dimick, Shar (2012-05-09).
Take a Deep Breath
. Shar
Dimick. Kindle Edition.

Dedication

 

Emily and Sophie thank you for giving me the quiet time I
needed to write and the encouragement to keep going. I love you.

Acknowledgements

 

Thank you Mom and Nora for the long hours you spent editing
and proofing this novel as well as the love and encouragement you gave me along
the way. I couldn’t have done it without you. You’re the best!

Chapter One

 

Jeb tilted her chin upward to meet his
eyes. He glanced at her mouth and then searched her eyes. Her heart quickened
and she knew in that moment he was going to kiss her …

After reading the same paragraph three times in the last ten
minutes, Liv flicked off her eBook reader and laid it on the oak side table.
Her long, lean legs were curled up beneath her and she rested her head on the
back of the soft oversized chair. She closed her eyes and swallowed the tears
that were ready to fall. Not even the anticipation of the heroine’s first kiss
could hold her attention. Losing herself in a good romance had always helped
Liv escape before. Not today, though. The only thing lost was her
concentration. Her husband, make that ex-husband, Ron’s accusing words
continued to linger in her mind. She struggled to push back her self-doubts.
Maybe
,
he was right.
Maybe
, she was selfish.
Maybe
, she had ignored
his needs.
Maybe
, her expectations about what made a good marriage
were wrong.
Maybe
, she should have tried harder before giving up. She
just didn’t know anymore. Walking away was the hardest decision she ever made.
In her heart though, she knew it was the right one.

Liv rubbed the back of her neck and shoulders, trying to
relieve the built-up tension. She glanced around the familiar room. The walls
were painted a sunny shade of yellow. Along the far wall a bookcase held her
grandparents’ old romance and western paperbacks. Liv smiled at the various
childhood images that paraded across the shelves - from the toothless
grade-schooler to the college graduate. Photos of her sisters and cousins also
lined the shelves and tables of her grandparents’ cottage – neatly dusted and
forever preserved memories. Her grandmother never put a new photo in front of
an old photo; she simply bought another frame and found a new place to hang it.
Liv felt safe here in her home away from home. The love of her family
surrounded her. When she was at the cottage on Lake of the Pines, she could
just be. And that is what she intended to do for the next month –
just be
.

Her grandmother was out and about running errands with her
daughter, Sara, and would be back soon. So for now, Liv was alone. She stood to
stretch her legs that had gone numb beneath her. She found herself in front of
the large window that overlooked the lake below. She never grew tired of the
view, of watching the waves lap the shore, the dock bobbing up and down, the
sail boats slicing the water… She could still hear the sounds of motor boats
and jet skis although the window was closed. It was starting to cloud over as
if it might rain. Liv shook her head “no,” as the panic suddenly began to rise
within her. The familiar tingling began in her upper arms and ran down toward
her fingers. She began to pace as tears started flowing freely down her cheeks.
Her heart raced faster and faster as the heaviness in her chest pressed down
making it hard to breathe. Nausea overwhelmed her, causing her to gag.
Not
again. Please God, not again.

The cottage suddenly felt incredibly hot and much smaller
than it had moments ago. She pulled off her old green sweatshirt over her head
and tossed it on the chair she’d vacated. Her slender form was lost in the
pink, “My Mom Fights like a Girl” t-shirt she wore beneath it. She hugged her
arms around her waist.
Stop it, right now. You are not going to do this to
yourself. It’s just a panic attack. It won’t last forever. You are not dying.
She monitored her self-talk. She couldn’t, wouldn’t allow herself to spiral any
further downward. She opened the window and took in a deep breath of fresh air.

For as long as she could remember, anxiety and panic attacks
had plagued her. She could go months and years without so much as a twinge of
anxiety and then out of nowhere it would slam into her, catching her off-guard
every time. She wouldn’t be able to eat or sleep for weeks. Ron was all about
tough-love during these dark periods in her life. He refused to give her the
support she yearned for. The more she clung to him, the further he pushed her
away. Her neediness revolted him. Liv longed for him to put his arms around her
and give her comfort. She didn’t want him to fix her. She just wanted to know
he was there; to offer her encouragement and let her know she wasn’t alone. But
instead of offering his hand to help pull her up from the cliff she was hanging
from, Liv felt as if he stepped on her fingers to sadistically watch her fall
and struggle to make her way back to the top. Ron refused to coddle her the way
he accused Liv’s parents of doing. In his mind, acknowledging her anxiety and
panic would only validate it as real and enable Liv to give in to it and wallow
in self-pity. He claimed Liv liked to bask in the attention her panic attacks
brought her.

“Do you actually think I like feeling this way? That I want
this kind of attention?” she’d ask him, incredulous that he could not find any
empathy for her. Ron claimed the answer to all her problems was simple--quit
worrying about every little thing and “just get over it.”
If it were only
that easy to just flip a switch and turn it off
, she thought.
If only
she didn’t feel like she was going to vomit. If only she didn’t feel like the
walls were closing in on her.
Eventually, though, the panic and anxiety
would subside and life would go back the way it had. Maybe Ron was right to cut
her off emotionally when she needed him most, but she resented his lack of
compassion and the way his attitude made her feel less than adequate. She hated
feeling defective in his eyes.

It began to rain, so Liv closed the window. She knew Ron was
right in one way. She was the only one responsible for getting herself to a
better place. He’d taught her that. She could stand on her own. She had faith
in God and more strength within her than even she knew. Looking down at her
bagging pants, Liv realized she needed to do a little better. She shook her
arms vigorously, trying to release the negative energy trapped in her body.
Stop.
Just stop it!
Interrupting the negative self-talk that tried to consume
her, was the key to stopping the panic that flooded her body.
Go to your
power thought.

“Hello? Is everything okay in there?” a voice called out.

Liv jumped and spun around. She hadn’t realized she’d yelled
out loud. Standing just inside the door, an incredibly attractive man stood
watching her. His sandy brown hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail at the
base of his neck. A few stray strands hung in his eyes. Liv felt compelled to
brush them out of his face, but resisted the temptation. She felt her face
flush. How ridiculous she must look to him. She opened her mouth to say something,
but nothing came out. Something about him struck her as familiar, but Liv
couldn’t quite place him. She was positive she’d looked into his concerned blue
eyes before. He smiled at her, waiting for her answer. She knew that smile,
that dimple. What seemed like minutes passed as she stood, staring.

“Sorry,” the man apologized, stepping toward her. “I didn’t
mean to startle you. Are you okay? You look a little pale.” Still unsure, he
tried to assess the situation.

“That’s okay. I’m fine,” she said the words to reassure
herself as much as him. “I was just talking aloud about this rain. I wish it
would stop.” She started talking faster as she continued to ramble on.
“Sometimes I talk to myself like that when I’m alone. I know it must sound
weird, but there you have it. Nothing’s wrong here at all. I was hoping to go
for a hike later, but now it’s raining. I wasn’t expecting anyone to stop by.
My Grandma didn’t mention that anyone would be stopping by,” Liv continued to
ramble, her words tumbling one after the other in rapid succession.

The man dusted his hand off on his jeans and offered it to
Liv. “Cameron Preston. I saw your Grandma up at the camp store a bit ago. She
asked me to drop off some firewood for the camp fire. I was going to leave it
on the porch and go, but I heard...”

“Cam?” Liv asked not quite sure if it was really him. A
lifetime had passed since she’d last seen him. She wondered why she hadn’t
recognized him right off. Besides the pony tail, he really hadn’t changed all
that much. The black t-shirt he was wearing stretched tightly across his
well-muscled chest and broad shoulders. His jeans fit snuggly in all the places
they should. The scar below his left eye was barely visible now. She sucked in
her breath as she drank him in. His smell, his smile, the way he held himself;
it was all Cam. Suddenly she became aware that her hand was still in his and
she started to pull away. Her heart hammered in her chest and her hand burned
from his touch. The way he made her feel hadn’t changed either.

“Yeah? Do we…” Suddenly, recognition crossed his face.
“Livvy?” He grabbed her other hand and pulled her closer to him before he
stepped back to look her up and down. Her dark brown hair hung slightly below
her shoulders and framed her heart-shaped face. Her blue eyes looked troubled
and her skin was too pale. From the circles under her eyes, he could tell she
hadn’t been sleeping well either. She looked frail beneath the baggy Capri's
and t-shirt she wore; her clothes were obviously too big for her. Her smile
hadn’t changed though; it still lit up her whole face. “Jeez, I almost didn’t
recognize you. I thought you were one of your sisters at first. Your Grandma
didn’t tell me you’d be here.”

“She didn’t tell me you’d be stopping by with firewood
either. Gosh, how long has it been?”

“Too long.”

“What have you...” they both started to ask when the screen
door flew open, forcing Cam to jump to the side or be bowled over.

“Mommy, Mommy, guess what Grandma got me?!” shrieked the
young girl that barreled through the door, followed by a small, shaggy puppy,
who promptly shook water all over the floor, Cam and Liv.

“I certainly hope it isn’t that ball of fur that is tracking
water all over the place,” Liv answered her daughter with mock sternness. She
already knew what Grandma’s big surprise was. Smiling, Liv pulled Sara into a
warm embrace and wiped the rain from her face. “First, though, you need to
apologize to Mr. Preston for nearly knocking him down.”

Sara glanced around to see Cam standing in the shadows. In
her excitement, she hadn’t noticed him when she came in. “Oh. I’m sorry, Mr.
Preston,” Sara whispered, suddenly becoming shy.

“Call me Cam. Mr. Preston is my Dad. And don’t worry about
it. I can see how excited you are about your new friend there,” Cam said putting
Sara at ease as he bent over to pet the fluffy, white pup circling his feet.
“What’s his name?”

“Well, first of all, ‘he’s’ a ‘she’ and I‘m not sure what to
call her yet. I’m still thinking on it.”

“Well, you’ve got plenty of time to think of a name. Maybe
she’ll do something special to give you an idea for her name – kind of like
naming herself.”

“Oh, that’s a great idea. I’m gonna let her name herself.
Until she does, I’ll just call her ‘Pup-Pup.’”

“Cameron, thank you so much for bringing by the wood,”
Hannah said, stepping through the doorway, her arms full of dog paraphernalia.
“I really appreciate it. Sara has been clamoring for a camp fire all day.
You’ll stay won’t you? I’m making hamburgers and hot dogs.”

“Grandma!” Liv exclaimed as she took the dog stuff from the
older woman’s arms. “I’m sure Cam has plans.”

“Not at all,” Cam smiled. “I’d love to stay for dinner, Mrs.
Adams.”

“Great. It’s settled then.” Hannah untied her yellow plastic
rain bonnet and folded it neatly back into her pocketbook. She set it along
with her keys on the table beneath an oval mirror hanging in the foyer.
Glancing up she patted her gray curls back into place. She had just gotten her
weekly set the day before.

“Liv, dear, there are a couple more bags of groceries in the
car. Would you mind getting them for me please, while I get things started in
the kitchen?”

“Sure Gram, no problem!”

“Thanks Honey.” Hannah headed down the hall.

Livvy sighed and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. She
really didn’t feel like entertaining. In fact, she really didn’t feel like
doing much of anything. Simple everyday tasks now seemed like chores. For
Sara’s sake, she knew she had to get over herself. She forced a smile at Cam
and started toward the door just as the puppy skittered under her feet, nearly
causing her to fall. Luckily Cam was quicker than the puppy and caught her
before she landed on her butt.

“Are you okay?” Cam asked her for the second time that day.

“I think so. Ever since I twisted that ankle in high school
gym class, it gives me problems. It’s okay now though.” She removed herself
from his strong arms, burning with humiliation.

“Here, let me help with the groceries.” He held the door
open as Sara scooped Pup-Pup into her arms.

“Pup-Pup’s sorry, Mom. She didn’t mean to trip you.”

Liv headed out the door and turned back to her. “I know
Sweetie. I’m not mad at Pup-Pup. Hey, it looks like the rain has stopped. Why
don’t you take her outside to run off some of that energy?”

“Okay Mom! I just need to put my shoes back on!”

The sun was shining again. Liv took a deep breath in and let
the fresh air fill her lungs. She smiled at Cam.
Just act normal
.

“I still can’t believe it’s really you Livvy,” Cam commented
as they followed the flower-lined sidewalk to her grandmother’s shiny, beige
Honda Accord.

“I know. I can’t believe it either. It’s really good to see
you Cam. How long are you going to be at Lake of the Pines?” Liv pressed the
trunk release and put the keys in her pocket.

“I’m here for the summer. I had some vacation I needed to
burn and figured this was the best place to do it. And you?” Cam scooped up two
of the bags of groceries in his arms and handed the third to Liv.

BOOK: Take a Deep Breath (Lake of the Pines)
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