Take Me Now (10 page)
I stagger backwards and Will’s hand is immediately against my back. There’s a ringing in my ears, and the whole scene gets hazy around the edges of my vision. What is Eric doing? Why is he kissing Lauren like that? Just when I thought this night couldn’t get any worse, it does. I was supposed to go home with Eric. We were going to move to the next step in our relationship. Take things slow and try to work on his intimacy issues. Now all I want to do is get as far away from him as possible. Has he been playing me the whole time? Is he just another one of Lauren’s flunkies?
“I need to sit down.” I close my eyes and lower my head. The last thing I want is for Eric to see me right now. I wish the ground would swallow me so I could disappear from this ridiculous event.
“The movie will be starting soon. Why don’t we go in?” The pressure of Will’s fingertips is firm and insistent on my back. Again, he’s after his own self-interest. He could care less if I collapse in front of him.
“I can’t.” I dig my feet into the carpet, refusing to budge. I’m sick of all of the men in my life forcing me to do something I don’t want to do. It ends here. I have nothing left to lose.
“If it’s because you’re worried about walking by Lauren and the Landscaping Lothario, you can calm down. They already went in.” Will’s eyes, the ones I used to dream about, look bored and distant. Clearly, comforting me isn’t his favorite pastime.
“Are you sure?” I scan the rapidly thinning crowd and I don’t see them. Maybe he’s right and the coast is clear, even if my heart is shattering within me. All I want to do is return to my dorm room, take off this dress, and hide under the covers. But I have no ride and no way to call Sophie to pick me up. I’m stuck in this random circle of hell for at least the next couple of hours.
“Yeah, now come on.” He tugs at my arm and I let him guide me into the theater. Almost every seat is taken but there are still some openings in the first few rows reserved for the VIP ticket holders. Lauren is front and center with Eric’s arm protectively draped across her shoulders as they share a bag of popcorn. There is one drink with two straws wedged in the cup holder between them. I clutch my stomach as we get closer to them.
“Will, please don’t make me sit by them.” I hate how pitiful my begging sounds but I’m beyond the point of trying to maintain some shred of dignity. I feel all of my hope drain out of me as Lauren laughs uproariously at something Eric said, no doubt indulging in a joke at my expense.
“Ivy, I have to sit in this section. It’s my job. I need to be able to mingle.” Will shoots me an aggravated glance like he’s forced to baby-sit an obnoxious child instead of snuggling up to a hot date. My request is pushing his nice guy act to the limit. “We don’t have to go directly behind them. How about those two seats at the end of the third row? Will that make you happy?”
I nod and scurry through an empty row so I don’t have to walk in front of Lauren and Eric. Will sighs dramatically behind me like I’m leading him on some wild goose chase.
The lights dim the moment we take our seats and the screen flickers to life. There’s a brief announcement thanking everyone for contributing to the success of the film festival, which will go a long way in ensuring the future of the theater. There’s a video clip featuring the owner along with the major sponsors. Eric and Will are standing right next to each other, forced grins on both of their faces. Seeing them together like that makes me want to hurl. The two men I gave my heart to both betrayed me in the end. How could I be so unlucky in love? I grip the armrest as the pain overwhelms me.
I’m so consumed by the hurt inside that I forget that the reveal of the movie selection was meant to be a surprise. When the title credits of
An Affair to Remember
starring Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr fill the screen, the audience bursts into applause, but I couldn’t be more miserable. It’s one of the all-time great love stories. The two fall head over heels for each other only to discover they’re both engaged to different people. It’s heartbreaking to watch what befalls them as they try to find a happy ending. I cry every time I watch it, and it’s going to be next to impossible for me to sit here and absorb the movie in my current emotional state. That’s it. I can’t take anymore. I’ll wait in the lobby until it’s over. I stand up but Will’s fingers firmly grab my wrist.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he whispers, and I can tell the people around us are annoyed that he’s talking. “Sit down. Now.” He yanks me back into the seat, roughly pulling me by the arm. “And stay there until the movie is over, you got that?”
I sniffle and he relaxes his hold on me. Tears fill my eyes, blurring the screen in front of me. I furiously blink them back, praying they don’t fall and run trickles of mascara down my face. There will be nothing worse if the lights go up and I’m covered in black streaks. Even though it is a tearjerker of a movie, I don’t think anyone will be bawling as much as I will if I open the floodgates.
I shut my eyes and try to think of something else but the story still infiltrates my mind since I can’t tune out the voices in the dialogue. It brings me back to the sensation of having Eric against me, how my body responded to his touch. How it felt being in his home and what we planned to do there tonight. A pulsating ache throbs through me. I don’t think I’m going to be able to survive this. I’ve fallen too hard to Eric. All I ever fantasized about was being on a real date with Will, and he’s right next to me in a darkened movie theater, but I’m numb to his presence. I guess it’s because he’s not the one I’m in love with anymore.
The realization rocks me to my core. I built Will up so much in my mind that the real thing pales in comparison. He’s not making me work for it so that I’d want him even more. No, he’s just a jerk, plain and simple. What little attention he paid me over the years must have been for his amusement only. There was no depth of feeling behind his actions. He probably enjoyed seeing me light up when he was bored enough to talk to me, but beyond that he didn’t think of me at all. And here I was creating this elaborate rationale in my head for his inability to commit to me. Turns out, he wasn’t that complex. He was easy to figure out when I opened my eyes and accepted the truth.
I’ve never experienced the feeling of an all-encompassing love. I existed at the fringes, consuming the scraps. The sheer power of residing in someone’s affections, like I was the most important person in Eric’s life, was something new to me. I wasn’t used to that. No one has ever showed me that level of devotion, and it felt so good to bask in it, soak it in. I’m pretty sure I was the first person he thought about when he woke up and the last person he pictured before falling asleep. He came to my rescue when I was left to walk down that dusty road and he pulled me up when all I wanted to do was hide in a back alley ravine. How can all of that have been an illusion? He’s not that good an actor. My heart never for one second believed he was lying to me the entire time.
I shiver as a current of hot air blows against my ear. I know it can’t be, but I imagine it’s Eric. Yet I can no longer fool myself when I hear Will’s threatening voice. “You’re going to open your eyes and watch the movie because if Lauren’s uncle looks back here one more time and catches you napping, I swear to God…”
Slowly, I peek from underneath my lashes. Everyone is intently focused on the screen. There’s only a hint of movement to the right and my head automatically turns in that direction. It’s Lauren and Eric. Forget that they’re in the first row. Forget that they’re surrounded by influential people. Forget that my heart belongs to him. They’re kissing. They gently come together, then part, then come together again. They’re trying to be discreet about it with a series of featherweight pecks but they’re the only ones close to doing anything that risqué in the entire theater. It’s like they’re putting on a show for my benefit. I haven’t even made eye contact with Eric since I arrived but I have no doubt he knows I’m here and where I am sitting.
“I have to go to the restroom,” is all I mumble to Will before sliding out of my seat and striding past row upon row of enraptured theatergoers. Will has let me escape for now. Maybe he finally realizes the strain I’m under and actually feels sorry for me. There are a few people in line at the refreshment stand but I hurry by them and head for the exit. Once I make it out the door without incident, I keep going. The night air envelops me with its exhilarating sense of freedom. I got away from my captors. They’re not going to keep me locked up to watch my dreams disintegrate. I may be the victim in all of this, but I’m also a survivor. And I’m going to get through this, even if it kills me.
The garden center is about a mile from the center of town and Eric’s house is another mile beyond that. I’ve walked this route before, although not in the dark. I’m not afraid of what can happen to me, now that the worst has already occurred. I just have to get away from that theater.
I take my time traipsing over the rocky surface of the road. There’s no need to trip and fall. I’ve already blended into the darkness, thanks to my black dress. The crickets are chirping and the quarter moon is providing just enough light so I can find my way while still remaining somewhat camouflaged. An owl hoots in the distance and a chorus of frogs greets me as I approach a nearby pond. I have no set plan in mind and I really don’t know what I’m doing. I just had to get out there before I suffocated.
If I make it to Eric’s house, he said he was leaving a key for me under the mat. I can either go in and wait for him or call Sophie from his landline to come get me. I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do. My biggest fear is that if I wait it out and he comes home with Lauren, it’s a sight I’ll never be able to remove from my brain. They’ll probably be all over each other in some state of undress as they happen upon me sitting at the kitchen table. Lauren would just love to throw that in my face. Here I thought I was the one supposed to get laid tonight, but watch it end up being her. Why is everything always about her?
I kick a pebble hard with my shoe to vent my frustration. A cow bellows in the adjacent barn and the unmistakable aroma of livestock permeates the air. I’m halfway to the garden center. I learned how to walk in these conditions without the heel of my shoe falling off. No one’s going to have to carry me to safety this time. Again, that twinge ricochets through me at how much I stand to lose because Eric was just stringing me along.
I rub my bare arms when the wind feels chilly against my skin. It’s a humid evening but it’s always a little cooler in the country. I wish I had brought a jacket or a sweater or something, especially since I’m usually cold in a movie theater when the air conditioning is cranked up. At work, I was so caught up in all of Lauren’s menial chores that I barely had time to freshen up, much less consider grabbing something out of my car. Once I saw my flat tire, my mind pretty much zeroed in on that.
I’ve been thrown off balance nearly the entire day. Whether on purpose or not, these distractions have kept me from thinking clearly. Now for the first time away from it all, I can’t help but wonder why this summer took such a nasty turn. It started off pretty well. I got the internship, thanks to Ryan. I reconnected with Will. I met Eric. Then it all came crashing down with the gala being the biggest fiasco of them all.
Eric…Will…Ryan…why couldn’t just one of them be a halfway decent guy? Why did they all have to be bad? Is my judgment that impaired that I can’t recognize potential heartache when it’s staring me in the face? Am I that hungry for some guy’s approval that I’ll put up with things no other girl would put up with? It’s frightening to run down the list. Ryan attacked me. Will used me. Eric…I still can’t bring myself to believe he was out to harm me. Lauren must have brainwashed him or something. The pieces just don’t seem to fit when it comes to Eric’s rapid turnaround.
A warm glow comes over me as the lights of the garden center come into view. My feet are killing me. I think I’m going to rest here a while. Even if the door to the main building is locked, I can sneak around back to the greenhouse and find a way to slip in. I’m a little nervous about sitting out front, in case Ryan or Will come riding by to look for me. I don’t know if I’m being hunted and it’s not a good feeling.
As I approach the grassy incline, I remove my shoes and make a run for it. My legs are sore but they carry me down into the parking area. Gingerly crossing the path, I see that there’s a light on inside. I’m just about to push my body against the front door when I hear the approach of an oncoming car. I duck around the side of the building and leap over a roped-off display of tree saplings. They’re crowded together, giving me a chance to hide behind them.
The headlights turn off the road and head in my direction. My breathing starts to increase as I recognize the make and model of the car. It’s Will and he’s hot on my tail. Luckily, I just missed him. He circles the area, scanning the property, but he doesn’t get out. “Ivy!” He calls, making me jump. I disturb the branches in front of me and for a moment he hits the brakes when the movement catches his eye. Unsure of what he saw or if he noticed anything, he continues his patrol. Obviously satisfied that I’m not here, he speeds away down the deserted road.
I’m unsure if I should leave my hiding place, especially when he’ll have to pass the garden center on his way back to town. Most likely, his next stop is Eric’s house. So I probably have five minutes or so before he returns. The light inside Eric’s office is beckoning me and I can’t resist its call. The promise of safety is irresistible to me at this point.
Gathering my courage, I make a break for it, hurling my body against the door. Instead of staying rooted in place, it gives way and I collapse into the familiar environs of Eric’s domain. The atmosphere is moist and earthy, a botanical refuge. I feel welcome among the hanging baskets and decorative wind chimes. But there’s no time to waste, I have to get out of here. I’ve made up my mind.
Springing behind the counter, I reach for the phone and begin to punch in Sophie’s number. I don’t even get to the third digit when I hear the flush of a toilet and a door creaking open behind me.
