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Authors: Nicola Haken

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BOOK: Take My Hand
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Hot water had never felt so good. I felt like
I had been marinating in a bath of grime for a month and I could literally feel
the steaming stream melt it from my body. I lathered myself up three times in a
row before washing my hair the same number of times. By the time I stepped out
onto the slatted slip-board I felt almost human again.

After raking a tiny men’s comb through my
hair and dressing quickly in last night’s clothes I headed back to the living
room to gather my things. Sitting on the couch I noticed a glass of water and a
box of aspirin resting on the side-table. My first thought was that Jared must
be up. My second thought was how sweet that was of him. My third thought was…

Dexter.

The previous night came crashing down on me
like sixty tonnes of house bricks. Jared didn’t get me the water. Dexter did.
Jared didn’t carry me to the bathroom because I was too drunk to stand up
straight. Dexter did. Jared didn’t hold my hair back while I spewed my guts up
all over the bathroom. Dexter did.

Oh God what must he think of me?

I needed to get out of there before he came
home. There was no way I could face him without wanting to toss myself off the
nearest bridge. Okay so maybe that’s a little dramatic but still, I couldn’t
deal with the embarrassment just yet. Then it hit me I was only delaying the
inevitable and I wanted to cry. We had classes together. Sooner or later I
would
have
to look him in the eye. Ugh. I felt sick again.

The sound of my phone ringing snapped me back
into reality and I suddenly remembered I hadn’t told Rachel I’d be out all
night. Oh crap, I was in for a lecture.

“Hello?” I answered quietly as I waited for
her to start bawling.

“Fuck me, Em, tell me
everything!

Okay so I totally wasn’t expecting her to sound excited. What’d gotten into
her?

“What do you mean?”

“Well let’s start with The American. Jesus,
Ho, that’s fast work even by
my
standards!”

“Rach, what are you talking about?” Had she
been on the pop too?

“You stayed the night at his place right?”

“No. I stayed at Jared’s. Dex just happens to
be staying there for a while,” I protested. “Wait a minute how do you know
where I stayed last night?”

“Well firstly it was obvious when you didn’t
come home. I know you, Em and you’re not stupid enough stay out with someone
you don’t know. And second, because The American called me in the middle of the
night,” she said with a mischievous tone in her voice.


What
?” I asked, wrinkling my face in
confusion. “He called you? How? Why?”

“He used your phone. Told me you were a
little worse for wear and he’d just put you to sleep on the couch. Said he
thought I might be worried about where you were so thought he’d just check in.”
I was stunned into silence for a few seconds, unsure of how I felt about that.
It sure was a thoughtful thing to do – in fact everything he did last
night was. But I just couldn’t figure out
why
. I was pretty confident he
didn’t even like me most of the time.

“I mean come on… how sweet was that? He
sounded really worried about you. So I guess I figured you’d binned Jared off
for someone hotter.”

“Um…” My lips didn’t seem to be able to move
in time with the words tumbling around my head. Maybe I was still drunk. I
definitely felt a little woozy. “Jared and I are still…” Hmm. What
were
me
and Jared? “He was passed out. Dex came home just as I was about to puke my
guts up. I’m so embarrassed, Rach.”

“Don’t be,” she said, giggling down the line.
“It happens to the best of us, Ho. Besides, it’s about time I got to cross something
off this bloody list. I’m just gutted I wasn’t there to see you. Or film you!”
I rolled my eyes, thanking God that she
wasn’t
with me. I would’ve been
on YouTube within the hour.

“So there’s really no juice to spill with the
hot American?” She sounded disappointed.

“Hold on, last time you spoke about Dexter
you said he was an ignorant bastard who’d get your first kick if your legs ever
worked again.”

“Yeah well that was before he got my girl’s
back. Plus you can’t say you’ve never noticed the pressure his shirt’s under
with those bulging man beast muscles. He’s packing some serious goods under
there, Ho. You can’t deny the guy is ripped.” Talk about turn around of the
century! “And what the fuck was Jared doing while you were barfing into his
toilet? Oh yeah, the selfish twat was sleeping! Seriously, Ho… it’s going
nowhere with him.”

So what, now Jared was the loser and Dexter
was my hero? I can never keep up with Rachel.

“Yeah well, I’m still undecided about that,”
I admitted honestly. “Look I’ll be home soon – we’ll talk then.”

“You better hurry your arse up if you want to
make Uni in time.” I looked at the digital clock on Jared’s stereo. 10:45 am.
Damn. I only had an hour before I’d have to leave for afternoon lectures.

That meant an hour and a half before I’d have
to see Dexter.

Double damn.

“I’m leaving right now. Won’t be long.”

“K, Ho. In a bits.”

After hanging up the call I downed a couple
of the painkillers next to the glass of water Dexter had laid out for me and
had a quick mooch around the apartment to find Jared. I found him still
comatose and fully dressed on top of his bed with his chin bobbing up and down
as he snored away. I considered waking him but then remembered both my lack of
time, and the fact I didn’t really
want
to talk to him right now. I
needed to sort this situation out soon. Jared was a nice guy and I was starting
to get frustrated spending time with him, just because I didn’t have the balls
to tell him I wanted to be friends. I was being unfair and I knew it.

Closing the door quietly behind me I tiptoed
down the hall and set off home.

Chapter Seven
 

Dexter

 
 
 

Emily
was gone when I got
back from my run. I briefly hoped she was okay but then stopped myself from
thinking about her. It’s not like she’s mine to care about. That’s what Jared
should be doing – taking care of his girl. Yet the asshat was still passed
out in bed by the time I’d changed into some black jeans and a cream sweater
and left for college.

I grabbed my fourth coffee of the day from
Starbucks on my way into class. I needed caffeine and plenty of it if I was to
make it through today. I had lectures back to back until seven o’clock and then
I was working a double shift at The Blue Apple. I’ve been doing a lot of them
lately which is why I haven’t needed to look for an extra job yet. But on the
upside, my place is supposed to be ready to move back into tomorrow and it
can’t come soon enough. I’m grateful to Jared of course but I need my own space
back. I want to be able to take a dump without worrying about stinking someone
else’s place out, or sprawl out naked on the couch to watch TV, or perhaps more
pressingly – bring a girl home.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so lonely. Or
frustrated. I swear my balls are about three days away from exploding.
Preventing death by blue ball syndrome is first on my list of priorities when I
move back in. I’ve not got the time or the patience to sweet-talk a
Marshmallow. I need an M & M. Something quick – easy to start and
easy to end.

When I reached the lecture hall Emily was
already sitting at our seats. She looked like shit despite the makeup she’d
obviously caked on to try and cover it.

“Hey,” I said, getting her attention. She looked
up at me with those timid baby-blue eyes of hers and then quickly darted them
away again.

“Hi,” she mumbled so faintly I barely heard her.
She was embarrassed. It was kinda cute.

“How’s the head?”

“Better,” she said, making eye-contact with me
again. “Thanks for the Nurofen,” she added with a shy smile.

“You heard from Jared?”

“No. He was still sleeping when I left. I didn’t
want to disturb him.”

“Yeah, he was still out of it when I left to
come here too.” He was such an ass to this girl, yet it was clear she was too
innocent to see it. It was obvious to a blind man Emily had never been drunk
before and the fucktard should’ve called her by now – made sure she was
okay. This is why I’m glad I don’t do relationships. They’re too much hassle.
“So how’s things going with you two?” Christ, why the hell did I ask that? I
didn’t give a shit and I didn’t want her to think I did.

“Um, yeah, okay I guess,” she confessed,
shrugging.

“Trouble in paradise?” Seriously, I should’ve
stopped talking about five minutes ago.

“No, we’re good,” she assured, looking at little
confused. She was probably wondering why I was interested. Hell,
I
was
wondering why I was interested. She was lying though, I was sure of it. It was
only a matter of time. Girls like Emily need hearts and flowers, ‘good morning,
I miss you’ texts, that kinda shit. Jared just wants a long-term lay.

“Thanks for calling Rachel too,” she tacked on a
few minutes later.

“No problem. You two are tight, I figured she’d
be worried about you,” I admitted while taking the relevant textbooks from my
bag. “She always so grouchy or was that just ‘cause I woke her up?”

“Yeah, that’s just Rachel. She’s definitely a
‘you need to get to know her’ type. But she’s great really. I’d be lost without
her sometimes.” No she wouldn’t. Emily was too sweet not to having people
queuing up to take care of her.

Just then our tutor announced the start of the
lecture and the sound of chatting, papers rustling and chair legs screeching
ceased abruptly. I sat back in my seat and fixed my eyes to the front of the
room. I felt a little weird. That was probably the longest conversation Emily
and I had ever shared. In fact that was probably the longest conversation I’d
shared with
anyone
since I moved here. It felt… refreshing. Emily
interested me. I think she may be the first person beside Jared who’s not given
up trying to talk to me even when I couldn’t have acted less interested in
becoming acquainted with them.

 
She’s sweet and timid and too darn cute.
I also suspect that she’s never been told how special she is. It’s clear by the
way she carries herself – the nervous smile, the way she looks to the
floor when anyone first speaks to her, the way she twists the same fiery-red
curl round her finger when she’s around lots of people…

Everyone deserves to be told they’re special at
some point in their lives. There’s an exception to that rule of course –
me. That’s why I know I can’t ever take a shot at her. But I’m starting to think
we could do the friends thing. Just talking to her for those few brief minutes
took the edge off the loneliness. So maybe it makes me a selfish bastard, given
that I’ve nothing much to offer her in return, but still I can’t help wanting
this girl to stick around.

After a two hour lecture introducing us to
criminology we were told to pair up with the person sitting next to us and
given instructions on the next assignment required from us. Together we had a
month to research and produce a dissertation on
the nature, extent, cause, and control of criminal
behavior in both the individual and in society. Under any other circumstance I
think I would’ve been happy with the opportunity to spend more time with this
mysterious girl I couldn’t seem to stop thinking about. But researching the
minds behind criminal behavior… Quite frankly I was worried shitless about
where this was going to lead – what she might find out.

“So
when do you want to get started?” Emily asked once the tutor finally got around
to wrapping things up.

“Well
I’ve got a busy couple of days ahead. I’m working a double tonight and
hopefully I’ll be moving back into my own place tomorrow.”

“Really?
That’s great. Bet you’re dying to sleep in a proper bed,” she beamed, appearing
genuinely pleased for me.

“Yeah,
I am,” I agreed. “So if it’s okay with you can we wait until weekend?”

“Sure.
My diary isn’t exactly bursting at the seams so just let me know and I’m all
yours.” She bit down on her bottom lip and dropped her eyes to the floor the
second she’d finished that sentence. She was embarrassed again. It was too
cute. “So does that mean you won’t be around tonight?” she added after
regaining herself. Sounded like she wanted Jared’s place to themselves. I had
to make a significant effort not to shudder. I guessed Jared was gonna be
wearing one helluva grin tomorrow morning.

“No.
I’ll go home to change after here but then I’ll be out till two or so.”
Don’t
ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask.
“Why? You got something planned with Jared?”

Fuck.

“I just
want to talk to him about something that’s all,” she answered ambiguously. I
couldn’t tell if I’d pissed her off or not.

“Well
good luck with that. Let’s hope he’s sobered up enough to talk back.” Emily
giggled softly – like only a girl can. “Catch ya later, doll,” I said to
her, slinging my bag over my shoulder. She looked a little flushed and didn’t
answer immediately. I assumed the effects of last night were catching up to her
again.

“Yeah.
See you,” she eventually replied. Then, feeling more positive than I have in so
long I can’t even remember, I tossed her a wink and left for my next class.

BOOK: Take My Hand
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