Tempting Miss Allender (Regency Rakes 3) (6 page)

Mathew wanted to touch her, smooth the frown from her forehead, run his fingers over a silken cheek, yet he had no wish to do so now, when she was finally talking to him, even if it was on a subject he had no wish to pursue. Ignoring the pain in his chest, he said, “Anthony doesn’t know his portrait is hidden away, Patience.”

She looked at the paintings above them once more, then turned to him again. Mathew felt suddenly stripped bare as she studied him intently, almost as if she could read every thought in his head and pain in his soul.

“It is not them. It is you who doesn’t want Anthony’s portrait in here. You are still, grieving aren’t you?” She spoke slowly, almost a whisper.

He didn’t show the surprise her words made him feel, Mathew had become good at hiding his thoughts since his brother’s death. It was a subject that he stored in the back of his head unless he was alone; only then did he let the pain come along with the memories. His mother and sister had mourned but moved on, allowing the memory of Anthony to settle in a warm place inside their hearts and minds, but Mathew had not. He still struggled to speak of the brother he’d lost.

“Yes,” he rasped. “Every bloody day.” He hadn’t meant to say the words, but they tumbled out before he could swallow them down.

She reached out toward him and then lowered her hand when she realized what she had done, but Mathew caught it, trapping it in his own, folding her small fingers inside his larger ones.

“Did you…have you mourned for him, my lord?”

“Mathew, Patience. Can you not try to call me Mathew?”

“No, I cannot, and we are discussing you, not me.” Her frown deepened as she tried to remove her fingers from his. “To heal, one must first accept Anthony’s passing, and acceptance does not come by removing all traces of that person from your life, my lord.”

The lure of her skin was too hard to resist. He traced her cheek with one finger. It felt warm and silken to the touch.

“Don’t.” She tried to push him away, but he wouldn’t let her. In fact, he pulled her closer.

“How did you accept your parents’ deaths, Patience?”

“Lucy, Charles and I talk of our parents constantly, and we have miniatures of them that we carry with us everywhere. They have left us, yes, but our memories of them are still very much alive in the recounting of each story about them.”

Her eyes found his and then flitted away as once again she attempted to pull her fingers free.

“I have been so long without him in my life now, the memory and the man, that I believe it is best for us all to leave it that way.”

“But it is not best! He is your brother, my lord, and the man you and your family loved very much. I could never forget the existence of someone I loved. Furthermore, your sister and mother talk of your brother, and have just done so with my siblings and me.”

“I did not say I had forgotten him, Patience.” Mathew released her hand to rub his chest, but she beat him to it.

“This is not right, this anguish you feel whenever you think of your brother or hear his name spoken. Can you not see this is causing you pain?

“I have no idea what you are speaking of,” Mathew lied, closing his eyes as her hand soothed the pain inside him.

“Yes, you do.”

“It is easier to let his memory die.”

Mathew opened his eyes and saw the sadness in her gaze.

“It is not easier on you. In fact, I would go so far as to say you are suffering greatly by not grieving for your brother.”

“Patience, please.” Mathew rested his hand over hers. “It is not a subject I wish to discuss with you or anyone.”

“Talk to your mother and sisters, Mathew. Otherwise the grief will slowly destroy you,” she begged him.

“No. This is the best way forward for me…for all of us.”

“You owe Anthony more than that!”

He felt his own anger rise. Speaking of his brother made him irrational and unbalanced; that was why he took every effort not to. “You have no idea what you are talking about. My brother is dead, so how can I possibly owe him anything?”

His anger did nothing to deter her, as hers simply flared higher.

“He must not be something that hovers over you, but something that offers warmth in your heart!”

“Stop!” he roared. “For the love of God, just leave it alone, Patience.”

The emotion drained from her face, and once again she was composed.

“Forgive me if I have spoken out of turn, but Anthony was very dear to me.” She pulled from his arms. “And for a brief moment I forgot...” She fell silent, not finishing the sentence.

Mathew grabbed her arm as she began to walk away and spun her to face him. “Forgot what? That we are not friends, and that although you say you have forgiven me for my behavior seven years ago, in fact you have not, and possibly never will?”

She clamped her lips together, looking like the child he’d once known; however, it did not make him smile. “It is childish to ignore someone when they ask you a question.”

She tried to pull away from him, but he stepped closer to her, cupping one of her cheeks in his hand.

“Release me, my lord.”

“Admit the truth and I will.”

“I must admit this, yet you will not admit that the pain of Anthony’s death is haunting you.”

She had never backed down from him, he remembered, looking at the defiant tilt of her jaw.

“Impatience,” he whispered, lowering his head, he brushed his lips over the seam of hers. Her gasp allowed him in, and he deepened the kiss, taking her mouth with his in a slow, heated kiss. He wanted this woman, and feeling the lush curves of her body pressed to his was only building the fire inside him.

Her fists came up to his chest, but instead of pushing him away, she grabbed the lapels of his jacket.
God, she has a beautiful mouth
, he thought, holding her closer. Her breasts were crushed to his chest, making his hands ache to travel upwards and caress their curves. Cupping the back of her head, he deepened the kiss again, exploring the delicate contours of her mouth. The soft scent of honeysuckle wrapped around his senses and he felt off-balance suddenly, as if the world had tilted slightly while he was not looking.

“No!” She wrenched free, stumbling backwards.

“Patience.”

He tried to follow, but she turned and ran from him, across the room, her heels flicking the hem of her skirt, until she reached the doorway. Once there, she turned to look at him once more.

“Please don’t do that again…please.”

Before he could answer, she’d left the room.

Mathew stood looking up at his ancestors, letting his body cool down after the inferno Patience had created inside him. She asked too much of him, asking him to stay away from her—especially now, when for the first time in a long while he was interested in a woman. And not just any woman. The woman who had been his childhood friend.

He made himself walk slowly across the room and back as he marshaled his scattered thoughts.

His memories of Patience Allender had always been warm and sunny, and many had included both her and Anthony, all wrapped up in a warm, painful bow. She had been a part of Mathew’s life that did not hold responsibility, but fun and laughter and the carefree days of childhood. It saddened him that he had allowed those memories to become twisted with his grief, yet he had no way of separating them.

She had challenged him about Anthony and her belief that he had not grieved, but Mathew did not think he would ever be ready to acknowledge what was inside him. He couldn’t, because he feared it would destroy him.

He knew that getting close to her was going to open a floodgate of emotions inside him, he realized as he made his way back to their families—emotions that had been dormant for so long, yet the thought of walking away from her again was no longer an option.

Simon and Louis had arrived, he saw when he returned, and he found Patience across the room, greeting his brother-in-law. She did not look his way, but gave Simon a polite curtsey as if she had not a care in the world, and as if he had not kissed her thoroughly beneath the portraits of his ancestors.

“Uncle Mathew!”

Mathew smiled as his nephew ran across the room to his side. Bending, he held out his arms and accepted the hug that Louis offered him. Giving him a squeeze, he rubbed his chin over the soft hair that resembled his father’s, and was thankful yet again for his sister Claire’s persistence.

Louis’s mother and Anthony had had an affair in France, and Louis was the result, which the Belmont family had only found out when the boy was six years old. To his everlasting shame, Mathew at first had not believed he existed and had refused to investigate further when they received a letter from Louis’s uncle. It had been Claire who delved deeper, and who had gone to see if the boy really did exist. Mathew would always be eternally grateful that she had done so.

“Have you eaten all the cake, Nephew?”

“
Non
, but Charlie has.” His smile was wide and always made Mathew’s stomach clench, as that expression too was Anthony’s.

“And have you made the acquaintance of Charlie’s eldest sister, Louis?”

The boy shook his head and held his hand up to Mathew so he could take him to meet Patience.

“Miss Allender, please allow me to introduce you to my nephew, Louis.”

His nephew executed a perfect bow and Patience offered him a curtsey.

“I am very pleased to meet you, Louis. May I call you that?” she said, smiling, a soft genuine one, unlike the kind Mathew received. “Charlie has just told me your interests are similar to his.”

“Yes, I would be happy for you to call me Louis.”

“And I am Patience.”

Mathew didn’t precisely gnash his teeth, but the thought was there. It seemed everyone but him was allowed to be on informal terms with her.

“He is Anthony’s son, Patience,” Mathew said softly once the boy had left to go to Charlie’s side. She would be curious as to the boy’s parentage, that was only natural, and he and his family had never made it a secret.

“Yes, Claire told me. The likeness is strong,” was all she said before turning away from him to take the seat next to her sister.

The conversation was general after that, with the focus around the two boys, who were already chatting like old friends.

“My wife talks often about the yearly visits your family and hers spent together, and that you used to read to her when she was a child. She tells me that you have the storytelling voice of an angel, Miss Allender.”

“I am afraid you have been misled, Lord Kelkirk. There was only myself or Lord Belmont to read the evening story, and as I did not skip words or pages, the Belmont and Allender siblings chose me,” Patience said.

Mathew watched her as she and Simon talked. She was on edge, her hands smoothing her skirts or reaching for her tea. Her eyes constantly found her siblings as if checking to see if they were all right, and then returned to whoever was speaking, and he knew it was his presence alone that had made her feel this way.

“Perhaps you can read us a verse or two, and I can see if my wife is mistaken in her memories, Miss Allender,” Simon suggested.

She laughed and her blue eyes lit briefly. “I fear I shall put you all to sleep, Lord Kelkirk. And now I think we must leave. Lucy, Charles.” She regained her feet. “Thank you, Lady Belmont. It has been a pleasure to see you and your family again.”

They all said goodbye, then Mathew and Louis escorted them down to the carriage. Patience, he noted, kept as far away from him as she could.

“We are to go to the velocipede exhibition, and may even get a chance to ride one,” he said. “Charlie, perhaps you could come with us?”

“I would love that above all things.”

Mathew rubbed his nephew’s head as he and Charlie looked expectantly at Patience.

“We shall see, Charlie. I will need to see what other engagements we have before I make a decision.”

Moving to her side, Mathew spoke softly so only she would hear. “If your reservation is due to me, Patience—”

“No, of course not,” she said quickly, much to his relief.

“I shall send you a note, Charlie,” Louis said as the young boy climbed into the carriage, followed by Lucy.

Mathew held his hand out to Patience, and she accepted it reluctantly.

“I shall see you again, Patience,” he said, and by the twitch of her fingers, he realized that she heard the determination behind his words. He then stepped back from the coach to watch it roll away.

“I like the Allender family, Uncle,” Louis said as they walked back into the house. “And I hope that Charlie will accompany me to the velocipede exhibition.”

He let his nephew chatter as they returned to the family. When they arrived, Claire and his mother were discussing the Allenders.

“They have changed so much,” Claire said.

Mathew sat and reached for his tea as he listened to what his sister was saying.

Claire had grown up closer to Anthony than Mathew because he had come into his title soon after the death of his father and did not have a lot of time for a little sister. When their brother died they had both been devastated, and she had turned to their mother for comfort because Mathew had become cold and emotionless, his way of dealing with Anthony’s death. Louis had been the catalyst to change that, and even though Mathew still had what Patience had accurately diagnosed as unresolved grief for his brother, he and his sister were now very close.