Ten (My Brothers Best Friend) (6 page)

I
dream about her scent on my pillows, her soft innocent laughter echoing through my room as I tickle her supple body into submission. Sweet, innocent, faithful Alex.

That person doesn’t really exist, yet she’s more real in my dreams than she is here. People always try to tell me how to act, how I should feel, what revenge I need to take, but they don’t know what it was like for me. They’re not me and I’m not them, or at least, I wasn’t. All I ever wanted was to get out of this town and shed the family name which is more a curse then an inheritance. Instead, here I am, the exact thing I promised myself I’d never be, and that makes my blood run cold.

My soul had floated above my body, looking in at a scene but not really being a part of it when the commotion in the bar broke out. I didn’t expect to see her back here, but there she was, sprawled out on the floor like she just fell from a forbidden apple tree. She was different but the same all in one glance… if that’s even possible.

She’s grown. Damn, she’s grown, but her eyes and lips still hold the traits of the young girl I fell in love with. She does this thing where, when she smiles, it’s like she can smile with her whole face. It reaches her eyes; they do this glistening, sparkling shit that grips me by the balls and turns me into her bitch.
I’m not that boy anymore.

Reality hit me full force when I came back to myself. My feet had carried me to her. What a fucking bitch. How dare she come back here and into my bar?

Her hair lay fanned around her delicately curved facial features. She now has blonde streaks, making her dark brown eyes appear even darker. She whimpered as I dragged her to her feet, but fuck, I couldn’t, no, I
wouldn’t
act weak just because it was her, and seeing her for the first time came with a feeling of such intense shock my whole body lit up with nervous energy, making it hard to focus. I’d imagined seeing her again over and over, but nothing could have prepared me for that look in her eye. Love, regret, guilt?
Fuck her!

Her face was pale with tears threatening, her long eyelashes making them appear unnatural. They were so incredibly long and she has a way of batting them, making her seem innocent, but she’s anything but.

She rose quickly to her feet with my hand tightening around her arm. Her tits have definitely grown with her. They bounced slightly as she moved, and despite my bitter feelings towards her, I’m a man - a man who knows what it’s like to be inside that tight little body. My balls tightened so painfully I had to bite the inside of my mouth to stop myself from licking my lips,
or her face.

She has a slim waist which flares in to curvy hips and thighs that the jeans she wore hugged perfectly. Damn every inch of flesh that caressed those jeans.

Why did she have to come here looking fucking beautiful? To taunt me? Hadn’t I suffered enough?

It’s funny how one minute you have a million aspirations for your life, and the one person you want with you when you succeed is the one who broke everything, crushed your dreams, and ruined your life. I still hear her screams when I close my eyes. From the day I was dragged away because of her family… because of her.

I got her outside and shoved her towards the alley. I needed her gone. Her body collided with the wet asphalt but I didn’t care. I wouldn’t. Fuck her.

When Lisa appeared and lashed out, I wanted to knock her out and leave her out with the trash. She oversteps at every opportunity and thinks me fucking her is more than just that, but it isn’t. The only reason I fuck her is because Alex hated her all those years ago, so every time I thrust into her wet heat it’s a “fuck you” to Alex. Pathetic, like she’d even give a shit, but I feed from the small satisfactions I can get. Lisa also likes it hard and dirty, which is more to my tastes. I’m not one for intimacy. I fuck to relieve stress, and to feel anything but the darkening pit inside my gut swallowing more of me every day. Lisa likes to fuck too. She hasn’t changed over the years. She married the first prick who flashed his cash at her. It didn’t last long though. He used to go out of town for business, and it turned out he had a whole other life. She divorced him and fucked everything that moved as her way of getting back at him. She’s easy, and I’m all about easy these days.

So when she came out and planted herself in the dispute with Alex, it pissed me the fuck off.

Alex was soaking, and the blood on her face confused the boy and the man inside me. I didn’t like seeing her that way but I was so livid, and in the same breath turned on by the nipple showing through her wet clothes. She’s so fuckable. I had to convince myself hate-fucking her would give her pleasure too, and she doesn’t deserve any pleasure from me.

She got to her feet and unsteadily walked away.

I won’t worry about her. I won’t think about Jude kicking her stool out from under her and her head impacting the floor. I won’t think about Lisa’s boot connecting with her small, delicate jaw.

I won’t think about how I had no one growing up but her. She knew what I’d come from, lived through, and even knowing that she still betrayed me, hurt me… broke me.

My Dad was a violent criminal, my Mom a drug addict who would sell her body to the highest bidder, which included my father when he decided he wanted her back after kicking her out the week before.

One night when I was thirteen she was high and fell asleep with a cigarette lit. She nearly burned down our house with me asleep inside. Dad came home just in time to prevent it but his anger turned into a drunk-fueled rage. Momma never did know when to keep her mouth shut. I came out of my room to him shouting, and I watched from six feet away… too far to stop him as one closed fist to her fragile temple sent her to the floor in a heavy heap; lights out. I’d seen them fight so many times before, and Mom was as bad as Dad for the violence, but I knew this was different. She went down so limply, and my Dad’s face contorted in confusion. The girl he brought home with him dialed for an ambulance but Mom was pronounced dead at the scene.

I was taken in by my Dad’s brother; he was also the guy who took over running the family business, which I knew from an early age involved heavy drug involvement. The comforting words I got from him when I arrived were, “He should have buried her out the back with the rest of the wildlife. Fucking idiot. I knew she’d be his downfall.”

Thirteen years old, lost both parents, and that was what I got. How did I even end up with him? Why wasn’t I put in the system or sent to one of my many aunts? It was because my destiny was here, or so I thought. It was back then when I first saw her.
Alex
.

When you think the sun will never shine, and life is lived in the darkness of the night no matter the time of day, then out of nowhere a beacon burns so bright it obliterates all the darkness - that was Alex. She sat on her lawn buckling up her skates, and she had flowing auburn hair and big doe-like eyes that found mine and held me mesmerized. It wasn’t a sexual attraction. We were young, and to put what we shared down to that would be weak. It would be unfair to both of us. For me, seeing her for the first time and every time thereafter was like being awoken, finally knowing there was good in my life.

Our connection was formed long before our bodies ever met. We were made for each other, a pair crafted from the same soul. How does the saying go? A match made in heaven? That’s what we were, but that match was struck and the flame burned us both.

Anger bubbles and roars out of me, the wall taking the brunt from my fist as I jab a few times, causing my skin to tear and bleed. The rain dilutes the blood pouring from my knuckles and I wish it could weaken the pain, but it’s still right there, as vivid as the day it happened.

T
EN
Y
EARS
A
GO

I
couldn’t believe what Jonah had gotten himself in to. We’d been friends for seven years but we’d been drifting apart, heading in two opposite directions. I couldn’t wait to leave this place and start planning my future, which involved telling him I was in love with his baby sister. I’d been putting it off since forever because Jonah was temperamental. There was something missing from him. He’d appeared lonely and beaten down by life ever since I’d known him, despite coming from a family that loved him. He always had a connection with Alex I never understood, but because I don’t have siblings, I couldn’t claim to know if it was abnormal or not.

Jonah had a problem with drugs and never knew when to stop. I liked to smoke the occasional joint but that stopped a long time ago, when my hockey coach informed me I had a real shot at getting a scholarship. Jonah, on the other hand, moved on to harder stuff. His drinking and reckless behavior became out of control, and as much as I loved him and would do anything for him, it was a dangerous path I’d worked hard to stay away from. My family lived that lifestyle, and for some bizarre reason, Jonah liked the way they were and didn’t understand why I was the way I was with them. I lived with my uncle but I wasn’t a part of his life. I came and went as I pleased, and when I was home I spent all my time in my room. He was rarely there anyway. He spent most of his time with his chosen whore of the month. He always told me my father’s weakness was women, but he was a hypocrite because he was addicted to the same poison.

Jonah thought my uncle was cool, that the money he had in stacks overrode the way in which he made it. He liked the power my uncle had in this town. Despite Jonah’s Dad being the sheriff, he thought my family dealing drugs and whoring out women gave them a type of power he craved. He was young and foolish to think that, but if I’d learned anything from being Jonah’s best friend over the years, it was that once he had something in his head it was hard to convince him otherwise.

He was his own person, and he didn’t bond with people easily. I was his only true friend and I still don’t know why he chose to let me in, but he did, and as his best friend I always tried to be a good one and look out for him. I’d often taken the blame for things he did so he wouldn’t get in trouble with his father. I’d been his alibi when he slipped out at night without me to do stupid shit. I always felt like I was in his debt because I was in love with his sister and he knew nothing about it. He wouldn’t understand or accept us, I knew it from the beginning, so I made Alex keep us a secret, and it troubled her. I couldn’t do this anymore, and as soon as school was done I was going to tell Jonah I was in love with Alex and hope he could deal with it, because nothing was going to keep us apart. Jonah wasn’t our only obstacle. Alex’s parents were not fond of me, or the family I was born into, but she was willing to risk their disapproval and their wrath so I had to man up and risk my friendship with Jonah.

I hated how things were with us. I knew he’d been dealing to kids at our school and that the drugs were coming from my family. They had to be because my family wouldn’t tolerate someone else dealing on their turf. I know they used him because they couldn’t have me. I’ve never known a family so hell bent on dragging everyone down to their level. You’d think they would be proud that I was getting out and going to make something of my life, but no, not my family. They saw it as a betrayal of the family name. How pathetic. I worried that I couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to help Jonah, he was in too deep, and every time I’d tried to help him in the past he threw it in my face. I felt like I owed him because of things with Alex. I’d been behind his back when it came to her but you can’t fight fate and I didn’t want to. I couldn’t because my soul gravitated to hers. We revolved around each other; I needed her and she needed me. Nothing made sense if we couldn’t be together. I had so much wrong in my life that when she entered my life I knew it was right. She was my right. She was ten years old when I first saw her, and although we were only young, something clicked inside of me. I felt home, content even, for the first time in my whole life. People who have a shitty upbringing and get dealt bad cards are used to the bad but not the good, and when something as good and precious as Alex comes into their life, they need to realize it’s fate, a gift, something they need to hold onto with both hands. Maybe with something so amazing and good in their life they don’t have to repeat the cycle of what came before.