The Breakup Mix (2 page)

“Hey, no apologies. How many times have you been my lean-to in the midst of heartbreak?”

“It’s what we do. I have to pee.” She stumbled into the stall just in time, because in walked the other three.

“What’s she doing, taking a dump?” Michelle has class when she’s drunk. “What’s taking you so long?”

“Oh, shop talk. Is it a pit-stop before limo time?”

“Yes!” Katie sauntered over and draped herself across my shoulders. “You look good in black. Have I ever told you that?”

“Only every time I wear black, honey.” Katie laughed and half-walked, half-fell into the next stall. “Whoops! Shit, that door moves.”

“It closes, too, woman. Take a hint!” Alissa held the door while Katie slipped the lock in place.

“Thanks whore!”

“No problem, slut.”

The hotel was even more impressive than the limo. Not that any of us got to enjoy it that evening, because our lightweight asses passed out thirty minutes after the argument of who had to sleep with Alissa-the-cover-hog.

I woke up to the sound of someone puking in the bathroom and Alissa’s groaning as she snatched the pillow out from under my head to cover her ear. “Someone close that damned door.”

Katie stumbled to the bathroom, grabbed a wet washcloth, and started wiping Michelle’s face. “Rough night, kiddo?”

“Rougher morning. Thanks.”

Katie closed the door and slid in next to Dani. I squinted at the clock next to the bed: 7:42 a.m. I snatched my pillow back from Alissa and buried my head in it.

“Nice,” she mumbled.

“Mine,” I sassed.

Katie sighed and gave up on sleep. She kicked the covers off in a huff and asked, “Who wants coffee?”

Three hands raised and dropped. Michelle opened the door and crawled into bed next to Dani. Katie pointed a finger at her, which was met with a raised hand to say, “No thanks, I’m dying anyway.”

Alissa said, “Katie, this isn’t the Super 8. Call the bastards downstairs and order what you want. They bring it to you.”

“Ya know, I forgot how much of a bitch you are when you’re hung over.” Katie kicked off her flip-flops and stomped to the phone.

Dani sat up. “Well, none of us have new tattoos, so I’d say that was a pretty successful evening in Chicago.”

Alissa’s laugh shook the bed even though it wasn’t audible.

“Michelle, your phone just went off.” Katie fished through the mound of purses dropped by the door until she located Michelle’s phone. She started to toss it to her but the pillow covered her face. “Are you going to make it?”

“No. Ship my body back to Columbia and bury me in my yellow pajamas. And tell my kids not to drink. Ever.”

“Hey, Katie, will you grab my purse, too, please?” Dani sat up and rubbed her eyes.

“Might as well hand them all out, honey.” Alissa and I joined the ranks and sat up in bed. “You look like shit, girl.” Alissa said to me as she ran her fingers through her hair.

“Back atcha.” I swatted her leg.

“I meant to tell you. Ix-nay the terra-cotta jacket on TV. It’s not a good color for you.”

I chuckled and went into the bathroom. She was right. I looked like speed racers had practiced on my face. Sleep wrinkles, smeared eyeliner, mascara rings. Not pretty. However, then again, none of the others had seen themselves yet, and that made me smile. I fared pretty well compared to Dani-the-practicing-panda.

I’d just finished brushing my teeth and hair when the bellhop brought up our breakfast. He barely had the door closed when I said, “Geez, are there no ugly men in Chicago? Damn, did you see him?”

“Sure there are. But they are all home with the kids while their wives are gallivanting through Columbia on a girl’s weekend get-away.”

“Oh I’m sure people from Chicago are dying to go to central Missouri. Maybe closet Chiefs fans.”

Michelle’s phone chirped again causing her to groan and come alive. My next glance up saw my four best friends all checking their phones and responding to the ignored texts from the night before. Dani’s face was pale.

I shot her a text.
You OK?

She met my stare and shrugged. Her chin started to quiver. She disappeared into the bathroom as Alissa and Katie chuckled over a picture Landon had sent of the kids dressed like pirates with Katie’s big hoop earrings tucked over their little ears. The clanging of their spoons against their coffee cups seemed incredibly loud——it beckoned me.

“Man, this room is huge. Very impressive, Lis.” On the other side of Dani’s bed was an open living room complete with a big-screen TV nestled over a stone fireplace. A sofa, love seat, and two chairs created a U-shape around the coffee table that was large enough to hold a staff meeting. I snuggled into the closest chair facing the window and curled my feet under me.

“Holy shit. What floor are we on? That’s a long way down.” Katie’s eyes were huge as she pointed out the window. “Chance, come look at this.”

I held up my hand. “Not on your life, Katie. I’m trying
not
to throw up. Thanks.”

“So what’s on the agenda today, maestro?” Michelle joined us and chose a seat on the couch next to Alissa.

“We have to be at the spa by ten and lunch reservations are at 12:30 I think. We have to be at the airport by three o’clock.”

“Are we getting facials?” Katie beamed.

“Facials and massages all around.” Alissa glowed.

“Oh, not so sure about that one, Lis.” Dani rounded the corner looking skeptical. “You know I’m not a big fan of other people touching me.”

Alissa laughed. “Says the girl who’s been in stirrups for four years. Really, Dani, it will be fine.”

I bit my lip and glanced up at Dani’s pale face. Alissa had no idea how untimely her comment had been.

“What? What’d I miss?” Alissa looked at me and shrugged. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Dani, if you don’t want a massage, I can . . .”

“No, Lis, it’s fine.” Dani sat in the chair opposite me and Katie chose the love seat. “Well, I have some bad news.” Her eyes filled with tears. “The doctor told me yesterday I’m barren. We’ve tried it all, but the last round of tests showed no eggs.”

Michelle gasped. “Oh honey, but you can adopt, right? You and Barry are so successful and—”

“Michelle . . .” I shook my head.

“Barry’s leaving me.” She barely got the words out before she broke down. The other three swarmed to her chair to console her. I kept my seat—I’d already had my turn. “He said he wants a family in the worst way—
his
family, not someone we have to buy. Isn’t that a horrible thing to say? Like you just go to a shelf and pick.”

“Dani, he’s just overreacting right now. He’s just as heartbroken over this as you are, but he’ll come around.” As usual, Katie didn’t have a clue.

“No, he’s moving this weekend; he told me yesterday morning.”

“It sounds to me like the bastard had this in mind the whole time.” Alissa stared at the carpet shaking her head. “No wonder he didn’t give me any grief over the trip,” she mumbled.

“Maybe I’ll pee in his coffee Monday.” Katie scowled and we all laughed.

Silence and what-do-we-say-now glances filled the room.

“Anyone else need a warm-up?” Michelle took Dani’s cup and headed to the breakfast cart. Everyone else took their seats and let the weight of the news settle over them.

Dani looked at me. “I keep thinking about the house. We bought it with the hopes of filling it with children. It’s a mighty big house for a one-woman show.”

I winked at her and smiled. “Dani, you’re going to be fine. Life is going to suck for a while, but you’re going to be fine.”

“I know. But I had this vision of my life with Barry. Soccer games, dance recitals, first birthday parties, weddings, graduations, hopefully not in that order.” She grinned and wiped her tears. “My beautiful painting has just been wiped clean. All I can see now is a blank canvas.”

Alissa grinned. “And have we got the perfect colors for you, my dear.” Unity filled the air, and a spark ignited in Dani’s darkened eyes.

Chapter Two

Irreplaceable

Dani

Against the advice, and perhaps interference, of my dearest friends, I went home alone to face my new reality as a soon-to-be divorced woman. I didn’t know what to expect. For all I knew, Barry’s sitting at the dining room table waiting for me to come home so he could profess how wrong he’d been and beg me for forgiveness. It would be completely out of style for him to do such a thing, but childish hope won over rational thought as I eased the car into the driveway and held my breath as the garage door lifted. His car was gone, and so was my hope. I panned the garage and made mental notes of everything that was missing. This dead space was a testimony to what the house had in store.

The kitchen looked normal, only minimal damage there. The dining room was untouched, but he’d gutted the living room. He’d taken most of the furniture minus the couch and my great-grandmother’s antique rocker that had been passed down to every daughter when their first child was born. Mother got anxious and gave it to me when Barry and I bought this house. The chair now seemed to be mocking me. Our entertainment center, his chair and end table, the coffee table . . . everything was gone. However, he left our wedding picture. I took it off the wall and placed it face down in the rocker. They could mock me together.

I made my way through the rest of the house. After witnessing the living room, I knew his office would be an abandoned tomb and I was right. Nothing left in there but a power strip and a potted plant. Our bedroom was unscathed except for his empty closet, but the guest bedroom was also empty. Mr. Efficiency must have hired movers to help him.

Thirty-two hundred square feet and Barry had managed to take exactly half of everything we owned. A bed for me? A bed for you. A chair for me? A chair for you. Seven years to build and one weekend to divide. And all because my body had failed us.

“I can’t stay here tonight.” My voice sounded hollow bouncing off the walls of the nearly empty living room. I grabbed my purse and the overnight bag Barry had so
lovingly
packed for my surprise get-away and headed for the door.

When I turned around, Alissa stood in the main entrance waving a bottle of wine. The dam broke on my held-back tears as I let her in.

I grabbed her in a huge hug. “You scared me to death, but I’m so glad you’re here.”

She chuckled. “Going somewhere?”

I wiped my eyes. “Actually, I was headed to your house. I can’t stay here tonight.”

She threw her arm around me. “Let’s see the damage and then we’ll head out.”

“I’ve already been through here. It’s awful.”

Alissa surveyed the once meticulous house, now sporadic at best. I followed her and pointed out things she might have missed along the way. She held my hand the entire time.

When we finished the devastation tour, she turned to me and sighed. “Well, you know you can stay with me as long as you want. I wouldn’t want to stay here either.”

“What about Mark? Don’t you have plans tonight?”

She sighed and tried to chuckle. “I got a Dear Jane email. So that bottle of wine is for both of us.” She threw her arm around my neck, grabbed the bottle and my bag, and we headed out to her car.

We drove in silence for a few blocks and then she looked at me out of the corner of her eye. “I have just the thing for you. You might remember this.” She turned on the radio and Beyoncé’s voice, along with Alissa’s, resonated in the car.

I laughed in spite of myself. “You still can’t sing for shit.”

“No, but I can still make you laugh. Do you remember this CD? Chance made it after her first fiasco. She burned me a copy during my second divorce and now?
Voilà
.” She handed me a red CD.

I took the disk and read the label. “The Breakup Mix? What all is on here?”

“Your new life’s blood, my friend. You will grow to cherish that CD. I’m actually on my third copy, truth be known. I didn’t know it was possible to wear them out.”

Three bottles of wine and two chick-flicks later, I knew I was slurring my words, but I really didn’t care. “You know what that bastard had the audacity to do? He left some of his
shit
lying around the house. Like he can just waltz back in whenever he wants to
my house
and get it whenever he decides. I swear he did it on purpose. I found his cuff links, his . . . oh wait!”

I tried to jump off the couch but ended up stumbling around until I got my balance. I pointed at Alissa. “Stop laughing at me.” I grabbed up my purse and dumped the contents until I found the CD. I waved it at her. “She’s right! She’s totally right! He thinks he can just discard
me
and I’m going to be calm and professional about it. Well
fuck
him. He’s going to pay me half for all that shit he took,
and
he is going to buy me out of that house. And you know what else I’m going to do?”

Alissa laughed. “I’ve never seen you like this. Tell me, what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to box up all his leftover shit that he didn’t care to get the first time and put it out in the yard. That’s what I’m going to do. I’ll change the locks and make him regret the day he ever walked out on ol’ Dani.” Alissa didn’t have time to cheer before I crumpled to the floor and cried, “Why did he have to do this to me?”

“Oh, honey.” She slid to the floor beside me. “I know.”

“We had it all. Money, house, careers, each other . . . no babies, though. I’m never going to be a mother, Lis. I’m never going to be a mother.” My sobs rolled through my body as my grief surfaced. “Now I really am alone in this world.”

She pulled my face up to meet hers. “Never.” She shook me once. “Never. You got that?”

Sunday morning I woke up in Alissa’s guest room with very little recollection of how I got there. I was barely over my Chicago hangover when Alissa uncorked our first bottle last night. Now it was a double whammy. I made a pot of coffee and scowled at the clock that read 7:43 a.m. Why I can’t be more like Chance and Alissa and sleep until ten o’clock on the weekends, I’ll never know. The weight of life changes settled heavily on my chest. Everything has changed and now I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t have to go home any time soon, I have no shots to give myself, no appointments to make. My entire paint-by-number life just changed in twenty-four hours. As I’m sitting here in another woman’s house, drinking another woman’s coffee, I wonder how to do this in my own house—in my own life. Chance makes it look so easy—being single and no plans. All of my plans involved Barry and children. Now what?

I curled up on the couch and buried my head in the throw pillow trying to suffocate the random thoughts racing through my head
. Maybe I’ll take a long trip. But who will be my emergency contact now? How long has he been planning this
?
What did I do to deserve this?

Alissa lifted my legs off the couch, plopped down, and set them on top of her lap. I tried to sit up a little but the weight of grief mixed with a hangover is mighty heavy.

“You need to shave.” She pulled my pajama pants over my ankles.

I sighed and waved her off. “No point in it now.”

“How long have you been up?” She took a drink of her coffee.

“I don’t know. What time is it?”

“Almost nine.”

“Is it really? A little over an hour, then. You know how when something bad happens, you start remembering clues you missed along the way? Well, I’ve been replaying the last few months in my head and I can’t find any. Not one. And you know Barry. He doesn’t make a snap decision about anything, so he had to have been planning this. We just found out Thursday morning I have no more eggs. He was so supportive, so caring and nurturing, and he
knew
he was about to devastate me even more. I don’t get it, Lis. I don’t understand.”

“So what if he was? Does it matter?”

“Yes, Lis, it does matter.” I sat up.

“What I mean is, are you going to be any more hurt than you already are now if you keep going back to figure out missed warning signs? No. You won’t. My point is you already know how the story ends. Rereading the shit you’ve already lived isn’t going to write the next chapter faster or easier. The best thing I can tell you is get on with today. And we’re going to start with the gym.”

I stared at her blankly. “The gym.”

“Yep.” She slapped her thighs. “Get up. We’re going to the gym.”

When we walked into Reggie’s Total Fitness, my jaw dropped open at all of the equipment. I just saw pain in my future. “Lis, I do not belong here. I haven’t broken a sweat outside of planting flowerbeds since high school P.E. I mean, look at me. I look ridiculous.” I did look ridiculous in Alissa’s black spandex-tight capris, a neon pink tank top, and a sports bra that made my shoulder blades look bigger than my C cups.

Alissa waved me off. “Don’t start bitching. I’m going to introduce you to your new best friend.” She gave a long-distance wave to someone sweating on an elliptical. “Don’t be too intimidated. Most of the people here have had at least one surgery to make them look the way they do. You’ve just been blessed with a good metabolism.”

“Then why am I here?” I was already out of breath just trying to keep up with how fast Alissa was walking.

“Anger management, by dear Watson.” She stopped in front of a service desk outside of what appeared to be a boxing ring. “Two sets of gloves, please?” She slid her membership card across the counter, the service rep scanned the cards then the gloves and handed all three back to Alissa without so much as a thank you.

“There are friendly people around here.”

“Yeah, you get used to it. Here, take these.” Alissa handed me both sets of gloves and maneuvered her long blond hair into a high ponytail. She flashed a perfect grin at me. “Are you ready?”

I shrugged and followed her into the boxing arena. “Shouldn’t they be playing ‘Eye of the Tiger’ right about now?”

Alissa chuckled. “I’ll see what I can do about that.” She stopped in front of a black and red punching bag suspended from the ceiling. “Here we are.” She walked behind the bag and put both hands on it. “Meet Asshole. Asshole comes to us from some place in China and has been provided to you as an outlet for all your frustrations.” She rubbed her hands up and down the punching bag. “He is much like your typical asshole in that he has no feelings and never gives a shit how upset you are when you approach him. Put your gloves on.”

I stared at her wide-eyed. “You don’t expect me to punch this thing, do you?”

“I absolutely expect you to punch this thing. Here. Watch.” Alissa let the bag go and donned her set of gloves. She punched her hands together a few times then hauled off and punched the crap out of the bag as she yelled, “Asshole!” The bag swung backward then toward her. She punched it again. “You piece of shit!” She gave it a few more taps then looked at me grinning. “See? Oh, man does that feel good. You try.”

After Alissa helped me put my gloves on, I approached the punching bag. She stood behind it with her head poking out giving me instructions on what to do. “Now. Pretend this bag has Barry’s face on it.”

I dropped my arms to my sides. “I would never hit Barry. This is stupid, Lis, I would never hit anyone!”

“Don’t make me swing this bag at you. You are going to hit this punching bag. Now put your hands up. Good. Now, on the count of three, I want you to swing and punch this bag with all you have. Ready? One, two . . .  three.”

I pulled back my fist and punched the bag. It barely moved.

“Really? That’s it? Jesus, Dani, I think Katie’s three-year-old smacked me harder than that two weeks ago. Come on! Are you a woman or a pussy? Punch the fucking bag!”

I punched a little harder. Alissa stepped out from behind the bag and put her hands on her hips. I punched again and looked at her. She faked a yawn and investigated her fingernails through her boxing gloves. I tried again.

“Dammit, Lis, I told you, I can’t do this.”

“Wrong. You’ve just never done this. It’s not that you can’t. There’s a difference. Again.”

I muttered, “Bitch gets me drunk then takes me to the gym hung over. Nice fucking
friend
!” I hauled off and punched the bag with everything I had and sent it sailing into Alissa, knocking her backward. “Oh my god, Lis, I’m so sorry!”

Alissa grinned. “Atta girl, now do it again.” She stopped the swinging bag and held it in place.

I focused on the bag and yelled, “Asshole!” as I punched the bag as hard as I could. “You think you can just discard
me
?” Wham. The rage that had built up inside me poured through my arms and before I knew it, I was whooping the shit out of Asshole-the-punching-bag and I added a few knee kicks to the groin for good measure. Sweat poured off my forehead and dripped down my back, but I didn’t care. Alissa still held Asshole, laughing, cheering, and egging me on.

“Hit him again, Dani! He has it coming! Whoa, good shot! Do it again!”

When I fatigued, I stood back from Asshole and looked at Lis. A slow grin stretched over my face. “How’d I do?”

She bent over and put her gloved hands on her knees. “Well, you looked freaking hilarious doing it, but how did it feel?”