The Destiny of Amalah (16 page)

Amara came to the stable door, opened it and stepped through.

‘No,’ Ellora screamed. ‘No, no, no.’

‘Ellora,’ Amara called, reaching out towards her.

‘I know,’ she cried. ‘I can feel your pain, I know.’

‘I am so sorry,’ said Michael.

‘Mother!’ Ellora cried. ‘What happened?’

‘Tilan must have been startled,’ began Michael; ‘your mother was behind him at the time and he kicked out.’

‘Why?’ she wailed. ‘Why both of them and why now?’

Amara went to hug her sister to comfort her.

‘No,’ Ellora said stepping back.

‘Ellora it’s ok, I was just…’

‘I know,’ said Ellora; ‘but I can feel your pain and I can feel Michael’s and I have my own. Please, both of you, just stay away from me,’ Ellora said running away from them both, her hysterical cries haunting Amara and Michael.

‘Ellora,’ Amara cried out. ‘Oh god, Michael, I can’t…I can’t.’ and then Amara began to cry uncontrollably and Michael took her in his arms and held her while she cried for the loss of another parent and for not being able to be close to Ellora.

‘I am truly sorry Empress,’ said Michael as he held on to her. ‘I know this is so much sorrow for you to bear, more than anyone should have to bear and I know it is of little consolation to you now but if you need anything from me I will be here for you. Let me take you back to your room, I can sit with you, or you can have some time to yourself if you would like. I will inform: Garrick, Häkan, Raynor and Thaddeus and do what needs to be done this day.’

‘Thank you,’ Amara said through sobs.

Michael and Amara began walking away from the stables but they stopped when they saw: Häkan, Garrick and Raynor, who were all grim faced and ashen.

‘We just heard…’ Häkan began; ‘is it true?’

Michael nodded: ‘I’m afraid so.’

Häkan’s eyes moistened and he looked forlornly at Michael and then Amara. ‘Empress, I am so sorry,’ said Häkan as he gently squeezed her shoulder.

Amara nodded.

‘Is there anything we can do?’ asked Garrick.

‘We need to make arrangements,’ said Michael.

‘Of course,’ said Raynor.

‘Ellora,’ Amara whispered. ‘Ellora needs…she won’t come near me…she is…’

‘The empath in Ellora meant that she was feeling her sisters pain as well as her own,’ said Michael. ‘She could not bear…’ he began but then trailed off.

‘Can one of you be with her?’ Amara asked.

‘I will go to her,’ said Garrick.

‘Thank you,’ Amara replied and then she let go of Michael. ‘If you will excuse me, I will be in my quarters,’ she said emotionally and then she walked away from the men and made her way to her quarters.

As the rest of the day wore on, Michael and Häkan made arrangements for Elana’s body, while Garrick comforted Ellora and Amara remained alone in her room, crying for her mother and her father. Michael checked in on her throughout the day and the evening but always, she wished to be left alone and he left after five minutes or so. Amara wanted to be with her sister but she knew that her own pain was unbearable and she could not begin to imagine having to feel her siblings at the same time.

The time soon came for Elana’s funeral but unlike Kai’s funeral of the nations, Elana had a small low-key burial and she was buried next to Kai. Her two daughters, her loyal friends, the council and the five boys were all in attendance to say their farewells. Ellora held onto Amara throughout the burial and the service and when it was over, she ran from her parent’s graveside to her room.

‘I will go to her,’ Michael said.

‘Thank you Michael, but no. I will find Ellora, she
needs me
right now.’

‘Very well.’

Amara turned and hurried towards her sisters’ room, she quickly climbed the long winding staircase to the first floor and made her way along the balcony passage. When she reached Ellora’s room she tapped gently on the door and placed her ear against it, she heard no answer, only the cries of her younger sister and she grimaced momentarily before she pushed the door open. She hurriedly walked towards Ellora who was lying on the bed face down, so she sat aside her and stroked her hair and her back.

‘Ellora,’ she said softly

‘Go away,’ Ellora yelled. Amara ignored her sister’s demands and walked over to where her sister was and sat down on her bed and held her. ‘Why Amara, why?’ Ellora questioned. ‘I do not understand why we lost both of our parents. What did we do?’

‘Ellora don’t think like that. It was nothing that we did, I promise you,’ Amara said vehemently. ‘Our father fell ill and our mother was in a tragic accident. It was nothing that we did. I know this is a sad day for you and your heart is heavy because that is how I feel too but I also know that our parents are together, wherever they are they are together and our mother is finally at peace.’

‘I want her back Amara, I miss her already,’ Ellora said in between sobs.

‘I know you do,’ Amara said.

‘I need to be by myself, just leave me alone – please.’

‘Very well,’ Amara said rising to her feet. ‘Whenever you need me I will be there for you. I love you Ellora,’ Amara said emphatically. ‘I know I am not mother or father but I am here for you and I will always love you and take care of you and protect you.’

‘I know and I love you too Amara,’ Ellora said stifling her sobs long enough to speak a few words; ‘but please, I need to be alone for a while.’

Amara blew her sister a kiss and left her alone.

Amara returned to the Great Hall and talked with the guests for a while but she could not bear to be around people in that moment in time, so she made her excuses and left.

Thaddeus, Raynor, Häkan, Michael and Garrick once again sat in the Guard Commanders room drinking mead. The mood was sombre and a melancholy had settled across the palace. The five sat staring into their mead, speaking only occasionally.

‘It is a cruel and bitter irony that Elana saw a glimmer of hope and her life was taken from her,’ Häkan said sadly. ‘We had talked of her seeing her children getting married and having grandchildren and the future.’

‘It is a sad day indeed,’ said Thaddeus.

‘That they have both gone within a short time of each other,’ said Michael. ‘Two people in this world who I loved so dearly.’

‘We feel your pain,’ said Garrick. ‘It is a sad time for us all,’ he said quietly.

‘Especially for Amara and Ellora,’ said Raynor.

Ellora remained in her room, alone until the early evening and then she ventured downstairs. She roamed around the palace for sometime and then she ventured out into the gardens and even when the night turned chilly she did not retreat back inside: instead she continued to walk until she came to the beginnings of the palace forest. She walked for a few minutes until she reached the oldest oak tree in Amalah and when she got there she saw that Rakan was sat under it, reading. She looked at him and he at her and he stood up and walked towards her and took her in his arms.

‘No need for words princess, I know,’ he said holding onto her tightly and as he held her, she crumbled into his arms and sobbed until she could sob no more.

They both sat under the tree for hours and in silence at first and then came intermittent words and then a conversation.

‘Amara says that our mother has joined our father and that she is at peace now,’ Ellora said distantly.

‘Perhaps, your parents were in love Ellora you saw that for yourself we all saw that they belonged together.’

‘True, but it doesn’t hurt any less knowing that they have both gone and left us here alone.’

‘It may feel like it now but you are not alone, you have your sister, me, Kalon and our friends and there are those in the palace who were loyal to your father who will protect and look out for you and your sister.’

‘What do you think happens to us when we die Rakan?’

‘Honestly, I don’t know. The world, let alone the universe or anything beyond that is beyond my comprehension, although I think that there is something after death; I think and I feel that it is so, that there are gods and that we are more than physical and thus we must go on in one way or another.’

‘Do you think we get to live again?’

‘Yes I do, I think that perhaps some go off to the skies or stars or heavens and others perhaps get to go through life again.’

‘I think so too, I know it sounds strange but sometimes I think I have already known you and the others. It is like I have known you before, before I was Ellora.’

‘It is not strange. I think anything is possible. I know we are not joined by blood as I am to Kalon and you are to Amara but we are somehow joined, I feel it, I know it and it is as though we were somehow brothers and sisters and friends before, or something like that.’

Rakan and Ellora talked until the late evening and when the talking came to an end Ellora felt slightly better. Her grief was still very much with her, but Rakan had given her comfort and solace and she felt she could face the next day. When they decided to head back to the palace Rakan helped Ellora up from the ground and escorted her back to the palace and to her room.

‘Goodnight princess, if there is anything I can do for you at all then I will do it, just ask and it shall be done.

‘Thank you Rakan,’ she said looking into his eyes. ‘I would be lost without you.’

They hugged each other and Ellora kissed him on the cheek before she turned and went back into her room, she turned again and smiled at Rakan, bidding him goodnight before she turned back and stepped into her room and when the door closed he made his way back to his own room.

Ellora climbed onto her bed and lay down. She closed her eyes and thoughts of her mother and father came rushing into her mind. She could see them vividly in her head and it pained her to know that she would only have memories of them and she began weeping silently for her parents.

‘I miss you so much,’ she said sadly.

Chapter 11

The bad times make you, sometimes they break you, but mostly it is a time to show yourself and others who you truly are; that is how it was then and that is how it is now.

Ellora grieved openly for her parents and her friends, the five men and her sister were all there to support and comfort her. They were there for Amara as well but grief and duty had made her angry and resentful and her perception of her world had changed.

She recalled when her father had been dead for less than an hour, when destiny and duty had been thrust upon her. In the height of her grief, she had become leader of the nine nations; royal commander of the guard and leader of the world council. The death of her mother had been an unexpected blow and it had shaken her to the core and left her privately devastated. Once again, she did not have time to grieve for herself.

To Amara it seemed as though her feelings and thoughts had become irrelevant to everyone else’s. Messages and implications came to the forefront of her mind.

You are the Empress now,’ the voices said to her.

‘There are no time for tears,’ she told herself.

‘We are looking to you to lead us,’ the un-stated expressions would say.

And lead she did! Initially, Amara threw herself into her work, ignoring her feelings of grief and anger, putting her feelings aside and becoming who she was destined to be: undertaking all her duties – not to mention being a sister and surrogate parent to Ellora.

But that’s herein lies the problem with human emotions; you can’t just put them aside like a leftover meal, especially the intense ones because, from my experience of humanity – your emotions can turn into something quite different, malevolent even – I have seen it so many times before in your past, present and future. Day after day, Amara kept her feelings bottled up. She felt truly alone in the world and even though Michael was by her side, she would not reach out to him.

To outsiders she looked as though she was coping extremely well, a shining example of courage and stoicism, oh how they admired her – if only they had known! Amara however knew differently, feelings of bitterness and anger began to intensify in the young Empress and the vicious circle soon began. She wanted to keep up appearances and appear as the stoic Empress but the more she engaged with her act, the more resentful she became that no one knew, or understood what she was going through.

Amara continued going through the motions of day-to-day life. She attended all of the council meetings, made journeys throughout Amalah and to the nations; she took care of all the decision making that needed to be done, not to mention taking care of Ellora through it all.

Oh what a busy bee she was, there was no time for herself, for leisure or fun. After a few months those feelings that Amara had tried so hard to suppress, began to surface; slowly at first but then they would increase in size and frequency. Life in the palace had become increasingly busy of late, especially for Amara and when each day became more demanding than the next the Empress began to get irritable.

Every now and then Amara would snap at someone; a courtier, a maid a guard. Soon she would become impatient with Michael or Garrick or Häkan. Thaddeus and Raynor had, for work reasons been kept away from the palace for a while but when they returned, she lost patience with them too. Everyone in the palace noticed the change in the Empress and Michael among others, became concerned.