The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings

PRAISE FOR

The Essential Guide to Gay & Lesbian Weddings

“A beautifully conceived and illustrated book that tackles every aspect of the wedding ceremony with humor and pride. . . . Tongue-in-cheek hyperbole is the hallmark of this thorough and witty guide, and traditional couples as well as gays will find its lighthearted yet seriously knowledgeable tone refreshing. . . . this book [is] as much a statement about gay life as it is a nontraditional wedding planner.”

—
PATRICIA HOLT
,
San Francisco Chronicle

“[The authors] answer with eloquence and wit the arguments that many gay activists have marshaled in opposition to gay and lesbians codifying their relationships in the same ways that straights do. . . . even the book's most serious advice is generously larded with humor. . . . [Ayers and Brown] have left out none of the trappings.”

—
CHARLES ISHERWOOD
,
The Advocate

“A chatty, humorous compendium of traditions, advice, and wedding details geared for same-sex couples.”

—
Publishers Weekly

“All you need is love—and this book—to have a great wedding.”

—
MELISSA ETHERIDGE
, musician and LGBT activist

“Everything you need to consider to plan the event of a lifetime—except the man or woman of your dreams.”

—
ERIC MARCUS
, author of
Making History and Is It a Choice?

“Even the straight and single will get a kick out of this book! I found myself having lesbian-marriage envy!”

—
KATHY NAJIMY
, actor and writer

The Essential Guide to
Gay and Lesbian
Weddings

Third Edition
Tess Ayers and Paul Brown

T
HE
E
SSENTIAL
G
UIDE TO
G
AY AND
L
ESBIAN
W
EDDINGS

Copyright © Tess Ayers and Paul Brown, 1994, 1999, 2009, 2012

Photographs © various photographers, as noted in the credit lines accompanying individual photographs.
For more information on the photographers, see
page 271
.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online reviews, no portion of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

The Experiment, LLC
260 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10001–6408
www.theexperimentpublishing.com

The Experiment's books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums and sales promotions as well as for fundraising or educational use. For details, contact us at
[email protected]
.

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and The Experiment was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been capitalized.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Ayers, Tess.
The essential guide to gay and lesbian weddings / Tess Ayers and Paul
Brown. — 3rd ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-61519-054-6 (pbk.) — ISBN 978-1-61519-151-2 (ebook) 1. Gay
couples—United States. 2. Same-sex marriage—United States. 3.
Weddings—United States—Planning. I. Brown, Paul, 1962– II. Title.
HQ76.3.U5A94 2012
306.84'80973—dc23
2011050302

ISBN 978-1-61519-054-6
Ebook ISBN 978-1-61519-151-2

Cover design by Alison Forner
Cover image © iStockphoto | jammydesign
Text design by Pauline Neuwirth, Neuwirth & Associates, Inc.

Manufactured in the United States of America
Distributed by Workman Publishing Company, Inc.
Distributed simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen and Son Ltd.
Third edition first published April 2012
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For Janey, My Light
and
For Rick, Without Whom…

INTRODUCTION

Part 1: Waxing Philosophical

ONE: WHY BOTHER?
(ESPECIALLY WHERE IT'S NOT LEGAL)?

The Marriage Debate
Same-Sex Marriage
Why Have a Wedding?
Domestic Partnerships
Reasons Why Others Have
Seven Bad Reasons to Get Married
Things You Can Call It Instead of a Wedding
Timeline of Same-Sex Couplings