The Falling of Katja: an Erotic Romance (Anam Céile Chronicles) (3 page)

I sucked in my breath as he pressed himself into me,
the hot rigidity of his cock sliding between my aching wet flesh as he entered
me.  He fet so incredible, I believed I had expired and gone to heaven!

But
then, it changed. 

There
was discomfort. 

Štefan
stalled. 

Anxiously,
I wondered what was happening. 

Then
he pushed forth again and the discomfort worsened exponentially until I was
crying out in pain.  After several excruciating seconds, finally he broke past
it and I sobbed in relief. 

Supporting
himself on his arms so that he hovered just over me, he gazed down at me with
loving eyes while carefully he began moving back and forth in me.  I gripped
tight to his back as it was rather tender at first, but after several strokes,
I felt my body acclimating to him and I relaxed. 

As
it began to feel more pleasurable, I relished the knowledge that his manhood was
engorged with desire for me… and was inside of my body— a part of him was
in
me.  I felt all at once vulnerable and powerful, innocent and desirable.  It was
a deliciously contradictory feeling.  We were one, making love in this
beautiful rhythm while the tall summer grasses blew all about us as though
echoing our dance.  

It
was the most agonizingly beautiful bittersweet moment I had ever known.  I
tried to enjoy it, not think about the reason that had driven us to that
moment. 

Our
lovemaking was as tender as I had always imagined it would be.  As he pushed himself
ever deeper into me, I began to move in motion with him, opening my legs wider
in order to receive all of him, reveling in the feel of him caressing the
inside of me with himself, filling me up so wonderfully.

“Oh Štefan,”
I crooned into his ear, all the love I had for him spilling over into my voice.

“Katja,”
he murmured back as his mouth kissed along my neck.

I
wrapped my legs about his waist and his motion strengthened, becoming more
determined.  As he sank ever deeper into me, I could not help but cry out in a
mix of pleasure and pain.  But my elongated moaning only served to encourage
him, for he persisted in pumping into me relentlessly. 

As
he continued, Štefan’s breaths began coming shorter, tense grunts emitting from
his throat.  And then, suddenly he thrust so deep into me with a low vocal
groan and stilled completely.  He collapsed atop me, nearly smothering me with
his weight.  Not entirely certain what had happened, I planted little kisses upon
the side of his face.

 “Are
you alright, Štefan?” I enquired with concern.  “Is something the matter?”

He
chuckled breathlessly into my neck before raising his head to look upon me. 
“Oh, my sweet Katja.  I love your endearing innocence.  All is fine.  Beyond
fine, actually.  I only had my climax, just as you did earlier.”

I
blushed.  “Oh,” I muttered, feeling embarrassed by my severe naivety.  “Was it
nice?”

“Nice?”
he repeated with disbelief.  “I certainly wouldn’t label it as ‘nice’!  Amazing
would be a more accurate description.  Making love to you is amazing, Katja!”

“And
so it was for me, Štefan,” I reciprocated with a smile.

“I
will always love you, Katja,” Štefan whispered, kissing me softly upon the
forehead.

He
says those words to me now— when we are being ripped from each other, though I
have waited to hear those words leave his lips for all these years?  I think I
would have rather him have continued to keep them silent if it had to be like
this.

Then
he rose and left me there.  I knew that I would never spend time with him
again.  I fell back into the grasses, letting the intense grief wash over me.  There
as that I remained for the rest of the day, until at last I heard my mother
calling for me in the distance.

My hopeless lover.
 
You hold
my heart and soul in your hands.

M
y head in a lingering fog of bliss, and yet my heart
wrenched in anguish, I stumbled home, and wept the afternoon away.  The rain
began falling as though the skies understood my heartbreak and were weeping
along with me.  It became my validating milieu as I laid there for an
indeterminate amount of time, sobbing my life and dreams away.

And
so, this has become my daily life, and each day I only fall deeper into the melancholy
of my heart and further away from myself.  Each day apart from Štefan I find it
harder to breathe.  I miss him so desperately, my very soul aches. 

As
any imaginings of my life had always surrounded him, I cannot fathom what my
life will be now that he is not to be a part of it.  At first, it seemed
surreal, and I half expected him to come back for me and tell me he had changed
his mind and made a terrible mistake and we shall run away together this very
day.  Yet each day which goes by and still I have not seen him, I fall deeper
into despair.

And
then, even in the midst of my despair, I find my mind drifting over the
solitary encounter we shared, reminiscing on how amazing he felt entering me,
being inside of me as our bodies united as one.  The mere thought of it
instigates my core to tighten, but also so does my heart clinch tighter in
sadness at the realisation of what will never be again.

I
just cannot fathom the thought of never seeing him again.  Never gazing upon
his beautiful face, hearing his laugh, his low voice, feeling the softness of
his touch.  My mind refuses to accept it.  I do not know how I will ever be
able to move past this.  It is just not possible I can disremember him.  But
then, why would I wish to, besides?

I can
scarcely eat, I sleep the days away in an attempt to escape the relentless
pain.  Yet when I close my eyes, the image of his face is lingering there
behind my eyelids, waiting for me, to haunt my dreams.  When my mother forces me
to eat something, my stomach is so queasy, it is fortunate if I keep it down.

Finally,
after months of suffering this unrelenting nausea, my mother has insisted upon
taking me to the doctor.  After a rather thorough examination which quite
intruded upon my dignity, he gave his diagnosis of my affliction.

“Lidmila,
I am fairly certain of what ails your daughter,” the doctor states grimly.

Concern
straining her face, my mother probes, “Yes, doctor, what is it?”

 The
doctor’s face grows more grim.  “Katja is with child.”  He states the words
almost apologetically as though he had something to do with it.  Preposterous!

With
child?  I am pregnant
. 

My
mother’s face falls as her eyes dart to me incredulously and then back to the
doctor.  “With child?  But how is such a thing possible?”

The
doctor sighs heartily.  “I am not privy to that information, Lidmila.  I only
give the diagnosis.”  His eyes rest upon me sympathetically for a moment before
shifting back to my mother.  “I shall allow you a moment in private.”  With
that he exits the room, leaving me to face my Mother.

Quietly,
she turns towards me, her eyes an amalgam of emotions as she glances down at my
abdomen, bewildered.  After what seems an eternity, at last she speaks. 
“Katja, how can this be?”

I
shift uncomfortably in my chair, wondering how I can possibly tell her. 
Finally deciding there is no way around it, I just say it.  “The day I went to
meet… Štefan— the last time I saw him— I guess you might say our goodbyes took
a passionate turn.” 

My
body wretches.  It pains me dreadfully to say the words, to feel
his
name upon my lips again, to bring his face to the forefront of my memory, to
remember the feel of him over my body.  I have tried so hard to numb my mind to
the memory of him, of that day, to convince myself it had never happened.  And
now, his child is growing within my belly.  How can I possibly go on denying it
now?

“Oh
Katja, I am sorry.  I know how this must be affecting you right now when you
have been suffering such heartbreak over him already.  But still, how could you
be so foolish?”

“It
was only once, Mother.  I never imagined this would happen.”  As I say the
words, there is a surreal quality to it all.  I realise it has yet to sink in. 
I am not sure when it will.  The idea feels utterly inconceivable to me. 

A
child in my belly?

She
smiles at me as though I am a naïve child.  “It only takes once, Katja.  You
were just unlucky enough for it to happen on your first time.”

Mother
lets out a heavy sigh.  “Well, I suppose we will need to go home and inform
your father.  Then he and I will discuss what will need to be done about the
situation.”

My
father, I had not yet thought of that.  He is going to be irate with me…  Done
about the situation?  What is there to be done?  I did not think there was any
way out of it.

To
say that my father, Jindrich, was not happy to hear this news, would be putting
it very mildly indeed.  He is mortified, shamed— almost as though he is taking
it very personally— to have a daughter, unwed and pregnant at eighteen.

The
solution to this problem they devise is to hide me away from everyone until
after I give birth, which means I am not to go to market or anywhere outside of
our property— not even to romp in the bordering meadows nearby— so that no shame
will come to our family.  Though our family has a rather modest status, my
proud father is more than adamant about safeguarding it.

And
then, after I give birth, they will pass off the baby as my older sister,
Svetlana’s.  She is several years my elder at twenty-three, and married but
barren.  Since I have no man to care for me and the child, I will have no
choice in the matter.  I will nurse the baby until it is weaned, which will
only make it all the more difficult.

I am
somewhat uncertain as to how I feel about this.  Part of me is relieved to have
it taken off my hands.  And yet, still it is not as if I will have the
opportunity to truly put it all behind me and forget it ever happened.  As
Svetlana and her husband reside just steps away from our house, I will continue
to be subjected to seeing the child on a daily basis, witnessing her grow up.

Then,
another part of me has the urge to run and find Štefan to tell him of our
expected child together.  What would his reaction be?  Would he take me into
his arms and kiss me ecstatically or would he look at me in horror?  Would he
offer to run away together or would he shun me?  Perhaps he would not even
acknowledge that we had even been together, treat me as though I had imagined
it all.  No, I cannot believe he would treat me in such a dreadful manner.

Still,
how I would love to perceive the expression upon his face when I revealed to
him that his child grows within my womb. 

Our
child.

I
was still deliberating over informing Štefan about our child until the day I
heard news of his marriage to Na
ď
ia.  That had to have been the second worst day of my life.  If I had any
hope whatsoever remaining, it was shattered now.  Ironically, it came about the
same time I had just began to feel his baby inside of me moving about, assuring
me that it was indeed real.

That
night, all I could do was lay in bed trying not to think of what he was doing
with her at that moment.  The more I tried not to think of it, the more I did,
and I could not seem to eradicate the heartbreaking images from my mind.  It
hurt so badly to imagine him kissing another, touching another, making love to
another. 

A
wave of sobs fell over me and I cried till I could not cry anymore, clutching
my hand to my swelling abdomen.