The Future Without Hope (12 page)

Chapter
4.
The Things That Come Next

“WHAT
DO YOU WANT TO DO?”

I
blink, in the process of tying my hair back into a ponytail.

Finn
woke up after a few hours of sleep, and the quiet confession from earlier—the
almost-sad man who made it—are gone. There is just his normal brusque
detachment. And random questions I don’t have answers for.

“What
options do we have?” I counter.

Finn
smirks. “We could go back to a Haven. I have residents in a few that are
untouched. 34, 17. Even 43.”

I
glance up at that. 43 is Canadian territory, and few Americans were given
clearance there. The Canadians were very polite when they refused us—but they
did, and no one could blame them for that. Their Havens were small and densely
populated because of how few they had.

“How
on earth did you manage that?” I ask, curious despite myself.

Finn’s
lips flick up in a grin. “Always with the fucking questions, Nurrin.”

I
snort, an unladylike noise and he laughs outright, before he straightens. “Is
that what you want?”

“No,”
I say, and his eyes widen. I make a face. “Finn, they’re death traps. Even the
Canadian ones—they might be the last to fall, but that doesn’t mean they won’t
eventually.”

“So
you want to live in the Wide Open?”

I
shrug. “We have the ZTNK. It’s not like we couldn’t.” I hesitate, and then, “I
don’t want to be a haven girl. I don’t want to spend my entire life too scared
to live. This is our world—I can’t hide from that.”

“If
you don’t, you’ll die young,” he says, but there’s something about his voice
that tells me he isn’t trying to talk me out of the idea—he’s trying to make
sure I see all the sides of it before we commit to something this drastic.

“There’s
another option,” I say carefully. Finn’s eyebrows go up as he stares. I take a
deep breath. “We could help the Black Priest.”

His
face closes off, going blank so fast it actually startles me. I lick my lips
and hold up a hand.

“That’s
a fucking suicide mission, and you know it,” Finn snaps.

“Why?
Because it’s what we’ve always known?”

“Yes!”
he shouts. “Because that shit doesn’t change just because a handful of fanatics
want to believe it does.”

“You
didn’t even listen,” I shoot back.

“Because
he’s a lying bastard who can’t be trusted. I’m not going to let him get you
killed.”

“I’m
not her,” I scream suddenly, and Finn jerks, like I’ve slapped him. “I’m not
that dead girl, and you don’t have to wrap me in wool to keep me safe.”

“It’s
suicide,” he repeats, his eyes as furious as his voice is blank.

“The
Firsts are still being held,” I say, abruptly, and Finn’s gaze on me narrows.
“I talked to Holly. They aren’t letting them go. The Order will still kill
them.”

“Did
you expect otherwise?” Finn asks, his voice laced with surprised disbelief.

“I
hoped. If Omar really has a cure, why do they need to kill the Firsts?”

“They
never
needed
to. Sawyer was an insane
drug addict, and people listened to his ravings. That doesn’t equal need—it equals
mass hysteria and insanity. And you want to work with these people.”

"I
know that they're crazy. But he's got to have something. He wouldn't wave a
cure at you if he didn't have something to back it up."

He
turns to stare at me, his eyes incredulous. "You want to play chicken with
the fucking Black Priest?"

"I
want to live," I say, exhausted. "I want to live without wondering if
this time when I step outside for water, an infect is going to catch me
unaware. I want a safe place. A Clean place."

Finn
stares at me for a long time and I finally shift. "You don't have to do
this, O'Malley. Collin is dead. You don't owe me anything else. Take the ZTNK
and find a safe place—go to Canada. I hear it's gorgeous this time of
year."

His
eyes harden, and he reaches for the door. "Don't say stupid fucking
things, Nurrin. You're better than that."

I
bite down on my irritation, the instinct to argue, just because I hate his
overhanded bullying. I lick my lips and he frowns.

"We'll
listen.” He says, reluctantly. “I'm not promising shit—if I think he's going to
put you in danger, I'm getting us out of here as fast as I fucking can. Do you
get me?" He waits, staring at me with narrowed eyes, and I nod, a jerky
movement. "Good. We'll listen, and we'll kill Kenny, and we'll decide what
to do from there."

"Why
is he still alive?" I ask, the question that's been bugging me since they
arrived at the outpost. The question that is more bloodthirsty than I'm
comfortable with, but that I can't help but ask.

"Omar
sent me to kill him. That was the price he demanded for your location. I give
him the president, and he gives me you. It wasn't that high of a price--I
wanted Kenny dead anyway, so what did it matter if it benefited the
Order?"

"But
he's not dead."

Finn
shakes his head. "He had a few of his people there. And they stopped me,
at the last minute. Took Kenny into custody. We were out of 1 in less than an
hour. I didn't even have a chance to explain to Claire what had happened.
She'll have put it together—she's not stupid and the information will have been
valuable in trade."

"I
like her."

Finn's
gaze changes, almost softens. Finn, who is never soft. "She's a
sweetheart. She's been a rock for me, over the years." His voice goes
wistful. "I don't think I'll see her again."

"Why
didn't you get her out of 1?"

"Because
Claire is happy behind her walls. And at the end of the day, she's not the one
I promised to protect. She has people who will keep her alive. My priority was
finding you and Collin." I nod at him, slowly, and he gives me a quick
smirk. "Come on, little girl. Let's get this done so we can move on with
our life."

Chapter
5.
The Impossible

WE
KNOW IT'S NOT POSSIBLE. We know it's the hope that children whisper, and haven
girls cling to. Apocalypse babies who never outgrow the stories of childhood.

ERI
was a miracle drug that took a volatile world and turned it manageable. Calmed
the worst violent emotions. But the beauty of it—the way it adapted to the
body's shifting emotions, the highs and lows of the body's chemicals--that is
exactly what fucked us so thoroughly when things went bad. It was too unstable
to ever cure.

Every
one of us learns the basics of ERI-Milan in second grade. We learn about Emilie
Milan, the terrifying child, and the day she died. We learn about Sylvia Cragen
and her psychotic brother, and the things she did for him. We learn about
Atlanta and the dirty bombs and the horde that rose from the still burning
city.

We
learn about the way ERI worked, and the way it changed.

It
killed every hope, except in the ones who are very blind. No one can listen to
the history, and walk the Wall with our teacher and the armor-clad Walkers, and
believe that there is any future but the one we are living.

A
cure is a beautiful dream, a myth we whisper as children.

But
that is all it will ever be.

Chapter
6.
The Cure

THERE
ARE TWO GRAY PRIESTS STILL ALIVE IN THE OUTPOST, and they lead us into the lab.
I freeze in the doorway, my gaze going to the empty room I spent hours in. I
know it's empty, and clean. I know that the acolytes have taken Collin away and
burned his body.

It
doesn't make it easier to step into the fucking room.
  

Finn
nudges me roughly into the lab, and I twist to glare at him, but he's ignoring
me, looking over my head at where Omar is leaning against a bank of cabinets.
The Black Priest has his hands tucked into his pockets, and he's staring at the
tops of his boots, all relaxed confidence and nonchalance.

The
two gray priests are a little less relaxed. One's shaking so badly his pen
rattles against his clipboard. I wonder if they believe in this cure, or if
they're merely indulging the fantasies of a madman.

I
wonder why all the world seems run by mad men? Is it because that is all there
is left in the dying world? Or is it the way things have always been, and we're
too blind to see it?

"Tell
me what the hell you're talking about," Finn says, abruptly. I give him a
sharp look but he doesn't acknowledge me. Omar stares at Finn for a long, tense
moment, and then nods to the priests.

"This
is Dr. Hudson and Dr. Lucas. They can explain it far better than I ever
could."

Finn
turns his attention on them, and I see the wide terror in Lucas' eyes before he
looks away, fumbling his pen.

Hudson
is quietly collected, though. "We've been working on this for almost six
years. We aren't sure it's foolproof. And the word ‘cure’—that's not quite
accurate."

Finn
tenses. Hudson smiles. "The threat from ERI-Milan came because it mutated.
And it still is. Every infect we examine, no matter where they come from, the
blood tests and infection come back a little different. They share similar
markings—the infection is impossible to deny in them—but the fact is that we're
fighting a battle that can't be won. The disease is too virulent and there are
too many strains. Even if we cured one, it wouldn't matter because the mutation
of the disease happens on a basic viral level, and we can't undo that."

"So
the cure isn't possible. That's what you’re saying." Finn says, his tone
dripping disdain as he frowns.

"What
I'm saying is that I can't cure the infected." Hudson pauses. "We
stopped trying two years ago. Because sometimes, the best course isn't being
reactive—it's being proactive. We have walls to keep out the infected, and we
live in fear of being exposed to an outbreak. But what if we made it so that it
didn't matter? If the outbreak happens and it's not a threat, we can fight back
without worrying about catching the disease. And we can win."

Finn
stares at him, and I open my mouth, suddenly dry. "You've found a way to
immunize against ERI-Milan?" I ask, not sure I believe him. As much as I
want to, I'm not sure any of us can afford to believe him.

"We
found a way to stabilize it. It can't mutate and if it doesn't mutate, the
infects are only an enemy. They aren't a death sentence."

"And
you know it works?" Finn says. "You know this miracle drug will
actually do what you say. It'll stabilize the virus so that you can't
turn?"

"Theoretically,"
Lucas mumbles.

My
head swings to him, and then back to Hudson, furiously.
"Theoretically?"

Hudson
flushes, a slow crawl up his neck. "It works in the test subjects."

Finn
stares at the man for a long moment, and then his gaze swings to Omar,
furiously. "You lying bastard. You never change. I don’t buy your lies
anymore, Omar."

"O'Malley,
listen."

"No,
you fucking listen," Finn snarls. "You won't put her life at risk.
Not this time. You can't wave a cure and a life without infection at me and
expect me to follow you down the fucking rabbit hole again. This isn't the war,
Omar. I'm not your fucking priest. Stay the hell away from us."

"It
kept Collin alive." Hudson says sharply.

I
freeze, the blood draining from my face, and Finn curses soft and vicious next
to me.

My
voice is steady, surprisingly steady, when I say, "What are you talking
about?"

"We
can't use this to cure the infection," Hudson says, and his voice is
almost apologetic. "But we can use it to stabilize the virus where it's
out. And the sooner we do that, the longer a patient can live
post-exposure."

"How
much longer?" Finn asks.

"Our
longest has been six months," Lucas murmurs into the ground and I make a
low noise in the back of my throat. This isn't real. This can't be.

I
can't have my world shaken again, not this soon.

"We
aren't doing this, Omar. Not until I see that the cure works."

I
twist to stare at Finn, who’s watching Omar. A small, savage smile plays on his
lips.

"How
the hell do you want me to test the cure?" Omar growls.

"I
believe there are a few people here who hurt her. I want them dead. We need to
test this." Finn’s eyes are chillingly blank, and I know that this is for
me. “Infect Silas, then give him the treatment. Give it to Kenny, and then have
him bitten. If they survive, I’ll consider working with you.”

“Will
you forfeit your claim on them, if they survive?”
 

Finn’s
gaze slips toward me, and I don’t know what he sees, but it hardens and becomes
brutal. “Not a fucking chance,” he says, softly.

“Yes,”
I say, over him.

“Nurrin,”
he snarls.

I
ignore him, focusing on the Black Priest. Whatever Finn wants to think, there
is more at stake than my vengeance. “I won’t demand their deaths. And I will
fight with you, in the East. In return, I want the Firsts released, and allowed
to leave. Without being tailed—you let them go, free and clear. Safe passage to
wherever the hell they want to go. And I’ll do whatever damned thing you want.”

The
Priest’s eyes narrow speculatively, and I can feel Finn behind me, cursing
softly. “Don’t do this,” he mutters. I ignore him. It’s already done. We both
know it. The Priest does too.

“Agreed.
Holly, let them go. Finn and I will get us an infect—a fresh one, if we can
manage it.”

The
little red priestess stares at her boss for a long moment, and then she leaves
the room, silently.

I
look at the two gray priests. “I want my brother’s ashes. Tomorrow morning.”

“Ma’am,
we’re studying—“

“Do
what the lady said,” Omar interrupts, and I allow a smile, bleak and unamused,
to turn my lips. He nods at me once, and then turns his attention to Finn.
“I’ll let you know when we’re ready.”

Then
he straightens and leaves the lab.