The Games of Supervillainy (The Supervillainy Saga Book 2) (7 page)

Mandy looked at me. “My family is a ticking time bomb of heart-disease, diabetes, Alzheimers, and Parkinsons. Yours also has quite a few problems.”

“Medicine is very good at treating those thanks to the efforts of Red Crescent, Red Cross, and the rest of the Parahuman-Medics.” They were superheroes who didn't fight crime and God bless them for it.

Mandy picked up her fork again and tapped the waffles a few times. “There's also the fact your sister is a born superhuman and your niece. My uncle was a born superhuman. He could see into microscopic spectrums. That means we both have the recessive super-gene.”

I stared at her. “You're superphobic?”

“No!” Mandy said, opening her mouth in horror. “I mean, any children of ours who inherit such powers would be subject to discrimination and have to go to—”

I stared at her, not at all pleased at the way she was choosing to handle this. “Given I grew up with plenty of children who had superpowers and were glad to be alive, including close family, you should probably just admit you don't want to have kids.”

Mandy looked down, a guilty expression on her face. “No, I don't.”

“Is it because you don't want to go through the process?” I asked, hoping that was the case. “If so, there are countless children out there who need homes of a multitude of races.”

I'd actually been hoping to adopt at least one or two children in addition to any she wanted to have. Hopefully, super-ones. I had experience with super-children thanks to my kid sister and babysitting my niece. There was a lot I could do to help them through the worst of their adjustment period.

“Children, are just...not my thing,” Mandy said, shrugging. “I'm just not the mothering type.”

I was silent after that.

“Is this a problem?” Mandy asked, looking at me. I could tell she was worried our marriage would suffer.

If not disintegrate.

“No,” I said, lying. “It's not a big deal at all. I'll just move on.”

And I did.

But I would still sometimes dream of a family of my own.

“
I see
,” Cloak said, his voice in my mind as those memories faded away. “
How mundane
.”

“Yeah,” I said, feeling myself slowly wake up.

It was time to face the Ice Cream Man.

Waking up, my head hurting like someone had hit it with a hammer repeatedly, I contemplated how knock-out gas could affect someone intangible.  “Okay, that's complete horse-shit. I was intangible, there's no way that gas should have entered my lungs. It should have just passed through.”

“Are you questioning the rules of magic with science
?” Cloak asked, sounding like he’d been down this road before.

“
It's not a question of magic versus science. It’s a simple fact of logic.”

“
Then how do you breathe when you're tangible
?” Cloak pointed out.

Thinking about that, I frowned. “You suck.”

“
This is partially my fault, I admit,”
Cloak said. “
I was the Nightwalker for eighty years. That gave villains a very long time to field test their various means of getting past my various powers. Gas was one of my more well-known vulnerabilities
.”

“
So, because you were one of the world's best superheroes, I'm shit out of luck
?” I thought back at him.

“
No one ever said being a superhero was easy.”

“Thankfully, I’m not a superhero.”

“So you keep insisting.”

It took a second for my eyes to adjust to the spotlight being shined on me. I had a headache and it only took me a second to realize why, I was suspended upside down. All of the blood in my body had probably rushed to my head an hour ago. Furthermore, my hands were tied behind my back. 

On the stage in front of us was some sort of weird high-tech pylon with a crystal that seemed out of place in the opera house. It was plugged into the stage electrical grid and making all sorts of weird noises.

“
An M-Wave suppression field inhibitor based on 40
th
century technology
,” Cloak muttered. “
Dammit
.”

“
A what in the who now
?” I asked.

“
A magic suppression device
,” Cloak said. “
Very rare. He must have gotten it from one of the higher-tech villains in the city. Possibly the Chillingsworths or Doctor Dinosaur.”

I frowned and tried to turn insubstantial. Nothing. That was going to make things…difficult.

The Ice Cream Man, himself, was eating a hot fudge sundae in front of us with an eyeball and finger inside it. His smell was somewhat disguised with a cologne which smelled of chocolate, sprinkles, and strawberries. Except, now it just made me smell ice cream then rotting corpses then ice cream again, making the two smells co-exist. A remote resembling a television one was attached to his belt and I assumed that was related to my current condition of powerlessness.

Turning my head, I saw Cindy, Diabloman, Angel Eyes, and Mandy. They were similarly suspended and tied up. There was a hissing noise coming from below my head and looking down, I saw a gigantic cauldron of green acid bubbling beneath us. Turning up, I saw a weird mechanism of locks and chains which seemed to lower us all if any of us escaped. The old Prisoners Dilemma, except this one was designed around the idea they would want to protect each other. While it would probably work on the Nightwalker or most civilians, I wasn’t sure it would be so effective in our rather villainously-inclined group. We were still on Angel Eyes’ stage, only the Ice Cream Man had cleaned off his miniature house and covered us with a set of spotlights before a red curtain. Apparently, our execution via death-trap was going to be part of a show. A show for one since I didn’t see anyone but the mutilated remains of Angel Eyes’ gang in the audience.

“Wow,” I observed. “I’m suspended over a cauldron of acid. I’m not sure whether I should deride the originality or applaud his revival of a classic death trap.”

“Acid tutti-fruity,” the Ice Cream Man said. “Flesh-melting ice cream is sort of my signature.”

“I confess, though, this is kind of lacking,” I said, looking up at him.

“Excuse me?” The Ice Cream Man said, narrowing his gaze.

I shrugged, which was almost impossible upside down. “It's just I've been put in death traps by the best. The Cackler arranged for me to be put in a chamber filled with laughing gas in front of a TV of Bugs Bunny cartoons, only to deliver increasing electrical shocks the more I laughed. This is weak-tea by comparison.”

“Weak tea!?” the Ice Cream Man hissed.

“Gary, don't antagonize the supervillain,” Mandy said, looking decidedly less than impressed with me. I, on the other hand, was quite impressed her slinky dress was staying down. She must have taped it to her legs.

“Wasn't the Cackler a space god or something?” Cindy asked, her bunches hanging down over her head.

“No, that was the second Cackler who appeared after the first one died. The second Cackler was the son of Entropicus from the planet Abaddon at the End of Time. It turns out the second was psychically possessing the first for most of his crimes,” I explained.

Cindy stared at me. “I hate this town so damn much.”

Angel Eyes sighed. “We've been awake for a while, Merciless. Frankly, you've been delaying us considerably from our confrontation.”

Diabloman said, “It is not right we begin until our leader emerges.”

Angel Eyes snorted. “Your leader, not mine.”

Cindy shrugged. “Gary's a light-weight. After two beers, he was anybody's in high school.”

Mandy snorted in agreement. “It was part of his adorkable nature, though.”

“He's no Angel Eyes but yeah,” Cindy said, smiling.

“I'm
hanging right here
,” I said, appalled.

The Ice Cream Man was still fuming, getting more so the more we bantered. “You are in a death trap! How can you be wise-cracking when I have you all suspended over a cauldron of acid?! This is a life and death situation!”

“Yeah, we noticed,” I said, shaking my head. “You're an infamous villain, Ice Cream Man. Dead or not, I expect you to bring your A-game and this just isn’t it.” I wrinkled my nose. “By the way, you need some air freshener. The zombie thing is not agreeing with you.”

“
You realize this is more likely to have him kill you, right
?” Cloak said.

“
Trust me on this
,” I said, mentally.

The Ice Cream Man turned to Mandy and pointed a long bony finger at her face. “You don’t think I’m serious? I’ll start with your wife!”

“No!” Angel Eyes shouted. “Not her!”

Everyone else looked at him, myself included.

Angel Eyes looked abashed.

Mandy then turned back to the Ice Cream Man. “When I get out of this, I'm going to take that maggot-filled skull of yours and punt it into next week.” Mandy said, her voice lowering. I pitied the Ice Cream Man. Mandy was probably the worst person in the group to try and scare.

The Ice Cream Man took a step back.

“She'll do it too.” I warned. “You should have seen her in her Goth rock phase.”

“Mandy was to die for!” Cindy nodded despite being upside down. “Admittedly, the
Black Furies
’ last single could have used some work.
I’m Dating a Dork
just didn’t have the same beat as
Die, Girlfriend, Die
.”

“
So what’s your plan?”
Cloak asked.

“Still working on it,”
I admitted.

“Well, it seems like it’s time to demonstrate why it's not a good idea to fuck with the Ice Cream Man!” The supervillain growled, grabbing his remote from his belt and looking between the four of us. “I think I'll start with you, Ms.”

He was looking at Mandy.

I had no ideas.

That was when Mandy swung herself upside down into the mechanism right above our heads, smashing it out of place and sending five of us spiraling down behind the cauldron. Mandy fired a strange red laser from her wedding ring, which obviously wasn't the one I'd bought her, got up, and then pulled off one of her high heels before hurling it at the M-Wave Generator. It promptly exploded, leaving me to believe she'd packed her heels with explosives. The Ice Cream Man wailed in frustration, pulling out a candy-cane striped pistol with a Tesla battery on its side. Mandy threw her other high heel, which exploded like a flash bang, allowing her to run up to him and kick him in the chest. The Ice Cream Man went flying off the stage.

“Gary, when did Mandy become James Bond?” Cindy asked.

I shrugged, feeling my powers return, then turned insubstantial and escaped from my bonds. “Well, she did have access to all of the Nightwalker's equipment after his death. I'm just surprised he had an evening dress and explosive high-heels.”

“Those appear to be things she's made on her own,”
Cloak said.
“Albeit, they're minor works of magic and gadgetry. Still impressive, though.”

“Nice work, Gary.” Mandy smiled. “You going to help or you want me to handle him?”

“Oh, I think you’ve earned the right to kick some zombie ass. Besides, I’d love to see you deliver a beat down in that dress.”

The Ice Cream Man was already climbing back on the stage, somehow having armed himself with a peppermint handled machete. There was no way in hell for him to be able to beat us all without his gas grenades again, especially now that Angel Eyes and Diabloman had their powers back, but he was refusing to back down. I’d have admired his courage if not for the fact it was so stupid.

“Sounds good, Gary.” My wife responded to the Ice Cream Man’s return by leaping in the air and giving him a spin-kick to his decaying head. The Ice Cream Man went down like a sack of potatoes, or perhaps empty ice cream tubs. Angel Eyes and Diabloman watched in appreciation, enjoying the show. Mandy proceeded to grab one of the wooden chairs behind the curtain and smashed it, gaining herself a sharpened stake.

I smirked. “I think that's for vampires, Buffy.”

“That's why I intend to drive it through his head.”

“Ah. Wait, don’t you have a laser ring?”

“One charge.”

Cindy whistled from where she was still tied up. She, after all, was the only one of us without powers. “Not to interrupt, Boss, but could you maybe help me here? Some of us don't have magical powers or super-gymnastics.”

“One second,” I said, heading over to blast away Cindy’s bonds. My powers had grown to the point I could use my fire like an instant fusion torch or laser.

“Thank you, God.” Cindy breathed out a sigh of relief. I’d been good enough to not burn her in the process. “I will never disrespect you again.”

I raised an eyebrow.

Cindy looked guilty. “For the next forty minutes. Thank you, too, Gary.”

“You’re welcome.”

The Ice Cream Man was already getting up, however, producing a chocolate-brownie looking hand grenade with an atomic symbol on the side. “Alright, that's it, no more Mister Confectionary. I underestimated you because you're a bunch of idiots but no more. I'm going to skin you alive and wear your heads for hats.”

“Try it, Corpse-Breath.” Mandy held up her stake threateningly.

“Corpse breath?” I asked, standing beside her.

“I'm new at this.” Mandy glanced back at me. “Cut me some slack.”

The Ice Cream Man tried to pull the pin on his atomic grenade before Mandy stabbed him in the arm with her stake. Applying pressure, she tore away the upper end of his limb and sent him tumbling backwards. Being dead, the Ice Cream Man didn't react to losing a limb with pain. Instead, he looked irritated.

“Whore!” the Ice Cream Man screamed.

“Why is it the bad ones always end up going for misogyny?” I asked, appalled.

Mandy pulled her stake out from the Ice Cream Man's arm. “Because guys like him are small-small men.”

“Just kill him already! Make it stick this time!” Cindy made a thumbs down in a Roman fashion.

“Working on it.” Mandy stabbed out with her stake only for him to just barely dodge it.

Diabloman stepped up behind me, untying his arms. “Your wife is a formidable woman.”

No kidding. “Tell me about it. I'd been looking forward to killing the Ice Cream Man myself, but she's earned this one.”

The Ice Cream futilely continued to fight despite the fact he was grossly outmatched, Mandy dodging each of his attacks only to continue beating him across the face and chest with a combination of punches and kicks. The Ice Cream Man, being dead, was immune to the worst of them but he still felt them.

Because, hey, magic.

I could tell Mandy was having fun but I hated to see that bastard waste any more of our time. “I think he's had enough.”

Mandy got a predatory grin on her face. “Agreed. Time to die for good, Vanilla Boy.”

“
I hate vanilla
!” The Ice Cream Man shouted right before a pair of twin superheroes glided down from the rafters onto the back of his head. One was bright gold and white, wearing a very familiar costume. The other was dark and somber but distinctly feminine in shape.